Chapter 49 Kneeling and Questioning His Ex-wife (2) Violence.

Lightning flashed, illuminating the two of them with a white beam. Lu Guanque's hand hovered before Meng Xuanli's eyes, and he could only see half of her face. Meng Xuanli's vision went dark, and only the dull rumble of thunder filled her ears.

She remained silent, but she didn't like this silence: "It's late, you should go out."

She took a few steps back, her wrists hanging at her sides, and turned calmly. Almost at the same time, Lu Guanque tightly grasped her hand and stared at her back.

"That fire that day was destined to burn me. I didn't do this to elicit your sympathy, but to leave a mark on myself, a reminder that from now on, I'll always ask your consent before doing anything else."

Meng Xuanli's face was expressionless. She moved her wrist slightly to avoid his pull. "Warning? Does it hurt?"

Lu Guanque lifted his outer robe, revealing his sleeve. A dark red rotten wound etched across his arm. The wound, swollen and shiny, pierced Meng Xuanli's eye.

In Meng Xuanli's eyes, Lu Guanque's body and mind always expressed strength and arrogance. Even if he had pretended to be gentle, his nature was hard to change.

She stared at his scars, not stunned, but asked, "How much pain do you feel?" She reached out and pressed the scab on the edge with her fingernails, increasing the pressure.

It is an abrupt scar, and also an abrupt Lu Guanque.

Lu Guanque's face was calm, without a trace of struggle caused by pain. He understood that she was trying to determine whether she was in pain.

After he burned the painting that day, he saw the bright candle flame and used it to burn the pain she had left on his arm.

The flames jumped and burned painfully, but in just a moment, they turned into dark red tears, which continuously seeped out from the edge of the bite mark and turned into pus.

"It doesn't hurt as much as you." Lu Guanque's teeth were chattering because of her pinching. He suppressed his voice and walked around to her.

He met her eyes and remembered a long time ago when he had a high fever late at night. She was right beside him, looking worried and with tears in her eyes: "Go to sleep, I'll stay with you."

In Lu Guanque's mind, the care of people like Meng Xuanli was a universal salvation for all living beings, and he was just one of them. But now, he saw an emotion that was almost cruel in her eyes.

This kind of cruelty is not about holding a sword with both hands and stabbing it directly into the opponent's heart. It is about looking the other person in the eye and telling them with your eyes that you are not hurt enough.

Following the principle of healing wounds, Meng Xuanli avoided his forbearing gaze, turned around and walked to the dressing table, pulled out a small drawer, and took out the medicine bottle.

She opened the medicine bottle and handed it to Lu Guanque: "This medicine is best for healing scars."

Lu Guanque didn't take it, but instead gently held her wrist: "What about your scars?"

"Can I help you remove it?" he asked.

Meng Xuanli lowered her eyes, withdrew her hand, sipped the white ointment, took his hand, and applied it to his arm: "I will heal myself, I don't need anyone's help."

Her tone was very flat, and her eyes were on the scar from beginning to end, not meeting his gaze.

Lu Guanque lowered his eyes and saw her long hair hanging on both sides of his arms. The ointment applied on her arms felt a little cool.

When she was about to withdraw her hand, he covered her left hand and held the medicine bottle: "You can heal me, and I can heal you."

Meng Xuanli thought he might have misunderstood, so he simply explained, "If you weren't Lu Guanque, but someone else, I would do the same."

"I know you wouldn't stand by and watch anyone die." Lu Guanque pursed his lips and slowed down. "But...Ali, give me a chance. Even though I'm insignificant in your eyes, I want to try. I want you to get better."

"What do you want to gain by doing this?" Meng Xuanli stared at him, feeling his warmth on the back of her hand.

Lu Guanque's throat tightened as he suddenly remembered how she usually loved wearing rouge-colored clothes, which made her look lively and gentle, strong and bright. But now, she was plain and without makeup, with pale lips. Since returning from Yanjing, she had become increasingly pale and quiet.

