Chapter 74

During these days of traveling through time alone, I have repeatedly pondered the conditions under which Alluka could initiate time travel.

He wanted to save someone, but his abilities went out of control, and the scope of those to be saved expanded from "someone" to "a group".

When someone in the "group" faces an unwanted threat of death, the ability activates, taking the traveler back in time until the rescued person dies or is completely safe, at which point the short "journey" ends.

Then, the ability will detect the next "hidden victim," activate again, and a new "time travel" will begin.

The anchor point of the last "trip" was my mother, so the anchor point of this "trip" seems to be myself.

It's Ray Adrian.

The reason I came to this conclusion is that just now, right in front of me, Little Lai encountered a crisis.

Her brother, the one whose face I can no longer recall, stood at the window, reaching out his hand to her retreating figure.

Then he failed.

This dangerous act was stopped in time because our group suddenly barged in.

That's why, when Little Lai turned around to face me, she didn't know what had happened.

She glanced blankly at her brother who had been pulled aside, then quickly looked away and turned to me with curiosity, her bright, sparkling eyes silently asking about my identity.

“Miss Lei,” the butler who led the way quickly reacted, smiling politely as he introduced me to her, “this lady is Madam’s guest. She has something to say to you, and Madam wishes you to speak alone.”

"Mom's guest," Ray laughed immediately. "Okay... I can do it!"

Upon hearing Little Lai's answer, the butler smiled slightly and led the others down, including "my brother".

The room suddenly felt empty and desolate.

Little Lai, completely unaware that she was facing her future self, happily came forward, took my hand, and guided me on my way:

"Please sit in this chair, beautiful lady!"

After watching me sit down, she jumped onto another chair, tried to sit up straight, and stood on tiptoe, trying her best to look like a little adult.

Little Lai puffed out her chest and asked me, "What are we going to talk about...? Is it about studying? Does Mom think I need to learn something new? Are you the new tutor we hired?"

"No...no, that's not it." I hesitated, unsure of where to begin, before answering her question. "I'm just a...no, if you really want to call me a teacher, that wouldn't be wrong. I do have some experience I can share with you."

"What aspect?" she asked.

“…What I’m about to say might be hard for you to understand or remember,” I said.

Little Lai's eyes were still sparkling: "It's okay! I know, that's how knowledge is! It's easily forgotten and needs repeated memorization to reinforce it."

"There are some things that even if you know them, you may not be able to choose the right answer."

“Hmm…” Little Laiyi seemed to understand something, and said with the maturity of a little adult, “Mom said that there is no absolutely correct answer, and knowledge will always contain errors. I just need to try my best to choose the one that is most correct.”

"..."

I remained silent for a while.

“It’s not the same thing,” I said.

Little Lai asked expectantly, "So what exactly happened?"

“Your question has a correct answer,” I said, “it’s just that you don’t like that answer.”

"If it's the right choice, why not just choose it? Why not?" Little Lai asked, extremely puzzled.

"Because it will cause you a lot of pain."

"Then it's not the correct answer."

"But..." I wanted to say something more.

Little Lai interrupted me, shouting decisively, loudly, and crisply:

"No buts, sister. It's not the right answer that's causing you pain; on the contrary, it's because you chose the wrong answer that you're in pain!"

...I chose the wrong answer.

I was taken aback.

Throughout my life, I've clearly... no, I've never had a choice at all.

Isn't there only one path in front of me?

But... but...

Thinking about it carefully, my mother's words, "You're too weak," and the things Illumi, Killua, Chrollo, and even Hisoka... they all always said to me, "You're always like this..."

I never dared to rebel against my mother, never dared to rebel against Illumi. I was full of resentment, but all I did was torment myself.

I am the weak one.

In this world, weakness is a mistake.

But... but...

Killua is clearly much weaker than Illumi and the massive Zoldyck family.

The mother we first met in the past was once a frail young girl who was so weak that she even needed me to save her.

...Do I really have no choice?

My mother's past circumstances were clearly even more helpless than mine.

She was once the truly destitute and vulnerable one.

...Did I choose the wrong answer?

What is the meaning of all that self-pity, pain, resentment, and anger...?

I suddenly felt a huge emptiness.

My pain once had a place to rest.

My resentment once had a concrete recipient.

They are still the ones I resent, but outside of them, I suddenly realized that the one who keeps making me repeat the same mistakes is actually myself.

Choosing the right answer won't be painful.

"...Choosing the right answer will not cause pain."

I softly repeated the lessons Little Lai had taught me, and before I knew it, my nose started to sting.

An emotion that is hard to describe, welled up and burst forth in the eyes of another version of myself in the world, the one who should be the one who understands my soul the most.

I feel wronged.

Do you think I don't understand this principle?

I knew that before, but choosing the right answer was just too difficult…!

“That’s terrifying…” I said. “Can you imagine leaving your familiar home and facing a completely unfamiliar world?”

"Besides... although I was forced to face an unfamiliar world because of this... I've already faced it, I've already suffered so much, isn't it too late to correct my mistakes now?"

What about all the misfortunes I encountered in the past?

Little Lai didn't say anything.

My question was really too difficult for her, but that's okay, I don't need her to answer it.

“It is indeed too late,” I quickly gave myself with a wry smile, “...but it’s not too late either.”

"You know what? Before I came in, I actually thought about what would happen if I killed you."

To be honest, I've always felt that being alive isn't a good thing.

If my past self could have died with me before experiencing that pain, I might even be grateful to me for it.

That's what I originally thought, but now I'm not so sure.

"If I'm really going to die... why does it have to be me?"

I've never chosen the right answer before, but now that it's come to this, please let me choose the right one this time.

—I will protect Ray.

In this time and space, no matter what dangers or difficulties I encounter, this time I will protect myself.