Volume 8 separated

Fang Hui said, "When we were young, we always liked to do things that hurt each other. In the end, we were both desperate because we knew that the only option that could save each other was to separate."

(1)

The unpredictable conversation between Chen Xun and Lin Jiamo made him truly feel the hidden throbbing in his heart, but what came with it was not the excitement that should have been there, but a slight pain.

Chen Xun said that his heart may have foreseen the outcome from the very beginning, but he did not realize it, and in the end, that most tender part of him felt the pain of being completely stripped away.

Because of Lin Jiamo's words, Chen Xun deliberately kept his distance from Shen Xiaotang, but once his heart was open, it was hard to avoid her. Unconsciously, Shen Xiaotang had already drawn her own territory in his heart, so when that lovely girl waved to him, he still couldn't help but go to greet her.

That day was the school's club orientation. Shen Xiaotang was wandering through the crowd with Wang Senzhao, looking hesitant. Chen Xun saw them from afar, felt a little uneasy, walked up to them, patted her on the shoulder, and said, "Hey! What did you sign up for?"

Shen Xiaotang turned around and saw Chen Xun. Her face brightened immediately. She smiled and said, "I was just wondering whether to apply to the instrumental music club or the drama troupe!" Then, remembering something, she frowned and said, "I sent you a text message yesterday, and you said you didn't have time to come over."

"Just finished." Chen Xun looked at her, feeling a warmth in his heart, and said, "Let me see it."

Chen Xun reached out and took the flyer from Shen Xiaotang's hand, glanced at it a few times, and said, "You sign up for the drama club, I'll sign up for the instrumental music club. If you get tired of that tomorrow, come and hang out with me!"

"Alright, alright! She was just trying to get me to sign up for that drama troupe thing, what are grown men doing acting in that stuff!" Wang Senzhao said with a sigh of relief. "It's settled then, I have to go get a job, you two go ahead!"

"I don't want to hang out with him!" Shen Xiaotang said with a snort.

Chen Xun smiled and said, "Go ahead, boss! And bring me some twice-cooked pork back tonight!"

Wang Senzhao nodded, turned and left, but Shen Xiaotang still pouted and said, "All you ever think about is eating."

"What did I do to offend you?" Chen Xun asked her with interest.

"No!" Shen Xiaotang said, twisting her fingers.

"Since you don't have any, let's go to the study room together later! Then we can have lunch together!" Chen Xun saw her smiling face and became happy too, adding, "I'll treat you to a Cornetto too!"

"You said it! Okay!" Shen Xiaotang stopped being awkward and happily walked ahead.

The two went to the study room first, found a quiet corner, placed two college English textbooks to reserve seats, then went to the cafeteria for lunch, and returned to the study room to read and chat. While they were practicing vocabulary together, Chen Xun's phone rang. He frowned, went out, and returned hurriedly a short while later.

"What's wrong? Is something the matter again?" Shen Xiaotang asked, puzzled.

"Yes, this is a big deal," Chen Xun sighed.

Shen Xiaotang anxiously grabbed him and said, "What happened? Don't scare me!"

"Are you so nervous because you're worried about me?" Chen Xun felt pleased by her expression and couldn't help but tease her.

"Dream on!" Shen Xiaotang said angrily, her face flushed.

"Seriously, my childhood friend is in some trouble. Do you have any money on you? I need it urgently," Chen Xun said with a pained expression, no longer joking.

"I don't have much money on me, but I have some in my dorm. Is a little over a hundred enough?" Shen Xiaotang asked, rummaging through her pockets.

"Not enough... I only have a hundred." Chen Xun shook his head.

"What's wrong? How much money do you need? I'll go back and borrow some from my roommates."

"No need, if anyone's going to borrow, it'll be me. I definitely can't lend the boss's money. That bastard Song Ning probably doesn't even have ten yuan left. He's ridiculously stingy... Kuang Qiang should have money! I'll go find him!" Chen Xun stood up and said, "My childhood friend's girlfriend, who's also my childhood friend, she... is pregnant. An abortion will cost at least seven or eight hundred, right? I'll go upstairs now to borrow the money and bring it to them tonight. I can't stay with you!"

