Chapter 55

May 29, 2017.

Ran Mingju passed away.

He committed suicide by jumping into the river.

Guan Nan wore her favorite white dress and excitedly went to welcome her 18th birthday, but she never expected that this day would be the day she would say goodbye to her mother.

She witnessed Ran Mingju, dressed in a bright red dress, jump into the turbulent river.

That noon, Guan Nan remembered what Ran Mingju had said the day before. As soon as get out of class ended, she rushed to the school gate, took the bus back to Hecangyuan, and jogged into her home.

Ran Mingju, with her makeup on, smiled and told her to go change into her dress, saying that Sister Zhen would come over in a little while to take a family photo.

But when she came out after changing her dress, she saw Ran Mingju answer a phone call and leave without even saying hello.

Thinking she was going to pick up a cake, Guan Nan followed her out the door. As they passed the grocery store, she playfully gestured "shh" to Zhen Jie.

He made a "" gesture to indicate that he was really following Ran Mingju.

Sister Zhen smiled and waved through the window, signaling her to follow.

However, Ran Mingju did not pick up the cake; instead, she hailed a taxi at the intersection, not knowing where she was going.

Guan Nan felt a little worried. After pausing to think for two seconds, she took a taxi and followed them.

As they drove into the city, Ran Mingju got off at MixC Mall. Guan Nan followed her into the mall and watched as she entered an afternoon tea shop. The shop's facade looked very upscale, with a whole wall made of old glass.

Ran Mingju asked for a number, followed the doorman inside, and sat down in one of the seats.

Guan Nan was left outside, unable to get in.

One second I thought Ran Mingju had ordered the cake here, but the next second, when I saw Zhang Guilian go in after her, all my illusions shattered in an instant.

She stared at her warily, carefully moving to look through the glass, but unfortunately she couldn't see anything clearly.

About ten minutes later.

When Guan Nan saw Ran Mingju come out, her red makeup couldn't hide her pale face; she looked completely lost and disoriented. She bumped into several people on her way out of the mall without even realizing it.

Guan Nan was worried, but Zhang Guilian hadn't come out yet. She desperately wanted to know what had happened and why Ran Mingju was like this.

Just as she was caught in a dilemma, Ran Mingju had already gotten into the car; she was ultimately a step too late.

There was no time to weigh whether to wait for Zhang Guilian to find out the truth or to follow Ran Mingju.

She noticed that Ran Mingju's mood was off.

make a prompt decision.

Guan Nan flagged down a car and followed Ran Mingju's car. In just two minutes, the car had already driven quite a distance away. Guan Nan sat in the car, her eyes fixed on the vehicle that was far away from them.

Fortunately, the car was heading towards Hecangyuan, and Guan Nan's heart, which had been in her throat, finally settled down.

Less than two minutes later, the car stopped at Tianfu Bridge, and passersby assumed it was a tourist.

Before Ran Mingju went onto the bridge, Guan Nan thought he was being too petty.

Ran Mingju stood on the bridge, looking at the turbulent river. She was wearing a red dress and was both crying and laughing. Her tears floated in the air with the cool breeze, making her look both beautiful and sad.

In that instant, Guan Nan's heart clenched, as if she had been torn apart by some kind of sensory pain.

Guan Nan got out of the car and chased after her. He stepped onto the steps and watched as Ran Mingju fell into the river. The current was too strong, and all he could hear was a dull thud as she entered the water; there wasn't even a splash.

Ran Mingju jumped off the stage, ending her life at the age of 42.

She died right in front of Guan Nan.

Those laughs and cries were like a sharp knife, forcefully stabbing into Guan Nan's heart, creating one big hole after another.

Guan Nan squeezed her eyes shut, her mind filled with the image of Ran Mingju jumping into the river, a scene both desolate and sorrowful.

Her face was pale, and she staggered unsteadily. She tried to open her mouth several times, but no sound came out.

At that moment, she seemed to feel nothing at all. She felt neither sadness nor grief, but was unable to speak. She was weak and dazed, so desperate that she had no strength left.

My head was churning and my stomach was churning.

I feel nauseous and want to cry.

But I can't cry or vomit.

All that could be heard around were panicked cries for help, sounds of fear, and calls to the police.

Tinnitus resounded throughout the sky at that moment.

In an instant, Guan Nan's long-suppressed emotions erupted and lashed out at her.

She lunged at him, screaming hysterically, "Mom—"

Her upper body, which had rolled over, was caught by a passerby who grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down the steps from the bridge. The onlookers looked at her with pity.

