Chapter 1 My Relationship with Xiao Cong

The ending between me and Xiao Cong was foreshadowed on the day we first met.

Did I ever have feelings for Xiao Cong?

I admit, and only admit, that on this snowy afternoon, when he told me he was waiting for me to grow up, my adult soul was moved by the worldly desires of this exceptionally talented young man.

Part of what moved me at this moment came from his unwavering devotion and meticulous care for me over the past two years, as well as... his unique indulgence.

*

A family-run steamed bun shop that has become famous in Yicheng has undoubtedly become a coveted prize.

When I arrived at the steamed bun shop after receiving the news, the troublemaker and his henchmen were squatting in the backyard of the shop, some fetching water, some chopping wood, and some washing dishes.

Finally, he bowed and scraped, saying to my mother, "Sister, please feel free to come to us if you need any help."

"Anyone in this area who dares to cause you trouble, just mention my name."

My mother thanked the big man.

The big man cried and said, "Big sister, you're so kind to us, we're scared."

"Don't complain about us to the officials in the yamen. We'll come to help you every day."

Xiao Cong specifically sent a message to the relevant people, asking them to take care of our family.

He silently protected my family members whom I cared about, and never mentioned it to me.

He was raised to be upright and courteous, and he acted according to his own standards.

While his younger sister, Princess Shuhua, could only sit on a round stool and speak to him respectfully.

I sat up from his couch, still half asleep, and watched him slowly smooth out the wrinkles I had made in his clothes, then continue talking to his sister as if no one else was around.

My small body can't support a huge amount of mental activity, so I'll fall asleep anytime, anywhere, as long as we're not talking about serious matters.

So he carried a small comb inlaid with gemstones in a pouch hanging from his waist, which he would take out and comb my hair when my hair bun was crooked.

I still remember the first time I woke up in his arms on a business trip with him.

Their eyes met, and a long silence followed.

He spoke first: "Seeing you were unsteady from the swaying of the carriage, I took you into my arms."

His face was so close, and his long eyelashes traced a beautiful arc in my vision.

I immediately distanced myself and obediently lay down on the ground to apologize for my rudeness and offense, but he reached out and pinched my armpit to lift me up and put me to sit down.

He leaned over to look at me, and in that soliciting, gentle tone, told me to treat him the same way I had treated Wu Xubai.

He said, "Aqu, we don't need to follow so many rules between us."

He asked softly, "Could you please not be so distant with me?"

His eyes were unusually friendly.

Between us, he is clearly in a high position.

Yet he adopted such a humble attitude.

Once, twice, three times...

Gradually, I grew accustomed to waking up in his arms, on his couch, in his bed...

My control group for his behavior is Wu Xubai.

Wu Xubai always carried a small comb in his purse.

Wu Xubai always said that after I fell asleep, when he carried me, it felt like he was carrying a pig.

He struck me as a naive young man trying to outdo Wu Xubai.

Especially when the three of us are drinking tea and chatting together.

He would stare at the cup of tea for a long time because I poured tea for Wu Xubai first.

I need to move that cup of tea in front of him.

Or Wu Xubai might mock him for not even being willing to part with a cup of tea and return it to him.

Only then would he casually look away and continue the conversation.

*

Until this snowy day arrived.

His seemingly childish competitive spirit now has a reasonable explanation.

He was actually waiting for me to grow up.

What numbed me, preventing me from immediately recognizing the innocent and budding feelings of a young boy?

Was it because he was usually upright and self-disciplined, keeping his true nature too hidden?

Is it because I am too young that I have deliberately ignored this extremely unlikely possibility?

Or have I been too busy these past two years, so busy that I haven't had time to notice that he uses two different sets of rules to treat me and others?

Perhaps all of them are true, or perhaps not all of them are true.

When a free-thinking adult soul collides with a class-based elite experiencing their first stirrings of love, the unripe fruit tasted too early is destined to be bitter and astringent.

I remember when I woke up on his bed, I quickly got off the bed and bowed to the princess who was sitting on the round stool.

The princess pouted and said, "I have never slept on my brother's bed. How can a lowly commoner like me be worthy of sleeping on my brother's bed?"

I recalled the time when I was summoned by the Princess of Yan. I knelt on the carpet, bowing my head, waiting for a long time without being told to rise.

He sat high on the couch, the hem of his robe hanging down very close to me.

I clearly realized that no matter how indulgent and kind he was to me in private, no matter how many clothes my saliva soiled.

My true nature has always been that of a kneeling lackey, while he has always sat high above the clouds, unreachable by mortals.

There is an insurmountable chasm between us.

So, he waited for me to grow up... so that I would become his concubine, for some kind of toy?

*

I suddenly pushed open the window, and the icy wind, like fate that hadn't appeared for a long time, enveloped me as soon as it appeared.

I couldn't help but tremble in the face of cruel fate.

I recall the unprecedented grand occasion at Xianbaozhai after the Princess Consort of Yan visited the third floor of Yicheng.

