Chapter 23 Courage "The one who said he wanted to break up with me...

"It was you, Chen Song, who said you wanted to break up with me," Gu Xingjue sneered. "You were the one who moved out, and you were the one who gave me the key back. And now you're here to see me again. What's going on? Have you calmed down and made enough of a fuss? How many times have I given you a way out? Have I not given you enough chances? Have I spoiled you too much? Do you think I'm a fool? Are you the only one who's angry? When have you ever considered me?"

"Now you say you want to see me, what gives you the right to see me?"

"Because I like you and I can't let you go." Chen Song answered him almost without hesitation, trembling all over.

Gu Xingjue's words left him speechless, and at the same time, like a sharp blade, they scraped away his self-esteem layer by layer. Even so, he automatically blocked out Gu Xingjue's words and rushed to speak words to persuade him to stay, as if he was just a step slower and everything would be too late.

The other party was silent for a long time before speaking: "How to prove it?"

Chen Song took a deep breath, clenched his phone, and said in a trembling voice, "Do it. This time, I'll take the lead. I can do whatever you want. You said, as long as I do it with you when you're angry... you won't be angry anymore."

Gu Xingjue's voice was a little hoarse: "You want to take the lead? Can you?"

Chen Song suppressed the trembling in his bones and breathed heavily: "Yes. I will. I'm going to study."

"Who are you learning from?" Gu Xingjue's tone suddenly became sharp.

Chen Song quickly explained, "No... I didn't learn from anyone. I watched it online! I... I learned a lot of new positions and techniques."

Fine, cool snowflakes landed on Chen Song's thick, feathery lashes, sliding down his long lashes. When they touched his skin, they melted into water and fell into his eye sockets. His bloodshot eyeballs shuddered at the chill of the water, as if triggering a physiological protective mechanism, and instantly, bitter, hot tears welled up.

Chen Song stood in the snow, his voice choked with sobs, as if begging, "Gu Mo...can you please not be with him?"

There was no sound on the other end of the phone, and the noisy sound of electricity flowed between the two of them.

After a while, Gu Xingjue finally spoke: "Go home and wait for me."

Chen Song wiped the tears from his eyes, his tone full of uncontrollable joy. It turned out that he hadn't sold it yet: "Okay. I'll go right away."

Gu Xingjue said "hmm" and hung up.

Chen Song immediately took a taxi back to the house Gu Mo had given him. All the way there, Chen Song's heart trembled uncontrollably, unsure whether it was from joy or worry. He composed himself, sizing up his image in the car window.

After the online taxi arrived at the destination, Chen Song once again walked into the neither new nor old residential building and came to the house where he had lived for three years.

Chen Song subconsciously took the key from his pocket, but the empty pocket reminded him that he had put the key in the house last time.

Do you want to wait outside the door? It’s so cold outside.

Chen Song tentatively reached out his hand to the door handle and turned it gently. With a "click", the door was pushed open.

Does this mean that Gu Xingjue has never been here?

Chen Song walked into the room, the pitch-black darkness heightening his sense of smell. Although the room was cold and gloomy, the familiar woody scent greeted him, strangely bringing a sense of comfort and warmth.

Chen Song turned on the light and walked towards the dining table. Sure enough, the key and black card were still there. Chen Song reached out and touched the gear of the key, his eyes gentle but somewhat desolate.

He thought that after the last commotion, Gu Xingjue would come back to the house to tidy it up. But everything in the house remained unchanged, which made Chen Song feel like he had used all his strength to punch someone but only hit cotton.

It would be a lie to say that I don’t feel sad or lost.

Chen Song was ready to throw himself into the fire this time. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but also Ye Jiajia's words that encouraged him, and the emotions that had been suppressed for nearly a month finally erupted.

Chen Song went to the bathroom to take a shower first to prepare himself.

Chen Song was a medical student, so he couldn't bathe after drinking alcohol, but he went to bathe anyway. He wanted to serve Gu Xingjue perfectly, to make himself smell good. After the bath, Chen Song squeezed a few pumps of lubricant and rubbed it into his hands. His slender fingers, as white as mutton-fat jade, were coated with the rich lubricant. The lubricant flowed down his arm, passing over his skin, causing a gentle tingling sensation.