The only bit of color seemed to have been taken away.

"I want to experience the pain you once experienced." Lu Guanque's voice was low and hoarse, and it was unknown how he said these words.

"I think, if my pain and tears can make you happier, then I would rather hurt myself and cry every day until you get better."

Meng Xuanli took a moment to react, thinking that he was doing this just to get her to forgive him, accept him, and never leave him again. She had seen this a long time ago.

But the difference was that this time his words, like a weak flame, actually ignited the snow-covered straw.

It seemed like she could take advantage of this opportunity to do something.

Meng Xuanli lowered his eyes, moved his hand away, and said calmly: "Since you want to, then do it."

Lu Guanque repeated, "Can I?"

Meng Xuanli nodded and untied her hairband, letting her long black hair fall down. She handed the hairband to Lu Guanque and said, "Starting tomorrow, stay in the secluded room and don't come out again in half a month."

He won't die even if he doesn't see the sun for half a month, and she can still prepare everything she needs for leaving.

"Okay." Lu Guanque agreed quickly.

Meng Xuanli was stunned for a moment, then said, "You can go out."

As soon as he finished speaking, Lu Guanque picked up the booklet on the ground, wiped it, and handed it to her: "I drew a little civet cat on the front."

Meng Xuanli took it, glanced at it intently, and didn't open it. She placed the booklet on the table and went out to call Fuyao for some water.

Lu Guanque pursed his lips and looked at her back, feeling a little relieved. Although she still didn't want to pay attention to him, at least she had given him an order.

He enjoyed it.

Lu Guanque walked out of Chengju, listening to the sound of dripping rain, and slowly walked to the secluded room. He rarely came here after Meng Xuanli discovered it.

He opened the curtains and immersed himself in the darkness. Feeling tense and exhausted, he lay on the cool, gloomy wooden bed and unconsciously closed his eyes.

In a dream.

Meng Xuanli was very proactive. She sat on his waist, put her arms around his neck, and raised her face slightly: "Lu Guanque, I love you so much. I loved you before, I love you now, and I will love you in the future."

He was stunned for a moment, stroking her face and gazing into her lively eyes. All around him was white, as if he were lying in a snowy nest, his ears filled with the delicate and gentle sound of falling snow.

Lu Guanque was about to kiss her when Meng Xuanli suddenly laughed in a strange voice: "Lu Guanque, you are so silly. I will never love you."

After saying that, she took out her dagger and placed the tip of the knife between them.

Lu Guanque suddenly woke up, a cold sweat soaking through his shirt. He stood up, staggered out of the dark room, and leaned against the wooden door, feeling panicky and frightened.

He hardly ever dreamed, so what was this dream tonight foreshadowing? In other words, was the dagger Meng Xuanli was holding in her dream pointing at him, or herself?

Lu Guanque drank a cup of cold tea, calmed himself, sat in front of the window, and his eyes passed through the rain and fog to Chengju in the distance.

Based on his understanding of Meng Xuanli, she should be asleep now and might kick off the quilt. When she wakes up, her calves will be very cold.

Lu Guanque rubbed his forehead lightly, walked to the study, picked up a pen and wrote a letter of leave.

When the emperor saw this, although he was confused, he did not ask too many questions. He just asked Lu Guanque to take care of his health, as there would be an important thing he needed to do in the future.

#

When she woke up, Meng Xuanli's calves were exposed and icy cold. She pulled herself up, threw back the covers, found some thick clothes, and dressed.

Hearing that there was a letter from the delivery shop today, Meng Xuanli had a simple meal and went out.

Wearing a long veiled hat, she walked alone along the alley towards the delivery shop diagonally across the alley entrance. There were several wheelbarrows parked at the door, two shop guards in brown clothes were unloading goods, and a clerk was checking the handover documents.

Meng Xuanli waited at the door for a moment, and only went up after the clerk left. The old shopkeeper was writing something and didn't look up. "Name, address, are you picking up or sending a package?"

