Chapter 69

The memory replay made me dizzy for quite a while.

Fortunately, Alluka's help to Hisoka paid off; I was only dizzy for a short while, and soon I noticed that the scenery around me had changed—

Hisoka's crisis has been resolved.

We were expelled from this space-time.

However, images of him kept flooding into my mind, and I could barely open my eyes, feeling dizzy and nauseous.

...I don't know what went wrong, but Alka suddenly started shaking me violently.

“Sister Laiyi—Sister Laiyi—” he urged.

I covered my head and held his arm, which was quite thin compared to the other brothers, and it took me a lot of effort to suppress the feeling of nausea.

...I'm so dizzy.

No, I can't think straight. I just want to find a place to lie down.

“Brother—” Alka said to me.

I vaguely heard him mention Killua's name... What happened to Killua?

I was taken aback for a moment.

“This time it’s Killua-nii-san—” Alka said again.

I still feel dizzy.

He finally realized that my dizziness wouldn't improve anytime soon, so he helped me sit down in a corner. I buried my head in my knees, hoping he would make me feel better.

Aluka rushed over in a panic and helped me lift my skirt, her voice breaking: "Sister Rae!"

Even though we were hiding in a corner, sneaking around so no one could see us, he still wasn't at ease and instead pressed the doll he had been holding onto my skirt, as if afraid I would expose myself.

"...They have leggings."

"That's not good either!"

"..."

Forget it, I'd better not talk, I feel like throwing up again.

I hate Hisoka.

I only asked Aluka to provide him with some help, why should he be concerned about me and not Aluka?

hateful.

...I rested my head on my chin and listlessly looked outside when a silvery-white figure came into view.

It's Killua.

I finally realized what was happening.

Then I saw my own figure. She had her head down, and I couldn't see her expression clearly. Only a blurry outline was visible. She was clinging tightly to Killua's back.

[I] and [Killua] are currently confronting someone.

What were they saying? I tried to hold my breath to listen, and before I knew it, images of Hisoka were banished from my mind, and my dizziness subsided.

...

“…I won’t fall for your tricks!” Killua said excitedly. “Ray isn’t that kind of person.”

Perhaps Alka did something, because we were not noticed by anyone present even though we were within earshot of Killua's words.

So I felt very safe and continued listening.

“Of course she is.” Another voice followed, and I quickly realized it was Illumi’s voice, calm yet with a deliberately comical “mischievousness.” “You know her too, Killua.”

It sounds like they're criticizing me together.

I wanted to say something, but I was afraid of revealing my and Alka's location, so I turned my face and gestured to Alka with my eyes.

Arjuga was confused, so I made another gesture. He understood my gesture and obediently moved closer.

I lowered my voice and asked in his ear, "Is it Killua?"

Alka just said in a great hurry that Killua was the one in danger this time.

But there were three people present.

Upon hearing this, Aluka pursed her lips shyly, then shook her head, her eyes darting around aimlessly.

Oh, I immediately realized that Alka herself couldn't be sure who was in danger. She was just too concerned about Killua and saw him at a glance, so she blurted out that Killua was in danger.

...But if it's not Killua, then among [me], Killua, and Illumi, who is truly in danger?

Combining what Alka just said, I suddenly realized that my inexplicable neuroticism, like his inexplicable love and hate, was justified. Alka alone told me about the many possible endings of my death—having died so many times in parallel worlds, it's understandable that I would become neurotic.

Will I be the one who dies again this time?

That's what I thought.

But the results are not yet out, and it's still uncertain who it is.

I will continue to observe.

Throughout the argument between Killua and Illumi, I remained silent, offering no response, and hiding behind Killua as if entrusting my life and death entirely to him.

...This world...it won't be the world where Killua and I end up together, will it?

Didn't they say that being with Killua would save me?

What exactly are they discussing?

Killua's tone turned even colder after hearing Illumi's words.

“If you came here specifically to say this,” he said, “then I’ll take her back.”

“Next time,” he said to Illumi, “don’t ever show up in Rai again—”

“Not just us.” Illumi abruptly interrupted Killua.

Killua's body visibly stiffened.

He turned and glanced at me, who was looking down and remaining silent.

