46. ​​Liebestraum No. 3

◎Liang Chuling, I'm terrified. ◎

The paparazzi were clearly caught off guard by this turn of events, and they were so excited that they almost broke their cameras. Ivan's face turned pale and then red, but Li Xun and Liang Chuling had no time to pay attention to it.

Several people tried to move closer, attempting to take a picture of Liang Chuling's face buried in Li Xun's arms.

Li Xun stopped looking at them, lowered his head, and whispered in Liang Chuling's ear, "Can we walk?"

Liang Chuling nodded in his arms.

Maintaining a half-embracing posture, Li Xun led Liang Chuling toward the side door of the theater's staff area.

Li Xun completely blocked Liang Chuling's view, while two daring individuals followed them with cameras, taking pictures of their backs until they disappeared behind the side door.

The door closed, shutting out all the noise from the outside.

Outside the door, only Ivan and a group of excited yet regretful reporters remained. Ivan stared at the closed door, his fist clenching and unclenching. He knew he had created an even bigger news story—Liang Chuling and another man.

The room was dimly lit. Li Xun released the hug, but his hand remained on Liang Chuling's arm to make sure she was steady.

Liang Chuling looked up, too many words stuck in her throat, finally culminating in just one question: "How did you get in?"

“I have my work ID,” Li Xun said succinctly, looking her over. “Are you alright?”

Liang Chuling nodded, then shook her head.

Li Xun didn't ask any more questions. He called his assistant to drive the car to the B2 staff exit and then said to Liang Chuling, "Shall I take you home first?"

Liang Chuling shook her head: "There are probably already reporters outside my apartment complex."

Given the style of Ivan's team, if they could set up surveillance at the theater, they're probably already staking out the entrance of the residential area, waiting to capture her disheveled return home.

"Shall we go to my place?"

Liang Chuling turned to look at him: "That would also bring danger to you and Teacher Li Chi."

She meant that she would bring danger to you, not that she didn't want to go. Li Xun understood this unspoken meaning and felt much more relaxed.

"Then let's go to the hotel. You need to rest, and you also need a place where you won't be disturbed to think about what to do next."

"Okay." Liang Chuling nodded.

Li Xun was exhausted today and worried about driving while fatigued, so he had his assistant drive while he and Liang Chuling sat in the back. Before starting the car, the assistant suddenly handed Li Xun a cell phone, saying that someone from above wanted to ask about the rest arrangements for the next two days.

This is a national project, and Li Xun uses a new work phone for all his work communications, in order to keep accurate records.

He took the work phone and then handed his own phone to Liang Chuling: "Use my name to book the room first. Your identity information is too conspicuous."

Liang Chuling took it. Li Xun's phone wallpaper was a pair of eyes, and Liang Chuling immediately recognized them as her own eyes... She stared at her own eyes for a long time and discovered the secret—Li Xun's eyes were reflected in her pupils.

As Beijing's lights began to twinkle, Liang Chuling suddenly leaned forward to look into Li Xun's eyes, which simultaneously reflected both neon lights and the moon.

The hotel suite was on the 27th floor. The door closed behind Li Xun, and Liang Chuling's shoulders were still tense. Li Xun knew she was still afraid. The fear of being surrounded by cameras and maliciously spied on wouldn't dissipate just because physical distance increased.

Would you like something to drink?

Liang Chuling shook her head. Her makeup was still intact, but the shock in her eyes was undeniable.

Looking at her like this, Li Xun recalled how Liang Chuling used to stand up straight when attacked by rumors online. Back then, he would pat her on the shoulder. Now he couldn't pat her on the shoulder anymore. It was strange. He had just hugged her, but now he felt uncomfortable even getting close to her.

But Li Xun still wanted to coax her. He went to the small bar, boiled water, made two cups of evening tea, and handed one to her.

“Sit down,” he said.

