Chapter 148 Am I now putting him in a difficult position again, like the arrow from back then? ...

Even after early spring, the weather in Beijing is still a bit chilly.

This semester, Li Leshan worked on projects with his advisor, participated in various competitions, and took on part-time jobs, making his life increasingly busy. He shuttled between classes, the office, and Qiu Xin's place every day, leaving him little time even to go to the library. Not only was he busy, but Jiang Yueming was also incredibly busy; every time he called, it was almost always past 10 PM before Jiang Yueming answered.

I heard from Jiang Yueming that he rented a house off-campus instead of living in the dormitory. It's close to the hospital, so he can easily go there to check on things when he doesn't have classes.

Every time Li Leshan heard the tired voice on the other end of the phone, his heart ached with a mix of emotions. He didn't know how to help him, and Jiang Yueming wouldn't accept his help either. The prize money from the last competition was eight thousand, and the team members would each receive two thousand four. He tried to transfer it to Jiang Yueming, but the man refused to accept it.

The other end of the screen was pitch black, with no light or shadow visible, so Jiang Yueming's face appeared somewhat blurry and unclear on the screen.

"Why aren't the lights on?" Li Leshan asked in sign language.

A soft laugh came from the other end, followed by Jiang Yueming's light voice, "I stayed up late last night, so I have dark circles under my eyes today. I don't look good. I won't turn on the lights."

Li Leshan didn't really care about whether it looked good or not, as long as it was Jiang Yueming. He was a little worried and continued, "Are you still very busy?"

"It's alright," Jiang Yueming said in a relaxed tone. "It won't be busy after this period."

There aren't many holidays after the Spring Festival, and Qingming Festival is too short, so May Day is one. Li Leshan has already made a plan: he'll spend some time catching up on his tasks so he can find time to see Jiang Yueming during May Day.

“I’ll come see you during the May Day holiday,” Li Leshan said, looking at the dimly lit screen. “I won’t bother you. I just want to… see you.”

Jiang Yueming was silent for a while, seemingly taken aback, before finally speaking, "May Day? It's almost May Day."

Li Leshan nodded, and asked with a hint of concern, "Were you so busy that you forgot the time?"

He had felt the same way when he was preparing for the college entrance examination last year, but that period of time has passed so long that he has almost forgotten about it now.

"No," a soft laugh came from the other end of the phone, perhaps a wry one, "It's just that time flies. I didn't expect it to be so fast; it feels like the last time we met was yesterday."

Li Leshan listened in silence for a while, but why did he feel that time was passing so slowly? It was as if the last time they met was in the last century.

"I'm coming to see you?" Li Leshan asked with a hint of doubt. "Can I come? How many days off do you get?"

"May Day is out of the question." Jiang Yueming replied after a long pause, her voice tinged with apology, "May Day is out of the question, Lele."

“I didn’t want you to come with me,” Li Leshan quickly explained, “I just wanted to see you.”

He didn't need Jiang Yueming to make time for him, nor did he need to go sightseeing or anything like that. As long as he could see Jiang Yueming, hold his hand, or... just look at him, Li Leshan felt that was enough.

He doesn't ask for more.

"I don't want you to travel so far just to see me," Jiang Yueming said urgently. "It's not worth it. Do you know how far it would take?"

Li Leshan's heart sank. He felt the words sounded familiar, as if he had heard them somewhere before. Suddenly, he realized that he had said the same thing to Jiang Yueming sometime in the past. Now, Jiang Yueming was returning the same words to him verbatim.

“I’m willing,” no matter how far it takes, so what? Does it mean only Jiang Yueming can come, but he can’t go? As for how much time it will take, does that really need to be calculated? “I’m willing, I think it’s worth it…”

He had only finished half of his sign language when Li Leshan suddenly stopped. He suddenly remembered the second half of what he had said back then—"I can't take care of you." Thinking about it now, or even back then, it was such a hurtful sentence. He had actually said that to Jiang Yueming back then.

So, does Jiang Yueming think the same way now?

Am I putting him in a difficult position now? A pang of pain welled up in Li Leshan's heart.

"Then what will it take at that time?" Li Leshan slowly gestured with his hand in the air.

Jiang Yueming took a deep breath. Looking at Li Leshan's somewhat helpless eyes, he felt a pang of sadness. "Lele, can you...can you wait a little longer?"

Li Leshan didn't want to make things difficult for him, so he gently stroked Jiang Yueming's face through the screen and forced a smile at the other side of the screen.

