Echoes of the Abyss

Shi Xu sat in the passenger seat, the scenery outside the window rushing past, a suffocating silence filling the car. This silence was a familiar battlefield, where he had lost too many times, each time accompanied by a deeper despair.

Mr. Shi drove intently, passing several red lights, before speaking in a deep voice, his tone revealing neither joy nor anger: "That girl, is she the one who recently moved in next door?"

Shi Xu stared straight ahead, his voice completely flat: "Hmm." He was employing a strategy of minimizing his response to avoid triggering deeper questioning.

"I heard your results were pretty good, and you even participated in the competition?" Father Shi's tone was casual, but every word carried the weight of precise investigation. This indicated that Yunxi had officially entered his "monitoring list," and the danger level had been raised.

Shixu's fingertips curled slightly, and her tone grew colder: "You investigated her?" She asked knowingly, in order to confirm the level of threat.

"I'm only concerned about the people you associate with." Shi's father's voice deepened. "Shixu, you should know what's most important to you right now. Competitions, the college entrance exam, your aunt and I have planned everything for you. Don't let unimportant people distract you." The word "planning" was synonymous with "preordained tragedy" in Shixu's mind. The path her father had planned was one without any clear path, leading to destruction.

The word "Auntie" pierced Shi Xu's heart like a needle. His face turned pale instantly, and his lips pressed into a cold, straight line. This title represented the replacement of his mother's position, and also represented his father's complete denial of his true feelings.

“She’s not an insignificant person,” he said, each word distinct, his voice laced with suppressed anger and a deep-seated pain. This was a challenge to his father’s “plan,” an attempt to secure a “legitimate” place for Yunxi in his world.

"Oh?" Father Shi raised an eyebrow, his tone tinged with sarcasm. "What is that? Childhood playmate? Just because of that ridiculous 'life-saving grace' by the river back then, you still can't forget it? Shi Xu, when did you become so emotional?" "Emotional" was the unified label his father used for all his rebellious behavior, and also the cruelest blasphemy against his motivation for reincarnation.

"Squeak—!"

The screeching sound of brakes rang out.

Father Shi abruptly pulled the car over to the side of the road, turned around, and stared at Shi Xu with a sharp, piercing gaze: "Haven't you learned enough from your mother's death? Emotions are the most useless and uncontrollable thing in the world! They will only become your weakness, your burden!" Father Shi precisely used the most lethal weapon—his mother's death. In the past, this would have been a fatal blow that could have driven him to a mental breakdown.

"Don't mention my mother!" Shi Xu suddenly turned his head, his bloodshot eyes churning with long-suppressed pain and anger, like a raging young beast. "You have no right to mention her!" His mother's death was the root of all his actions, an unhealable wound. Mentioning his father was like tearing open a scab and rubbing salt into it.

The air inside the carriage seemed to be ignited.

Shi's father was stung by the undisguised hatred in his eyes, and his face darkened further. However, he quickly regained his usual calm and domineering demeanor: "I'm your father! If I don't care about you, who will? Do you think I don't know about your underhanded dealings? Hiring people to investigate their family's activities, scheming to move next to your grandmother's old house... Shi Xu, you've disappointed me so much! You've wasted your time and energy on such meaningless things!" His father contemptuously labeled his tragic efforts across reincarnation as "underhanded dealings" and "waste." This almost negated the entire meaning of his existence.

So he knew all along.

Looking at his father's cold face, Shi Xu's heart sank deeper and deeper into an icy abyss. All his efforts, the secrets he had so carefully guarded, and his obsessions, were nothing but "meaningless things" and "emotional whims" in his father's eyes. This denial was more devastating than any concrete punishment. It shook the tiny bit of confidence he had just built up in the fifty-third inning.

A profound sense of powerlessness and sorrow gripped him. If even this final attempt was "meaningless," then what were his fifty-three reincarnations? A long, self-directed farce?

