Chapter 59 Where Does the Heart Lie? Xue Chan's expression was contemptuous: "I said you're a coward..."

Xue Chan stood on tiptoe to reach the pear blossom branch, but the pear tree grew so tall that she couldn't touch it no matter what she did.

A sleeve appeared amidst the falling white pear blossoms, slipping off her arm. The hand that held the pear blossom gently placed it in her outstretched palm.

Xue Chan turned her head and looked up. Jiang Ce was standing behind her, looking down at her.

Neither of them spoke, and the evening breeze swept up a tree full of pear blossoms, which fell one after another.

Jiang Ce lowered his voice and said, "Don't you have anything to say to me?"

Xue Chan asked him calmly, "Doesn't the Second Young Master have anything to say to me?"

“If you don’t think I’m a good man, then who do you think is?”

Jiang Ce bent down closer to her, trying to find a reaction in her eyes. He needed to know whatever she said.

But Xue Chan met his gaze as always, without the slightest avoidance or shyness.

Xue Chan looked at his furrowed brows and tightly pursed lips, as if he would go crazy if he didn't say something to his satisfaction. Even now, he was still struggling and obsessing over what he considered important issues.

She found it amusing and chuckled.

That laugh instantly made Jiang Ce sensitive, and he felt ashamed and angry.

She doesn't care about anything or anyone, and she certainly doesn't care about him, nor about his thoughts or joys.

Jiang Ce clenched his fist under his sleeve and said in a deep voice, "Why aren't you saying anything? Or do you simply disdain talking to me about these things?"

He felt the energy accumulating in his body growing stronger and stronger. Although he tried his best to control it, it felt like it could explode at any moment, and he was trembling uncontrollably.

But Xue Chan remained indifferent, offering no response or reaction. She was lifeless, devoid of spirit.

It turns out she had feelings for him, but not for him.

He hated this silence, hated the feeling of no response, hated that he was the only one going crazy and suffering, while she stood by coldly watching. He would rather Xue Chan be angry, he would rather she scolded him or even hit him. But she wouldn't even say a word.

"Why won't you speak? Why won't you answer my question?" Jiang Ce reached out and grabbed Xue Chan's shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "Speak! Speak!"

Xue Chan said expressionlessly, "Is all you can do with that mouth of yours is argue with me?"

She smiled gently: "The difference between people is really huge. We all have a mouth. Some people are eloquent, while others talk at length but it's all nonsense."

Jiang Ce loosened his grip on her shoulders: "So, you don't like me, is that it?"

That's really disappointing.

Xue Chan closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

She was so tired that she had been having many dreams and little sleep ever since the Shangsi Festival.

At first, I could temporarily calm myself down through calligraphy and painting. But there were just too many people I disliked, and too many things I hated. For the past month, I've been plagued by nightmares, and now I haven't been able to sleep at all. Even when I manage to fall asleep, I wake up repeatedly in a fright, feeling like a taut string that could snap at any moment.

She was already trying her best to restrain herself, which is why she came to Jixiang Temple to find some peace and quiet.

She just wanted to stay quiet for a few days, to find a peaceful place to mend her body and mind, which were on the verge of collapse.

She didn't want to see anyone, didn't need to be cared for, and didn't need to be looked after.

I just want to be alone for a while, to slowly dispel those long-standing and difficult-to-eradicate distracting thoughts.

But even though she started avoiding them and hiding in the temples in the mountains, she still had to deal with these troublesome people, say those troublesome things, and was still entangled in endless entanglements, and still had to repeatedly talk about these issues that had been dragging on for so long.

Whether Jiang Ce likes it or not, what does it matter?

Whether he's willing to talk, wants to talk, or when he talks is irrelevant. She has no extra patience to guide him, no obligation to tolerate him, and no need to tolerate him any longer.

She just wanted to be alone and have some peace and quiet, so why did these people keep finding her?

She couldn't even take care of herself, yet she was still asked why she didn't take care of others.

She didn't want to see him, and she didn't want to talk to him about these things.

"yes"

Xue Chan opened her eyes: "Are you satisfied with this answer?"

Upon receiving this answer, Jiang Ce felt dizzy for a moment, followed by an uncontrollable and spontaneous surge of anger.

He shook Xue Chan, frantically questioning her: "Then who do you like? Who else do you want to like! You must be lying, you must be doing this on purpose to anger me. Don't you always say things that make people angry? So you're doing this to anger me too?"

"Explain yourself! Explain yourself!"

Xue Chan felt like her shoulder blades were about to be crushed by him. She was so angry that she trembled and pushed Jiang Ce away forcefully.

"You've already gotten an answer, so why are you still clinging to me like this? Didn't you want to break off the engagement? What business is it of yours who I like?"

