Loneliness is my pet

425.

Looking back, I've had so many "buts" in my life. The one that pains me the most is:

I am sure that I am the person who loves you the most in this world, but like you, I am a man.

426.

What's your favorite group? Why did you cry? What wounds did I heal for you? How did you smile when you were thin and fat? Which intersection did we first meet? What were you wearing that day? Your admission ticket and ticket number, your score, your choice... I remember and know them all.

If you ask me how much we missed, I'll tell you how many times I've rehearsed the confession in my head.

If you ask me, do I want fairness?

I can do without it.

427.

I couldn't sleep, Qiu Yang called, but I didn't answer. He sent me a text message.

Exploding Dog: He didn’t answer your call, right?

Exploding Dog: Did I say something wrong yesterday?

Exploding Dog: Every time I tell you the correct answer you don’t believe it.

Exploding Dog: Do you believe it now?

Exploding Dog: Answer the phone.

Me: Answer the phone, then?

Angry Dog: quarrel.

428.

Okay, if he says we have a fight, I will definitely go.

"Who goes first?" I asked him.

"Open the door and have breakfast."

"Are you sick?"

"If you don't eat it, it will get cold again, just like last time."

I went downstairs, cursing him. When I opened the door, he hung up the phone. He was carrying two bags, one for breakfast and one for coconut.

"I won't eat what you bought," I said.

"Will eating it once poison you to death??"

"meeting."

"You're sick too. He didn't answer your calls, and you cried last night?"

"What's it to you whether I cry or not? Do you really want to see me cry?" You must have cried for someone before, and you must want to find my weaknesses to attack, and you must want to see me surrender and beg for mercy. Then I will definitely not let you do that, forget it.

"No. Just eat a little."

"No, I'm not hungry, don't bother me."

"Going to the sea tomorrow?"

"No."

"What about the class reunion?"

"I already said this last time. I'm not going."

"What if Xu Jiaheng goes? Don't you want to take a gamble?"

What to bet on?

429.

I took the object from his hand, like a hard shell crawling over boxes and bags, breaking apart and reproducing. When suffering becomes unbearable, it urges you to resign yourself to stroking every inch of the bumps and hollows, each one offering a different sensation of touch or pain.

As smooth as before, as if returning to the time before helplessness.

430.

"Take a gamble." The last one.

"The usual place. I'll pick you up this afternoon?"

"Okay." I looked around and didn't see An Jin.

"You have dark circles." He pointed at my eye sockets.

"You are sick." I took two steps back and closed the door.

431.

The noodles were still warm, and the coconut milk was delicious. After finishing my meal, I realized I owed someone a favor.

My phone vibrated, alerting me to a new text message.

Senior: Didn’t you sleep last night?

Me: No.

Senior: Have you had breakfast?

Me: I just finished eating.

Senior: Remember to eat lunch.

Me: Are you near my house?

Senior: Yes.

Me: If you can see it, don’t send a text message.

Senior: No.

Me: I’m going out tomorrow.

Senior: I know.

Me: Is there any surveillance? At my home.

Before you come and take away those clothes when I'm not here.

Senior: Yes.

Me: Then I won’t go home.

Senior: No!

I stared at the screen and suddenly laughed. I felt that it was easy to predict his emotions and responses. There was no need to be afraid.

Me: Where is the surveillance?

Senior: I won’t tell you.

I stood up and found a few unused textbooks to block all the cameras.

Senior: You can’t do this.

Senior: You can’t.

Senior: If you do this, I can only knock on the door.

Me: Knock on the door.

Me: I won’t open the door.

Me: Can't you just climb in from the balcony? Why are you knocking on the door?

I climbed out of the balcony to watch a movie. If I could climb out, then anyone could climb in, as long as they stepped in the right place.

Senior: I just want to make sure you are safe.

Senior: It’s not safe for you to be alone.

Senior: I need to see you every day to feel at ease.

Excuse.

Me: Excuse.

Senior: This is not an excuse.

Senior: I just like you too much.

Senior: It’s much more than your love for Xu Jiaheng.

Senior: You didn’t sleep yesterday and you didn’t eat the day before yesterday.

Me: You have no right to compare who likes whom.

Me: Whatever I am like is my life.

Me: It has nothing to do with you.

Senior: It does matter.

I don't.

Me: I’m going to bed.

Senior: Can I watch you while you sleep?

It's getting scary again.

Me: No.

Me: An Jin, you are not normal, do you know that?

Senior: I’m normal.

432.

He called and I answered. Looking at my recent call logs, you'd think I was busy.

"Senior?"

He doesn't speak.

"Just keep talking so you can stay away from me and not look at me, right?"

"yes."

Before falling asleep, I asked him why. He said, "I want to accompany you so that you won't be lonely anymore." I said, "I think I said."

Loneliness is my pet.