Chapter 167 Don't Accept Your Fate "Don't accept your fate. If you don't, so do I."...

“I was wrong…” Li Leshan’s eyes filled with tears, and in the blink of an eye, the tears involuntarily fell to the ground. “I was wrong.”

He was really wrong. He arrogantly thought that his choice was correct, and he thought that was the only way to be good for Jiang Yueming. But it was Jiang Yueming's life, and he could not and should not make the decision for her.

Now that things have come to this, I really have hurt you terribly. Li Leshan felt somewhat dazed, still feeling that everything was so good, so unreal.

He had considered many reasons, for what reason, and for what purpose, but the answer he was hearing now was one he had never expected before.

He never imagined that while he was watching the falling leaves in Beijing, Jiang Yueming was huddled in his rented room doing his homework; when he came out of the library and saw the last rays of the setting sun, Jiang Yueming looked up and saw a sky covered by protective netting.

Li Leshan had experienced those days firsthand, and he was fortunate enough to climb out of that abyss. But he didn't know that Jiang Yueming had also fallen into that abyss. The root of it all was himself.

Li Leshan looked up at the sky, his eyes somewhat vacant. If all the things he had experienced so far were mistakes from his past life, and he had to pay the price in this one, then he accepted it. But he truly didn't understand why Jiang Yueming had to be involved, why she had to be dragged into this mess. What exactly did Jiang Yueming have to do with his fate, his misfortune?

"I've really ruined you." Li Leshan thought to himself, feeling like he was destined for hell. Why was it that the more he tried to protect someone, the more deeply he hurt them? Why couldn't he protect anyone he wanted to protect?

"I was wrong..." Li Leshan didn't know what else he could do besides admitting his mistake. He could only keep saying "I was wrong." Maybe it was wrong from the very beginning, wrong from the first moment he saw Jiang Yueming. Maybe, just maybe, their acquaintance was a mistake.

If his existence was destined to bring only misfortune to Jiang Yueming, then he should have stayed as far away as possible. He should have realized this long ago, but he... just couldn't bear to part with him. He really couldn't bear to part with him.

“I’ve ruined you…” Li Leshan’s hands trembled. He couldn’t say some of the words, which were stuck in his throat. He couldn’t express them with sign language either. He racked his brains but didn’t know how to express himself. He could only hate himself for not being able to speak.

“No, that’s not true,” Jiang Yueming squeezed his hand. “He didn’t harm me, and he didn’t wrong me. I chose this path myself, and I accept it.”

It can only be said that he was too naive, believing that all his efforts would be rewarded, and that luck would smile upon him a second time. Little did he know that the exceptional performance he achieved in his first year was already the greatest gift fate could give him, which he failed to seize, choosing instead to try again next year. He has no one to blame but himself for how he has ended up where he is today. And he doesn't blame anyone.

He never expected that he would run into Li Leshan again when he returned to Shengping. He thought that the time he saw him at the train station was the last time he would see him. He thought he would stay in Beijing or some other big city. He thought he would definitely stay there.

Until one day, Lin Cuiqin told him, "The Lijiang Bridge is going to be demolished. Do you want to go back to Shengping to take a look?" Jiang Yueming's long-buried memories resurfaced. Forgetting is really difficult, so he forcefully suppressed all the memories with Li Leshan in his heart, waiting for an opportunity to break through.

When he said he would "come back and hug the stone of Lijiang Bridge," he actually just wanted to come back and see this place again, the place he had walked side by side with Li Leshan countless times. Perhaps by taking one last look, he would gradually let go of his resentment.

The places they visited and explored together over the years are about to disappear, just like them, slowly fading from each other's memories.

“You can’t admit it,” Li Leshan looked at him, “It was my fault…it was all my fault.”

Looking back, Li Leshan realized he was completely wrong about everything he could think of. "I dragged you into my family affairs, made you bear things that you shouldn't have to bear... and made you stay in the south to go to university. It was all my fault."