Liang Chuling took the teacup and sat down in a corner of the sofa. Li Xun sat down on the single sofa diagonally opposite her, maintaining a polite distance.

A coffee table separated the two, and the soft glow of a floor lamp spread out between them.

Liang Chuling suddenly spoke up: "I'm sorry."

Li Xun looked up at her.

"I've dragged you into this. Once the photos and videos are released tonight, your identity will definitely be exposed, and your job might be affected. I'm always causing you trouble, aren't I?"

“Liang Chuling,” he called her by her full name, “in your heart, am I the kind of person who would turn away because I’m afraid of trouble?”

Liang Chuling glanced at him briefly.

"It wasn't like that five years ago, and it's not like that now."

The room fell silent again. Li Xun looked at her, still tense, and wanted to do something to break the tension.

He spoke softly: "The photos taken by paparazzi will most likely be quite ugly."

Liang Chuling looked confused.

Li Xun analyzed: "Those candid shots have basically no composition, and the lighting relies entirely on the flash. People's faces are covered in oil and shadows, and their expressions are all distorted. So you can look forward to seeing my ugly photos."

Liang Chuling smiled slowly.

Li Xun continued teasing her, while Liang Chuling just kept watching him, observing the movement of his lips as he spoke. After a while, she put down her teacup and walked over.

Li Xun noticed her movement and covered her lips with his palm.

Liang Chuling trembled. He had once blocked her kiss in the same way, then smiled and said, "No rush."

Li Xun withdrew his hand, still uttering the same two words: "No rush."

Liang Chuling was slow to react, staring at him for a while before asking, "Why aren't you in a hurry?"

Li Xun wanted to say that there were still many unresolved issues between them, that he wanted to know if Li Xun and Ivan had broken up, that he wanted to know what was going on between Li Xun and Zhou Xu, and that they needed to get to know each other again after these five years.

Liang Chuling didn't give him a chance to speak.

I want to kiss you. I'm in a hurry.

She looked at him defiantly, "Will you let me kiss you or not?"

Repeat it a third time, "To kiss or not?"

Li Xun's reason cried out: Wait, let's clarify things first, let's lay the problem out in the open—

His body reacted before his brain did; he wouldn't let Liang Chuling repeat the same request more than three times.

Li Xun pulled Liang Chuling down onto his lap and leaned in to kiss her.

He placed his left hand on her shoulder and took her hand in his right, their fingers intertwined.

Liang Chuling responded immediately, her free hand climbing up the back of his neck, her fingers running through his hair, pulling him even closer.

The kiss deepened, became urgent, and carried a venting force. A teacup was knocked over and rolled onto the carpet, but no one paid it any attention.

Five years. More than 1,800 days and nights. All the unspoken words, unresolved knots, and unhealed wounds collided, tore, and merged in this kiss.

After an unknown amount of time, Li Xun stepped back slightly, and both of them breathed heavily, their foreheads touching, their breaths mingling. Liang Chuling's fingers were still in his hair, her eyes hazy as she looked at his face so close to hers.

Li Xun closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, reason returned, but he didn't let go of her hand. He simply whispered, "Can I ask you questions now?"

Liang Chuling blinked, still not fully recovered from the kiss.

"Have you and Ivan broken up?"

Liang Chuling froze, then suddenly slapped Li Xun's thigh and exclaimed, "My God! We didn't get any points!"

Li Xun: "...You divide it now."

Liang Chuling finally regained her composure: "I need to call Teacher Yelena first and tell her about this."

Li Xun frowned: "Why did you tell Ivan you broke up with her?"

Liang Chuling then realized that Li Xun was unaware of the inside story. She organized her thoughts and explained the whole situation in the simplest way possible. She spoke simply, but Li Xun understood.

He was aware of the conservatism and hypocrisy within the classical music world. He also knew that Yelena had mentored Liang Chuling, and given Liang Chuling's personality, it would be difficult for her to refuse such a request.