Chen Song frowned and breathed faster.

He and Gu Xingjue hadn't done it for a long time, so he was a lot tighter. The expansion took a lot of time and energy, and he wanted to make Gu Xingjue feel comfortable.

As long as he feels comfortable physically, he won't be angry mentally.

That’s what Gu Mo said.

Chen Song did as he was told.

After finishing his preparations, Chen Song put on only a half-open white shirt and got into the quilt.

The bedding was still the same autumn style that hadn't been changed last time, and it felt a little thin now. Chen Song curled up in the quilt, breathing deeply. The waiting was excruciating.

He wanted to see Gu Xingjue immediately. Under the influence of alcohol, his heart was beating very loudly and his nerves were in an extremely excited state.

Chen Song kept waiting, not relaxing for a moment.

I don’t know how long it took, but the long-awaited doorbell rang again.

Chen Song lifted the quilt and immediately ran to open the door.

Gu Xingjue stood at the doorway, dressed in a dark woolen coat. His brows were slightly furrowed, and his deep eyes looked at him coldly. The wind and snow fell on his hair and shoulders, melting into water droplets.

Chen Song's heart, which was beating so fast that it was about to burst out of his body, fell back to the bottom of the cliff in an instant.

The tall, handsome, and cold man before him felt so strange. It was as if he had never seen him before. An invisible, irresistible force kept pulling at the distance between them. The fear and darkness of falling into an endless abyss gripped Chen Song's body.

Chen Song had a vague premonition in his heart that no matter what they did, they would never be able to go back to the way they were before.

There was an unconcealable panic and loss in Chen Song's stunned eyes. There were some water droplets on a few strands of his lightly curled black hair. His neckline was open, his white legs were shining, and the skin wherever his eyes looked was a tender pink.

It made the panicked and lost look seem even more alluring.

The wind carried the fragrance of shower gel on Chen Song's body, mixed with a faint smell of alcohol. The fragrance passed through the spleen and lungs, making Gu Xingjue's body a little numb.

Gu Xingjue had no intention of entering immediately, his brows slightly furrowed. “Drank. With whom?”

Chen Song felt a little cold from the wind. He looked away, tightened his open collar, and stepped on his left foot to keep warm: "Department dinner."

Gu Xingjue glanced down at Chen Song's toes, then walked in and closed the door. Chen Song made way for him and took out a pair of slippers from the closet. When he bent over, his skin beneath his shirt was faintly visible.

Gu Xingjue's forehead twitched slightly, and an impulse gathered in his lower body.

Chen Song put his slippers away and stood up, looking at Gu Xingjue awkwardly.

Gu Xingjue glanced at him and saw that he had become thinner, so thin that it was a little scary. Several joints of his bones were more prominent, giving him a morbid beauty.

Gu Xingjue took a deep breath and put on his slippers. As soon as he put on his shoes, his cell phone rang.

Gu Xingjue took out his phone and saw the caller ID was Cheng Song from WeChat. Gu Xingjue raised his hand and said, "I'm going to take a call. You go in first."

Chen Song was stunned for a moment, and before he could reply, Gu Xingjue had already opened the door and left. Chen Song watched him disappear into the distance, only the sub-zero wind from Beijing City continued to ravage him.

He restrained himself from chasing after him and eavesdropping, and just stood there waiting for him to come back.

All the expectations and fantasies of the night were shattered by this phone call.

After an unknown amount of time, Gu Xingjue came back. His phone screen was still on and the call was still ongoing.

Gu Xingjue raised his phone and said, "Uh... I'm going to stay on the line tonight. I've muted it, so he can't hear me."

Chen Song's blood froze instantly, as if he had plummeted to the depths of a glacier, shattered to pieces. He forgot to breathe for a moment, and only when the suffocating sensation of lack of oxygen washed over him like the seawater did he open his mouth and ask, "Are you... with him...?"

Gu Xingjue put down his phone, took a deep breath, and said in a lazy and casual tone: "Not yet."

Not yet... then I will...

