If it weren't for him

The coolness from the bathroom tiles seeped in through the thin school uniform pants. The cold water still hung on my face, mixed with the wetness that I couldn't hold back, gathered into small droplets at the tip of my chin, and dripped onto the back of my hand, making me shiver with the cold.

He took a long time to slow down before slowly standing up by the edge of the sink. He tugged at the collar of his school uniform in front of the mirror. The boy in the mirror was pale, with an abnormal red at the corners of his eyes. He looked at me with a hostile aura that kept strangers away. Li Huaizhou took a deep breath, turned on the still dripping faucet, and turned to walk towards the classroom. When he passed the office door, he subconsciously paused. The door was closed. He wondered if Xie Mo was still inside.

He didn't dare stay any longer and practically ran back to the classroom. As soon as he stepped through the back door, he was bumped into by a steaming figure. Ji Jiancheng was clutching a half-eaten sausage in his hand. Seeing him come in, he immediately came over, his tone full of teasing and watching the fun: "Damn, why are your eyes so red? Is Sister Zhou so cruel? Did she scold you to tears?"

Li Huaizhou was already fuming, and this provocation instantly broke the taut string in his heart. Without looking up, he elbowed Ji Jiancheng in the stomach with considerable force, causing Ji Jiancheng to let out a cry and nearly drop the sausage in his hand. "Are you sick?" Li Huaizhou's voice was hoarse, with a hint of unsuppressed irritation, "I just don't feel well."

Ji Jiancheng rubbed his stomach, the smile on his face instantly falling, but he didn't dare to get really angry—he knew Li Huaizhou hadn't been feeling well lately. Ever since he was carried out of the bar with a stomach bleed during winter vacation, he'd always looked troubled, a lingering gloom in his eyes. He quickly stepped back, waving his hands with a smile to smooth things over, "Okay, okay, I'm just being rude." After a pause, he couldn't help but lean closer, his voice a little softer, "Why are you feeling unwell again? Haven't you recovered from last time?"

"Let's go." Li Huaizhou ignored his question and turned sideways to walk towards his seat. Just as he took a step, he saw Shen Qitang coming over from the side. He stretched out his hand and directly grabbed the back of Ji Jiancheng's collar and pulled him aside. His tone was light, but with an unquestionable force: "Li Huaizhou said he was not feeling well, why are you still bothering him?"

Ji Jiancheng staggered and struggled to turn around and glared at him: "How am I annoying him? Am I not concerned about him?" There was a hint of grievance in his voice. Shen Qitang ignored his explanation and just raised his chin in the direction of Li Huaizhou, signaling him to go back to his seat quickly. Li Huaizhou said nothing, lowered his head and walked to his seat and sat down. Just as he put his elbows on the edge of the table, Jiang Changnan next to him came over, twirling a pen in his hand, his tone full of confusion: "Hey, Huaizhou, when you went to the office just now, did you see Xie Mo? Why didn't he come to school today?"

Li Huaizhou's body stiffened for a moment, his fingers unconsciously clenching the cuffs of his uniform. "Transferred." He said the words quickly and softly, like a stone rolling from his throat, with a slight tremor he didn't even notice. "Transferred?" Jiang Changnan froze for a moment, his pen still in his hand, his tone filled with surprise. "Transferring in his senior year? It's almost the college entrance exam. With his personality, how can he make friends in a new environment?"

Ji Jiancheng, who was standing next to him, had also forgotten what he had just said and came over to talk: "Yes, we celebrated the Spring Festival together a few days ago." Shen Qitang frowned, reached out and patted Ji Jiancheng's arm, signaling him to stop talking. A few people wanted to say something, but the class bell suddenly rang. The sharp bell sounded like a knife, instantly cutting off the topic. Li Huaizhou breathed a sigh of relief, but felt empty in his heart. He lay on the table, buried his face in his arms, listening to the footsteps of the Chinese teacher entering the classroom, but his mind was full of Jiang Changnan's words "Can he make friends? Will he get a new boyfriend..."

Li Huaizhou spent the entire class hunched over his desk, not taking in a single word. The teacher's words drifted vaguely to his ears, as if through a thick layer of cotton. His eyelids grew heavier, and the tightness in his chest grew thicker, like a soaked sponge pressing down on him. Even breathing was painful.

