Chapter 35

Jiang Ci's answer was brief, even carrying his usual nonchalance: "I haven't decided whether to go abroad yet, I haven't thought it through."

The tone was flat, as if they were discussing what to have for breakfast the next day. But these light words, when they fell into Xie Qingyan's ears, were like a boulder thrown into a lake of her heart, not stirring up waves, but rather creating dull, ever-expanding ripples.

Upon hearing this, Wen Heng's gaze behind his glasses thoughtfully shifted between Jiang Ci and Xie Qingyan, then he gave a soft "hmm" as if understanding, without pressing further. He was adept at deconstructing complex formulas and star charts, but he also knew that some gravitational equations between people were more subtle than any astrophysical equation, and should not be delved into.

Only the sounds of wind and flowing water remained by the river.

Xie Qingyan opened her mouth, wanting to ask, "Was it true that you promised to take the college entrance exam with me?", wanting to ask, "If you're going to study abroad, what's the point of us working hard together now?", and even more wanting to ask, "Will you... leave?"

But when the words reached his lips, he couldn't utter a single one.

My throat feels like it's blocked by something; it's dry and tight.

He suddenly realized with absolute clarity that he and Jiang Ci had never had equal options from the very beginning.

For him, the college entrance examination was the only straw he had to grasp, a do-or-die battle to change his fate. All his plans, efforts, and even his promise to fight alongside Jiang Ci were based on this narrow and definite goal.

But Jiang Ci is not.

Jiang Ci's world is vast. He has a wealthy family background as a fallback plan and the option of studying abroad as a backup. He doesn't need to gamble all his hopes on a single exam. That's why he can be so indifferent to his mock exam results, help himself so freely, and even when he says "let's work hard together," perhaps... he doesn't fully realize the weight of those words on the other person.

So, how much of Jiang Ci's earnest response to his "Let's work hard together" under the moonlight was actually a shared vision for the future, and how much was just a casual gesture of companionship, or a temporary act of assistance in his predicament?

Once this thought took root, it clung to him like a vine, making it difficult for him to breathe.

The warmth and gratitude he had felt earlier because of Jiang Ci's meticulous planning for his family now felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over him, leaving him feeling chilled. The subtle envy and jealousy he felt towards Wen Heng were replaced by a greater sense of powerlessness regarding his own situation and uncertainty about the future.

He silently lowered his head, looking at the rough soil and withered grass beneath his feet. The reflection of the river water was somewhat dazzling.

He had assumed that on this journey, the other person might have the right to turn onto another path at any time. He, on the other hand, could only cautiously continue along this single, narrow bridge.

Jiang Ci seemed to sense the unusual silence beside him and turned to look at Xie Qingyan. The young man's head was lowered, his wispy hair obscuring his eyes, revealing only his tightly pursed, slightly pale lips. A layer of loneliness, suddenly thick and unapproachable, enveloped him.

Jiang Ci frowned almost imperceptibly. He wanted to say something, such as "going abroad is only one of the options," or "I would prefer to stay and take the college entrance exam now," but the words rolled on his tongue and he felt they were pretentious. In the end, he simply reached out and gently touched Xie Qingyan's cold fingertips.

"Let's go, it's windy." His voice remained calm, but very low.

Xie Qingyan's fingertips trembled, as if burned by that little bit of heat, but she didn't look up, only vaguely humming in response.

The atmosphere between the three was subtly clouded by an uncertain future.

On the way back, Xie Qingyan was even more silent than when she arrived.

He dropped Jiang Ci and Wen Heng off at a convenient taxi stand, politely said goodbye, and even managed a forced smile.

Watching the taxi carry the two away and merge into the traffic, Xie Qingyan's smile vanished instantly. He stood alone in the chilly autumn evening wind, motionless for a long time.

The lake in my heart is no longer calm or warm, but ripples with a slight, bitter taste.

He began to feel uncertain.

It's uncertain whether two people will truly meet at the end of that agreed-upon road.

——

Monday morning, the sky was overcast and the air was chilly. The classroom of Class 12, Grade 12, was empty, and the white breath exhaled lingered briefly in the cold air.

When Xie Qingyan opened the door, she immediately saw the familiar figure by the window. Jiang Ci was already sitting in his seat, with a thick English original book open in front of him, but his gaze was not focused on the words. Instead, he was looking at the bare branches outside the window, and his profile looked somewhat hard in the morning light.

