The Last Routine

The following afternoon, Shenhe went back to his dormitory to retrieve the remaining items.

The dormitory was even more chaotic than a few days ago. There were several more takeout boxes and drink bottles on the floor, wrinkled clothes were scattered on the table, and there was an indescribable smell in the air, like the smell of spoiled food mixed with the smell of sweat.

But his spot was tidied up, all the clutter was moved away, leaving only a large cardboard box next to the bed.

The roommate he had warned earlier wasn't there; the other two were sitting in front of their computers and nodded somewhat awkwardly when they saw him come in.

“Your things are all packed,” one of them said. “They’re all in the boxes.”

Shen He walked over, opened the box, and looked inside. The books were neatly arranged by size, the notebooks were wrapped in plastic bags, and even the pens were tied together with rubber bands. He picked up a book and flipped through it; there were no creases or stains, so it must have been replaced with a new one.

Shenhe picked up the box and walked out.

"Um... I'm sorry about before." My roommate hesitated for a moment before finally speaking.

"I was a little jealous of you, so I said something without thinking. I'm sorry."

Shen He ignored him and went straight out the door.

He glanced at the tightly closed dormitory door behind him, and then thought of the stinking garbage and clothes. If it weren't for dormitory inspections, this place might have become a garbage dump long ago.

Shen He suddenly remembered Chen Yuchuan.

Although Chen Yuchuan has someone to take care of everything, he usually keeps his own space very tidy. When the two are together, Chen Yuchuan will tidy the table, wash the dishes, and mop the floor.

It was a habit ingrained in their bones, unrelated to their family background; it was simply a dislike of chaos. Chen He happened to be the same way, so they got along very well.

Shen He shook his head. It had only been a few days since they separated, but he suddenly began to miss the life he had spent with Chen Yuchuan.

Back at the apartment, Chen Yuchuan was squatting on the floor stuffing things into the refrigerator.

"You haven't left yet?" Shen He placed the box by the door.

"Let's go right away." Chen Yuchuan said without turning his head. "I've prepared some food for you. It's all food that can be stored. Eat something if you're hungry."

Shenhe went over and took a look; the refrigerator was almost full.

Why did you buy so much?

"I'm afraid my baby will go hungry." Chen Yuchuan stood up. "There are also snacks in the living room, remember to eat them."

Chen Yuchuan washed his hands, walked over and hugged him. After a while, he turned and walked out, but turned back at the door and said, "Take good care of yourself."

"Yes, you too."

"Remember to message me."

"Okay, okay."

Chen Yuchuan stood there, still unwilling to leave. Shen He sighed, walked over, and pushed him out the door: "Go quickly."

A week later, Chen Yuchuan issued a statement announcing his retirement.

The message consisted of only one sentence: "Thank you for this journey, I'm moving on now." There wasn't even a picture.

The comment section exploded instantly.

"What's going on? Another one wanting to move forward?"

"A legendary jungler just quitting like that? Are you kidding me?"

"This is definitely related to Styx; the copywriting is exactly the same."

"So what exactly happened? Did the couple both return home?"

"Both Chuan Gou and Styx are in great shape, why did they quit?"

Various speculations flooded the internet. Some said it was due to internal team conflicts, others said it was due to exploitation by the club, and still others started making up stories, saying that one of the two left and the other didn't want to stay either.

Many people are criticizing Chen Yuchuan for being irresponsible, saying that he was at his peak and retiring like this was a betrayal of VLG and its fans, and a disrespect for the profession. Others are criticizing Shen He, saying that not only did he retire suddenly, but he also took Chen Yuchuan with him, leaving VLG in a complete mess.

Shen He glanced at the comments section. This was indeed an undeserved disaster, and he had nothing to say.

Chen Yuchuan called him and said, "Don't look at those messy comments."

"I've already checked, it's fine," Shen He said.

"I was originally planning to curse them to death," Chen Yuchuan said, his tone tinged with frustration, "but I felt it would involve you, so I decided against it."

VLG and Chen Yuchuan have a somewhat ambiguous relationship, so Shen He couldn't help but worry. After thinking for a moment, he still asked, "Did VLG find a suitable person after all this time?"

"Don't worry, we've already discussed bringing Zhou Yifan over to play jungle. As for marksman, we've found a newcomer who's in the top 20 of the ladder. He has good potential and is known as Little Styx."

"I feel like no matter how many people I change, it's still not quite right. I feel like I've really become VLG's sinner."