"Being with me, being with me back then, was a mistake..." Li Leshan couldn't imagine what Jiang Yueming would be like today without him. He wouldn't have so many burdens, he wouldn't have so many worries, he would definitely be very happy. Getting to this point today, to this situation, is all his fault.

"Lele, Lele," Jiang Yueming pressed his shoulder, unsure of what else to say. He seemed convinced that it was all his fault. "Don't say that, please don't say that..."

If we have to say who's at fault, perhaps they're both at fault, or rather, they are both indeed at fault. Sometimes, when you hide things from me and I hide things from you, the end result is often a lose-lose situation.

But can you say they shouldn't have kept it a secret? No, keeping it a secret was the best, and also the only, option they had at the time.

For them, who were seventeen or eighteen at the time, many things were too sensitive to be announced to the world. They always felt they should shoulder everything themselves, forgetting just how much weight their shoulders could bear.

After saying so much and crying for so long, Jiang Yueming had no strength left. He felt a sharp pain in his head, and the figures in front of him became increasingly blurry. He leaned on Li Leshan's shoulder and slowly closed his sore eyes.

Li Leshan put his arm around his shoulder and leaned closer to him, finally smelling the alcohol. Maybe Jiang Yueming would forget everything that happened here tomorrow. It would be good if he forgot; if he forgot, wouldn't it hurt less?

He carefully carried Jiang Yueming on his back, holding his legs tightly with both hands to prevent him from falling.

He'd lost weight compared to before. Even though it had been a long time since he'd carried Jiang Yueming like this, a long time since he'd properly looked at him, now that all of Jiang Yueming's weight was on him, he could truly feel it.

He must have had a very hard time these past few years. As he walked, Li Leshan couldn't help but shed tears again. He had no hands to wipe them away, so he could only let the tears slide down his cheeks and blur his vision.

The third alley was very close to his home, and since it was getting late, he had no choice but to take Jiang Yueming home first. Li Leshan stood at the entrance of the building, looking at the steps in front of him, and remembered what Jiang Yueming had just said.

He could only use crutches to go up and down five floors. It was such a high floor. I can't imagine how he got up there, and how much pain he must have been in. Li Leshan couldn't imagine his suffering or his pain. He only remembered that Jiang Yueming grinned and told him, "It doesn't hurt at all," and he also remembered that Jiang Yueming cried out in pain because he saw the scars on his arm.

Li Leshan looked up at the sky, suppressing the tears that were about to well up. He lifted Jiang Yueming up a little and walked up step by step. With each step, he thought of Jiang Yueming climbing the stairs in that situation, and of his smiling face when he forced himself to say "it doesn't hurt." He couldn't think any further.

Sometimes I really don't understand, I don't understand what fate is trying to do, what it wants to make them into before it stops tormenting them. Li Leshan used to not believe in fate; he wanted to fight for his own way out and build his own future. Later, he came to believe, and realized that some people's fate really is not in their own hands; that so-called fate can turn their world upside down with a mere wave of its hand.

So, were his encounters, separations, and reunions with Jiang Yueming all due to fate? Because fate wanted them to be this way, that's how they became? And now, what does fate want from them? What kind of people does it want them to become before it will be satisfied?

Is it interesting to watch them live and die like this? Sweat and tears dripped from Li Leshan's face onto the ground. His Adam's apple bobbed, and his vision gradually cleared.

"I don't believe it anymore," Li Leshan thought. He no longer believed in this so-called fate. Meeting Jiang Yueming alone couldn't be fate, because his own fate wasn't that good.

Why can't he hold his own destiny in his own hands? Why must his life drift in the storms of life? Why is his life so uncertain and uncertain? If he must fight against fate, then so be it. Even if it leads to mutual destruction, even if it results in bloodshed, even if he has to swallow his tears and grit his teeth... this time, he will firmly grasp his destiny in his own hands.

Sweat dripped from Li Leshan's forehead and down his eyes. He stepped onto the last step, but his heart was unusually calm.

If time could turn back a few years, Li Leshan would like to say something to his past self who was contemplating suicide. He would want to hold his trembling shoulders and tell him, "Don't accept your fate. If you don't accept it, neither do I."