Chapter 24 Chen Song’s eyes were still filled with tears from that phone call…
Chen Song's eyes still brimmed with tears, his wet grey pupils unable to conceal a look of struggle and hesitation. Two emotions tore at each other within him, like two strands of twine about to snap.
Chen Song stroked Gu Xingjue's eyebrows, and his fingertips lingered on the wound on his left eyebrow. There was no eyebrow there, only a small raised scar that had become smooth.
Chen Song suddenly wanted to ask him again: "Where did you get this scar?"
Gu Xingjue let go of Chen Song's chin, grabbed his hand and pulled it down, saying perfunctorily, "I don't know, I forgot. Why are you suddenly talking about this again?"
Chen Song's inexplicable topic made Gu Xing feel strange, but he couldn't tell why.
Chen Song lowered his eyes, and his gaze fell on the silver necklace around Gu Xingjue's neck, so he stretched out his other hand and grabbed it.
"Gu Mo," Chen Song called his name softly, the tears on his face having stopped, "From now on, only I can touch this, okay?"
Gu Xingjue frowned and glanced at the necklace. The dangling silver necklace was hooked on a slender ring finger, and the white jade-like hand blossomed like a lotus, with an enchanting charm.
There was only a long crack on the white lotus. The scar on the tiger's mouth was very shallow and difficult to notice without careful observation.
Every time they did it, Chen Song loved to pull on this necklace. This necklace was prepared for Gu Xingjue by his biological mother before she died. He had been wearing it since he was a child and never took it off. The nannies said that even as a baby, he loved to drool over the necklace and chew on it. He even accidentally knocked a tooth off once.
For as long as Gu Xingjue could remember, he had only seen his birth mother in albums and framed photos. She was a Jiangnan woman with gentle features, wearing a cyan cheongsam. She had prepared all sorts of gifts for Gu Xingjue before he was even born.
My biological mother died of complications during childbirth. No matter how rich the Gu family was or how advanced the medical technology they could afford, she still died.
Whenever Chen Song pulled the necklace, Gu Xingjue would suddenly think of his biological mother. Although he had no feelings for his biological mother, Gu Xingjue always felt that it was a blasphemy to her.
No mother would want to be a lesbian, let alone doing things involving her biological mother's relics.
But at the same time, Gu Xingjue also felt a strange excitement.
Gu Xingjue took Chen Song's hand and gently licked the scar along the lines: "I like it as a gift to you."
The hot and wet tip of the tongue touched the cool jade skin, and it slid gently like an electric current that sparked sparks. The tingling and numb touch caused small ripples in the heart.
"Who gave this to you?" Chen Song asked him, "The person who gave it to you must be very important to you. I've never seen you pick it."
Chen Song remembered Gu Xingjue saying that Cheng Song and he were high school classmates. If they had known each other for a long time, then what was the point of meeting Gu Xingjue? Was it a replacement?
"I don't want anything given to you by others." Chen Song withdrew his hand, avoiding the ambiguous intimacy. For some reason, he was not interested in any of Gu Xingjue's flirting.
Gu Xingjue was no longer angry. He slightly tilted his upper body back and supported himself on the bed with one hand.
Gu Xingjue looked at Chen Song with lazy eyes and said good-temperedly, "I don't want to argue with you about these trivial things anymore. I'm giving you a way out for the last time. Do you want to take it or not?"
"Hmm?" Gu Xingjue tempted, "Chen Song"
The two have been together for three years, and Gu Xingjue has already understood Chen Song's body.
Gu Xingjue's deep features appeared before his eyes in a more three-dimensional way, and he was wearing a faint scent of car perfume. The smell was like the fresh fragrance of bamboo forest after rain.
He bit Chen Song's ear, his hot breath spreading around it: "You're so good, you've prepared everything. Chen Song, I wish your heart was as hard as your mouth."
Chen Song's heart beat faster, and every cell in his body couldn't help but boil.