"What nonsense are you talking about? If the grades aren't good and we can't make money, just disband the group. Anyway, those three have already taken enough benefits." Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment. "Don't talk about this. You have to comfort me."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm busy with VLG during the day, and then I have to stay up late to catch up on lessons you told me to do at night." Chen Yuchuan sighed. "Next time we meet, I need to make it up to you, you know what I mean?"

"...Can't you be normal for once?"

"The school application process is basically settled," Chen Yuchuan said casually. "The date is set for next March."

Shen He was taken aback: "So fast?"

Chen Yuchuan smiled indifferently: "Anyway, as long as I passed the exam, that's fine."

"Then you'd better hurry."

"I know." Chen Yuchuan's voice was tinged with laughter. "When you're free in a while, we can discuss where to go. I'll go over first and arrange everything, then you can come over. Perfect."

"I'll be able to go out in the second half of next year."

"No? Honey, what's wrong with you?"

"Let's be busy this year, making one year count as two. Next year, we'll only have to delay your departure by a few months. I'm afraid you'll miss me so much while you're abroad that you'll go crazy."

Chen Yuchuan's heart tightened, and regret and heartache surged up in an instant. He felt that he was really a bad person. Shen He was under so much pressure because of his courses, but he was still acting crazy and ungrateful.

His voice lowered: "Baby, I was wrong."

"What?"

"It's nothing." Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment, "I'm just thinking about you so much that I'm going crazy. What should I do? Can we have a really enjoyable voice chat?"

"I think you've gone crazy from studying. Get out of here!"

Shen He has been very busy with his coursework lately and often stays up late reading literature. Around 11 or 12 o'clock, when he was hungry, he was too lazy to wait for takeout, so he just took a packet of instant noodles from the refrigerator, boiled water, threw the noodles into the pot, and added some vegetables and an egg.

He added some simple seasonings, took a bite, and frowned. It was indeed inferior to Chen Yuchuan's. Chen Yuchuan had probably checked recipes; although his attempt was a bit more deliberate than the instant noodle stall owner's, the taste was definitely much better.

Just then, water splashed from the edge of the pot and landed on the back of my hand, leaving a small red mark.

Shen He didn't pay attention, put the noodles on the table, and casually took a picture. The noodles were overcooked and the vegetables were yellow. The only thing that was better than Chen Yuchuan's was the egg, which still had a runny yolk when you poked it.

He sent the picture while eating: "It's not good, and I burned my hand."

The phone rang almost immediately.

"Where did you get burned?" Chen Yuchuan asked urgently. "Did you apply any medicine?"

"Just a little red on the back of my hand." Shen He swallowed a mouthful of noodles. "It's nothing."

"What do you mean 'it's nothing'?" Chen Yuchuan raised his voice a bit. "The first-aid kit is in the cabinet in the living room. There's burn ointment in it. Go and apply it quickly."

"It's just a minor injury, is it really necessary to make such a fuss?"

“Then you…” Chen Yuchuan paused, “rinse it with cold water for a while first, don’t let it bubble.”

Shen He looked down and saw that three or four small blisters had already formed on the back of his hand. He couldn't help but laugh: "It looks like blisters have formed."

Chen Yuchuan sighed: "Listen to me, go and apply the medicine quickly."

"Don't cook for yourself anymore." Chen Yuchuan thought for a while and then said, "Or I can find you a chef. You're very good at other things, but you really have no talent for cooking."

After tidying up and lying in bed, Shen He recalled Chen Yuchuan's tense voice, that genuine and undisguised worry.

He rolled over and closed his eyes. Is this what the doctor meant by missing someone? Does this kind of missing someone count as liking someone?

Shen He wasn't quite sure, but he found himself thinking about Chen Yuchuan more and more often.

My phone vibrated again. It was a message from Chen Yuchuan: "Goodnight, baby. Don't stay up too late."

Shen He looked at the screen, a smile curving his lips. Actually, Chen Yuchuan was a pretty good person, except for his impulsive temper. Compared to him, he was an absolutely perfect boyfriend.

What about himself? Shen He thought for a moment. He was too aloof, unable to say kind words, incapable of taking care of people, and demanding. When Chen Yuchuan wanted to get close, he found it annoying; when Chen Yuchuan wanted to do something for him, he felt it was unnecessary. Even when Chen Yuchuan took the initiative to show concern, his first reaction was to refuse.

Shen He stared at the ceiling, suddenly wondering what Chen Yuchuan liked about him.

Days passed by like this.