Hearing the door open, Jiang Ci turned around. When he saw Xie Qingyan, something seemed to flicker slightly in his eyes, but it quickly returned to its usual calm, even more somber than usual.

Xie Qingyan paused slightly. He remembered the conversation about going abroad that had taken place by the river yesterday, and the lingering gloom in his heart gathered a little more. He walked over and took out a still-warm plastic bag from his backpack. Inside were two plump, white steamed buns, one filled with red bean paste and the other with minced pork, along with a bottle of warm soy milk.

He gently placed it on Jiang Ci's desk, his voice as usual: "Breakfast."

Jiang Ci's gaze lingered on the simple breakfast for a few seconds before shifting to Xie Qingyan, his eyes filled with complex emotions. He didn't immediately reach for it, but instead spoke, his voice low and hoarse: "What's in your drawer?"

Xie Qingyan was taken aback and subconsciously looked down at his desk drawer. The place where he usually only kept his books was now crammed with all sorts of envelopes—pink, blue, cartoon-patterned, plain… overflowing from the gaps in the drawer.

"This..." Xie Qingyan was also taken aback. He hadn't come to school at all over the weekend and had no idea when or who had slipped these things in. He reached out and took out a letter with "To Xie Qingyan" written on it in delicate handwriting, without a signature.

“Love letters.” Jiang Ci concluded for him, his tone calm, yet carrying a palpable sense of impending doom. He had seen them as soon as he arrived this morning; the glaring envelopes felt like needles, pricking his heart and making him uneasy. After Xie Qingyan's brilliant self-defense in the auditorium, his popularity at school had soared. Coupled with his handsome appearance and calm demeanor, attracting attention was inevitable, but seeing so many love letters still made Jiang Ci extremely uncomfortable.

Xie Qingyan quickly stuffed the letter back into his hand, and pushed the other exposed letters further in, his face showing a hint of embarrassment and helplessness. He explained, "I didn't know about these things... I didn't come to school over the weekend. And," he looked up at Jiang Ci, his eyes clear and serious, as if stating a fundamental fact, "Right now, all I have on my mind is the college entrance exam. I don't think about anything else."

These words were like a gentle breeze, slightly dispelling the gloom in Jiang Ci's heart. He knew Xie Qingyan was telling the truth; he understood this person's focus and purity better than anyone else.

But then, another, more pointed and intimate question slipped out uncontrollably, carrying a tension and probing that he himself was unaware of:

"And before that?" Jiang Ci's gaze was fixed on Xie Qingyan. "Before you were only thinking about the college entrance exam, did you ever like anyone else?"

As Jiang Ci asked the question, his heart felt as if it were being clenched by an invisible hand. He feared both a positive answer and a perfunctory denial. He wanted to know if, in that past he hadn't participated in, perhaps belonging to the ancient Xie Qingyan, there had ever been someone who occupied the heart of this soul.

Xie Qingyan was caught off guard by his question.

"Before?" He repeated, a blush quickly spreading across his face to his ears. He instinctively wanted to deny it, saying "No." In his past life, he was solely focused on the imperial examinations; he had never considered romantic relationships. Having transmigrated to this life, he was even more bewildered…

But just as the denial was about to leave his lips, a faint, almost imperceptible figure seemed to flash through the deepest recesses of his heart. It was a solitary, silent shadow, carrying a familiar, yet slightly painful, sense of alienation. It was just like Jiang Ci, who was sitting in front of him right now, staring intently at him as he pressed for answers.

This brief hesitation and the sudden blush on her cheeks did not escape Jiang Ci's eyes.

Jiang Ci's pupils contracted slightly. Xie Qingyan didn't immediately deny it. He actually... really did have it?

A more bitter, even sharp, emotion surged into Jiang Ci's heart. It was even stronger than when he saw the love letters. The love letters were current, foreign; he could banish them, he could ignore them. But the people he had liked before existed in Xie Qingyan's memory, a past he could neither touch nor erase.

"Who is it?" Jiang Ci's voice was even lower, with an almost obsessive questioning tone. He involuntarily leaned forward, closing the distance between them.

Xie Qingyan was forced back half a step by his piercing gaze and tone. The blush on her face hadn't faded, but her eyes became somewhat flustered and evasive. How could she speak of that blurry figure, which even she herself couldn't grasp? Moreover, it belonged to another time and space, to another identity—a secret that could absolutely not be spoken aloud.