After finally making it to the end of the afternoon, Li Huaizhou was practically the first one to stand when the bell rang. Without waiting for Jiang Changnan and the others, he grabbed his bag, threw it over his shoulder, and hurried out of the classroom. The corridor was crowded with students packing their things, noisy and bustling, but he felt unusually quiet. Only his own footsteps echoed in his ears, each step feeling like stepping on cotton, incredibly light and hollow.

Walking out of the teaching building, the evening breeze, with a hint of early spring coolness, blew on his face, making him a little more sober. "Neon" was not far from the school, just two blocks away in the alley. During the day, the door of the bar was closed, and only the faded neon sign on the lintel was still lit. The pink "Neon" word was a bit strange and ambiguous in the gray sky. Li Huaizhou subconsciously glanced at the wall in the back alley, where there was a dried bloodstain.

As soon as he entered the bar, his heart instantly lifted and his steps stopped. Wen Juzhi had been out "on business" for almost a week, and he shouldn't have come back yet, but he was sitting lazily behind the bar.

"Are you back?"

A deep voice came from behind the bar, a little hoarse from a recent cigarette. Li Huaizhou froze, and slowly raised his head to see Wen Juzhi leaning against the bar, a wine glass in his hand. Wen Juzhi's eyes fell on him with a sense of scrutiny, and the corners of his mouth were curled up in a smile that made Li Huaizhou feel uneasy. He clenched the straps of his schoolbag, his knuckles white, and said in a low voice: "Hmm."

Wen Juzhi said nothing, simply holding his wine glass and slowly approaching him. He was half a head taller than Li Huaizhou, and standing in front of him, he was like an airtight wall, blocking all the light behind him. Li Huaizhou subconsciously took a step back, but Wen Juzhi reached out and grabbed his wrist—his fingers were hot, and he squeezed so tightly that they almost dug into Li Huaizhou's flesh.

"Have you had a lot of fun these days?" Wen Juzhi lowered his head and leaned close to Li Huaizhou's ear. His voice was as soft as a whisper, but it was filled with a hint of cold malice. "I heard that your boyfriend dropped out of school?"

Li Huaizhou's body froze instantly, and his blood seemed to freeze at that moment. He suddenly raised his head and looked into Wen Juzhi's eyes - those eyes that always had a little shadow, now filled with a smile of success, like the look of a cat watching its prey fall into a trap when it is catching a mouse. "How did you know?" Li Huaizhou's voice trembled, and even his breathing was disordered.

Wen Juzhi chuckled, loosened his hand, and patted Li Huaizhou's face. The smell of tobacco on his fingers rubbed against Li Huaizhou's skin, making him feel nauseous. "Is there something I don't know?" He raised an eyebrow, his tone full of disdain. "How long do you think you can keep your secret relationship with that young master secret?"

Li Huaizhou gritted his teeth and said nothing. He knew Wen Juzhi was a lunatic who could do anything. But he didn't understand why Wen Juzhi cared about his business? Why was he staring at him and Xie Mo? "I thought about it," Wen Juzhi suddenly changed the subject, reached out and grabbed Li Huaizhou's arm, and pulled him towards the second floor. "We haven't seen each other for several days. Let's go upstairs and talk?"

Li Huaizhou's body tensed instantly. He knew what "going up and talking" meant. It was all about doing things that made him nauseous and trembling. It felt like a red-hot stone was pressing down on his heart, burning him so much that even breathing hurt. "I don't feel well..." He struggled, trying to pull his arm out of Wen Juzhi's hand. "Can you..."

"Uncomfortable?" Wen Juzhi's eyes instantly turned cold, and he gripped his arm a little harder, almost crushing his bones. "Li Huaizhou, have you forgotten who you are?" His voice was a little cruel. "Just do whatever I tell you to do, don't throw a tantrum."

Before Li Huaizhou could say anything, Wen Juzhi dragged him up to the second floor. He could only be half-dragged, half-pulled. The coldness of the handrail seeped through the sleeves of his school uniform, but it couldn't resist the chill in his heart. He looked at the familiar door at the end of the stairs—the place where he had been forced and endured pain for countless nights.

The door was pushed open with a bang, and Wen Juzhi threw him onto the bed, which made a dull sound. Li Huaizhou struggled to get up, but Wen Juzhi held his shoulders and pressed him down heavily on the bed. His chest hit the mattress, and he groaned in pain. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he held them back tightly - he couldn't cry. Crying in front of Wen Juzhi would only make this madman more excited.

