Chapter 37

My suggestion was not taken seriously.

The boy, whom I wasn't particularly familiar with, neither said yes nor no, but simply blinked and asked:

"Does Sister Lei really want to stay with me?"

“If you just don’t want to go back to Killua’s house,” he paused for a moment, then added, “even if Killua says he’ll take you back, I won’t agree if you’re unwilling… Besides, Killua wouldn’t do that.”

"...Ha." This remark struck me as somewhat comical. "You really are...strange."

On one hand, they ask, "Is this your idea?", and on the other hand, they arbitrarily state, "My consent is required."

While they may seem easy to deal with and make people feel relaxed, they can suddenly reveal a terrifying side.

After I made such a presumptuous assessment, it didn't seem angry at all. Instead, it scratched its head and looked a little shy.

“Killua used to say that all the time,” he chuckled, “but less often lately.”

"You seem to always mention him," I asked casually as I walked aimlessly forward.

“Yeah,” he said nonchalantly, “because you seem really interested in knowing more about Killua.”

"...I..." I had to stop and look at him in surprise.

“You get really interested whenever Killua is mentioned,” he said.

I felt a subtle displeasure at being misunderstood: "That's because... the only thing we have in common is Killua, isn't it?"

“And Kurapika,” he reminded him.

"..." I remained silent for a moment.

“But,” I tried to defend myself, “I’ve known Killua for much longer.”

“I’ll be spending more time with Killua,” he said calmly, appearing remarkably composed compared to my subtle emotions. “But… Kurapika and I are also very good friends.”

Before I could even think of what to say next, he blinked, smiled, and said, "Of course, if Sister Lei doesn't want to talk about Killua anymore, I can. I only brought it up before because I thought you cared about it."

"...So," I said through gritted teeth, emphasizing, "I didn't care."

"Ah," he looked startled, putting on a very innocent expression, "Really not at all? I must have misunderstood."

“…If you don’t care at all, then of course it doesn’t count,” I said. Talking to him always made me feel inexplicably powerless. I frowned in annoyance, then quickly relaxed my brow and said, “Because we’re not familiar with each other at all, the only things we can talk about are this or Kurapika… You yourself said that you don’t have much contact with Kurapika, so don’t put all the blame on me.”

“I’m sorry,” he quickly corrected himself, his tone obedient, “I thought Ray was only interested in this topic.”

"So I said it wasn't..."

"Understood!" He nodded seriously and continued, "Then let's talk about something else from now on!"

Something about this conversation felt off, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I could only suppress my doubts and keep moving forward.

...

After a while, I finally came to my senses and asked the boy next to me in disbelief:

"Wait, why should I talk to you... We have nothing to talk about in the first place!"

"Huh?" He looked even more incredulous than I was, even a little hurt. "But we've been talking the whole time, haven't we?"

"That was just because I was bored on the way, or I needed your help... Anyway, besides knowing that we're each other's friends, what other relationship do we have?"

I finally rediscovered my original intentions and reiterated them to him:

"You're just an administrator that Killua hired to monitor me."

"Aren't we friends?" His eyes widened.

"Friends," I asked, "what kind of friends are we?"

“But if we stay together and get to know each other, wouldn’t we be friends?” His eyes widened even more.

"Who taught you that?" I asked.

“Everyone does it this way,” he said.

"...Did you grow up in the forest, some kind of savage?" I couldn't help but ask. "The rules of friendship in human society aren't that simple!"

He gave him a strange look that said, "How did you know?"

This time, it was my turn to open my eyes wide.

“You won’t, really…” I asked.

He nodded.

—"He really is a savage."

—"He really grew up in the forest."

We spoke our minds almost simultaneously.

Then a suspicious silence lasted for a moment.

I realized what his answer meant, and casually looked away, saying:

"I see, that's what I meant."

This explains many things.

"So we're not friends yet?" he asked me again.

As if talking to himself, he blinked his reddish-brown eyes and slowly continued:

"But I want to be friends with Ray."

He stopped walking, and I instinctively stopped walking as well.

Then I turned to look at him.

White-gray seagulls flew across the horizon, the sky a clear, azure blue, without a single cloud.

The golden rays of the sun flowed down upon the earth as if alive.

It was a bit dazzling, like a sharp blade that would reflect light when viewed from a certain angle.

In the sunlight, he added:

"Is that not allowed?"

“What if I continue to say no?” I asked.

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about that,” he said, sounding a little troubled. “...But for now, I have to keep following Sister Rai, because Killua asked me to do that.”

“I thought you were going to say, ‘Why not?’” I said.

He shook his head:

“If you’re refusing, there must be a reason… But if that’s what you think, I’ll definitely support you.”

I:"……"

Here it comes again, that subtle, lingering feeling that something's not quite right, yet you can't quite put your finger on it.

"You really are..." I said, exasperated, "...helpless."

He smiled, his eyes crinkling.

...

Even after we found a hotel to settle down temporarily, I didn't mention anything about Kuroro to Gon.