Illumi said lightly, "Although you say you don't believe it, Archie knows it's all a lie, doesn't he? Ah, Ray is even better at lying than you."

A long silence.

After an almost suffocating silence, and a sudden surge of murderous intent and Nen pressure that seemed to come out of nowhere, Killua finally spoke.

“…I don’t want to hear it.” He broke the terrifying silence, withdrew his murderous aura, and spoke in a deep, heavy voice, as if brewing a terrifying storm, “Even so, this is a problem between me and Ray.”

“What if we include your friends?” Ilmi tilted his head.

...I suddenly had a vague feeling that something was wrong.

I think I understand something.

Judging from their tone and words, poor Killua, despite trying his best to save me, still did some things he shouldn't have done after being temporarily obedient.

Those are things I know I absolutely cannot do when I'm in a conscious state, but once my emotions get out of control and I go to extremes, I can't help but let myself fall into the abyss.

“I see,” Illumi said, still talking to Killua, “That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you, brother, that you decided to forgive her even like this—”

As soon as he finished speaking, Killua released his grip on "my" hand and unleashed all the killing intent and Nen he had been forcibly suppressing, delivering a terrifying blow to Illumi.

Illumi opened his eyes wide, ready to dodge, but Killua was incredibly fast, and he was quickly trampled underfoot.

—Compared to the most talented Killua, Illumi became much harder to deal with after losing his age advantage.

Nevertheless, when Illumi opened his lifeless eyes and looked at Killua, uttering terrifying words, Killua trembled all over like a baby elephant chained up since childhood.

Illumi said, "You can't save her, Killua. Just like you betrayed Gon, you're a coward."

After saying that, he even had the nerve to complain, his tone even adopting Hisoka's rising intonation: "So I told you two weren't a good match—"

The sounds of crackling, popping, and snapping sparks rang out as Killua extended its claws—

Then they electrocuted one side of Illumi's hair.

Then, as if utterly exhausted, he slowly lowered his hands, stood up unsteadily, turned his eyes, and gave a deep look at "me," who had not uttered a single word until now.

"Why?" Killua asked, "Is there something I didn't do well enough?"

“Even though the odds weren’t high at the time… and even though we faced some pressure afterward, I’ve been trying my best to protect you,” he said.

I didn't answer, but silently raised my face to meet Killua's gaze, who had grown to be several heads taller than me.

Perhaps it was because we were the same person, but strangely enough, in that instant, I heard what she was saying in her heart.

Her heart was filled with sadness and emptiness.

“I’m sorry, Killua,” and then I heard her say, “I love you.”

“But there’s no way—” she continued, “I can’t do it.”

“No matter how good you are to me, I can’t stop endlessly demanding love from others—” she said. “I don’t like Illumi, I don’t like Kaldor… The only person I love is you, but love can’t make me feel alive, only pain can.”

But how could she possibly ask the kind and gentle Killua, who would never harm Rai, to hurt her?

He can't do it.

...My bad premonition was like a stone falling into the water, sinking deeper and deeper, and I could never reach the bottom.

"If," then, with this premonition, I asked Alka, "the one who died this time was [me]. If another [me] dies, will it also affect me?"

Aluka's eyes widened, revealing a look of fear.

Without needing an answer, I already understood from his eyes that it would definitely have an impact.

Before I could complain or react in any other way, I saw another "me" fall to the ground out of the corner of my eye.

Killua didn't move, Illumi didn't move either, and for a moment I couldn't even figure out how the other "me" had fallen.

In short, she collapsed.

The moment she landed, I seemed to "hear" for a moment the noise subsided into calm.

It turns out that absolute silence can also be heard.

Ignoring the possibility of being discovered, Aluka cried out in terror, "Sister Rai," as she reached out to me, seemingly trying to grab me.

But it was too late.

A darkness began to flash before my eyes.

...So it's me again?

Whether Hisoka dies or lives, I will suffer because of the memories associated with him. In another world, I have died time and time again. Even this ending, certified by Alluka and the only one where Killua saved me, ultimately led to my death.

How dare it be me again!

A surge of immense resentment welled up from the depths of my heart. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes, trying to break free from the negative effects of my time-space abilities, and reached out towards Aluka, just as she had.

I can't take it anymore.

I cannot bear this misery of having to endure pain no matter which time or space I am in.