Guan Nan's hysterical, cathartic crying and screaming, hidden behind the barriers, gradually subsided.

After a series of storms in her life, she finally had a brief respite in the past year and a half, and everything seemed to be getting better and full of hope.

Unexpectedly, it had been secretly gathering strength, and when it came, it was as fierce as a floodgate being opened.

That hopeful 18-year-old turned out to be her desperate and hopeless 18-year-old.

Listening to her mother, she put on her favorite white dress, fantasizing about welcoming her 18th birthday and taking a family photo to capture the hope of her future.

But they never expected that their joyful celebration would lead to a day of death that would extinguish their hope and light for the future.

......

At the Tianfu Bridge site, the police spent several days searching for the missing items, while Guan Nan sat on the steps for several days.

However, the current was too strong and the search and rescue efforts, even after several days, failed to find Ran Mingju's body.

Overnight, they were left with no idea where to go or what to do.

......

These days, no one has been able to contact Guan Nan.

Only Zhen Xiaoya accompanied her home from Tianfu Bridge. With only a few days left until the college entrance examination, Miss Zhen was afraid that something might happen to her again, so she coaxed and tricked her into returning to Cangyuan.

However, Ran Mingju's funeral could not be held.

One reason was that the body hadn't been found, and the other was that Guan Nan was about to take the college entrance exam, so they were afraid of upsetting her further.

Until I sat on the sofa in Hecangyuan again, scenes of Ran Mingju in this home flashed before my eyes, and those happy years and a half seemed to have been stolen.

Because it was stolen, it disappeared very quickly.

She accepted the fact that Ran Mingju jumped into the river, yet she could not accept the fact that Ran Mingju jumped into the river.

Guan Nan suddenly lost hope and her sense of direction, unsure of what the meaning of life was.

Thus, the train that led to Guan Nan's heart stopped in May 2017.

......

Guan Nan hasn't been sleeping well these past few days, plagued by nightmares every night.

But at the end of every dream, the scene of Ran Mingju jumping into the river is vividly presented before my eyes.

The day before visiting the exam venue.

Guan Nan rummaged through the drawer of her bedroom desk and found the Jiang Li brand knitted Sprite that she had never found a suitable opportunity to give away. But the thought that the two of them might never cross paths again in the near future made her hesitate.

She couldn't resist and stuffed the Sprite into her schoolbag, along with a test paper filled with answers. The blank spaces on the test paper were densely covered with a name that she had unconsciously written down.

Guan Nan remembers that it took her a full six months to write this exam paper.

She silently tidied up the drawer, pressing the test paper to the bottom, as if trying to bury her girlish thoughts in a place where no one could see them.

After finishing all that, she opened the cabinet door and carefully tidied it up again.

This is all the precious things she had at eighteen.

······

The examination venue is not at our school.

When we went to check out the exam venue, we were divided into several groups: some were accompanied by parents, some were in large groups, and some were with the school bus.

Jiang Li and his entourage arrived at the examination venue surrounded by their families.

Guan Nan arrived at the examination venue by car.

Because the exam rooms were set up in a dispersed manner, everyone was busy looking around and didn't pay much attention to others.

But this time, Guan Nan saw Jiang Li's mother, the legendary Sister Wen.

The girl, who was supposed to live to be a hundred, looked exactly like a young girl. She was tall, beautiful, and elegant, and stood at the door with her arm linked with the man beside her, her eyes crinkling with laughter.

The man held an umbrella for her, carrying a water bottle in his hand, and consciously handed it to Sister Wen's mouth, while a small fan blew on her cheeks and neck.

The scene was unexpectedly harmonious.

At the same time, Jiang Li emerged from the crowd and saw her.

Unfortunately, there were too many people watching the exam that day, and the scene was too noisy, so Jiang Li's words "Wait for me" were drowned out by the crowd.

Guan Nan didn't see it. Jiang Li stuffed the A4 bag into the man's hand and then explained something.

Then they ran in the direction of the school bus.

Sitting on the school bus, Guan Nan showed no unusual emotions, simply staring blankly out the window, as silent and taciturn as ever. She had always been like this, and no one thought anything was wrong.

The car was noisy, filled with people excited after seeing the exam venue, eager to immediately pick up their pens and go to the battlefield to annihilate them.

"Guan Nan." Someone called her.

Guan Nan turned around but didn't see anyone, thinking it was just her imagination.

Then, he called out again, his voice low and tinged with laughter: "Guan Nan."

She turned her head, and the person appeared on the other side, a faint smile on his lips, sitting down beside her.

“…” Guan Nan looked in the direction of the voice.

What came into view was that thin yet sharp face.