Chen Yuchuan would send messages every day, and Shen He would selectively reply to them.

As the year drew to a close, Chen Yuchuan sent a message: "Finally passed the exam, now you can't call me illiterate."

Shen He looked at the message, a smile playing on his lips, and then typed: "Not bad."

"Not bad?" Chen Yuchuan asked with a question mark.

“Very impressive,” Shen He added.

"Can't you praise me a little more? Your husband has lost five pounds trying to keep up with you."

Shen He thought for a moment and then made a voice call. Chen Yuchuan answered immediately, his voice tinged with laughter: "What, you've finally decided to call me?"

“You did a great job,” Shen He said earnestly. “Really, I’m so proud of you.”

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end of the phone, then Chen Yuchuan's low chuckle came through: "That's exactly what I was waiting for you to say."

"Has the school made up its mind?"

Chen Yuchuan said, "When you want to go, I'll go wherever you want. This time you can't leave me behind again."

"That works too." Shen He paused. "When are you coming?"

"You want me to come over?"

"You don't want to?"

Chen Yuchuan smiled and said, "Then I'll go there this weekend."

"Hmm," Shen He said, "I've prepared a gift for you."

"What is that?"

You'll find out then.

After hanging up the phone, Shen He opened a drawer and took out a small box. Inside the box was the same figurine he had given Chen Yuchuan last time. This time it was a monthly figurine. It wasn't expensive, but it took a long time to make. Shen He paid extra to skip the line. On the base was engraved a line of small words: "Wishing us both happiness every day."

Besides basketball and video games, Chen Yuchuan doesn't seem to have any other hobbies. Every time Shen He tries to think of a reward for him, he finds it quite a headache. He stared at the words, thought for a moment, and then tossed the box back into the drawer. Whatever, Chen Yuchuan will like whatever he gives him anyway.

In the days that followed, Shen He not only had to deal with the semester's courses and exams, but his process of going abroad was also much more complicated than Chen Yuchuan's, requiring him to spend time and effort preparing for each step in advance.

There wasn't much news about Chen Yuchuan either, because he was busy. He had to take care of some family matters before going abroad. He was starting to act like a real adult, with endless meetings every day.

Shen He knew that Chen Yuchuan was doing what he had promised to do and was taking responsibility for himself.

That's enough.

Final exams arrived just like that. Shen He had been quite confident in his memory, but in the end, he had no choice but to drink coffee, something he always disliked. He needed to ensure that his grades in every course were good so that he would have an advantage when applying to schools.

When the last exam ended, Shen He felt like his whole body was falling apart. The winter wind was biting his face, cold as knives. He wrapped his coat tighter and walked towards his apartment, with only two thoughts in his mind: eat and sleep.

The moment he pushed open the door, he froze on the spot.

Chen Yuchuan sat on the sofa watching the game, with a table full of steaming dishes in front of him.

"All the exams are over?" Chen Yuchuan stood up, walked over and took his backpack.

Shen He nodded, his voice a little hoarse, wondering how Chen Yuchuan had guessed. "When did you arrive?"

"Noon," Chen Yuchuan said, pushing him to sit down on the sofa. "Let's eat first."

Shen He looked at the dishes on the table, all of which were his favorites, and there were also fruits and desserts prepared.

"You did this?"

"Hmm," Chen Yuchuan said, "Try it and see if my chef's certificate was a waste of time."

"Really?" Shen He became interested.

"Of course it's fake. My talent is too poor. I should be able to show off in a few years."

Shen He picked up his chopsticks and took a bite of beef. The flavor was just right, the meat was tender and smooth, much better than last time.

"How is it?" Chen Yuchuan stared at him.

Shen He nodded, sincerely praising, "How are you so amazing?"

Chen Yuchuan laughed and sat down next to him: "Don't you know who your husband is? From now on, if you want to eat something, just tell your buddy."

Shenhe ate slowly, feeling enveloped in warmth. His fatigue gradually faded, replaced by an indescribable sense of peace. He thought to himself, "It's like I've become a family again."

Chen Yuchuan was in high spirits and showed him the photos. The two little snakes had grown a lot, and their scales were more vibrant in color. The little fish had also become more familiar with Chen Yuchuan and would spread its tail fins around his fingers.

The photos showed their home filled with messy gift boxes. Shen He noticed several huge boxes, which Chen Yuchuan said were all birthday gifts, but he wouldn't spoil it yet.

