Chapter Forty-Three

Xu Weiwei's eyes lit up, and she said, "Is there any need to ask? Of course, it's the power of love. You know, love can conquer all. There is only one miracle in the world, and that is love."

Don't underestimate love. Fate is so wonderful. If you are destined to belong to that person and that person belongs to you, you will eventually meet and fall in love.

I had already told myself that I would never ship any couples again, and that I shouldn't waste my emotions, time, and energy. But after hearing your touching true story, I've started shipping them again.

All I can say is that I broke my vow once again, but it's okay, it's normal. I think following my heart is more important.

Sometimes living too rigidly can be quite boring. Besides, I'm very principled about things that I absolutely cannot go against.

As for the other minor things, I won't be so strict. Just like a teacher, when standing on the podium, you can see the students' behavior very clearly. It's easy to tell who is listening attentively and who isn't.

Actually, I think one downside is that responsible teachers are often exhausted both physically and mentally from overwork, while teachers who don't manage things much live comfortably and are very popular with students.

Although teachers are supposed to educate and nurture students, in reality, most people are in control of their own lives. I've encountered both terrible and exceptionally good teachers.

The former received his just deserts later on, but had lived a comfortable life in the beginning. However, the latter, as far as I know, seems to have had a much harder time.

I want to say that sometimes, having something briefly feels like a blessing. I actually hope the latter can have more of this kind of happiness, but reality often doesn't work that way.

However, sometimes, many things are hard to explain. For example, I am already quite wealthy now, much wealthier than most people.

Do you know? I haven't had a job since we broke up. My job, as you know, is as a live streamer, or more accurately, a mukbang streamer.

But I was in a bad mood, so I didn't want to work. But there are many people in this world who have no choice but to work in order to earn money to support their families, and they don't have a chance to stop.

But I have it. Compared to these people, I am so much luckier, but so what? I am still unhappy, and I am still living a very painful life.

Because I didn't get what I wanted. Can money buy happiness? At least in my opinion, sometimes it can't. I actually have a lot of money, but I don't want to spend it; I only maintain the most basic expenses.

I have no desires. I don't want to buy new clothes or new bags. I don't want to buy anything at all. So, what meaning does money really have for me? It's just enough to survive.

I don't have that kind of investment mindset. For example, many people use money to buy funds and stocks, thinking that money will make money. I don't do that. I just let it sit and collect some interest.

In my opinion, I already have enough money to live on for the rest of my life, but I haven't given up on being a food vlogger. When I eat something delicious, I still want to share it with everyone.

I'm lucky to have stood out from countless food vloggers and gained popularity. Many people who do food vlogging don't make money, or even lose money, but I'm different; I've made some money.

All of this is thanks to the support of the viewers who are willing to watch my live streams. I'm just a food streamer, which is also part of the service industry. What I provide is emotional value, and it has to be positive.

Did you know? Actually, one of the reasons I chose not to do live streams for so long was that I couldn't provide positive emotional value anymore. No matter how delicious the food was, I couldn't feel happy. It tasted bland because I was in such a bad mood.

If I force myself to continue live streaming, wouldn't that just be providing negative energy to the viewers who once admired me? I know they might tolerate it at first, but they definitely won't be able to tolerate it later and will leave.

After all, nobody is a fool; everyone is quite intelligent. If someone endlessly drains your energy, you will eventually realize it and leave. It's like when a couple breaks up. If it's the one who is endlessly pampered who initiates the breakup, the one who pampers is often the one who won't look back. The pampered person will regret it, try to hold on, and feel remorse.

In the realm of love and being loved, it's actually better to give love. Constantly taking might start well, but it will inevitably lead to hurt in the end. It's like a leaky plug; you want to fill it with water, but the water will always leak out, and no matter how much you try to fill it, it won't help.

The beauty you experience in a relationship is like this water; you feel it, but you can't hold onto it. It's real; you see it with your own eyes and are fortunate enough to have it, but sadly, you can't keep it.