"Oh..." Shen Xiaotang gasped upon hearing the word "pregnant," nodded, and said, "Call me if anything happens!"

Chen Xun scraped together four hundred yuan and went to meet them downstairs at Yang Qing's house in Dewai. Wu Tingting had already arrived. She hugged Yang Qing, who was crying softly. Sun Tao stood to the side, smoking one cigarette after another in frustration.

"Hey, how could you be so careless? Didn't you claim you'd use your left hand for the test strip and your right hand for the glove, and that you'd use both hands to make sure both are strong?" Chen Xun looked at Yang Qing and said reproachfully.

"Do you think I wanted this? We just watched 'Sex Is Zero' and wanted to try to imitate it, but it went wrong... It's all your fault! You didn't come with us during the National Day holiday! Otherwise, this might not have happened!" Sun Tao said with a worried look.

"Damn it! You can blame me for everything else! But you can't blame me for this! I took four hundred, and it might not be enough." Chen Xun took out some money and handed it to him, saying, "How much do you have?"

“I’m completely broke! Yang Qing and I have thrown all our money away at that stall at the zoo, and we haven’t even gotten it back yet! Hai Bing is away on a business trip, and Tingting just gave all her money to Bai Feng’s grandpa a while ago… Damn it, what bad luck!” Sun Tao said, throwing his cigarette butt on the ground.

"Approximately how much?"

"Just the pregnancy test, urine test, blood test, ultrasound, and some antibiotics cost 180 yuan. The hospital is outrageously expensive! Who knows how much more will come in later? I estimate it will be close to a thousand." Sun Tao rubbed his hands and said, "Hey, isn't Fang Hui's family quite wealthy? Could we borrow some money from her?"

“She…” Chen Xun paused and said, “I don’t want to borrow money from her. You hang in there, I’ll think of something else!”

"What's wrong with you guys? Didn't Tingting get better after she said it last time? Why can't she pry it open?" Sun Tao asked, puzzled.

"No, it's just that I can't break it myself..." Chen Xun looked up and said somewhat blankly, "Okay, let's not talk about this. Can you try to comfort Yang Qing? She's been crying ever since I arrived, and it's been almost half a day now?"

“Oh dear, I don’t even dare to talk to her now. You know, she’s always been timid and afraid of pain since she was little. This time she hates me to death…” Sun Tao said, lowering his head. “To be honest, she’s really suffered since she’s been with me.”

Chen Xun patted his shoulder, put his arm around him and walked to Yang Qing's side. Yang Qing glared at Sun Tao, turned her back in a huff, and sat on the stone platform next to him.

Sun Tao quickly went over and pulled her away, saying, "Don't sit here! It's cold! What if you catch a cold?"

"You only care about me now, where were you before? You only cared about your own comfort while you were doing it, what good is it to be anxious afterwards?"

Yang Qing cried angrily, "What if I get sick? No problem! Just abort the child, and we'll save hundreds of yuan at the hospital!"

Sun Tao stood awkwardly to the side. Wu Tingting shook her head slightly at him, then went over and helped Yang Qing up, saying, "Saying these spiteful things now won't solve anything. Sitting like this is really bad for your health. Do you think miscarriage is something you can just do whenever you want? It'll be troublesome if it becomes a habitual miscarriage! Don't make things harder for yourself!"

"Then what do you suggest? How about a medical abortion? It's cheaper," Yang Qing said, taking a deep breath.

"No way! Can you even handle a medical abortion yourself? What if there's heavy bleeding? What if it doesn't come out completely? Stop overthinking it. There are so many of us here, we'll figure something out!"

“That’s right! Sun Tao, which day are you going to the hospital?” Chen Xun asked.

"The anti-inflammatory treatment will take at least three days, and I estimate I'll have to book an appointment for next Tuesday," Sun Tao said, counting down the days.