He suddenly felt incredibly tired, so exhausted he didn't even have the energy to argue. He turned back to look at the rapidly passing street scene outside the window, his voice becoming hollow and hoarse:

"Are you done talking? If you are, take me back." He activated his final defense mechanism—complete emotional isolation. Shutting himself off was the only way to avoid a complete breakdown in the here and now.

Seeing his son's unyielding and completely closed-off attitude, Mr. Shi's chest heaved violently a few times. In the end, he could only let out a heavy snort and start the car again.

They remained silent the rest of the way.

Back home, Shi Xu went straight upstairs and slammed the door shut. He slid down to the floor, burying his face in his knees. The familiar feeling of despair enveloped him once more. His father's interrogations, each time, precisely brought him back to reality—the loser who, no matter how many times, could not change his fate.

His father's words echoed in his mind like a spell.

"Acting on emotions..."

"weakness……"

"drag……"

"ridiculous……"

"It's meaningless..."

Every word was like a poisoned whip, lashing at his sensitive and fragile nerves. All the negative emotions he had forcibly suppressed—the loneliness after his mother's death, the helplessness of being forcibly taken away from familiar surroundings, the alienation from his father and new family—surged back at this moment. Even more terrifying was that his father's words resonated fatally with the self-doubt that followed his failed reincarnation.

He thought he had found light, grasped salvation. But his father's words cruelly reminded him that he was unworthy, that he would only drag those he cared about into the mire, just like... he had failed to keep his mother. The word "burden" struck at his deepest fear. He feared that Cloud Gap's final fate would be like his mother's, dying because of him.

A profound sense of self-loathing, like an icy tide, completely overwhelmed him.

Just then, his phone screen lit up. It was a message from Yunxi.

"I'm home. How are things on your end?"

Following this was a rabbit emoji cautiously peeking out.

Looking at that expression, Shi Xu felt a sharp, piercing pain in his heart, as if something had ripped it out. He reached out a finger, wanting to reply, wanting to tell her he wasn't okay, that he missed her terribly… but his fingertip hovered above the screen, unable to press the button. He was afraid. Afraid that his despair would taint her purity, afraid that his response would become a chain pulling her into the abyss. His father's words shrieked in his ears: You will drag her down!

His father's cold words rang out again.

How could someone like him possibly get involved with someone as pure and warm as her?

Does he deserve it?

The immense pain and struggle nearly tore him apart. He slammed his phone screen onto the floor with a dull thud. He buried his head deeper, his shoulders trembling uncontrollably. He was fighting against his instincts, against his desire to be with her even across lifetimes. He was severing the only lifeline he had ever held.

Outside the door, Aunt Li knocked worriedly: "Xiaoya? Are you alright? Dinner is ready..."

"I won't eat!" he growled, his voice hoarse and irritable. He needed absolute solitude to process this self-denial that was almost destroying him.

There was a moment of silence outside the door, followed by Aunt Li's helpless sigh, and then the sound of footsteps gradually faded away.

The room fell silent again, with only his suppressed and heavy breathing as the only sound.

Meanwhile, Yunxi stared at the unanswered chat window, her worry growing stronger. She knew Shixu; unless the situation was extremely dire, he wouldn't ignore her messages.

She thought for a moment, then sent another message:

"Timeline, no matter what happens, remember what I said. I am here."

She didn't know if he would see it, but she had to let him know that she was always there. This message was like a probe plunged into the deep sea, trying to locate the heart that was constantly sinking.

As night deepened, separated by a wall, both hearts endured unseen torment. A war without gunfire was raging between father and son, and also fiercely unfolding within Shi Xu's own heart. This internal battle, however, was far more devastating than any external conflict. He was waging a desperate struggle against the shadow of his fiftieth lifetime of failure, and against the virus code implanted by his father, code called "You Don't Deserve It."

The outcome of this war will directly impact the fragile future he and Yunxi have just established. It will also determine whether this fiftieth round will lead to another cycle of despair or a miraculous escape.