Chapter 183 After knowing the truth, he wanted to kill himself

Four years ago.

A black luxury car was parked on a private helipad, the back door was opened and an umbrella was held up.

"Miss An, please."

In the heavy rain, An Ning could hardly see the road ahead.

Before boarding the plane, Ji Xiu politely reminded her, "Ms. An, if you want to continue your studies in Australia or go to another country, you can tell the chairman at any time. If you have any difficulties, you can also raise them, and the chairman will help you solve them."

An Ning asked him, "When can I return to Jinghai?"

Ji Xiu shook his head. "What the chairman meant was that you can live abroad without worry. Your brother is already undergoing a heart transplant. He will be able to have the surgery soon, and he will be able to live a normal life after the surgery."

An Ning understood that as long as she didn't come back, Yucan's surgery could be performed, and the An family would not have to bear the medical expenses or worry about them anymore.

My parents and younger brother can all live a normal life and go to school normally.

She only needs to give up her love in exchange for a peaceful life for her family.

But if she comes back disobediently, the An family's peaceful life will be disrupted and even become difficult.

She nodded and turned to look behind her before getting on the plane.

Behind her, there is no longer Lu Xiyan who will support her.

The private plane landed in Australia. An Ning stayed there for a few days. When she was sure that no one from the Lu family was watching her, she bought another ticket back home.

Instead of returning to Jinghai, she went to the most remote city in the country - Jining City.

She could stop seeing Lu Xiyan, and she knew that Lu Xiyan hated her and didn't want to see her. But she still wanted to live under the same sky with Lu Xiyan, see the same sky, and feel the changing seasons in the same country.

This is the only support in her heart.

Jining City has a small population and a vast area. No one here knows her, no one knows where she comes from, or what she has encountered, so it is quite quiet.

She found an old house to rent.

The house is not big, but it is clean and tidy.

She bought some daily necessities and simple food and didn't go out for a week.

She felt exhausted and very tired, so tired that she didn't even want to talk, so she simply didn't say anything.

During the first month after leaving Lu Xiyan, she rarely went out.

But she would be overwhelmed and defeated by waves of longing.

Whether I open my eyes or close them, I am filled with memories of being with Lu Xiyan.

Those two years were the few happy days she had.

She missed him so much that she began to suffer from insomnia and stayed awake all night long, with Lu Xiyan on her mind.

She couldn't eat or sleep, like a walking corpse, but still breathing.

In the second month after leaving Lu Xiyan, she had psychological problems.

He was so thin that he would even cut his wrists with a fruit knife in the middle of the night.

It felt like there were two little people pulling at her in her head.

One let her cut it off and was freed.

The other one lets her live, live, and maybe she will have the chance to see her lover in the future, or maybe even find her biological parents.

During those nights, it was the voice messages and messages sent by Lu Xiyan that supported her. She knew that Lu Xiyan was thinking of her too, and this longing made her barely hold on.

But she didn't dare reply, not even a single word.

In the third month after leaving Lu Xiyan, she began to vomit uncontrollably and felt very uncomfortable. She even thought she had a terminal illness.

It wasn't until she discovered her period was two months late that she suddenly realized - she might be pregnant!

Because on the day they left Lu Xiyan, they made love again and again without any protection measures.

Realizing this, she went to the doctor and confirmed her pregnancy.

She came home from the hospital crying that day.

She doesn't even want herself, how can she want a child who comes suddenly?

That was also the first time she thought about giving up the child.

In the fourth month after leaving Lu Xiyan, she felt the fetal movement.

There was a slight movement in her stomach.

At that time, she was already very skinny and her hair was falling out in clumps.

But it was also at that time that she had the belief to live for the first time.

She stood at the narrow old window, gently touching her belly which had not yet bulged.

A very strong idea popped up in her mind - this child is the only bond between her and Lu Xiyan.

It is her moon, the gift left to her after they separated.

She wants to live, live well.

Live and raise this child.

She went to see a psychiatrist and her speech became illogical.

“I may not survive, but I want to survive,” she said.

She sat in front of psychologist Xu Zhijun. Her small face, the size of a palm, was so thin that it could no longer hold any flesh. Her already big eyes were sunken and lifeless.

Her skin was as white as paper, a sickly white that had never seen the sun.

He sat there thin and weak, yet extremely sincere.

Others only saw her bony and thin body and gave her pitiful and sympathetic looks.

But after a psychological consultation, Xu Zhijun saw her beauty, her clarity, and her tenacity.

He asked her gently, "An Ning, do you really want to live?"

She nodded, a glimmer of hope in her dim eyes.

Xu Zhijun smiled warmly and told her, "Then think of yourself as a plant. Eat well when you're hungry, drink water when you're thirsty, and go out to bask in the sun when you need it. Live first, and everything else will come after you're alive again."

......

In the living room, the wall clock pointed to twelve o'clock.

Xu Zhijun looked at the man sitting opposite him, who was holding a cigarette in his hand and smoking one puff after another. His cold face showed anxiety and panic through the smoke.

There were more than a dozen extinguished cigarette butts in the ashtray on the table.

His hands were shaking several times when he lit the lighter.

Xu Zhijun knew that his outward tolerance was just a paper mask. People from Lu Xiyan's background were used to being decent and well-mannered in front of others and would not lose their composure in front of him, but in fact, they had already been completely broken down in their hearts.

"I told you these things without telling An Ning because I wanted you to see clearly how much she loves you and how much she deserves to be loved."

Xu Zhijun took a deep breath. "Her view on love is actually very simple. She will give everything she has to someone she loves. So she fell in love with Mr. Lu, someone she couldn't afford to love, and she didn't leave herself any way out."

Xu Zhijun stood up and continued, "As her psychiatrist, I advised her to let go of the past and start over. I've seen her shine with confidence, and I admit that I was moved by her."

After he finished speaking, Lu Xiyan suddenly looked up at him.

"So I'm willing to accompany her through this, to love her and protect her, and I'll even treat her and your child as my own."

At this point, Xu Zhijun laughed at herself, "But it's no use if I'm willing, she's not willing. She's only loved you from the beginning to the end. So she'd rather endure the suffering, swallow all the grievances, and be a single mother raising her child alone, than admit that she doesn't love you."

"Mr. Lu, she has had many psychological counseling sessions in the past four years, and each time she has admitted without hesitation that she loves you, has always loved you, and will always love you."

"She said you're worth it."

Xu Zhijun chuckled, "Mr. Lu, I really hope that you can be as 'worthy' as she said, and live up to her persistence."

After Xu Zhijun finished speaking, he strode away.

The footsteps faded away, and only Lu Xiyan was left in the living room.

Although he didn't get slapped, Lu Xiyan's face hurt more than if he had been slapped dozens of times.

It hurts so much.

It hurts so much that I can’t breathe.

He lowered his head, his chest heaving violently, and tears suddenly fell.

I didn't even realize that the cigarette butt in my hand burned my fingers.

After a long time, two loud slaps suddenly rang out in the silent living room.

Then came the sound of a man sobbing softly.

The crying gradually became louder, and he buried his head, sobbing inconsolably.

He thought that he was the only one who suffered the pain of missing her and losing his loved ones during those years, but he didn't know that she suffered more than him.

After she returned to Jinghai, her look of relief and letting go of the past made him hate her.

He even felt that he should use harsh words to hurt her, humiliate her, and retaliate against her. He didn't know that every time she let go, she was saving herself.

And every piercing word he said was like a knife stabbing her.

Even after they reconciled, he acted like an ostrich and didn't have the courage to ask her how she had been doing during those years.

These unreasonable tortures on her made him want to kill himself!