They were clearly in the same class, but she only just realized that he had lost a lot of weight. His pale skin had been marred by dark circles under his eyes this academic year, and his hair was cut even shorter.

Jiang Li said, "Why didn't you answer when I called you? Didn't you see me?"

"No." Guan Nan pretended not to see the happy scene of the family of three.

Jiang Li thought she really hadn't seen it, so he suddenly changed the subject and asked her, "Why didn't you reply to my messages?"

"..." Guan Nan gripped her backpack tightly, paused for two seconds, and didn't mention that her phone had fallen into Tianfu Bridge. She just whispered, "I had an exam and didn't check my phone."

Jiang Li leaned back in his chair and turned to look at her: "You really didn't see it?"

"Mm." Guan Nan nodded.

Even though he knew it was wrong to look at his phone the night before the exam, Jiang Li couldn't help but ask her, "Are you looking at it tonight?"

Guan Nan shook her head: "I won't look."

"When will you watch it?" Jiang Li asked. "After the college entrance exam?"

Hearing this, Guan Nan remained silent.

Jiang Li watched her glance out the window, and then looked out as well. He saw a dense crowd of people wearing the same Fuling school uniform.

He seemed to be pushing his luck, yet also taking a step back: "You can watch it after the college entrance exam, okay?"

Guan Nan hesitated for a moment, then agreed, though she knew she shouldn't: "Okay."

Seeing her hesitantly agree, Jiang Li was still a little skeptical.

Just then, some students who had brought their phones handed them to the driver after the school bus was full, coaxing him to take a group photo of them, claiming it was to remember everyone.

After the photo was taken, the classmate immediately shared it in the class group, and those who had their phones saved it quickly.

At that moment, Jiang Li also took out his phone and opened the QQ class group.

In the photo, the two are sitting side by side at the same table, their heads close together as they chat.

Guan Nan noticed that the two people had faint smiles on their faces, and a scissor hand had somehow appeared on their heads.

Looking at it, the girl seems to be held in the boy's arms, cute and sweet.

Guan Nan suddenly became a little uncomfortable, her eyes, which had been fixed on the photo, quickly looked away, as if nothing seemed quite right.

Some classmates noticed that the couples hidden in the class in the photos were not only arranged to sit together, but their poses in the photos were also so bold and conspicuous.

It resembles a premeditated "photo scandal".

Someone shouted, "You're fucking smuggling in your own agenda!"

"Damn it!" the male student groaned, "I'm really, really impressed by you!"

"This is a real dog! A real dog!"

Someone suggested reshooting, just as Banban got on the bus, and the driver politely declined the suggestion with a smile.

Jiang Li didn't have much of an opinion about whether or not to reshoot, since there would be plenty of opportunities in the future. At the same time, he uploaded the photos to his private album.

Jiang Li put away his phone and said as the school bus started moving, "The college entrance exam is tomorrow."

Guan Nan immediately noticed the weariness in his tone, and said in a relaxed manner, pretending to be nonchalant, "Yeah, the exam is over, everything is over."

After the college entrance examination, the ordeal of senior year is finally over, and you no longer have to suffer this double pain of body and mind.

Having prepared for so long, she spoke with a hint of eagerness, as if she were preparing for the college entrance examination.

Jiang Li chuckled upon hearing this, "You're really looking forward to the college entrance exam?"

"Yes," Guan Nan was very tired. She lowered her eyes, concealing her seriousness, and then raised her head to answer earnestly, "I'm really looking forward to it."

Previously, I would go to bed at 1:30 a.m. on average. If I slept well, I could wake up at 6:00 or 6:20 a.m., but if I didn't sleep well, I would wake up around 5:00 a.m.

She used to have high expectations for how well she would fare in her exam preparation.

I hope to get a good ranking and receive a scholarship.

But now...

They entered the school, then left, walking on the asphalt road.

The two walked slowly until they reached an intersection. Guan Nan stopped and looked at the long, seemingly endless road.

Life's crossroads always seem to come so suddenly, without any warning.

Is it always impossible to have everything in this world?

But when she abandons one thing and goes straight to another.

Why is it still like this?

In an instant, four glaring characters suddenly appeared in Guan Nan's mind.

Misfortunes never come singly.

At that moment, Jiang Li also stopped, following her.

"Jiang Li." Guan Nan hesitated before calling his name.

Jiang Li casually turned his head to look at her, one hand in his pocket, and asked, "Hmm?"

Amidst the torrent of traffic, the two stood still at the traffic light, their eyes meeting.