Wen Juzhi's hands began to restlessly grope his body. His rough fingers brushed against his waist through his school uniform, making him shudder. He wanted to struggle, but he had no strength. Having been forced by Wen Juzhi for so many years, he had long since learned to be numb and not resist. But today, he felt like something was burning in his heart, burning his internal organs with pain.

"You broke up with your boyfriend?" Wen Juzhi suddenly spoke, his voice hoarse and with a strange smile. His face was close to Li Huaizhou's ear, and the smell of alcohol and tobacco on his breath mixed together, making Li Huaizhou feel nauseous.

Li Huaizhou's body suddenly stiffened, and tears welled up in his eyes. Before he could react, Wen Juzhi spoke again, his voice as soft as a venomous snake's tongue, licking his earlobe bit by bit: "Do you know how your boyfriend's father knew about you two?"

Li Huaizhou's mind went blank. He had always thought that it was because he and Xie Mo met too frequently, and Xie Mo always found excuses to hide it from his family, which is why Xie's father found out. But Wen Juzhi's words were like a hammer, hitting his heart hard, making him realize that things might not be what he thought at all. "It's me." Wen Juzhi chuckled, his tone full of pride, "I had some 'secrets' with Mr. Xie a few days ago, and he started to investigate the two of you."

Li Huaizhou's body instantly turned cold, as if he'd been thrown into an ice cellar. He whipped his head around and looked at Wen Juzhi's face. That face, always gloomy, was now filled with a triumphant smile, and it made his heart throb. It was Wen Juzhi, it was Wen Juzhi who told Xie Changliu...

"Boss Xie is quite good at raising children." Wen Juzhi continued, his hands still moving restlessly on him, a cruel smile in his tone, "The night I found out about you two, I locked Xie Mo up at home and gave him seventeen lashes according to the family law. You didn't see it, the child's back was covered in blood marks, but he still stood straight and said he wanted to see you again."

The three words "Seventeen Whips" were like three red-hot nails, nailing them firmly into Li Huaizhou's heart. He could imagine Xie Mo's expression at that moment, that young man, like a flower from a high mountain, being pinned to the ground, whipped repeatedly on his back, the pain so severe that he broke out in a cold sweat, yet he still gritted his teeth and refused to utter a word of regret.

It was because of him, it was all because of him. If it weren't for him, Xie Mo wouldn't have received those seventeen lashes, if it weren't for him, Xie Mo wouldn't have dropped out of school, wouldn't have left here... Wen Juzhi was still saying something, his voice buzzing in his ears like a fly, he could no longer hear clearly. He just felt his body getting colder and colder, the stuffiness in his chest getting heavier, like a thousand-pound stone pressing on him, making it hard for him to breathe. Wen Juzhi's movements became more and more rough, his rough palms scraping across his skin, leaving red marks, the pain in his body became clearer and clearer, but he felt numb - compared to the pain in his heart, what was this pain?

"I told you, we should rot together." Wen Juzhi pinched his chin with his hand, forcing him to look at him, his eyes full of sickness. "We are the same, Li Huaizhou. Don't think that if you find a rich boyfriend, you can fly to the branches and become a phoenix, and leave me and leave here."

His words were like a knife, stabbing Li Huaizhou's heart. But Li Huaizhou did not cry, nor did he struggle. He just looked into Wen Juzhi's eyes quietly - those gloomy eyes reflected his pale and numb face.

Yes, he used to think he was rotten, that he was not worthy of Xie Mo, and that breaking up with Xie Mo was good for him. But now he realized that he was not rotten, he was pressed into the mud by Wen Juzhi's hand, without even a chance to struggle.

The seventeen lashes Xie Mo received, Xie Mo's expulsion from school, Xie Mo's departure... all happened because of Wen Juzhi.

Li Huaizhou's eyes slowly changed. The numbness and emptiness from earlier gradually faded, replaced by a near-insane coldness. He looked at Wen Juzhi's smug face, at the way this man was excited by his pain, and the fire burning in his heart instantly turned into a raging fire.

I'm going to fight you...

This thought was like a seed, taking root and sprouting wildly in his heart. He wanted Wen Juzhi to pay him back double for all the pain Xie Mo had suffered and all that he had lost.

Li Huaizhou's fingers slowly curled up, his nails digging deep into his palms. For Xie Mo, for himself, he had to crawl out of this mess. He wanted to completely cut off Wen Juzhi's hand from his body and his life.