After finishing their meal, Chen Yuchuan cleared the dishes, while Shen He leaned back on the sofa, his eyelids so heavy he could barely lift them.

"Take a nap," Chen Yuchuan said. "I'll leave as soon as I'm done packing, so I won't bother you."

"I won't disturb you." Shen He's voice was muffled as he took Chen Yuchuan's hand.

Chen Yuchuan kissed his fingers: "I have to go back for a bit. I'll pick you up after I'm done, and we'll go home together."

It took Shenhe two days to recover. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, his mind blank.

Chen Yuchuan called, and Shen He said he was too tired and asked Chen Yuchuan to go back first, and he would come back next week. Chen Yuchuan tacitly did not disturb him and booked him a plane ticket for a week later.

Shen He felt that their current long-distance relationship was actually quite good. They each had their own things to do, so they didn't bother each other when they were busy, and they would occasionally meet when they had free time. It wasn't too cloying, nor was it too distant.

Once he recovered, he started running. January in City C was particularly cold, and running warmed him up.

When he didn't have to think, his five senses became particularly sharp, and he vaguely felt that something was wrong.

There's always a man in a dark coat strolling by the playground; he's always there whenever I go for a run in Chenhe. When I eat in the cafeteria, there's also a man wearing a hat sitting not far away, his gaze drifting in my direction almost imperceptibly.

Shen He thought he was overthinking things. He was always overly vigilant. There were many people coming and going at the school, so it was normal to run into a few familiar faces.

But the feeling of being watched became more and more obvious, especially after he completely relaxed.

So he deliberately took a long detour and ran on a small path outside the school. The path was very remote, with farmland on both sides, and hardly anyone was around; it seemed no one was following him anymore. But halfway through his run, his foot slipped, and he stepped into a ditch by the roadside, twisting his ankle instantly.

It wasn't serious, but it hurt terribly. He stopped, squatted down by the roadside and rubbed his ankle, and after a while, he limped back.

There wasn't much to do the next day, but I decided against going for a run. Shen He quickly packed his bags and prepared to return to City B ahead of schedule.

Chen Yuchuan picked him up from the airport, and the two got into the car and chatted casually.

"How have you been resting these past few days? Do you still have a headache?" Chen Yuchuan asked.

"It's alright," Shen He said. "I run every day and read books, and I feel much better."

“Running is good,” Chen Yuchuan said naturally. “But don’t go to places that are too remote, or you’re more likely to sprain your ankle.”

The hand that had been submerged in the river stopped on the seatbelt.

He slowly turned his head and looked at Chen Yuchuan's profile: "How did you know I sprained my ankle?"

This was a test, but Chen Yuchuan paused on the steering wheel for a few seconds before speaking: "Just saying. Your walking posture doesn't seem quite right."

Shen He stared at him: "Why didn't you ask me just now?"

"What?"

"When you see me walking incorrectly, or hear that I twisted my ankle, aren't you worried at all?"

The car fell silent.

Shen He leaned back in his seat and asked softly, "Chen Yuchuan, did you have someone follow me?"

Chen Yuchuan remained silent for a few seconds, without denying it.

Shen He turned her head and looked him over without any emotion: "Why?"

“I want to know what you do every day,” Chen Yuchuan said, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “I want to know if you’re doing well, where you eat, and whether you’re getting enough rest.”

"Pull over," Shen He said.

"Sinking in the river."

"Stop the car, let's talk this over."

Chen Yuchuan gritted his teeth and pulled the car over to the side of the road. Shen He unbuckled his seatbelt, and Chen Yuchuan whirled around, grabbing his arm: "Listen to me..."

"During the years we were apart, did you keep an eye on me?" Shen He interrupted him, her voice calm.

Chen Yuchuan paused for a moment: "No."

"Then why are you doing this now?" Shen He asked calmly. "Did you think that just because I'm in a relationship with you, I'm yours?"

"I don't."

“You do,” Shenhe said. “That’s what you think.”

Chen Yuchuan stared at him, his chest heaving violently. After a long while, he finally spoke, his voice carrying a reckless, defiant tone: "Yes, that's what I think."

Shen He's expression remained unchanged; he simply watched him quietly.

“I can’t control myself,” Chen Yuchuan said, his eyes red. “I know you need space, and I know I shouldn’t be like this, but I just can’t do it! I’m afraid you’re not doing well, I’m afraid you’ll get hurt! I’m afraid your roommates will ostracize you again.”