Gu Xingjue looked at Chen Song's dazed eyes and felt a dryness in his throat. Chen Song's disordered breathing caused a dull pain in his lower abdomen. "Don't I understand you? You are so stubborn and always say the opposite of what you mean."
"Do you know how irritating your mouth is? Huh?"
"I'm going to punish you, Chen Song."
Chen Song clutched Gu Xingjue's clothes tightly: "Please... please..."
"How should I ask for help?" Gu Xingjue did not agree with him.
Chen Song touched Gu Xingjue's silver necklace, grabbed Gu Xingjue's head tightly, and kissed his lips: "I...I will serve you...and then we can make peace, okay?"
Chen Song's gray eyes were hazy as if covered by a layer of fog, and his peach-pink skin was extremely translucent, extending all the way up to his slender neck, thin jaw, and cheeks.
Gu Xingjue's breathing became heavier, his eyes darkening a little. "Chen Song, I still feel something next to you. Even if someone else took off all their clothes and lay next to me, I still couldn't get hard."
Chen Song didn't understand the meaning of Gu Xingjue's words for a moment, and actually thought that Gu Xingjue meant that he loved him and that he was the only one she could have.
Chen Song's rationality was somewhat broken. When he was about to go, Gu Xingjue deliberately stopped him, which made him feel very uncomfortable.
Chen Song looked at him, his eyes filled with dissatisfaction as he wondered why he stopped.
Gu Xingjue smiled faintly, his lazy and handsome appearance was just like the extremely intimate Gu Mo of the past: "Serve me well, and I will give it to you."
Chen Song, like a toddler who couldn't resist the temptation, took Gu Xingjue's hand and licked it, imitating his previous movements.
Treat it with care, like a fragile object.
Gu Xingjue's solar plexus was throbbing, and he looked at Chen Song for a long time.
He really liked Chen Song's initiative towards him, but Chen Song was too nice today, so nice that he inexplicably felt a strange feeling in his heart.
It seemed like a fleeting dream.
Chen Song's light eyebrows were twisted, tears kept flowing down his painful face, and he couldn't help crying.
Gu Xing's determination tightened when he heard the crying. He propped up his upper body and wiped Chen Song's tears: "What's wrong?"
Chen Song shook his head and hugged him, his dry throat emitting broken sobs: "We can't go back...we can't go back."
Gu Xingjue didn't know why, but seeing Chen Song like this, his mood unconsciously became the same as his, so he became irritated again. He didn't want to become like this.
"Aren't we doing well now?" Gu Xingjue wiped his tears and said impatiently.
Chen Song: "What's good about it? Nothing is good at all."
Gu Xingjue said, "Even if we can't go back, isn't it good for us to maintain our current relationship? We can still see each other. You can come to me if you need anything. What's wrong with that? Just solve it between men."
Chen Song bit his lower lip tightly and spoke after a while. His tone was so weak that one had to listen very carefully to hear what he said: "Not good..."
"Will you stay with him?"
Gu Xingjue: "Who?"
"A journey of mountains and rivers, a journey of praise..."
Gu Xingjue was silent for a while, his irritability getting worse: "I don't know."
Chen Song stopped crying and wiped away his tears: "Go on."
“…”
Gu Xingjue picked him up and held him in his arms, wiping his tears: "Why are you crying so hard? And you're still holding it in. Are you feeling better?"
It took Chen Song a long time to calm down. He wiped away his tears and said in a hoarse voice, "Since you are going to be with him, why did you come to see me?"
Gu Xingjue frowned: "Why are you still talking about this? You're not done yet. I've already told you that if you take good care of me, we can both be good together, why do you keep talking about others?"
Chen Song had already lost all his reason and dignity, and he insisted: "You just said you would be with him."
Gu Xingjue sighed and said, "That's not because you've been disobedient. I've already told you what to do so we can reconcile. If we're reconciled, what does he have to do with us?"