Liang Chuling spoke frankly, also frankly stating that she wanted to contact Teacher Yelena to discuss what to do, since Liang Chuling had made a promise.

Li Xun said, "Promises should have a bottom line. When a promise has brought you danger, that promise is no longer binding."

Liang Chuling looked at him: "And what about you?"

"What about me?" he asked.

"When you accepted my confession five years ago, didn't you realize the danger?"

How could I not have realized it?

Liang Chuling was like a meticulously orchestrated storm. Li Xun was so clever, so perceptive. He could see the cracks, and hear the sound of fate approaching step by step from the depths of those cracks—not towards Liang Chuling, but towards him.

He walked toward the one who was destined to be swept up in her storm, dragged into the deep sea by her heavy and beautiful emotions.

He knew all of this. But humans are such absurd creatures; the more clearly they see danger, the more they are drawn to the allure of it.

Like seeing a shooting star, no, it was even more intense than seeing a shooting star.

A meteor is only dazzling for a moment; after it burns out, only nothing remains.

Liang Chuling is not a shooting star; she is a distant star, carrying her immense mass, intense light and heat, and a destiny destined to collapse or explode, hurtling toward Li Xun's orbit.

Even knowing that getting close would be torn apart by gravity, even knowing that the moment of intersection might be the beginning of destruction, even knowing that in the end only wreckage and scars would remain—

He still reached out his hand.

Because the light was so beautiful, so beautiful that he felt that if he had never been burned by such light in his life, had never lived a moment of intense heat and light, then life would be so safe and boring.

The day he accepted her confession, Li Xun knew all of this. He loved the light, he loved the danger, and he loved Liang Chuling.

So he said, "Okay."

As long as we can capture that fleeting moment of convergence.

So even if it turns out to be cold and dark, it will be worth it.

After finding himself truly in cold and darkness, Li Xun bought an hourglass, thinking that forgetting Liang Chuling was like the sand in the hourglass—once it all ran out. But as he kept turning it over and over, he discovered that for the sand to run out, he had to break the glass outside first.

If love has ever existed, even its disappearance proves that it existed.

Li Xun looked at Liang Chuling sitting on his lap.

A voice deep inside me said: Li Xun, you've gone in again. This time, you might really not come out.

But another voice replied: Then don't come out.

"I realize it, but I love you," Li Xun said frankly.

I love you, so you have the right to use me.

A person experiences true love only once; all subsequent loves are clumsy imitations.

Then I will love you forever, whether you love me or not.

Liang Chuling pulled her hand away from Li Xun's, opened her palm, and felt the warmth that had flowed out before returning, flowing back into her heart along the lines of her palm.

"So for the past three years, you and Ivan..." Li Xun's voice was a little hoarse, and he still wanted to confirm it again.

“It’s fake,” Liang Chuling said definitively.

A knot that had been taut in Li Xun's heart for a long time quietly loosened, and the thorn in his heart was pulled out, leaving an empty, but no longer painful, hole.

Liang Chuling keenly sensed the change in his emotions. Looking at his relaxed shoulders and the relief in his eyes, she suddenly understood.

Were you scared just now?

Li Xun acquiesced.

Liang Chuling tentatively asked, "Afraid this will trend on social media tonight? I'm sorry, Li Xun. This will definitely trend... I don't know what to do."

I do always hurt you, don't I?

The self-reproach in her voice made Li Xun laugh self-deprecatingly. He could only kiss her again and then hug her tightly.

“I am scared,” he admitted, “but not of those things.”

Liang Chuling looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m afraid you might suddenly change your mind and not want to break up with him anymore.”

"I'm afraid I'll become the other woman."

"I'm even more afraid that I won't have the nerve to be a mistress."

"Liang Chuling, I'm terrified."

What he feared was not external judgment or damage to his career, but rather that his place in her heart was not enough for her to sever ties with another relationship for him.