Of all the people I know, only that guy could echo those riddles and those loving words spoken by the puppets.

Xiao Jie didn't ask about it.

If I hadn't happened to overhear that phone call, I might have thought he just wanted to be friends with me for no reason... But to be honest, I have that same doubt now.

Even if what he said to Killua was suspicious, his behavior seemed perfectly normal.

It's so normal that it leaves you at a loss.

He even handed me his phone while I was leaning against the window, about to space out, and said, as if to boast:

"Ray, it's Killua on the phone!"

Me: "...I've wanted to ask this before, why do you keep changing the way you address me?"

He scratched his head: "That... I learned it from Killua, but it feels awkward to keep calling him that. Rai isn't that much older than us."

“Never mind that,” he gestured for me to greet the stiff-looking white-haired boy on the other side of the screen, “Look, Killua!”

Killua looked slightly embarrassed, trying to hide his embarrassment by avoiding my gaze, and complained to his friend with dissatisfaction:

"Hey, what's with this all of a sudden?! I didn't come here to see her!"

“Hey,” Xiao Jie replied naturally, “but when I asked you if you wanted to talk to Lei, you didn’t refuse.”

"I was... considering..." Killua's voice trembled for a moment, then grew softer and softer, and he even lowered his head.

...What kind of youthful farce are these two putting on in front of me?

I didn't like this youthful energy that felt out of place with me, so I frowned and pushed the phone back.

“Since he doesn’t have anything to talk to me about,” I said, “let’s just leave it at that… let me have some peace and quiet.”

“I—” Killua’s voice came out from the speaker in a muffled and intermittent manner.

Xiao Jie held his phone, looking at me, then at Killua.

“But doesn’t Ray want to know about Killua’s family?” he asked.

"You'll find out someday." I wasn't interested at all. "Someday they'll take me back, won't they?"

"No way!" Killua's voice rang out again. "I'll help you... What do you think I came home for? Do you even know what I've done for you these past few days, and you just..."

Towards the end, he seemed to be gritting his teeth.

I was completely baffled: "What did I do... I just wanted to clear my head, but you sent someone to follow me, isn't that enough?"

"That's—" Killua's voice sounded very wronged. Gon hurriedly turned the screen back in front of me so I could see it. Killua's voice weakened again after the screen changed, "That's because... if you're alone... who knows what might happen. Gon can protect you."

"Really?" I asked. "In your heart, am I that weak?"

“…It’s not that I’m weak, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone,” he said softly.

...After all these years, why is he putting on this kind of youth drama that I absolutely don't want to see here?

He looks just like a child from a normal family.

He actually said such caring things.

Without thinking, I blurted it out; the words flowed naturally:

Did you think about this when you ran away from home?

Killua: "..."

It was only then that I belatedly realized what I had asked, and I fell silent.

After a terrifyingly long silence, I stood up from the window, stepped out of the phone's camera's view, and stood on the other side of the window to look outside.

Through the reflection in the window glass, I saw Xiao Jie put his phone away and turn it in front of him.

Because I was observing him through the glass, I couldn't see his expression clearly, but I could roughly guess that his expression probably wasn't very good.

Because when he talked to Killua later, his tone was low.

Killua changed the subject and said to Gon, "...It's good that you haven't encountered any problems. As for home, I've been negotiating with them recently. My older brother doesn't want to let Rai go, but I'll try my best."

“No need,” I shouted from the side.

Killua pretended not to hear: "That's settled then."

Gon: "Hmm... Is Killua alright over there? Do you need any help?"

Killua said casually, "It's nothing, it's none of your business. You should be the one to watch out, Rae has a terrible temper... Tell her 'I'm sorry' for me later."

"...Did Killua do something wrong?" Gon asked.

Killua smiled, knowing full well: "Ah, I guess I betrayed her expectations. She couldn't bear to see me happy."

The next sentence, which he said to Xiao Jie but raised his voice, was deliberately meant for me to hear:

“I’m sorry, Ray, but this time I won’t just go along with what you want. I will live the life I want, and so will you… Don’t punish yourself with pain anymore.”

"Simply watching others suffer more than you will not bring true liberation."

At the same time, a new ferry arrived at the harbor outside the window, docked at the shore, and emitted a long whistle: "Toot—"

“True liberation comes from having the chance to start over,” I said. “But from the very beginning, this has been my life, Killua. I can never be free.”

"If you want me to be happier," I said, finding a long-lost joy amidst this twisted malice, knowing full well the other person wouldn't be swayed by me, yet still extending an invitation to fall into the abyss together, "you should stay in that house and stay with me."

Just stay with me. That's all I ask for.

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Kaven.

It took me four, five, or six hours to write three thousand words. I fell asleep halfway through yesterday, sorry.

The update frequency is basically daily, with Thursdays as a rest day, unless I'm experiencing writer's block and exhaustion like the last two days.

——

Thank you so much for your support! I will continue to work hard!