"Okay, don't worry, I'll go back and think of something." Chen Xun nodded and said.

"Yes, I'll help too. You two can relax, it's not a big deal!" Wu Tingting said reassuringly.

Chen Xun had to go back to school, and Wu Tingting was staying at Yang Qing's house that night, so he stayed with her a little longer. Before Chen Xun left, Yang Qing grabbed him, her eyes red, and whispered, "Thank you..."

Chen Xun felt a pang of pain in his heart. Yang Qing's haggard face under the moonlight was completely different from the little girl he remembered who had always laughed and played with them. He looked at Sun Tao, who was standing there looking exhausted, and then at Wu Tingting, who looked like she had been reborn after all the hardships. Chen Xun suddenly realized that they had indeed grown up and had slowly walked a long way.

After returning to school, Chen Xun still didn't borrow money from Fang Hui. Instead, he found Shen Xiaotang and recounted their childhood stories to her in detail. Shen Xiaotang was deeply moved and resolutely took out all the cash she had on her, saying that she absolutely had to help them.

Chen Xun skipped class on Tuesday, and Wu Tingting and the others waited at the hospital entrance early. Sun Tao was anxious about Yang Qing's situation and queued up to register. Yang Qing stood silently to the side without saying a word to him.

Chen Xun was already experienced in going to the gynecology clinic. He and Sun Tao waited at the door while Wu Tingting accompanied Yang Qing inside for her appointment. When filling out the form, Yang Qing made up a name on the spot, and the doctor, perhaps used to it, didn't care at all.

When the doctor asked if she wanted anesthesia, Yang Qing hesitated. Inhaling that kind of gas would cost 150 yuan, and they didn't have much money left.

Yang Qing asked the doctor in a trembling voice, "Does it hurt a lot?"

The doctor glanced at her and said, "How can it not hurt when a piece of flesh is torn off your body? The first abortion requires dilation of the cervix, so it's bound to hurt. Since you've gone ahead with it, you should have been prepared for the pain!"

Yang Qing's face turned deathly pale with shame and indignation, while Wu Tingting said without hesitation, "Yes! You drive it!"

Only Yang Qing could go into the innermost operating room. She meekly listened to the nurses' instructions and put on her gown and shoe covers. Wu Tingting, watching from outside, couldn't see clearly, but felt Yang Qing looked exceptionally pitiful. After a while, Yang Qing came out. Her legs were unsteady, forcing her to walk with her legs apart. The women sitting on the chairs on either side looked at her with sympathy, and Wu Tingting quickly went to support her.

Wu Tingting asked in a low voice, "Can we walk?"

Yang Qing gritted her teeth and said yes, but tears streamed down her cheeks. Wu Tingting felt heartbroken watching this, and her eyes also reddened.

As they exited the gynecology department, Chen Xun and Sun Tao greeted them. Sun Tao quickly draped a coat over Yang Qing's shoulders, but Yang Qing didn't even glance at him. The group felt heavy-hearted. Outside, they discussed how to get home, but after paying for the surgery, anesthesia, and medication, they only had a little over ten yuan left, not even enough for a taxi, so they had to take the bus home.

The bus was packed, there were no seats, and they had to stand; there wasn't even anywhere to hold on. Sun Tao looked into Yang Qing's empty eyes, and his heart ached as if stabbed by needles. He pushed his way through the crowd to a seat, his eyes red, and repeatedly cried out, "My girlfriend is sick, she really can't stand. Could any kind uncle, aunt, brother, or sister please give her a seat? Thank you everyone, please give her a seat!"

After saying these words, both Sun Tao and Yang Qing burst into tears. A middle-aged woman stood up, and Sun Tao bowed to her and helped Yang Qing sit down.

Chen Xun and the others were heartbroken to see this. Wu Tingting gripped the handlebars tightly, unable to hold back her tears. Chen Xun gently patted her back, which calmed her down a little.

Several people escorted Yang Qing home. As soon as she settled into bed, she whispered a few words.

"Sun Tao, let's break up."