Liang Chuling's eyes suddenly welled up with tears: "How could you think of me like that? How could I..."

“Why not?” Li Xun suddenly mimicked her tone, vividly imitating what she had said to Zhou Xu in the coffee shop that day: “I just won’t break up.”

Liang Chuling's eyes widened: "You really heard that!"

“Your tone was quite harsh at the time.”

Liang Chuling's face flushed red, and she reached out to hit him: "You're copying me!"

While they were fighting, they somehow ended up kissing again.

This kiss was gentler than before, less about venting and more about confirmation. Liang Chuling's hands slid down his shoulders and wrapped around his waist. Li Xun's palms stroked her back, feeling the slight protrusion of her shoulder blades beneath her shirt.

The kiss deepened, and the temperature rose.

Just as Liang Chuling's hand began to wander restlessly under the hem of his shirt, Li Xun grabbed her wrist: "Stop kissing me. If you kiss me again, I won't be able to leave tonight."

Liang Chuling said softly, "Then don't leave."

"Can you stay?"

Looking at her in front of him, Li Xun recalled her from many years ago.

Years ago, she limped open the door to her home and looked at Li Xun, who was standing in the sunlight outside the door, as if he were a piece of driftwood for drowning. She asked him if she wanted to be with him.

She had just been pushed to the brink of collapse in front of everyone. Li Xun took her away from the cameras. In this isolated room, she was still in shock. She asked if she could stay.

How much of her invitation and her yearning was a reaction to surviving a catastrophe, how much was an emotional void that needed to be filled after it was torn open? And how much of it was love and desire directed at Li Xun himself?

Li Xun dared not distinguish. He was afraid the answer was more likely the former; afraid that he would once again become the straw she grasped in her panic; afraid that all the passion of tonight would cool in her eyes after dawn.

But, just like many years ago—he couldn't refuse.

Li Xun remained silent for too long, and Liang Chuling prepared to withdraw her hand: "If you don't want to..."

Before she could finish speaking, Liang Chuling was kissed so hard that she fell backward into the soft sofa. Li Xun's arm supported her on either side, while his other hand cupped her face, his fingertips tracing her eyebrows, eyes, and nose, finally stopping at her ear and caressing her earlobe.

The kiss moved from the lips to the jaw, and then to the neck.

After kissing Liang Chuling tenderly from head to toe, Li Xun sat up and stared at her intently in the dim light.

The moment their clothes were off and their skin touched, they both stopped moving in unison.

After five years of separation and growth, they now stand naked before each other, as if confirming: Is this still the person I know?

Li Xun touched a scar below Liang Chuling's collarbone, a burn she got from a lamp during a freshman year competition. He lowered his head and kissed the scar, as if to soothe an old wound, and to mark a piece of her physical history that he had never been a part of.

Liang Chuling's tears fell without warning, and she said in a nasal voice, "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry again.

Skin to skin, breath to breath, Li Xun was pulled back into the quagmire of unease by Liang Chuling's apology.

He was afraid she would say next: "I'm sorry, I only clung to you because I couldn't take the blow."

He didn't want her to have such thoughts.

So, Li Xun wiped away Liang Chuling's tears with his fingertips, almost sighing, "Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?"

Let's just leave it hanging, okay?

Even though I hate leaving questions unresolved.

But let's just leave it as is, okay?

Suspend the problem, suspend the analysis.

Let this night belong only to body temperature, heartbeat, and undeniable possession. Let thought cease, let only feeling exist.

In Li Xun's original view of love, there was no beauty in the love of a fool.

He didn't find any joy in suffering for love, nor did he think there was anything noble about one-sided giving.

What he wants is an equal, clear-headed love where both people are fully aware of each other's feelings.

But there's always a part of being unaware in love.

There are always impulses, struggles, and the stubbornness to love even after repeated deliberation.

Even if it goes against my nature, the answer is still love.

We must still love.