I want to escape, not from Kukuroku Mountain, but from this unreasonable and ridiculous cycle of reincarnation—

I don't want to repeat the same mistake!

...

Although dreams are beautiful, reality is always cruel and merciless.

I failed to hold Aluka's hand.

A chaotic vortex triggered by the death of another version of myself has drawn me into yet another new timeline, and I am separated from Alka.

Moreover, because I experienced a new time and space, a bunch of new memories were poured into my mind.

Only at this moment could I be completely certain:

Ah, so my guess was right.

As Alluka said, in the previous timeline, I temporarily stopped the curse of death because I married Killua.

However, Killua couldn't possibly revolve solely around me from then on. After giving me some confidence and comfort in life, he gradually began to focus on his own affairs, leaving me behind on Kukuroku Mountain.

I was depressed and protested to him, "Can't you take me with you?"

Killua hesitated and said, "That might be a bit dangerous. I'm not sure I can protect you."

I had no choice but to give up the idea of ​​staying by his side.

And so, without realizing it, because Killua never showed up, I returned to the old path where he couldn't see me, stayed with Illumi, and then with Kaldor.

The more mistakes I made, the more I loathed myself, but Killua was always busy.

Occasionally, some of the calls made to Killua are answered by his companions.

...

These images are simply an unbearable stain on history.

I covered my head, painfully telling myself that "me" wasn't me, that I hadn't done such a thing!

Enough is enough! Why does the pain I've already experienced have to come back to me again?!

...So why does this kind of thing always happen to me?

I sat there, stunned, for a long time before I could finally process this terrible information.

Aluka and I got separated.

I have arrived in an unfamiliar time and space.

I may never be able to go back.

...An indescribable sorrow suddenly struck me and knocked me down.

Looking around at my life, I see only devastation, and I can't even find the culprit or the root of my misfortune.

I was sad when Illumi was around, and I wasn't much better off when he wasn't around.

When I was under the surname "Adrian," I felt imprisoned, and even when I lived in anonymity, I could not gain the "freedom" I wanted.

Why

Where exactly did the problem lie?

I sat on the ground, desperately trying to recall and replay my life in my mind, striving to objectively examine it and find the root cause of its collapse.

I can't think of anything.

Am I just too weak?

But in this world, in this circle, there are countless people weaker than me!

"Why is that..." I couldn't figure it out no matter how hard I tried, and finally couldn't help but say it out loud.

"What? Why?" A clear female voice suddenly startled me from my self-talk.

I looked up.

Then, unexpectedly, I was confronted with a face so familiar it felt like I was looking in a mirror.

If it weren't for the fact that her lips were even thinner than mine, and closer to the shape of the Zoldyck brothers' mouths—I would almost have thought I had met another version of myself.

The only and least similar thing between me and Zoldyck is my lip shape, while the girl in front of me, with her lips slightly pursed and eyes slightly open, looks more like Illumi than I do.

We stared at each other for a while. I sat on the ground looking up at her, while she curiously propped herself up on her knees and looked down at me.

A moment later, before I could say anything, an angry look suddenly appeared on her face:

"You—you wouldn't—!"

I:"……"

She grabbed my collar and, out of nowhere, started yelling in my ear:

"That's enough, Kiju! Stop putting those weird things on your face, hair, or in your eyes! What are you doing, trying to dress up? You don't have that talent at all. You'll just ruin your pretty face!"

I:"……"

...

What did she say?

Ji Qiu

I feel a little dizzy again... no, this time it's not because of time travel.

I managed to grasp the hand of the girl in front of me that was gripping my collar, and asked her uncertainly:

"...Gemira"

This is my mother's name.

When I asked her, the girl responded with the most natural answer:

"What's wrong"

I:"……"

I now know where people are sent by the turbulent flow of time and space after they die.

It actually kicked me back to the time when I wasn't even human.

What's the point of me staying here? The only people I know in this world are probably my mother and the elders from the Zoldyck family!

They don't know me yet.

I've had enough!

Since I'm going to die anyway, is it better to simply give up on the possibility of saving me after I was born?

--------------------

No, actually, from another perspective, this Ray is the only Ray who didn't die and still has hope.

Therefore, among the many tragic endings, there is only one happy ending.