She spoke more and more urgently, faster and faster, and with increasing anger. She paced back and forth under the tree, breaking down and accusing as she went, as if she wanted to pour out all the emotions that had been building up over the past few days.

She couldn't even control herself and started to hysterically yell at him.

"Yes! I just don't like you! I was doing perfectly fine in Yuchuan! Why did you make me come to the capital? I don't like it here, and I don't like you! Why do I always have endless illnesses and bad luck!"

Jiang Ce had never heard her talk to him so much before, and he was both angry and amused. His usually calm face had never shown such a complex mix of emotions.

"You ask me who I like?" Xue Chan even rushed up to him, looked up at him and smiled, and said softly and slowly, "I can like anyone, but it's definitely not you."

His words were full of sarcasm and provocation, pressing him relentlessly and testing him at every turn.

Jiang Ce's blood rushed to his head, and his tense face twisted and trembled slightly.

Seeing Jiang Ce's uncomfortable and uneasy appearance, Xue Chan suddenly felt a sense of relief.

The more pain Jiang Ce suffered, the more pleasure she felt. She even thought she wanted him to suffer as much as she did, or even more than she did. It was as if, in this way, she could bloom a flower of joy upon Jiang Ce's pain.

Xue Chan, not content with the chaos, threw the pear blossom into the Longevity Pool right in front of him and turned to leave.

She wasn't unaware that some of her words were spoken in anger, but she was simply too upset and in too much pain. She didn't want to argue with him or break off all ties. But Jiang Ce was so persistent; if she couldn't find peace, then he shouldn't expect to leave easily either.

If she suffers five parts pain, then he must suffer ten, twelve parts pain.

She admitted she was wicked, utterly wicked, so wicked you could wring juice out of her. She wanted him to suffer as much as he did; if she couldn't have it easy, he couldn't either. Even if it was a fight to the death, Xue Chan would be the one with the upper hand; even in death, she would be the last one to die!

Perhaps having vented a lot, the feeling of being unable to bear it came over them.

Xue Chan took a few steps, then stopped and turned back.

Jiang Ce felt the scar on his chest begin to ache. It throbbed and twisted, the pain was so intense that he could hardly breathe.

He clutched his chest, bent over, and gasped for breath, when his eyes met Xue Chan's again.

She seemed to have calmed down a bit, and gave him a deep look, the emotions in her eyes hard to fathom.

Jiang Ce was somewhat confused. What was that emotion? Why was he feeling this way?

He had a terrible headache, but in the midst of the chaos, he managed to grasp a few slivers of clarity.

That was disappointment.

She was disappointed in him.

But how could she be disappointed in him, how could she have such feelings and thoughts?

He wouldn't allow it; he wouldn't allow her to look down on him.

Jiang Ce immediately chased after her and grabbed her wrist.

Xue Chan struggled and twisted, trying to pull her hand away, but Jiang Ce held on tightly and she couldn't break free at all. Even if she pushed him or punched him, she could only get a tighter hold on him.

Xue Chan felt extremely angry. She could not accept being at a disadvantage and she hated being suppressed and unable to resist.

At first, he was disappointed in Jiang Ce, then annoyed, and now he is angry.

Yun Sheng and Chu Tao immediately rushed forward, one pushing him and the other prying his knuckles.

The two men protected Xue Chan, forcefully pried the hand open, and then followed her further and further away.

As Jiang Ce watched their departing figures, a thought arose in his mind.

There are just too many insignificant people.

He wanted to take her somewhere where no one would disturb them. Only then would she be willing to look him in the eye and listen to him.

So, the hot-blooded youth caught up with them in a few strides and, in front of Yun Sheng and Chu Tao, grabbed Xue Chan by the waist and carried her away.

He held her close, stepped onto the stone lanterns, leaped over red walls and headed towards the back mountain, disappearing into the setting sun in no time.

Jiang Ce's abduction of Xue Chan enraged her, causing her to struggle and resist fiercely. Even Jiang Ce was surprised by her unwavering spirit; she would rather fall off the wall than hold onto him.

She hates him, but does she hate him to such an extent?

But they are engaged and will spend their lives together, how can she reject him so much?

He clearly, clearly likes her like this...

He couldn't accept such blatant resistance and disgust, nor could he bear such humiliation.

Anyone else is fine. But it can't be Xue Chan, it can't be someone he likes.

The two struggled and pulled each other to the stream under the covered bridge. As soon as they landed, he saw that Xue Chan's wrist was already red. He still couldn't bear it and loosened his grip.

Xue Chan seized the opportunity and immediately ran up the stone steps without hesitation.

