-1-

There is a saying that goes, good news doesn’t travel far, but bad news travels a thousand miles.

——So the news that "M had a first love" spread throughout the entire system world overnight like a biological virus.

-2-

It's a particularly advanced type, a biological weapon-level virus.

To be more specific, the speed at which the news of "M had a first love" spread among employees was almost equivalent to the speed at which humans and rats spread the plague in the Middle Ages.

…Letting colleagues believe that “M had a first love” is like letting a group of undead spread the plague.

It's M after all.

That's M.

…M! The terrifying M from the maintenance department! That M actually had a partner! What species was her partner? It definitely wasn't human, right?! And are you sure her partner is mentally sound? Only someone mentally ill would be dating M, right?!

-3-

Countless employees have even erected a monument to their unidentified great first love—thank you for leading by example, allowing them to truly witness the diversity of species and the infinite possibilities of courage—

By the way, everyone also unanimously agreed that he died a long time ago.

...Just kidding, that was M’s first love!

Forget about dying of old age, he would have surely turned into a bag of body parts in some sewer or refrigerator!

So why would anyone dare to date M!

So why are people with mental illness so depressed?

-4-

“No.”

The only subordinate in the Horrible Maintenance Department refuted the rumor this way: "Miss M didn't dismember that first love. It was only me who was dismembered, carefully packaged, and put in the refrigerator by Miss M."

The first reaction was to rush over to gossip Miss U: "..."

Ms. U: "Wait a minute. Why do you say 'being dismembered' is as worthy of bragging as 'being given flowers'?"

Mr. P: "Senior, you heard wrongly. How is that possible?"

-5-

After he finished speaking, he lowered his head and continued to shake the handle, and the old-fashioned ice crusher made a "squeaking" noise.

Miss U felt a toothache when she heard this, and she also showed an expression as if she had a toothache.

...At eight o'clock in the morning, she felt a toothache when she saw her most hated colleague shaking the ice crusher alone in the tea room.

Especially when she just walked in, she said in a rude tone, "Angel, you are here, then make me a cup of coffee", and Mr. P nodded meekly. At this time, he obviously started to make coffee-flavored shaved ice.

Who wants to eat coffee-flavored shaved ice at 8 o'clock on a weekday morning when the ambient temperature is 7°!

The angel has changed. She used to be the angel who would make her caramel macchiato!

-6-

"I've never made you a caramel macchiato, Senior."

Mr. P cranked the old-fashioned, creaky handle and spoke gently, "Making coffee is a service my direct supervisor is entitled to. If a senior executive asked me to make a caramel macchiato, I would simply tear open a caramel macchiato bar and make one for him with boiling water. If I spent the time and effort to make it for you, he'd be unhappy."

Miss U: “…”

So that's why I drank instant so many times, right?

"Okay, okay, you don't have to explain. I understand."

Ms. U rolled her eyes. "My boss brews fresh coffee, but everyone else uses instant coffee, right? I've been telling you you're a hypocrite, but no one believed me. You idiots."

“Senior, you…”

"No matter how many honorifics you use, it's useless. I'm not here today to discuss how much of a dog you are... Anyway..."

Miss U lifted the hair behind her ear and slightly curled the corners of her lips, which were made particularly plump by lipstick.

"Now, the newbie in the maintenance department has officially celebrated his fiftieth anniversary. There are some things you should formally learn as part of your new employee training."

-7-

Mr. P stopped shaking the shaved ice and looked directly at the colleague sitting in front of him.

Seemingly satisfied with his gesture of "all ears", Miss U lifted the hair beside her ear, revealing a slightly exaggerated cross-shaped earring and her snow-white neck.

Every day when she goes to work, she puts a little perfume and cream behind her ears.

Because Miss U knows very well that her neck is the most attractive part of her body, maintaining the most attractive part and expanding its appeal is one of the basic professional ethics as an ace employee of the love maintenance department.

Miss U loves all kinds of compliments with impure motives, and she works hard every day to get more impure compliments. The admiring eyes from the opposite sex are her trophies.

——Even if the person in front of her is this double-standard bastard who had seduced her for years and ruined her winning streak, she would still strike a new pose from time to time to test the effect of seduction.

-8-

Mr. P: "Did you buy new earrings? They're very special. Can you send me the link? But the fragrance you chose today is a bit too strong. Please move away from the table. It will ruin the taste of my shaved ice."

Miss U: “…”

Although I can't seduce this double-standard bastard no matter what.

She had spent decades verifying this, and now she posed for him just to get criticism and advice.

...Miss U didn't want to figure out how her decades of hard work in seduction had led to the bizarre result of "secretly worshipping the person she was seducing as her teacher, and asking him for advice on seduction techniques from time to time."

Maybe that's because it's a weird double-standard piece of shit.