Chen Song clenched the corners of his clothes with both hands, his face showing a pleading look: "Then... can you hang up?"

Seeing Chen Song's inexplicable anxiety, Gu Xingjue took off his coat and threw it on the sofa, then sat down on the sofa with his legs spread out. He retorted in a resolute tone: "No. If you can't accept it, I'm leaving."

Chen Song bit his lip tightly, gave in to the ideological struggle, raised his head and closed his eyes and said: "Don't go."

Gu Xingjue looked at him quietly, and after a moment, he said, "Chen Song, wouldn't it have been better if you had been more sensible earlier? Why did you have to make such a fuss now? I don't understand."

After Gu Xingjue finished speaking, he looked away, stood up, and pulled Chen Song into the bedroom.

Chen Song's hands were very cold, and his wrists were so thin that they could be broken with just a slight force.

Gu Xingjue closed the door, pressed the man against it, pinched his chin and leaned over to kiss him, but Chen Song dodged.

Gu Xingjue frowned and said impatiently, "What's going on? Isn't this what you wanted to do?"

Chen Song slowly raised his eyes to look at him: "Gu Mo..."

Chen Song's voice, like the person himself, was resisting Gu Xingjue. He really couldn't accept that Gu Xingjue was talking on the phone with another Cheng Song while doing it with him.

Gu Xingjue: "I'm not Gu Mo, I'm Gu Xingjue." He pinched Chen Song's chin a little tighter, "Look carefully, drunkard, I'm Gu Xingjue."

Tears welled up in Chen Song's eyes, and the broken hesitation beneath his gray eyes flowed down like the rain in the south of the Yangtze River.

The inexplicable irritation in Gu Xing's mind came back, and he shook Chen Song off: "I don't talk to drunkards, I'm leaving."

Chen Song grabbed his hand and said, "Don't...don't go."

Gu Xingjue became even more annoyed: "Then can you please stop crying? I'm so annoyed by the constant crying."

Chen Song wept silently, clearly remembering that damp and sticky early summer. Gu Xingjue hugged him and kissed away his tears. He comforted him with a difficult tone, saying, "Please don't cry, okay? You make me... feel uncomfortable."

If you love someone, you should feel sorry for his tears. How can you be annoyed by him?

Chen Song shed silent tears, not knowing what to do to save this broken relationship.

"Can we not be like this? Can we not be with him? Can we just be together?" Chen Song grabbed Gu Xingjue's arm and begged humbly.

Tears poured out like a faucet with the valve opened.

Gu Xingjue sighed deeply and pulled Chen Song's entangled hands away: "Can you please stop being so childish, Chen Song? You start when you say it starts, and you end when you say it ends. Why should you do whatever you want? We can't go back. Do you understand?"

Chen Song's heart ached. "I know. I'll change everything... I won't say nonsense anymore. I'll wait for you at home like before, okay? I won't disturb your life. Really. I will change. I really know I was wrong. I really won't break up easily again. I've tried... I really can't let you go."

Gu Xingjue put his phone on the table, lit a cigarette, and sat down on the bed. "No one in this world can't let go of anyone, Chen Song. I hope you'll meet someone better."

Chen Song stood there quietly, looking at the phone screen that was always on on the table, lost in endless confusion and helplessness: "No... I can't meet... I can't love anyone else..."

Gu Xing's resolve faltered, his eyes unable to stop lingering on Chen Song's legs. His mouth felt dry, and his lower abdomen was burning with anger. "Chen Song, are you really that stupid?"

Chen Song looked at Gu Xingjue blankly.

Gu Xingjue took a deep breath, the smoke washing over his lungs, sweeping away the gloom in his heart. Then he slowly exhaled. His face, shrouded in the haze, was captivating and dreamy. He extinguished his cigarette and reached up to pull Chen Song into his arms.

His voice was a little hoarse. "You're just a talker, aren't you? Who was that person on the phone bragging about serving me? I told you that if you serve me well, we can get along."

"Why are you so stubborn?" Gu Xingjue pinched Chen Song's chin, forcing him to look at him, "Kiss me yourself, huh?"