That's how life is; there will be times when you're unhappy. Of course, I hope I can always be happy, but I can't. I'm just an ordinary person.

You said you contacted me first, but I didn't reply, and you were unhappy about that. But what's the big deal? I don't know why you're so bothered by it.

If it were me, and I contacted you and you rejected me, I wouldn't mind. I would assume you probably have your own things to do, and there must be a legitimate reason.

To be honest, I still don't consider you a friend. And when you say you're unilaterally establishing a friendship with me, I don't think it's a good thing. In fact, I feel a little pressured.

I always feel like I've let you down. Sincerity should be treated well. I understand that most people in this world are casual about making friends and don't set such high standards.

But I might actually have a problem. I don't really want to build ordinary emotional relationships with others. Once I do, it has to be deep and lifelong.

I'll start casually and end casually. It's just an experiment. How will I know if it's good or bad if I don't try? Even if it's not good, if I liked it at the beginning, I'll stick with it to the end.

I don't like the feeling of fighting against the whole world, and I'm not a rebellious person, but for my loved one, I can be brave enough to fight, persevere to the end, and never give up.

Of course, I'm not saying this to whitewash myself; I just want to say that I probably won't change myself because of your complaints.

This isn't a test of compliance; I simply don't want to. I know perfectly well what you want, but I'm not giving it to you. Don't misunderstand; I didn't mean it that way.

You really can stop having any expectations of me. I probably will never be good friends with you in this lifetime, because in my opinion, friendship and love are both very important.

I will only let my future lover become my best friend. If you really consider me a good friend, then I absolutely cannot give you the same status. That would be extremely unfair to you. So, I want to make that clear to you from the beginning.

Besides, chatting doesn't really prove anything. Just like I've chatted with many other people besides you. And, as you know, I do mukbang (eating broadcasts).

Does being a mukbang streamer mean you just bury your head in eating and don't interact with the audience? Of course not. There's a lot of interaction. I've basically talked to many people whose real names I don't even know.

In my opinion, chatting is really too commonplace. I can even communicate with haters and people who deliberately pick on me. It's just playing around with haters.

I find this amusing, just a little teasing. After all, it's all over the internet. Many people are domineering in the online world, but in real life they are still timid and submissive.

However, it's understandable that people who are miserable in real life seek a sense of existence in the online world, especially those who are very happy in real life.

If you get insulted while playing games, you'll feel uncomfortable too. Eventually, you'll be assimilated and become a troll, criticizing everyone. Essentially, you've been influenced by your environment.

If you enter a terrible environment with a lot of hostility, even the most good-tempered person will explode and will not be able to tolerate it indefinitely.

I think one of my problems is that I always have unrealistic fantasies about love, and I have very high standards. For example, if I have a lover and I go to see my lover with a group of people, and my lover doesn't choose me as the first person to go to, would I think that this person truly loves me?

But sometimes, I've also seen many of my partner's loving gestures towards me, the details of which are very touching. There are both expressions of love and indifference. And I'm a bit neurotic, sometimes I feel sorry for my partner, and sometimes I laugh at them. If something happens to my partner, I'll treat it as a joke and gloat.

So-called love isn't really pure; it's full of impurities. What's the point of it then? Relationships between people are the same.

I'm actually very scared. If I really fall in love and end up like this, I'll feel incredibly disgusted.

I am someone who is particularly prone to internal conflict and overthinking; I am very sensitive. In fact, although I have never been in a relationship, I know that I would definitely not be good at it.

Sometimes I might not tell the truth. I might say no, or I might lie. I don't know why, that's just how I am.

Even though I know it's wrong, I can't control it. My heart is filled with anxiety, and I feel that my lover might change his mind and doubt his sincerity.

I want to do something and get it done immediately. How could that be achieved so easily? That's definitely impossible. I'm always like that, harboring unrealistic fantasies.

Maybe I'll still be the one who always believes in true love. In my next life, I don't want to be human; I want to be a wolf, or even a tree. I don't think being human is happy; it's too disloyal.