-9-

She rolled her eyes again, and at the same time, in a rather self-deprecating manner, she struck a new pose, focusing on pulling down her collar.

Mr. P lowered his head and resumed shaking the shaved ice: "Do you need a tissue? Please cover yourself with a tissue. I don't talk to seniors who are wearing revealing clothes."

Ms. U: "Why didn't your boss listen to you when she was wearing a small suspender and a miniskirt?"

If I call this exposure, then what do she call it? Running naked.

Mr. P didn't say anything.

He squeaked and shook the shaved ice.

"...To be honest, I didn't just come here to watch the fun based on gossip. I have something serious to discuss with you."

Mr. P didn't say anything.

He continued to shake the shaved ice silently.

Miss U... Miss U gritted her teeth, pulled her V-neck dress up again, and stuffed two pieces of tissue paper in it to cover it.

-10-

"Okay? Is this okay?! I'm dressed appropriately! ... Look up and talk to me!"

Mr. P looked up and smiled, "Thank you. You are truly a lady, Senior."

Ms. U: Bah.

...Perhaps sensing her eyes rolling up to the sky, Mr. P further explained:

"Senior tried to argue with me about the definition of 'revealing,' but the example he brought up was my direct supervisor. How could my supervisor be compared to my senior? Suspenders, miniskirts, stockings... As a subordinate, I have no right to interfere with what my boss wears. Besides, my boss would be cute even in a garbage bag, and it wouldn't be associated with 'revealing' - but Senpai is very vulgar, so whatever he wears is revealing."

Miss U: “…”

It’s better not to explain.

This double standard weird shit.

-11-

Although every time Miss U sat next to Mr. P and talked to him, it seemed like she was asking for trouble. Although every time Miss U came to the terrifying maintenance department, it seemed like she was asking for trouble and became the raw material for Miss M to exclaim "hahaha" while eating popcorn.

But this was only because there was something wrong with the person she was talking to, and it was definitely not because there was something wrong with her.

U is actually a completely different type from M - she is actually the type that is more suitable for the word "charming".

She is charming, sexy, generous and has almost no shame.

After all, M is a madman who is always soaked in blood, while U is the evil undead who is always playing with people's feelings.

...In Mr. P's eyes, his boss is just an annoying, boring, innocent kid, and U is the bad woman who is extremely proficient in emotional deception.

Even though "manipulating emotions" was part of U's job, he wouldn't just label this colleague a "bad woman"… Even when she harassed him, he wouldn't call her a "bad woman"… He just brushed it off as "senior"…

-12-

After all, no matter how seductively U poses or how touching the scene is, she cannot deceive his feelings.

Mr. P thought this was just an ordinary colleague, a bit noisy at best.

Only when you have been truly deceived by someone can you call them a "bad woman".

But, strangely, most colleagues would say that M is an out-and-out "bad woman", but they would not criticize U like this.

But the boss clearly didn’t deceive anyone’s feelings?

She had "Keep Out" written all over her face, and provoking her was like provoking a dangerous creature in an area with a "Warning" sign.

You can call her "dangerous" and "horrible" - but what does she have to do with the adjective "scumbag"?

-13-

It was you who made the decision to get close to her.

You've vividly read every warning she gives before approaching her.

[Don't come near] [Won't stay] [Hate the opposite sex] - It was you who decided to ignore countless warnings, cross the red line, and come in front of her.

So, no matter what tragedy happened to you, it has nothing to do with her, right?

This is a gamble. You are willing to bet on it, but you end up losing.

-14-

Mr. P never thinks that the reason for losing a bet is due to his opponent or the dealer.

So Mr. P never thought that Miss M was the type who would play with people’s feelings.

He also never associated her with the word "scum".

-15-

...Of course, this was before he learned that his boss had a first love.

Perhaps it was because he accepted that "those who ignore the warning signs and climb into the restricted area will never return." When he knew for sure that a guy had once swaggered through the restricted area and swaggered back home with the dangerous creatures inside...

-16-

Mr. P was a little emotional.

Of course, just a little.

Moreover, as a subordinate, he shouldn't have such emotions. No matter how strong a male's self-esteem is, it should not exceed his professional awareness.

...By the way, does he still have such a thing as "male pride"?

I thought this thing had been shattered to pieces when the boss mocked him about the pink Gaga.

-17-

So last night he drove his boss back to the dormitory, and while dealing with his boss's crazy words like "I don't want a partner", "I don't want that kind of first love", "I want to have sex with Xiao P", etc., he sorted out his own emotions with a slightly strange feeling.

Mr. P has always dealt with emotional problems by expressing them honestly, so he has basically never encountered any emotional problems.

But this time, even confessing to my boss several times that "I'm a little emotional" didn't help.

Even hearing my boss reply several times with “Then I’ll go kill my inexplicable predecessor” didn’t make things any better.

At most it's a little better.