He shook his head, pursed his lips, lowered his eyes, and answered with silence.

They refused to say.

Seeing Xie Qingyan's resistant yet unspeakable expression, Jiang Ci felt the fire in his heart burn even brighter, yet he had nowhere to vent it. He stared intently at Xie Qingyan's lowered profile, revealing the delicate curve of his neck, for a long while before suddenly leaning back in his chair, grabbing the still-warm bun on the table, and taking a big bite, as if chewing on some indescribable emotion.

The atmosphere at breakfast became subtle and tense. Neither of them spoke.

The low-pressure zone was temporarily covered by the sound of reading aloud only when the bell for morning reading rang sharply and the English class representative began to lead the reading.

However, just as the morning reading session ended, the grade director appeared at the door and waved to Xie Qingyan: "Xie Qingyan, come to the principal's office."

The entire class's eyes instantly focused on them. Some were curious, some were envious, and some, like Li Ming, were disdainful.

Xie Qingyan's heart skipped a beat, and she glanced at Jiang Ci. Jiang Ci also frowned, his eyes questioning.

The atmosphere in the principal's office was serious. Besides the principal, there were also the two homeroom teachers from Class 1 and Class 2, both known for their strictness and high academic achievements.

"Xie Qingyan, please sit down." The principal's attitude was amiable, but he got straight to the point. "The reason I invited you here today is to discuss your learning environment. We've all witnessed the talent and potential you displayed in the last mock exam and in the auditorium. After all, the learning atmosphere and overall level of Class 12 are limited. To allow you to receive better training and fully realize your potential, we're considering transferring you to Class 1 or Class 2. These two classes are the leaders in the grade, with the best teachers and learning atmosphere. What do you think?"

The homeroom teacher of Class 1 immediately chimed in, her tone enthusiastic: "Xie Qingyan, come to our Class 1! Our class has the strongest overall science ability, which can help you take your science score to the next level!"

The homeroom teacher of Class Two retorted, "Our class has a better learning atmosphere. Students help each other, and you can get the best learning environment in our class! Besides, our class is also good at math!"

Both homeroom teachers were vying to extend olive branches, their words both implying that Class 12 was mediocre and was a waste of talent.

Xie Qingyan listened quietly, his face expressionless. He knew it was well-intentioned, a sign of the school's high regard for him. But what first came to mind was the image of Jiang Ci's eyes, fixed intently on him, when she asked him that morning if he had someone he liked.

He didn't answer immediately, but instead bowed slightly to the principal and the two teachers respectfully: "Thank you, Principal, and thank you both for your consideration. This matter... I need to think about it carefully, and I also want to go home and discuss it with my parents."

The principal was pleased with his composure and nodded: "Good, this is a big deal and should indeed be considered carefully. You should also communicate with your family. No rush, just give us an answer this week."

Xie Qingyan walked out of the office and let out a long sigh of relief. The corridor was already crowded with students heading to the playground for morning exercises, and the noise was overwhelming. He took out his phone; there were two unread messages on the screen.

From Jiang Ci.

First: [What's the matter?]

Article 2: [Did they ask you to transfer to another class?]

Xie Qingyan leaned against the wall, her fingers rapidly tapping on the screen: [Hmm. Both the homeroom teachers of Class 1 and Class 2 want me to go there. The principal told me to consider it and discuss it with my family.]

Messages are replied to almost instantly.

Jiang Ci: [What do you think?]

Immediately afterwards, another question popped up: "Would you share this?"

Even through the screen, Xie Qingyan could almost see Jiang Ci's furrowed brows and tense expression. Yesterday's conversation by the river, the love letter and questioning this morning, and now the temptation of transferring classes—all these things were intertwined.

He gripped the phone, his fingertips tightening slightly.

What kind of answer should be given?

He did not hesitate at all.

Fingers danced rapidly across the screen, each word typed clearly and firmly:

[Do not forward.]

send.

After thinking for a moment, I added an even more direct statement that would dispel the other person's anxiety:

Because you're in Class 12.

send.

This time, there was a moment of silence. Then, a simple message finally appeared on the screen:

【Um. 】

"Xie Qingyan, hurry up, morning exercises are about to start."

The sports committee member called out, and Xie Qingyan hurriedly put her phone back on her desk and ran towards the playground.