The long-suppressed feelings seemed to finally find a moment of respite in the gap between them as they stood shoulder to shoulder.

She gazed at the long road ahead, where cars with their low and high beams flashing came and went in the distance.

Guan Nan didn't know what she was feeling or thinking at that moment. She didn't know anything; she just felt suffocated.

However, she didn't want to be a burden to anyone, and nobody wanted to be either.

"Jiang Li," Guan Nan called him again.

Jiang responded with a "Mm".

Guan Nan struggled to speak several times: "I..."

“Let’s apply to Beijing together,” Jiang Li said in a low voice, his eyebrows slightly raised. “After the college entrance exam, I have something to tell you.”

After a moment, Guan Nan hummed in agreement and said nothing more.

"I'll be waiting for you at the clock tower."

It seemed as if something was about to be exposed.

Panic, tension, and a touch of anticipation.

There was a moment of silence.

“Jiang Li, do you know? I’m actually a very selfish person,” Guan Nan swallowed hard, too nervous to answer, and just stared at the fallen leaves scattered on the ground. She changed the subject and spoke frankly, “I want to get good grades, just to get good grades, because with good grades I can get some awards and bonuses. Just like with part-time jobs, I do it to earn money. It’s the same with the college entrance exam. I want to be the top scorer because the bonus is very high.”

The scholarship is substantial, enough to cover their tuition fees for the next few years and their living expenses. Upon entering university, they will need to work part-time while also striving for the national scholarship.

Apart from that, she wasn't particularly interested in a good reputation.

She thought that after saying all this, Jiang Li would think she was very opportunistic and would dislike her.

Unexpectedly, after saying these words, Jiang Li remained calm, so calm that Guan Nan felt inexplicably afraid.

"Guan Nan." He called out to her at the entrance of Hecangyuan.

Guan Nan turned around subconsciously.

"Do you think this is a black-and-white world?" As he said this, a car approached in the distance, its orange-yellow lights softening his features and obscuring his expression.

“Yes…” Guan Nan hesitated, “I don’t know.”

“That’s it,” Jiang Li said. “People always like to give their selfish desires a high-sounding name, but few are willing to face their inner desires. Compared to you, they don’t even have the courage to say it out loud.”

"You're upright and honest, what are you afraid of?"

"..." This was another time she felt Jiang Li's power, telling her that it was indeed just her own desire. Her fingertips trembled slightly. "Don't you think I'm..."

"If you ask me, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little selfish, as long as you don't steal or rob."

Guan Nan looked at him and smiled with relief: "Thank you, Jiang Li."

"One should be a little selfish in life." Jiang Li ruffled her hair and said with some dissatisfaction, "In this world, there will always be people who want different things, there's nothing to say about that. Since some people seek fame, others seek wealth. People are all born from grains and vegetables, who hasn't had some greed, anger, ignorance, resentment and hatred?"

"Okay." Guan Nan touched her messy hair. "I'll remember, Jiang Li, you must go to university."

Jiang Li said, "You too."

These words sounded like they were encouraging each other. Guan Nan smiled but didn't explain.

Before leaving, Guan Nan took off half of her backpack, took out the gift box inside, and handed it to Jiang Li: "Happy birthday, a belated gift."

Jiang Li was taken aback for a moment, then accepted the gift and instinctively thanked him, saying, "Thank you."

Jiang Li smiled when he saw the Sprite inside.

He twirled the iron ring, took out the Sprite, and looked at it with great curiosity.

The Sprite logo is knitted, and the logo is surrounded by the pinyin of his name in white lines.

——JIANGLI

JIANGLI brand Sprite.

"Did you knit this?" Jiang Li squeezed the Sprite in front of her; it wasn't solid in the middle, but rather soft. "What's inside?"

Seeing that he seemed to like it, Guan Nan smiled and said, "Yes, it's cotton."

"Thank you, I like it very much." In front of her, Jiang Li hung the iron ring on his schoolbag, slung the schoolbag over his shoulder, and squeezed the Sprite every now and then, looking like he loved it.

Back when Jiang Siyao was in a relationship, she would spend her free time at home knitting, making scarves for her boyfriend. She would order him to gather the yarn, not give him the scarves, and make him keep it a secret, or she would beat him up.

After hearing what he said, Guan Nan smiled with her lips pursed.

A gift that I thought was not presentable suddenly gained value because he liked it.

The Sprite keychain hanging on Jiang Li's backpack was never taken down and he never let anyone touch it.

After giving him the gift, the two didn't say much more.

"Goodbye, Jiang Li." Guan Nan said, then walked straight ahead without looking back.

Jiang Li: "Goodbye."