The arrow that pierced Jiang Yueming years ago has now pierced Li Leshan again. That's why he can't say anything, he can't ask, he can't demand anything, he can't be unreasonable, because that's what Jiang Yueming did back then. In any case, Jiang Yueming endured it back then.

After that, perhaps because we were busy, or perhaps for some other reason, we somehow became less and less in touch.

Firstly, because the project was nearing its end and he needed to finish up the work, and secondly, thanks to his teacher's recommendation, Li Leshan had taken on another part-time job. This job was relatively easy, involving helping the teachers organize some materials, sitting in the office, and taking shifts.

His roommates teased him, saying he was either on his way to work or to a job every day. It's a good thing the curfew was late, otherwise Li Leshan might not be able to come home every night.

He wanted to save more money to give to Jiang Yueming next time they met, not wanting him to be too tired. Even now, Li Leshan still felt that money was the obstacle in their way. He thought, as long as there's money, everything will be alright; money seems to solve so many problems.

Occasionally, Han Jiang would send him a message to ask how he was doing and what Jiang Yueming had been up to lately.

It's quite interesting, actually. Han Jiang never expected that he would have to ask Jiang Yueming about something through Li Leshan.

Every time Li Leshan sees this, he takes a little time out of his busy life to think about it, and finally sends three words with a sense of helplessness: "I don't know."

I really don't know.

But Li Leshan kept thinking that things would get better after this period of time. How long was this period of time? He didn't know. Jiang Yueming said it would be as long as he wanted, so he didn't ask, because he couldn't control how long this period of time would last.

He often walks around campus, still feeling out of place. Clearly, he's not walking aimlessly; clearly, he has a goal; clearly, he's no different from these people. What exactly separates him from them, Li Leshan doesn't know.

"Leshan...Leshan?"

Li Leshan quickly snapped out of his daze, and somehow a few pages of the account book in his hand had fallen to the ground. Seeing Qiu Xin's worried expression, he quickly bent down to pick up the papers and bowed to her apologetically.

"It's nothing, I was just a little worried because you didn't respond when I called you." Sister Qiuxin noticed the obvious dark circles under his eyes and couldn't help but ask, "Have you been busy lately? Look at those dark circles under your eyes, you haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

Li Leshan rubbed the back of his eyes with the back of his hand, then shook his head.

Deng Qiuxin sighed, patted Li Leshan's shoulder, and gestured for him to sit down. "You kid, I don't know why you work so hard. You're still so young, there's no need to work so hard. You'll have a lot to worry about later. At your age, it's not too much to eat and drink every day. Working too hard is bad for your health. Look, you haven't had any rest."

Actually, it wasn't that he hadn't rested well. Li Leshan looked down at the account book. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't fall asleep. Maybe, as Sister Qiuxin said, he had too many things on his mind, but he clearly hadn't figured anything out.

This feeling hadn't been felt in a long time, but it had returned today. However, Li Leshan couldn't find the source of this feeling. He continued to fill his time every day so that he wouldn't have time to let his mind wander.

“If anything happens, remember to tell your sister, okay?” Sister Qiuxin sat next to him. She had always cared about Li Leshan and treated him like a child. She knew that it wasn’t easy for him to be alone in Beijing. “I will help him with anything I can.”

"Sister, you've already helped me so much." Li Leshan resumed his old ways and wrote on a piece of paper.

Sister Qiuxin was incredibly kind to him. Not only did she let him work here, but she also often brought him meals because she was worried he wasn't eating well. Li Leshan was truly grateful. He felt incredibly lucky; he hadn't really helped or done anything, yet so many people were genuinely kind to him.

He was indeed lucky to have met so many good people. If this is God's way of making amends, then the misfortunes of his youth have been almost entirely compensated for by now.

"Oh dear, let's not talk about that." Sister Qiuxin pretended to be angry. She got up and gave Li Leshan several more earnest instructions, such as not to overwork himself and that taking good care of himself was the most important thing.

Watching Qiu Xin's departing figure, Li Leshan slowly rested his head against the wall behind him, looked up at the ceiling, and slowly closed his slightly sore eyes.

For some reason, I haven't been able to sleep lately, even after taking medication. Lying on my bed in the dorm with my eyes closed, my mind is unusually clear.

Of course, he didn't know that thousands of miles away, there was another boy just like him, tossing and turning on his hard bed, unable to sleep.

-----------------------

Author's Note: I haven't been able to find time to revise the text in the mornings lately, so I'm changing the update time to 12:00.

The time of 9 PM remains unchanged.

Have you noticed a touch of sadness in the recent chapters...? (If it's there, type "there is"; if it's not, type "there is" too (not because I'm pitiful; if it's not there, type "not pitiful").