I recall the scene during that time when Wu Xubai was praised by the nobles of Yicheng in a line.

I remember my mother saying that Yicheng had a good environment and that my eldest sister had grown up to be quiet and beautiful, yet no one had ever offended us.

Power is not only my protective umbrella, but it also holds all my vulnerabilities in its grasp.

His kiss was not just a declaration of love, but more like a brand.

The biting wind scraped me to the bone, wiping away the trembling in my heart.

All that remains is the resentment of being toyed with by fate and the trembling of uncertainty about the future.

*

If that kiss, that confession, is a signal of a relationship.

At that time, I felt that he was gentle and kind, and that there was a possibility that we could break up peacefully.

“Someone of my background is a better match for someone like Brother Sanbao.”

Because of my probing question, the fate of Sanbao is unknown.

The two years of freedom I stole were bound by an invisible net long ago.

Fate's laughter was like a heavy hammer blow, leaving me breathless.

I went to the Prince of Yan's residence and, ignoring Xiao Zuo's claim that he was entertaining guests, forced my way into his study.

The guests were his younger sister and... Lin Wanru, who had just arrived at the Prince of Yan's residence from Pancheng.

Princess Shuhua chuckled as she introduced, "Li San, you've come at the perfect time. Hurry up and pay your respects to my brother's fiancée, the future Princess Consort of the Prince of Yan's mansion, Miss Lin."

I suddenly looked at Lin Wanru.

The other person gave me a polite bow, smiling without saying a word.

I was surprised to learn that Xiao Cong had a fiancée, but I dared not accept this courtesy.

I quickly lowered my head and performed a subordinate's greeting: "Greetings to the Princess and Miss Lin."

Lin Wanru tactfully took her leave, pulling Princess Shuhua along with her.

He sat on the tatami mat picking up chess pieces from the chessboard.

Just now, Lin Wanru was sitting opposite him, while Princess Shuhua was still sitting on the round stool.

The sound of the chess pieces colliding was crisp and clear; they were made of high-quality two-tone jade that Lin Wanru brought from Pancheng.

His first words were: "Aqu, have I spoiled you too much?"

“A-Qu does not need Your Highness’s favor.” My attitude was not good.

He rested his wrist, which was holding the chess piece, on the low table and turned to look at me.

The fifteen-year-old boy had already opened a council hall and begun to handle the political affairs of Yan independently. The aura of a superior that he had accumulated was awe-inspiring at first glance.

I am too controlled by him.

I instinctively avoided his gaze: "What Aqu means is that Aqu is willing to serve Your Highness without any other ulterior motives."

He remained silent, just as we were meeting for the first time, and I immediately felt a sense of oppression within his aura.

This first encounter between us ended in a crushing defeat for me.

How can a weak person who voluntarily bends down and offers their vulnerability for protection stand before those in positions of power and talk about equality and respect?

Under his silent gaze, I voluntarily bent my knees.

"Your Highness, please spare the innocent and spare Sanbao's life."

The crisp sound of picking up chess pieces rang out again.

He didn't respond to me at all. After picking up the chess pieces, he got off the bed, retrieved the information about Zhao Lianqing's ancestors for eighteen generations, helped me up, and handed it to me.

He said, “Aqu, you have always been clever. You are already like a lotus bud just beginning to bloom, attracting attention. You will be even more so in the future.”

"Now that I have kissed you, I will not allow anyone else to kiss you."

"Given your background, being made a concubine is already a great honor for you."

“If you insist on marrying someone else, I can’t guarantee that I won’t miss you.”

"After all, our interests are intertwined, and we can't completely sever ties."

"It's fairer to others than to do it secretly and clandestinely."

What do you think?

This letter in my hand, related to Zhao Lianqing, weighs a ton. Returning it to him is wrong, but not returning it would be like tacitly accepting something.

The words "good concubine" were like a sharp awl, piercing my heart.

When I fell for this young man yesterday, I gave him the wholehearted joy of a free soul from the 21st century.

Today, I was not only shocked by the fact that he already has a fiancée, but he also said that when I grow up, it would be "to raise me as a concubine, which would be a great honor."

Although I had already anticipated that things wouldn't end well between us, when the outcome came to me in such a completely different way, I felt not only resentment but also a touch of bitterness and sadness.

I looked up at him and said, "Your Highness, Sanbao is innocent."

This is the only stubborn thing I'm doing right now.

He sat down on the couch, reached out and pulled me forward, took out a handkerchief, and gently wiped away my tears without saying a word.

I repeated, "Where are the three treasures?"

He began by mentioning my intrusion into his study: "Aqu, next time there are outsiders, you mustn't act so recklessly."

I angrily shoved his hand away as he wiped my tears, pointed at him and yelled, "Your box of moldy Oreos is full of crumbs inside! My pot of daffodils that never blooms isn't as pretentious as you!!"

After cursing me, he turned and ran away as if a ghost was chasing him, knocking over Xiao Shuhua, who was blocking my way.