And after the rumors spread, he really minded the "dismembered ex-boyfriend" in the mouths of his colleagues -

Obviously, dismembering the body was just a small interaction between him and his boss, what does it have to do with that first love?

-18-

Shouldn't ordinary humans die peacefully?

Countless encounters with the boss's weapon, countless traps carefully designed by the boss, countless murders accompanied by flowers and music -

These were clearly exclusive pleasures given to him by his boss.

-19-

...Hmm.

How strange.

This strange boredom.

"As an adult male, I don't deny that my superior-subordinate relationship with my boss has given me a slight hint of possessiveness. It's perfectly normal to harbor such feelings towards her. After all, she's so attractive, and she's given me the chance to get close... But, in truth, our relationship is quite innocent, and even a small amount of these feelings is considered deviant. I won't interfere with matters outside of my subordinates' duties. Male pride is ultimately just a base animal instinct, and the undead don't need animal instincts. This is the conclusion I've reached after careful consideration."

"So I don't understand why Senior specifically came to ask me 'how I feel'."

Mr. P watched the shattered ice drop out of the machine. "Even if I felt any emotion at all, it's completely gone. Why it came about, where it came from, is inexplicable. It's completely unnecessary."

-20-

Ms. U: "I don't think you're being emotional. You chose an early spring morning with a sudden drop in temperature to make shaved ice for breakfast in the tea room at eight o'clock."

And let me remind you, before I come over to talk to you, the sight of you tinkering with the old-fashioned shaved ice machine has already scared away many of your colleagues.

"The angel was shaved ice early in the morning, and his face looked just like the shaved ice. Can't he stop M from destroying the world? Woohoo" is also a newly spread rumor.

-twenty one-

"Me? Face?"

Mr. P smiled and said, "No, I'm fine. I just decided to have a little fun with breakfast this morning."

And M made a fuss very late last night. She seemed to be yelling until the early morning and still refused to leave his bedroom. She had to pull off his pajamas and ask for sex.

After being rebuffed by her subordinate with the words "I'm not in the mood to do anything bad to you who has been in a serious relationship with you," she started yelling even louder.

-twenty two-

"What's wrong? What's the matter?"

At 1:23 AM, Miss M rolled around on his bed in her nightgown: "It's fine if I can't just play with my boss who's been in a relationship, but I can't even have sex with him! I want to have sex! My boss wants to have sex! How can having sex be a bad thing? It's a good thing that can make you forget your worries!"

"...You're noisy. Besides, sex is always a transaction with you, something you only engage in after you've put in the right leverage. It's not something you can just start when you're in a bad mood. Nightlife isn't a cure for worry. And I'm really not in the mood to do that tonight. I need to think."

"I don't need to - I want to do - what are you thinking about? No matter how much you think, Xiao P is still a single dog! Okay, okay, stop thinking and let's roll in the sheets. The boss had a bad day today - I want to roll in the sheets - woo woo -"

“…”

-twenty three-

What exactly does "making love" mean to you? With such a casual invitation in such a tone, is inviting someone of the opposite sex to make love the same as eating bubble gum?

...Who on earth developed this bad habit that made you think you could just get over it? Was it your first love?

Mr. P felt helpless and was also annoyed by the noise.

He decisively refused his boss who had already started rolling around unreasonably and turned over to sleep.

So Mr. P was yelled at by his boss until three in the morning.

…She probably added some more words into her yelling, “Xiao P, are you not okay?”, “Xiao P, you just want to sleep and that’s not okay?”, “Xiao P, why are you being so perfunctory? Do you think we are in the cool-down period of divorce?”, “Xiao P, you are not allowed to dislike your boss and divorce him even in imagination, otherwise your boss will kill you.”, “It’s not the cool-down period, it’s menopause, will the sexual abilities of male undead who have been dead for more than 50 years also decline?”, etc., using the method of provoking him, focusing on attacking his male self-esteem.

But the thing was already in pieces, and Mr. P didn't care.

No matter how strong a male's self-esteem is, he still has to get up early the next day.

Moreover, what is the name of the provocation method used by Miss M, who doesn't use any wrist at all? It might as well be renamed "meowing".

-twenty four-

He was also completely accustomed to her yelling (meowing) and making noises in the middle of the night. As long as Miss M herself was not really hungry or feeling unwell, he would not be affected at all.

As it turned out, Mr. P slept well last night. He opened his eyes and prepared to go to work before the alarm clock rang this morning.

Miss M, who insisted on yelling until three in the morning, had a worrying sleep quality. In the second half of the night, she crawled into his bed, hugged his arm, and pulled his pajamas buttons hatefully. One could tell her hatred for his pajamas buttons from her sleeping posture with her eyes closed and brows furrowed.

She held it so tightly that Mr. P had to cut the button off and give it to her when he got up.