Chen Xun and the others were stunned. Sun Tao was also stunned for a moment, but then said as if he hadn't heard anything, "I'll go and boil some milk for you."

"Sun Tao, I'm not joking, let's break up," Yang Qing said, choking back tears.

"Is there still milk in the refrigerator?"

"I said break up!" Yang Qing shouted. "Sun Tao, we really can't be together anymore! We can't be together! I originally wanted to spend my life with you. You're not as hardworking as Hai Bing, not as smart as Chen Xun, but that doesn't matter. I didn't want you to make money or become rich; I just wanted us to live a good life together. I didn't care what my mom said about you being useless. But now I realize, it won't work, it simply won't work! Reality is too cruel. I'm pregnant, and you can't even afford an abortion. How can I live with you? Love alone isn't enough in this world. You can't even support yourself, how can you support me? How can you support a family? Forget it, love is too complicated. We can't afford this..."

Sun Tao sniffled as he walked over. He grabbed Yang Qing's hand and said, "Qing'er, I know I'm useless. I don't try to work hard, but I dream of getting rich every day. You always complain about wanting to eat at Pizza Hut, but I always refuse to take you. Yet, to save face, I go out and eat and drink with other people, lying that they're paying. I always give you change to get bigger bills, but you... you had an abortion for me, and I can only let you take the bus home. I'm not a man! Qing'er, it's my fault. You can hit me, yell at me, dump me, I don't blame you. But I love you. Wait for me. When I'm ready to play the field, I'll definitely come back to you! I will never let you go! Now, can you let me do something for you one last time? Let me finish heating up the milk before we break up. You're weak right now, you need to nourish yourself..."

Yang Qing buried her face in the blanket and sobbed uncontrollably. Sun Tao stood up and walked towards the kitchen. Chen Xun wanted to follow him, but he waved his hand. Wu Tingting walked to Yang Qing's side and hugged her tightly. Neither of them could say a word; they just cried together.

Sun Tao left after heating up the milk. Wu Tingting stayed to keep Yang Qing company that night. Chen Xun only left her house after Yang Qing had calmed down.

The desolate fallen leaves and withered branches on the street exuded a particularly bleak atmosphere of late autumn. Chen Xun looked up at the power lines filled with crows and felt an overwhelming sadness in his heart. He suddenly longed to see Shen Xiaotang, wishing he could see her radiant smile immediately.

As soon as he entered the school gate, Chen Xun called her. He ran all the way to Shen Xiaotang's building, and only when he saw her did he feel a little better from the pent-up frustration.

The two walked around the school's outer wall. Chen Xun told her everything that had happened during the day and sighed, "I never thought they would end up like this. You don't know, they used to be so close. They were inseparable since they were little. I thought they would definitely end up together... But Yang Qing was right. They were just going through the motions, not living life to the fullest. If they want to stay together, they can't just rely on feelings. They have to mature and become stronger."

"Growing up is different from being a child, right? Nobody can avoid growing up. You get taller and take bigger strides. You can't just stay in the same old circle forever. Look up and move forward, and maybe the road will widen. What do you think?"

Chen Xun raised his eyes, looked at Shen Xiaotang who was walking ahead and smiling back at him, nodded heavily, and felt a sense of relief.

(2)

That winter, a game called "Ouija Board" became popular in the girls' dormitory. First, a piece of paper was placed in front of them, with "yes," "no," Arabic numerals, and English letters drawn on it. Two people would hold a pen together, chanting incantations to summon the "Ouija Board spirit." The pen would then "move" on its own, and you could ask it questions. It would "automatically" draw circles on the paper, answering the questioner's questions with simple yes/no statements or letters and numbers. Finally, it would be sent away. This game had a touch of mystery, and the college girls played it simply for novelty; being staunch materialists, none of them took it seriously.

When Chen Xun wasn't looking for Fang Hui, she was usually alone in her dorm, so she spent most of her time there. Naturally, Fang Hui also joined in the game. When Li Qi held her hand, he hesitated for a moment and said, "You can ask about Chen Xun. I won't tell Liu Yunwei and the others."