He took a deep breath and barely managed to calm himself down: "Do you know how much I regretted it when I heard the boss say that you were doing manual labor? Every time I close my eyes, I think about you doing those dirty and tiring jobs while also having to study and attend classes, and I'm not by your side."

Shen He sighed: "Chen Yuchuan, that was just a joke. You may not have heard of it. Nowadays, many students earn their own money to study and live, which is normal."

“You’re different.” Chen Yuchuan’s voice lowered. “You were the person I loved. You were only eighteen back then, why did you have to suffer so much?”

"But you do this—"

"I was wrong." Chen Yuchuan interrupted abruptly, reaching out to hug him. "Forgive me, okay? I'll change, I'll change everything."

Shenhe remained silent for a long time, his mind filled with a jumble of thoughts.

He pushed Chen Yuchuan away and suddenly asked, "Are you in a lot of pain because you like me?"

Chen Yuchuan froze, as if he had been punched hard: "What did you say?"

“I said, liking me causes you pain.” Shen He looked into his eyes and repeated, “Chen Yuchuan, this is not a good thing.”

"No." Chen Yuchuan suddenly grabbed his hand with frightening strength. "I'm not in pain."

“You do.” Shenhe gently squeezed his hand back. “I can feel it. When you’re with me, you can’t smoke or drink. You have to suppress your nature and listen to me to do those meaningless things. You have to change yourself for me. I’ve made you a person who follows the rules.”

"No!" Chen Yuchuan's voice rose. "It's not true!"

Shen He's tone was soft, but every word was clear: "I am taming you, Chen Yuchuan. I am turning you into a companion who is the way I want you to be. I hate those zoos and aquariums, I hate how they lock up animals to train them to perform, but what I am doing to you, how is that any different from what they are doing?"

Chen Yuchuan's fingers trembled, his fingertips digging deeply into Chen He's palm: "You didn't, I did it voluntarily."

“The animals in the zoo are there voluntarily; they’re there for a meal,” Shen He said. “But you’re doing this for me.”

"The animals in the zoo don't know what life is like in the wild, and you don't know what free love is like, so you..."

"I'm not in pain!" Chen Yuchuan practically roared. "I'm fucking happy, you know? I've never been this happy before I was with you!"

"Then let's separate for a while and calm down."

"I won't let you go!" Chen Yuchuan's voice rose as he leaned in and hugged Shen He tightly. "Shen He, you can't leave me!"

"Chen Yuchuan." Shen He stroked his hair. "Calm down and let me go."

"I won't let go." Chen Yuchuan held him even tighter. "We'll be going to Country D together soon. You'll be by my side from now on, and this kind of thing won't happen again. Can you pretend this never happened?"

Did you even ask me how I felt?

"Now I'm asking you, how do you feel?"

“I’m not comfortable. The feeling of being stared at by strangers makes me very uncomfortable, and I’m not happy about causing you pain.”

"I don't care!" Chen Yuchuan stared at him, a hint of madness in his eyes, but his words were somewhat incoherent. "I've prepared a lot of gifts for you. You'll be happy when you see them, baby. Let's go home, okay?"

Shen He looked at him for a long time before finally speaking: "Let's forget about it for now."

"Why did you let it go?" Chen Yuchuan's voice was tense.

“Because I don’t want to,” Shen He said.

"Then what do you want?" Chen Yuchuan roared. "Tell me what you want!"

“I want you to calm down for a while and think things through,” Shen He said gently. “Give me some time to think too.”

Shen He added, "Is that okay?"

Chen Yuchuan froze, his hand slumped back into his seat. He stared ahead, his jawline taut, his Adam's apple bobbing violently, his hands clenched into fists.

Shen He pushed open the car door and got out. He turned his head and glanced at Chen Yuchuan. Suddenly, his index finger joint throbbed with pain. He realized that liking someone could really make him twisted and suffer, but he didn't understand why.

He felt he was being pretentious, but that seemed to be his true nature. He always put his own feelings first, was selfish, arrogant, and yet bound by some inexplicable moral standards.

He wanted Chen Yuchuan to dote on him and favor him, but he didn't like the feeling of being out of control.

He couldn't explain his current feelings. Being monitored should have made him angry, but he wasn't. He should have blamed himself for tormenting Chen Yuchuan, but he wasn't either.

He couldn't understand why he was so strange, why he couldn't even understand himself.

Chen Yuchuan sat in the car, watching his figure gradually disappear into the night.

After a long while, he slammed his fist on the steering wheel, and the horn blared, echoing through the empty street.