Chapter 12

I've taken leave.

The reason I gave to the homeroom teacher was that I was going home to get my winter clothes and blankets, but actually, a few days ago, Xiaoxing asked me if I had time to go out and play.

Theoretically, there isn't time, but it's possible. I envy college students; they can still have time each week to do their own thing without attending classes.

The process of leaving the school gate with my backpack was very pleasant. I never thought I could walk so easily and happily on campus. It seems I will have to ask for leave more often in the future.

I didn't tell my brother that ever since I realized how I felt about him, I no longer really considered him my brother.

There's no way around it. You can fool others but not yourself. You want him to find out, but you also don't want him to find out.

Xiao Xing and his friend were already waiting for me at the school gate. His friend drove a convertible, and I could tell from the look of it that it wouldn't be cheap, but I still naturally opened the car door and got in.

But I really don't understand why someone would drive a convertible in this freezing weather...

Xiao Xing sat in the passenger seat, her white cashmere coat cascading down like a waterfall, and sunglasses perched on her head.

"Isn't it okay for a kid to smoke?" the driver asked me, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

"You call him a kid and you still let him smoke, you shameless person."

Before I could even speak, Xiaoxing refused for me, and then slowly took out a slim cigarette for herself.

The two of them looked very well-matched in that kind of car, but I always felt inexplicably uncomfortable. Xiaoxing and my brother have such similar faces, yet they give me completely different feelings.

The indescribable fiery aura emanating from Xiaoxing was something my brother didn't possess.

We sped along and arrived in the city center from the small town. Xiaoxing said she would take me to a bar, but I said I was underage.

He looked me up and down with a really weird expression, and finally looked me straight in the eyes and said that no one would treat me like a child.

During the period of greatest academic pressure, I longed to be in a bar, dance to the music, and enjoy a few drinks to feel the pleasant buzz.

I vividly described this idea to my brother, but he looked at me like I was a fool, staring at my head as I pounded on the air, and strictly forbade me from going to such a place.

But I still came out.

The car slowed down, and I felt a bit cold on my head, but the two people in front of me were enjoying themselves in a completely different way, tilting their heads to either look at the night view or listen to music.

A cold wind brushed against my cheeks, and I could even smell a decadent, sensual scent in the air. I licked my lips; they felt dry and uncomfortable.

But when I think about how my classmates are now sitting in the classroom, bored and not knowing what they're doing, I feel relieved.

When I arrived, I saw that even though the moon was doing its best to make the city cold, some people were still wearing thin clothes.

The howling cold wind made their screams sound like either excitement or the cold. I got off the bus and stood to the side, unsure which foot to step with first.

"Come on, stay close to me once we're inside, and don't get distracted by the pretty ladies."

"Um."

Xiao Xing spoke a few words to the person at the door, and I saw that he had an extremely long manicure with rhinestones on it, which was dazzling under the bright spotlight.

His friend, who was also dressed in black, stood next to Xiaoxing. I saw Xiaoxing take off her sunglasses and place them on the man's collar.

"Come here." Xiaoxing waved to me.

The world inside was exactly as I had imagined, with men and women dancing freely on the dance floor, and dim ambient lighting shining on everyone's undisguised faces.

There is passion, temptation, and competition.

Xiao Xing untied the bow on his coat and pulled it off, saying, "Hold on."

I took it, and Xiaoxing looked at it from left to right. He asked me to raise my hand, and he neatly tied a knot on my wrist.

Does he still see me as a child...?

The spot he booked had a circle of velvet sofas around the center, with a large round table already laden with all sorts of wines. I'd never tried them before; I'd always said I wanted to come, but now that I was actually there, I felt a little apprehensive.

Xiao Xing pointed out a few bottles I could drink, and reminded me of things I should pay attention to. Then he lengthened the bag and sat a little further away from me to socialize with his friends.

But they didn't neglect me; they even invited a few people around my age to play with me.

What year are you in?

A pair of dark eyes looked at me, their fluttering eyelashes and upturned eyeliner conveying a sense of friendship.

"Grade 11".

"So small?"

"well enough."

Do your parents know you're coming?

"……have no idea"

"Then you're really brave. Hurry up and let your uncle and aunt have another one."

"I have an older brother."

"Brother? Does he know?"

"I don't know either."

"It seems the brothers are estranged."

I stared at the glass in front of me. The pink cocktail rippled in the glass as the music stirred it, spreading outwards only to be bounced back by the glass.

"I like him very much."

"Turns out you're a brother-complex little brother."

"Yeah, haha."

Time has made my bittersweet emotions even more intense. In this place where I can be carefree and just be happy, the surrounding noise is enveloped in music and alcohol, which seems to be able to accommodate my little feelings.

Later, Xiaoxing and I played drinking games together, and while we were playing, the people at the table started kissing each other.

But if I remember correctly, some of them had only just met.

Seeing my surprised expression, Xiaoxing nudged me with his shoulder, and I realized that he had been observing my reaction the whole time.

"That's really mind-blowing, isn't it?"

"I...I don't know."

Would you like to give it a try?

Xiao Xing walked around to look at me, but I couldn't see through his deep blue pupils, which looked like an artificial ocean.

I shook my head.

He raised his glass and downed it in one gulp, then grabbed the strap and pulled me to a quiet, secluded spot, where the blaring music seemed to transform into a lullaby.

We were exposed to normal light. Xiaoxing looked at me with tenderness, but her eyes were as sharp as a sword.

"I can give you this opportunity to try."

As the distance gradually decreased, my mind went blank, and in the moment when I could no longer focus, his face completely resembled my brother's.