"Excuse me, sir. Has the letter from Xue Anxiang in Lingnan arrived, from the Li residence in Yulin Lane, West City, East Capital?"

After Meng Xuanli returned, she had been thinking about where to go in the future. After much deliberation, she decided that it would be best to go to Lingnan to search for hidden fragrance. However, not long after she delivered the letter, news arrived.

The old shopkeeper looked up at Meng Xuanli, put down his pen, and turned to the wooden grid at the back. He ran his fingers across the grid, pulled out the registration book, flipped through a few pages, and checked the bundled letters.

"Lingnan...Xue Anxiang..." he murmured, pointing his finger at the paper, "Oh, I got it. It arrived this morning on the post horse."

As he spoke, he pulled out a letter from the pile and handed it to Meng Xuanli: "Madam, keep it well, don't lose it."

"Thank you, sir." Meng Xuanli took it with both hands.

Holding the letter in my hand, I can feel its heft, and the fragrance must have contained many words.

Chengju was quiet. Meng Xuanli walked in as if nothing had happened, closed the door, leaned against the cold carved wooden door, and breathed a sigh of relief.

Meng Xuanli took out the letter, carefully cut it open with scissors, unfolded the letter paper, and what caught his eye was the beautiful small calligraphy.

"I hope you are doing well, my lady. It's been half a year since we last met, and the cool breeze from Lingnan has already begun to blow. I wonder how things are going in the capital. Anxiang is doing well, having found a job as a handyman in a post station. Although it's not easy, it's a stable job. Don't worry, my lady."

"It's just... Anxiang feels deeply uneasy. After thinking it over, I still have to tell my wife something."

"A month ago, the Duke's Mansion sent someone to deliver a letter and some money. It was unexpected, but every word on it was written in my wife's voice. It was so subtle and unspoken that it was hard to tell whether it was real or not, so I accepted it."

"If something unexpected happens in the East Capital in the future and my lady has nowhere to go, please come to Lingnan to find me. Please take care of yourself and I look forward to meeting you again."

At the end of the letter, a line of small characters indicated the detailed address. As the letter slipped to the ground, Meng Xuanli was stunned.

She had never sent any letters or money to Lingnan in the name of the Duke's Mansion. The only person who dared to do so was Lu Guanque.

But why did he do this?

Thinking of this, Meng Xuanli stood up suddenly, picked up the letter, and pushed the door open. She recalled what she had said last night and guessed that Lu Guanque should be in the secluded room at this time, so she came here without hesitation.

When Meng Xuanli came in, Lu Guanque was tied to an old armchair with his head hanging down, seemingly unconscious. His hands were tightly tied and his feet were tied to the chair legs.

Hearing the noise, he was surprised and his voice was hoarse: "Ali... why are you here?"

Meng Xuanli had seen many brutal scenes, but never Lu Guanque like this. In the dim light, his slightly open collar and exposed chest bore a few red marks, bleeding.

Meng Xuanli froze in place, meeting his gloomy gaze. The air in the dark room was thin, and the only sounds left were the shallow breathing of the two of them.

She closed her eyes, forcing herself not to look at him. She was simply communicating with his consciousness. Whatever the person opposite her looked like, it didn't affect the sin he carried.

Meng Xuanli slowly walked up to him, raised his hand with all his strength, and placed the letter on the table beside him: "You sent a letter and money to Anxiang? Are you going to use her to threaten me?"

"Is it right?"

The voice was calm, without any questioning tone.

This morning, Lu Guanque had Uncle De tie him to a chair. Initially, Uncle De couldn't bear it, so he stripped off his outer robe, stood still, and threatened him with a knife. Finally, Uncle De had no choice but to follow his wishes, tying him to the chair in a cruel and brutal manner.

It was strange. He thought he would have to stay in this darkness for half a month and had never thought that Meng Xuanli would come looking for him. So when she came in, he was completely defenseless and exposed himself to her.

Whether in body or in mind, he seemed to be loved by her at that moment.