Chen Song: "So are we reconciled now?"
Gu Xingjue fell silent, and the two of them fell into a long silence. After an unknown amount of time, Gu Xingjue finally spoke, "Chen Song, I'm scared too. Give me some time, give each other some time. If you make a scene like this again later, I'll also be... annoyed."
Chen Song knelt up, tears streaming down his face. He held Gu Xingjue's hand and said sincerely and humbly, "I won't do it again. I really won't do it again. I want to live a good life this time. I won't break up again. I will be very sensible. Please, believe me. I... have never begged you before... please."
Gu Xingjue pulled his hand back and looked away from Chen Song: "Can you please stop crying? I get annoyed when you cry."
"Can you please stop being so childish? You can start whenever you want and end whenever you want. Why do you have the final say?"
Chen Song's eyes froze, and he was a little stunned. The image of Gu Xingjue appearing in front of him in early summer flashed through his mind again.
A damp and sticky rain was falling in Wen City, South City. Gu Mo held him in his arms with an umbrella, shielding him from the rain from the whole world.
Gu Mo wiped away his tears and said, "Please stop crying. You make me... feel uncomfortable."
Chen Song's tears had dried up, and he looked blankly at the phone with the screen on. The heart-wrenching pain at this moment made Chen Song truly realize that he and Gu Xingjue could never go back no matter what.
Once you’ve seen how someone looks when they love you, it’s obvious how obvious it is when they don’t.
Love? But does Gu Xingjue really love him? Or does he have the same name as Cheng Song?
Chen Song looked at Gu Xingjue with a sense of loss and repeated the question again: "If you haven't thought about reconciling with me again, why did you come to see me?"
Gu Xingjue took a deep breath, lit a cigarette, and started puffing away: "I also want to know if I still have feelings for you."
Chen Song hates the smell of cigarettes. Chen Shengping's smoking habit has instilled in him a dislike for cigarettes since childhood. Perhaps this is also due to his selfish motives towards Chen Shengping. Whenever someone smokes, Chen Song will remember Chen Shengping asking him to buy cigarettes.
If he bought the wrong cigarette, had no money to buy another one, or Chen Song mustered up the courage to persuade him to stop smoking, he would be beaten or at least scolded.
When others smoked, Chen Song would hold his breath. But when Gu Xingjue smoked, he inhaled it into his lungs, as if this would allow him to merge Gu Xingjue into his bones and blood, selfishly possessing him.
Chen Song was choked by the smoke and nodded silently. After a moment, he said, "It's not good for us to do this. I'm wasting your time with others. I can't...find someone else. Either we reconcile, or..."
The smoke passed through his lungs and out of his nose. The scarlet fireworks burned out, and his fingertips flicked the remaining ashes. Gu Xingjue's expression remained calm, and he said indifferently, "Why not? As long as no one knows, it's fine. I still feel the best when I do it with you."
He threw away the cigarette butt after he finished speaking, and Gu Xingjue went to kiss him again: "The husband you find in the future will definitely not have a good body like me, nor can he last as long as me, nor can he make you feel as good as me."
Chen Song subconsciously turned his head away again: "I don't want to do it anymore."
Gu Xingjue grabbed his chin and twisted it back: "Don't be stubborn, serve me well, and I will consider our relationship, okay?"
Chen Song was now somewhat bewildered, and he dared not easily reject Gu Xingjue. He was afraid that he would regret it again, and make the relationship even worse. Chen Song no longer knew what to do, and even though he had no other thoughts, he still obeyed Gu Xingjue.
He was like a tattered cotton doll, lying in a cold and damp alley, helplessly and hesitantly looking at this strange and huge world through the cracks.
Countless times throughout the night, Chen Song was like a dead fish without consciousness, bobbing up and down on the waves.
After finishing, Gu Xingjue took him to the bathroom to clean up, gave him a bath, and blow-dried his hair.