-25-

After getting dressed and making her breakfast, Mr. P went back and tried to wake her up.

Miss M clutched her buttons, closed her eyes, and asked, "Is breakfast ready?"

"It's done."

“Are there any fried eggs?”

"some."

"Is there any millet porridge?"

"some."

"Do you have a salad with carrot slices cut into flower shapes?"

"some."

"Is there a morning cannon?"

"No."

“…”

-26-

So Miss M turned over angrily and gave him an angry and messy slap on the pillow.

"Little P, go die."

"Okay. You can get some sleep. I'm going to work now."

“…”

-27-

Mr. P walked out of his bedroom and was hit on the back by a flying pillow as he stepped out of the door.

-28-

——To sum up, this is why Mr. P was still sitting leisurely in the tea room shaking the ice crusher at eight o'clock in the morning.

The boss will sleep in today, so he can fish for a while and have some fun while preparing his breakfast.

His hobbies always brighten his mood: whether it was playing with an old-fashioned popcorn machine before or playing with an old-fashioned shaved ice machine now.

So, Mr. P is really happy now.

Which morning eater can prepare his breakfast as slowly and fun as he does?

Ms. U: ...I really don't understand the fun of the horror maintenance department.

One is obsessed with killing his subordinates, the other is obsessed with shaking shaved ice. What kind of fun is that?

...Is it interesting for a psychopathic couple to interact with each other?

-29-

"Anyway... well, I won't discuss this with you anymore. Whether you're shaking shaved ice for 'a little bit of emotion' or making these 'squeaky' noises for 'the pursuit of fun'..."

Anyway, I have never understood your weird train of thought.

Ms. U stood up and handed over a ticket. "Here's to you. Remember to get it certified. Every employee who celebrates their fiftieth anniversary needs to get it certified. M was supposed to give it to you, but she's clearly been too busy lately."

Mr. P glanced down.

-30-

"WU-18 ski resort...vacation invitation?"

Ms. U shrugged. "I don't know. It's like the performance review for regular employees. Each employee has a different automatically generated world number. Every employee has to undergo a certification process after the fiftieth anniversary celebration. You'll find out when you get there. It's very simple and only takes about an hour."

Yeah.

"Thank you, senior."

"Please keep this carefully and finish it within three days... Next, there's this."

-31-

Mr. P looked at the second ticket handed to him and did not speak for a long time.

After a while, he looked up and glanced at Miss U silently, then turned around and took the big bowl of shaved ice he had just shaken.

Pour a little coffee liquid on it.

"Senior's coffee. Wake up your brain."

Ms. U: "...Hey! This is a serious matter! I'm seriously going through the system procedures and seriously discussing a serious matter with you! Don't hit me with a big bowl of shaved ice! Don't you know how to respect your seniors at this time?!"

"I'm just handing coffee to my senior. Very respectful."

— What you handed me was a huge bowl of shaved ice with just a little bit of coffee! What a fucking coffee!

-32-

Miss U slammed her hands on the table. "Alright, take it! Do you know how hard it was for me to get up early to catch you, and then choose a time when M wasn't around?"

Mr. P: “…”

Mr. P reached out and held the ticket, pushing it back in front of her.

"You know, I was given this invitation to avoid my boss."

-33-

——It was an invitation to a concert, signed with a pseudonym used by Ms. U when performing a mission and Mr. P’s ID.

There doesn't seem to be anything special.

However, if someone looks closely, they can see that the "Invited Guests" written at the end are listed side by side in the format of a husband and wife.

-34-

Mr. P smiled. "I sincerely suggest that you take back this invitation. I can't possibly carry out this urgent mission of the Love Maintenance Department with you as a couple."

Ms. U: "No... listen to me... this isn't an urgent mission for the Romance Maintenance Department... it's because the Observation Department detected an abnormal horror bug—the subsystem has approved it, and I'm allowed to borrow the Horror Maintenance Department's staff—"

"Then Senior should go through the formalities first, inform my immediate superior, and then go through the borrowing process."

"...You know what will happen if I inform your boss! You know who your boss is, right?"

"This is procedure, senior. Cross-departmental collaboration must be done with caution, and following procedures is necessary."

"Can you - just save her - this background is really complicated, I probably can't handle it - and this mission is also - you're an angel - your boss has been in a relationship, can't you make an exception and fake marry a colleague for a mission?!"

“…”

-35-

Mr. P looked at her and suddenly smiled softly.

"Feel sorry."

——Miss U felt an inexplicable shudder at that moment, and she couldn't help but hug her arms, as if she had just swallowed a big bowl of shaved ice——

"N-Never mind, sorry... I don't need you. I'll go find M to do the marriage mission directly... She can also transform into a male appearance anyway..."

"I will make an exception to help you, senior, don't worry."

Ms. U: Huh.

...Hey, Fei Su agreed, what's going on?