I grabbed his shoulders and gave him a gentle push backward.

"sorry……"

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and through those thin tears I saw Xiaoxing's expectant expression.

Who do you take me for?

He went to the mirror to fix his hair, then took out a thick dollop of hand cream.

"Your brother..."

"Don't I look a lot like him?"

He changed his expression, convinced that he had completely seen through my thoughts.

"I don't know." That was my answer.

"Okay, stop arguing with your brother. You're clearly heartbroken."

Xiaoxing applied lipstick and then rummaged through her bag for other things.

How did you know?

I'm asking this from the bottom of my heart.

"Hmph, who hasn't been this age? Oh wait, I don't like my brothers and sisters."

"...But you know you can't say this kind of thing openly, right? Don't get me wrong, although I'm open-minded, I don't support you doing this."

I was still standing there, how could he talk to me about such immoral things so casually, like we were just having a casual chat?

"I didn't mean to..." Before she could finish speaking, Xiaoxing spun around three times to check her clothes, then stuck a finger in front of my mouth, her manicured nail almost poking into my nostril.

“Unless…” I looked down at Xiaoxing and realized that he wasn’t much shorter than me.

“Your brother thinks the same way as you. So when you grow up and become financially independent, it’s still possible after your aunt and uncle have passed away.”

He was so serious, it was like he was giving me advice.

"But I still don't support it, and my uncle and aunt definitely won't agree either. You'd better not make a scene."

Xiaoxing loosened the strap on my wrist, setting me free.

After going outside, I waited for him in all black. When our eyes met, Xiaoxing took his strong arm and left. She repeatedly told me to sit quietly on the sofa and not to run around while waiting for him to come back.

Thanks to Xiaoxing for giving me this stimulus, my mind has become much clearer, and I can even see the surrounding scene more clearly.

This is not what I expected. I only thought about drinking, playing games, and dancing together. I didn't expect there to be other things...

I just sat there playing on my phone, and nobody came to talk to me. It was fine.

When I opened my WeChat Moments, as expected, I saw the shopping list. Qiu Jiajia even laughed at me for looking all prim and proper carrying a backpack, wondering what I was actually carrying.

But it was also her who asked me to bring her a spicy cold noodle dish, two fried chicken legs, and a milk tea.

Time seemed to have stood still here. I only saw Xiaoxing come out when my phone was almost out of battery. Her lips were flushed with a red that was different from her lipstick, and her tired body couldn't hide the radiance on her face.

"Shall we go back, honey? Let me see which hotel you'd like to stay in and I'll book one night for you."

Xiao Xing is really generous; she spent money on me for free.

I told him I didn't need to, and he righteously told me not to worry, saying that as an adult, he should ensure the safety of me, this flower.

So I chose a hotel under a well-known brand. After getting the room key at the front desk, Xiaoxing left with his friend.

That night I lay in an unfamiliar bed, the sheets and blankets were dry and cold, and no matter how high the air conditioner was turned up, it couldn't bring me any real warmth.

Sitting in the bathtub, I submerged my nose completely in the water. Warm water slid down my face and silently disappeared back into the water.

My fingers were already white and wrinkled from being soaked in the bath. I touched my face and couldn't tell if it was the bathwater that had just touched my fingertips or the tears that I hadn't shed that night.

Only after wrapping myself in the bathrobe did I belatedly realize that I hadn't brought a change of clothes.

It's fine, it's not uncomfortable to wear.

Open the door, darling!

Xiaoxing sent me a voice message. When I went to the door and opened it, I saw several paper bags placed there.

There are underwear and undershirts.

My boyfriend bought, washed, and dried them all last night. They're not disposable, so you can wear them later, honey.

Why are you so good to me?

Because you're the younger brother!

Oh, don't worry, it's different how your brother treats you.

Being a child is nice too.

The next day they came to take me back to school, and I bought them the most expensive milk tea.

The two of them were having a great time drinking. Although "all in black" didn't say much, he was also drinking in silence.

When I got back to school, I went to the dormitory first. They were still in class. I didn't notice at all that my brother saw me by the window as I passed the teaching building.

I'm sure he found out about my leave request that very evening.

But judging from this, he didn't call his parents to ask me how I was doing, so he doesn't care about me at all.

After sorting out the items that the "pigs" wanted to buy, I opened WeChat to collect the money. The little red dots disappeared one by one, and only then did Su Yu's profile picture appear.

Drink less

?

How did he know?

I deliberately returned to class just as the bell rang, and carefully packed the food into my schoolbag, making sure it was securely wrapped.

Looking at the drooling looks in the eyes of those hungry pigs, I knew I had done the right thing.

Sure enough, after that Chinese class, my schoolbag was ripped open.

After the crowd dispersed, I saw someone standing on the tiled wall outside our classroom, only half of his body showing, but I still knew it was my brother.

In fact, I could recognize him even if he only showed a corner of his clothes.

I went outside, pretending to go to the restroom, only to find that there was another person on the other side of the wall.

That's right, Chen Tianmo.

Why is it him again?

It's him again!

"Su Yu! Your Chinese teacher wants to go to her office."

"oh."

You have such a sharp eye and you're so dedicated.

Watching them continue chatting, I grew increasingly angry. I imagined myself in another timeline forcefully grabbing my brother's arm and saying with a disgruntled look, "You're not allowed to talk to him, or I'll get angry."

Then my brother would laugh and pat me on the shoulder, saying I was such a silly boy.

...Forget it, even if I could do that, my brother wouldn't say those things with those expressions.