"I'm not trying to threaten you," he said softly. "I just want to... be nicer to the people around you and make up for the hurt I caused you in the past."

Meng Xuanli's eyes froze, as if attracted by his bloodstains. "You don't have to do this, and there's no need to show me your bloody self. My feelings for you are long gone."

"Besides, by doing this, you make me feel like I'm being violent towards you."

Her eyes fell on his neck, his arms, his chest. She uncovered a corner of her heart, feeling that he was the shattered remains of her struggle, even if he was wrong.

"It's not violence." Lu Guanque smiled bitterly, "Ali, this is what I deserve."

Meng Xuanli walked around behind him and saw a black vortex in the upper left corner of his back, filled with the blood and tears of her and his past. Meng Xuanli frowned, squatted slightly, and remained silent.

Her eyes were stern as she raised her hands and untied the rope around his wrists. Then she lowered her eyes and loosened the rope around his ankles.

In a moment, she stood up, leaned forward slightly, and placed her hands on both sides of the armchair, staring into Lu Guanque's eyes: "You deserve it... But don't forget, I saved your life."

As he spoke, Meng Xuanli lifted one leg and placed his foot on the armchair. From a distance, his posture looked like that of an animal tamer.

She looked down at him with a cold expression. She lifted Lu Guanque's face with one hand, her sharp eyes carefully tracing his scars. "You really want me to forgive you? Really?"

Lu Guanque said "hmm" without thinking.

"Okay." Meng Xuanli's nose almost touched his, their breaths mingling. "But it has to be more painful and more tragic than mine."

As soon as she finished speaking, Meng Xuanli picked up a rope with an expressionless face, wrapped it around Lu Guanque's neck, tied one end to the backrest of the armchair, and pulled the other end.

She raised her other hand and stroked his cheek slowly, her nails digging into the veins of his jaw, and whispered, "Are you ready?"

Lu Guanque looked up at her, as if he was looking at his past self. He didn't say anything, perhaps because he didn't have the strength to speak, or perhaps because he was speechless.

Meng Xuanli hated silence, especially Lu Guanque's silence: "Why don't you speak? Are you mute?"

Bitterness filled Lu Guanque's eyes. When he said this, he didn't know that this sentence could be so hurtful. Now that Meng Xuanli blamed his past behavior on him, he finally understood that she was...

It hurts so much.

"Ali...you hated me so much back then, right?" Lu Guanque's Adam's apple rolled, his voice choked, and he needed her response.

Meng Xuanli didn't answer, instead pulling at the rope with all his might. The pain suddenly took shape, his long, fine eyelashes fluttering, separating light from darkness.

In the darkness, Lu Guanque's skin was deathly pale, and veins bulged on his forehead, just like green glazed tiles, crackling and breaking free from his skin, shattering all over the ground.

Under the light, Lu Guanque endured layers of overwhelming pain, almost suffocating.

No matter how you look at it, at this moment, he became the embodiment of pain.

It wasn't that Lu Guanque didn't struggle, but before he did, he chose to endure. He held Meng Xuanli's wrist, so that she would use less effort to strangle him.

The long rope was like a sharp knife, piercing his throat, suffocating his words, draining his blood, and then pulling out his soul, leaving only a stiff corpse.

Meng Xuanli's gaze was penetrating, and he realized that if she exerted a little more strength, he would die completely.

After a pause, her nose and throat felt sore, her hands slowly loosened, and she whispered, "I forgive you."

As soon as the voice fell, Meng Xuanli lowered her legs. The cold soles of her feet made it difficult for her to stand. She leaned on the armrest, frowning, and the silent pain in her body began to revive.

She closed her eyes, straightened her body, and moved away from Lu Guanque's nearly dead body.

The air gradually grew thicker, and Lu Guanque felt weak all over. He suddenly opened his eyes, and while gasping for breath, he realized that the sight above him had disappeared, and there was a wet, hot liquid on his cheek.

-----------------------

The author has something to say: This forgiveness is not that forgiveness.