Chen Song was as obedient as a puppet being manipulated at will. After he walked out of the bathroom cleanly and returned to the bedroom, he stood in front of the table and stopped to look at the glowing screen of his mobile phone.
Cheng Song’s profile picture shows himself wearing sunglasses and standing on the beach at dusk.
So bright, so shiny.
Chen Song looked away bitterly and sat back on the bed. His stiff face twitched slightly, but it was unable to reflect the grief in his heart.
His bones were trembling slightly. He looked at the tightly closed curtains and thought sadly:
Why in this house… Why in this house with him, while talking on the phone with someone else… Anywhere would do… Why here…
Gu Xingjue came in after drying his hair, lifted the quilt and hugged Chen Song tightly: "Go to sleep quickly, it's almost dawn. I have things to do tomorrow."
Chen Song opened his mouth mechanically: "What's the matter?"
Gu Xingjue hugged Chen Song even tighter, as if afraid his dream would be shattered. In a rare good mood, he told Chen Song, "I'm attending my cousin's engagement party. I'm going to Country Y."
Gu Xingjue rubbed his face against Chen Song's. "You know what? My cousin married Yun Jingsheng's younger brother Yun Che. I've been unhappy with the two brothers since I was a child. His brother is an old fox, and Yun Che was raised as a little fox. These two stinky foxes play tricks on me all day long..."
"If it weren't for my cousin, I wouldn't have gone to that stinky fox's wedding. I wouldn't have agreed to their marriage. Damn...that stinky fox is my brother-in-law, I absolutely won't acknowledge him..."
Gu Xingjue yawned as he spoke, and fell asleep in a daze as if he was really tired.
Chen Song said coldly, "I turned off the silent mode on my phone."
Gu Xingjue suddenly woke up. He stood up and stared at Chen Song: "What did you say?"
Chen Song had just opened the curtains a little, and the faint light from outside the window reflected on Gu Xingjue. His deep, dark eyes were as sharp as swords, piercing Chen Song's heart.
Chen Song pulled the corners of his mouth with difficulty: "When we were doing it, I opened it when you went to the toilet to get paper. He heard it all."
Gu Xingjue glared at Chen Song fiercely: "You are fucking sick. Are you crazy?"
Chen Song laughed coldly, but there was no smile on his face: "Yes, I am crazy."
Chen Song's smile was so eerie that it was a little scary. Gu Xingjue didn't care if he was crazy, and immediately picked up the phone on the table to check. It showed that it was still on silent mode.
But there was no guarantee that Chen Song hadn't muted himself again. He opened his phone, but Cheng Song hadn't sent him another message. He put the phone to his ear, but all he could hear was Cheng Song's even breathing. Listening closely, he could hear the hum of some small medical equipment in the background.
Only then did Gu Xingjue put his phone back on the table and lay back in bed.
Chen Song had his back to him, his thin back had a kind of morbid beauty, as if a slight pinch on his neck would kill him instantly. Gu Xingjue didn't know why, but a strange and terrifying thought arose in his mind.
He wanted to strangle Chen Song to death and then die with him.
Gu Xingjue held the man back in his arms. Chen Song's thin bones hurt him. "Is it fun?"
Chen Song didn't reply to him.
Gu Xingjue knew that he was not asleep, so he touched his body and said, "Why is your butt smaller?"
Chen Song responded mechanically: "No."
Gu Xingjue laughed softly: "Of course there is, there is."
"Gu Xingjue." Chen Song called him suddenly, causing him to hold his breath. "I will definitely invite you to my wedding in the future. You must come."
A bitter feeling grew in Gu Xing's resolve, but he quickly suppressed this negative emotion and automatically filtered it out: "You won't get married. You like men."
"You like me. You will never let me go in this life. Chen Song."
Chen Song looked at the world outside the gap. It was a vast expanse of white. It was snowing heavily.
"I'll let it go."
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