Chapter 23

Bai Sinian didn't know how he got back to that empty, cold apartment. Like a soulless shell, he slumped onto the cold living room floor. Lin Xiaotang's cold, disgusted eyes and resolute words from the back alley were like the sharpest icicles, repeatedly piercing his heart and bringing waves of suffocating pain.

Rain started falling outside the window sometime earlier, its gentle patter against the glass adding to the desolate atmosphere.

His gaze unconsciously swept over the locked drawer in the corner of the living room. After struggling for a long time, he finally took out the key with trembling hands and opened it.

There wasn't much inside, just a well-preserved photo frame and a few thick photo albums. He picked up the frame; the photo showed him and Xu Jiahui in their graduation gowns. In those photos, their smiles were radiant, their eyes bright, filled with untroubled anticipation for the future. Jiahui nestled in his arms, like a delicate rose that needed careful nurturing.

As his fingertips gently traced Jia Hui's smiling face in the photo, a sharp sense of guilt instantly overwhelmed him.

“Jiahui…” he murmured, his voice hoarse, “I’m sorry… I really… I thought I would never love anyone again in this life.”

He had sworn to her, as she withered away on her sickbed, that he would always remember her, cherish their memories, and live out his life with deep affection and sorrow. For the three years after her departure, for over a thousand days and nights, he endured it all, relying on that vow and a numb, stoic tolerance of the boundless pain. Every morning when he awoke, every night when he fell asleep, it felt as if a gaping hole had been torn in his heart, through which the icy wind howled.

He thought he would live forever in that tomb called "Remembrance".

Until he saw "Corner Corner" on that street corner, and saw Lin Xiaotang.

At first glance, it was indeed because of that almost identical face. A tremendous shock, pain, disbelief, and an almost instinctive attraction drove him to visit daily, like a voyeur, greedily and painfully gazing at that face, drowning in the immense chasm between illusion and reality. His approach and retreat, all his abnormalities and struggles, stemmed from this.

He confessed with remorse that his initial attraction stemmed from a shameful delusion.

But gradually, things started to change.

What he saw was no longer just that face.

What he saw was Lin Xiaotang's deft movements as she wiped sweat from her brow during a break from her busy work; her wisdom in dealing with difficult customers with composure and grace; her patient profile as she taught Xiao Wei latte art; her resilience in continuing to work with just a frown when she burned her hand; and even more so, her courage in pretending to be calm despite being scared when she was trapped on a mountain road in a torrential downpour...

Xu Jiahui is a rose carefully nurtured in a greenhouse—beautiful, gentle, and fragile, requiring his meticulous care and companionship, which ignites all his protective instincts. Lin Xiaotang, however, is completely different. She is like a clematis that has weathered storms in the wild yet continues to grow wildly; seemingly delicate, she possesses astonishing vitality and resilience. No matter what setbacks she encounters, she can grit her teeth, stand up again, and bloom even more brilliantly.

He clearly realized that the reason his heart was racing was no longer that similar face.

He fell in love with Lin Xiaotang's slightly furrowed brows when she was busy, with the genuine and unpretentious smile in her eyes when she was happy, with her stubbornness when she stuck to her principles, with her clumsy yet warm thoughtfulness when she took care of him, and with the vibrant and energetic life force in her that was a blend of the aroma of coffee and independence.

He was absolutely certain that he loved Lin Xiaotang as a person, a soul that was completely different from Xu Jiahui's, a unique soul.

He had struggled countless times to tell her everything. But the words just wouldn't come out. He was afraid of seeing her shock, disgust, or even anger at being deceived when she learned the truth—just like what he had witnessed today.

He foolishly thought that as long as he didn't say anything, as long as time passed, and as long as he treated her with sincerity, then that past could be gradually covered up, that initial infatuation could be corrected, and they could have a brand new beginning that belonged only to each other.

He underestimated the power of the truth and overestimated his ability to handle the situation.

His hesitation, his concealment, and his arrogance ultimately led to a grave mistake, pushing away the woman he truly loved and wanted to spend his life with, and hurting her in the most cruel way.

“I’m such an idiot…” Persian closed his eyes in pain, pressed his forehead against the cold glass of the picture frame, and slumped his shoulders helplessly.

Rainwater meandered down the windowpane, like cold tear tracks.

He now finally understands that the best way to remember the deceased is not to imprison oneself in the past forever, but to bravely embrace a new life with the beauty of what once was. And perhaps his greatest regret towards Jia Hui wasn't falling in love with someone else, but rather that he tainted this new relationship in an extremely despicable way, hurting both women in the process.

But it came to that realization too late.

Will Lin Xiaotang give him another chance? Those cold, disgusted eyes seemed to have already given him his final verdict.