Chapter 56 Chapter 56 You are not fearless...

When she woke up at night, the child was lying next to Su Yan. He was quiet and wrinkled, with red skin and thick hair.

Mrs. Hu came in with some hot water, followed by He Zhixiang. He held a piece of paper in his hand and congratulated Su Yan first. He said, "Zhanwu called me before and said that if the baby is born, you must send him a telegram immediately. I just want to ask you if there is anything else you want to tell Zhanwu."

Su Yan thought about it, but didn't have anything special to say. If he had time, he would come back naturally. An idea flashed through her mind, and she asked Mrs. Hu to go to the doctor's office to borrow ink.

The doctor downstairs went on rounds, and Mrs. Hu waited for a long time before finally borrowing it. "Comrade Su, what are you doing with the inkpad? You don't need to sign or put your fingerprint on it."

Su Yan smiled, took it, smeared it on the child's feet, and then printed a pair of footprints on a piece of white paper. She handed it to He Zhixiang: "Brother He, just send this to him. No need to say anything else."

Mrs. Hu was confused. "How can you go there without a message? At least you should ask when you're coming back and what your name is, right?"

Su Yan smiled and said, "Even if I ask, whether she can come back or not, I won't ask. If she can come back, she will definitely come back. As for her name, I will definitely write back."

He Zhixiang said, "Silence is better than words at this time!" He sent a telegram, and sure enough, a letter came back in three or five days. By that time, Su Yan had already left the hospital and returned home to recuperate after giving birth.

Mrs. Hu handed the letter to Su Yan and poured out the fish soup for lactation. "Comrade Su, drink the soup first. What does the letter say? Can you come back?"

Su Yan read the letter and saw that it still said that he had a mission and could not make it back. He had already applied for this year's home visit leave. If there were no urgent missions at that time, he should be able to return in a month. She shook her head and said to Mrs. Hu, "It didn't say when to come back."

Mrs. Hu held her child in her arms and said, "People in the army are so busy that they can't even come back for their wives to give birth. I heard that some who can't afford to go with the army can only see their wives once every few years, and they don't even recognize their own children..."

She was halfway through her words when she saw Su Yan's face darken. Then she realized, "Comrade Su, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the people in our area. Her husband is a low-ranking cadre, and his rank is not high enough, so his wife can't join the army. You're different. You're being held back by your child. When the child is older, won't you be able to go easily?"

Su Yan felt really bad when she heard her say that, but she forced a smile and said, "It's okay, I know you're not talking about me."

Qin Zhanwu said he would be back in a month, but he didn't. When he returned, the child was already four months old, and the Chinese New Year was just a few days away.

Su Yan gave Mrs. Hu thirty yuan and ten kilograms of rice. "I originally asked you to come and help me. I was alone during the confinement period and had no one to take care of the baby. Then I troubled you for so long, and you had a lot of things to do at home. I'm really sorry. This is my first time giving birth, too, and I don't have much experience. I really wanted to ask you to stay a little longer so you could teach me. But as you know, the rules in our city are very strict. There are already rumors that I'll have to hire a nanny or a wet nurse like in the old days. If I didn't live in the military academy and be a little more cautious, I'm afraid the leaders of our unit would have a talk with me."

Mrs. Hu had a large family and many expenses, and Su Yan was generous. The money she earned here was much better than the hard-earned wages in the commune. She cursed those gossipers in her heart, asking why they were saying such things. But after spending a few months with Su Yan, she knew she cared a lot about what others said. She immediately accepted the money and said, "Okay, Comrade Su, you can handle it now and take care of the child on your own. Just remember to feed the child more often at night. If the child doesn't eat well now, he won't grow tall in the future."

She remembered Su Yan's kindness, so before leaving, she cleaned the house inside and out, leaving it spotless. She did not say goodbye to Su Yan, but took her bag and left while Su Yan was taking the children for a nap.

Su Yan woke up and only found out after asking her sister-in-law next door. After living together for a few months, she felt very uncomfortable. However, in this era, Su Yan had historical problems left over from her own family, so she didn't dare to take any risks.

It was midnight when Qin Zhanwu came back. It was snowing heavily outside. After Su Yan fed the child and coaxed him to sleep, she read a book for a while. When she put the book down and prepared to go to bed, her chest was swollen and painful from milk, and she couldn't fall asleep.

Su Yan turned on the light and saw the little one in the cradle sleeping soundly, showing no sign of wanting to eat again. She suspected she had been eating too much, leaving the baby with no milk to drink. She got out of bed, not wanting to disturb the child, and paced the living room. After a while, there was still no effect. Not only was it painful, but it was also a little hard. Su Yan had read books on the subject and realized it was due to breast engorgement. She went into the kitchen, found a bowl, and squeezed out half a bowl of milk.