As dusk fell, no one came to the covered bridge anymore, and besides, there were only the two of them by the stream below the bridge, walking side by side with the murmuring water.

Jiang Ce had gone to great lengths to bring her here, so how could he just let her go?

So as soon as Xue Chan stepped onto the stone steps, Jiang Ce swept her up with one arm around her waist and lifted her off the steps.

Xue Chan pushed him away, trembling with anger. She knocked away Jiang Ce's hand as he tried to take hers, and stepped back to create distance between them.

Jiang Ce did not resort to any more forceful measures. The two stood by the water, their tension palpable, with only the gentle evening sunlight remaining.

Suppressing her anger, Xue Chan sneered, "A young master from a prestigious family actually resorts to coercing and abducting people. It truly shows how humble and ignorant my Xue family is."

Jiang Ce stepped forward, gritting his teeth, and said, "Xue Chan, don't forget that we are engaged. Have you forgotten that you are still my fiancée?"

Xue Chan couldn't help but find it amusing. He used to scoff at this marriage, looking down on it and acting superior, but now he was telling her that they were engaged.

"so what?"

"So how can you like someone else while we're engaged? Let me tell you, even if you are, you have to forget about it completely. If you were before, you must abandon it; and you are absolutely forbidden from being with anyone in the future."

"Not allowed?"

Xue Chan asked him, "Why? You were the one who said you wanted to annul the engagement, and you're the one who won't let me leave. Let's not even talk about whether we're engaged or not. Just because you went against my wishes, does that mean I can't resist?"

"Right now, what right do you have to forcibly bring me here? What do you want to do?"

She suppressed her anger and asked him further.

"Jiang Ce, what kind of upbringing, what kind of manners, what books you've read, what teachers you've had that taught you that as long as you like something, you'll get unlimited tolerance? That as long as you use force, you'll definitely get obedience?"

He wanted to argue with Xue Chan, saying no, he didn't want to hurt her, nor did he intend to make her obey. He just wanted her to be alone with him for a while, to talk to him, instead of remaining silent. Whenever others were around, she would always become angry and stop talking, and he hated that feeling.

Scold him, hit him, do whatever you want, just don't ignore him.

"Is this how your parents taught you?"

Jiang Ce was momentarily stunned by her question. His parents... it seemed they hadn't really taught him how to treat the person he liked.

But was he wrong?

Jiang Ce was rendered speechless by Xue Chan's retort and instantly deflated.

Xue Chan said, "Wouldn't it be better to annul the engagement? Let's part ways amicably."

Jiang Ce replied, "A clean break? Xue Chan, I was wrong."

Confused about his intentions, she silently stepped back, watching him warily.

Jiang Ce grabbed her arm and leaned closer, laughing, "I was wrong when I said I wanted to annul the engagement. Someone like you is better off tied to my side, so you won't harm others. Now, not only do I not want to annul the engagement, I also want to marry you and go to the palace to ask for a wedding date. Let's be a pair of resentful lovers, entangled for a lifetime."

Xue Chan found his affected manner amusing and spoke softly.

"coward"

Jiang Ce asked incredulously, "What did you say?"

Xue Chan raised her face, her expression contemptuous, her voice icy.

I said you're a coward.

"You got angry just because I said I didn't like you? What other methods do you have besides using force against me? What else can you do besides forcing me? You can't do anything. You have no way to make me like you, and there's nothing about you that I can like, yet I can't accept that I don't like you."

Her soft voice was like newly sprouted willow branches in early spring, gently brushing against the thawing icy stream, yet it was icy and chilling.

"You are clearly born into a noble family and have outstanding looks, so why can't you handle a mere woman? And you, Xue Chan, are so far removed from me, so why is it that no matter what I do, I can't win you over?"

Jiang Ce was speechless after being overwhelmed by the long passage of words, but the last sentence was wrong.

He never looked down on her; in fact, the more he spent with her, the more he appreciated her, to the point that...

Do you know why?

She sneered, her voice soft and gentle as water.

"Because you're incompetent."

Xue Chan is always ruthless. Once she finds someone else's weakness, she will exploit it relentlessly, making that weakness extremely painful.

"Shut up! Shut up!"

He was furious and embarrassed, and he was so angry that he could no longer control himself. He rushed forward and covered her mouth.

"You are not allowed to say these things, these words are not allowed to come out of your mouth!"

How could she say such hurtful things?

She looks so soft, how could she say such sharp and cutting words?

Jiang Ce pulled her into his arms, using his knee to pry her legs apart and get her sitting on his lap. He then grabbed her chin and leaned down to kiss her.

He wanted to shut her up so she could never say anything hurtful again.

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Author's note: Xiao Xue, what a beautiful state of mind.