Su Yan had always been afraid of pain, and for a moment, she felt this was even more painful than childbirth. Childbirth was a lifelong experience, and she didn't know how long this breast swell would last. The pain was so intense that tears welled up in her eyes. She decided to forgo chicken soup or meat tomorrow and gradually introduce formula to her baby. However, formula for babies in this era was very expensive, with most of it sourced from Inner Mongolia. Compared to the few cans of powdered milk in her space, Su Yan trusted the quality of this era's formula more.

Su Yan felt better. Lying on the bed, she felt as if someone had opened the door and entered. She tried to open her eyes to see who it was, but she couldn't. After struggling for a while, she realized that she was having a nightmare.

After a while, Su Yan woke up to the sound of a child crying and got up to feed him. This child was very easy to take care of. Usually, he would not cry much after eating. Usually, he would fall asleep after a feeding, but today, he seemed to be very energetic. Su Yan resisted the urge to sleep and played with him for a while, then heard a knock on the door.

Su Yan only thought it might be her sister-in-law next door. A group of relatives from the countryside had recently come to her house. Last time, a child wet the bed and couldn't sleep, so they also slept at Su Yan's house for a night. She put on her clothes, opened the door, and asked, "Sister-in-law, what's going on?" Before she could finish her words, she froze there.

Qin Zhanwu stood at the door and smiled: "What are you staring at?"

Su Yan wasn't a sentimental person. For some reason, her nose felt sore at this moment. "Didn't you say you couldn't come back?"

Seeing her aggrieved look, Qin Zhanwu felt happy. At least she was always thinking about him and always had her own needs. He smiled and said, "If I don't come back, won't some people be crying?"

Su Yan rolled her eyes. "Who's crying? I don't know how good it is for me to be alone." She took a pair of shoes from the shoe rack and handed them to him. She also hung her military coat on the hanger. "The snow is so heavy. Let's dry the clothes by the stove."

Qin Zhanwu smiled. "Really? You're doing well on your own? Then why did someone call me? I heard you were taking care of the kids by yourself a few days ago, so busy you didn't even have breakfast?" He changed his clothes and saw that the sister-in-law mentioned in the letter was not in the house. "Why are you alone at home? Don't you have a sister-in-law who helps you?"

Su Yan shook her head. "How could I dare keep her? After only four or five months, some people started to complain about me. They said I didn't act like a working class person at all, and I had to ask for help to take care of a child. They said I was like the capitalists of the old society, hiring servants and wet nurses. So of course I had to ask Mrs. Hu to go home. The child was so young, and there was no nursery. I had to ask for leave from work. I had originally agreed to transfer to the Municipal Party Committee, but now it's all gone..."

Qin Zhanwu took off his outer clothes and walked to the bedroom: "Is the baby asleep?" The baby was lying in the cradle. Perhaps because of the heat, his face was flushed and his head tilted to one side. He carefully held the baby's hand, clenched his fist tightly, and smiled: "How beautiful!"

Su Yan didn't think a four or five-month-old baby could tell whether it was pretty or not. She reached out and tilted the baby's head to the other side: "Children's skulls are soft. If they collapse while sleeping, they will be very ugly when they grow up."

Qin Zhanwu looked at Su Yan and said, "Thank you!"

Su Yan was stunned for a moment before she realized what was happening. She snorted, "It's all talk and no action."

Su Yan knew that he must not have eaten since he came back at this time, so she asked him to look after the child in the bedroom for a while and went straight to the kitchen.

At this time, Su Yan was already very skilled in the kitchen. In just three to five minutes, she had cooked the noodles, fried two eggs, blanched some cabbage leaves, added some sesame oil, and called out to Qin Zhanwu, "Come and eat!"

Qin Zhanwu walked over, picked up a piece of food with his chopsticks, and was struck by its delicious flavor. He had never eaten Su Yan's cooking before. During their marriage, they either cooked for themselves or ate in the cafeteria. He looked up slightly and saw Su Yan propped up with her hands. Her chin was pointed, and her face had shrunk. It was obvious how hard it was to raise a baby. "Don't worry about what others say. You're raising the child alone, and there's no one to help. I'll go and ask Mrs. Hu to come back."

Su Yan was eager to have someone to share her burden, but she was really afraid: "Is it really possible? I'm afraid it will have a bad impact, what will others say?"

Qin Zhanwu laughed when he heard this: "Are you still afraid of what others say? Aren't you fearless?"

Su Yan was furious when she heard this: "When did I become fearless? Oh, it's not okay if I'm not prepared for childbirth. Who is born with the ability to take care of children and give birth to children? If I weren't afraid of anything, would I still get married and have children? I didn't know how good it was when I was alone. Now I only sleep a few hours a day and get up every day to feed my child. Since giving birth, I haven't even had a full night's sleep..."

She was probably too tired, and she couldn't help crying while talking. Su Yan felt bored, wiped her tears, and held back her sobs: "Forget it, there's nothing to say now. Just eat slowly..."