Fang Hui nodded awkwardly, unconsciously tightening her grip on Li Qi's hand.

With her extraordinary gossip spirit, Liu Yunwei finally figured out that the girl Chen Xun was with was Shen Xiaotang.

Unlike Fang Hui, who stayed in the dorm every day, Liu Yunwei would occasionally run into Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang on campus, and would always report back to Fang Hui earnestly. However, Liu Yunwei didn't know that Fang Hui didn't want to know anything about them. She preferred to maintain an optimistic outlook and carefully nurture her meager love. Sometimes, Fang Hui's roommates would talk about it and feel sorry for her, urging her to talk to Chen Xun and clear things up. But she remained silent. She loved Chen Xun, loved him so much, that even when the love was almost gone, she didn't want to end it.

"Start?" Li Qi asked Fang Hui, who was lost in thought.

“Okay.” Fang Hui calmed down and recited the ridiculous incantation with Li Qi.

Once the pen started moving, Li Qi asked a lot of questions, such as whether she would get a boyfriend in college, what the first letter of her boyfriend's name was, and how long it would take to meet him, etc. Fang Hui just kept following her trembling hand as she scribbled circles on the paper, without asking a single question.

Later, Li Qi couldn't think of any more questions. She looked at Fang Hui, signaling her to quickly ask about Chen Xun. Fang Hui paused and said, "Who is the person Chen Xun likes?"

The ballpoint pen between his hands swung around, the pen stroke passing through the letter F and finally drawing a circle on the S. Fang Hui stared at the circle for a long time without saying a word. Li Qi then muttered a few more words and sent the spirit away.

"That's so accurate! I didn't move at all! I felt like you were pulling me!" Li Qi was also playing this for the first time and was a little excited.

"It was me who moved, I used my strength, I pulled you," Fang Hui said, looking down. Actually, she couldn't say for sure whether she had moved or not, but saying it like that could lessen the "fate" of the situation.

"Oh? Really? Then it's not allowed if you move it." Li Qi knew what she was thinking, so he went along with her.

"They seem to be having a lot of fun talking, but it's not really that interesting," Fang Hui said, standing up. "I'm going to Jia Mo's dorm to hang out for a bit."

"Hmm. Fang Hui, I think you should talk things out with Chen Xun," Li Qi advised her.

Fang Hui turned around, smiled calmly, and said, "It's too complicated for the two of us to explain."

Fang Hui went downstairs to look for Lin Jiamo, but she wasn't in the dormitory. Her roommate said that Lin Jiamo had been invited out by Song Ning, and while saying this, she asked Fang Hui in an ambiguous way what their relationship was and whether they had developed into a boyfriend and girlfriend.

Fang Hui shook her head and left. She really didn't know if they were together anymore. Although she and Lin Jiamo were in the same school, they couldn't be together every day like they did in high school. Lin Jiamo had joined the department's student union and was always busy. They would occasionally eat together, and almost half of the passersby would greet her. Fang Hui, on the other hand, was only a familiar face in her class. Walking alone on campus, Fang Hui felt a deep sense of loss. She felt that the promise they made at graduation to never separate had become a milestone for them as they went their separate ways, while she was still foolishly clinging to that place, unwilling to leave.

In today's terms, Fang Hui failed to keep up with the times, but back then, she was just a silly girl who loved too earnestly.

With nothing to do, Fang Hui went to the computer lab to check her emails. Sure enough, among the few emails, Qiao Ran's name stood out. Since Qiao Ran went to England, he had written to Fang Hui every week. The letters were usually brief, just greetings and updates on his life, occasionally including a photo or two. Each time, his last sentence was always, "How are you? Best wishes and I look forward to your reply." Fang Hui usually wrote about school, often mentioning Chen Xun and Lin Jiamo. But this time, when she saw that line again, "How are you? Best wishes and I look forward to your reply," Fang Hui could only type one "well" before she couldn't write anything more. She buried her face in her hands and quietly cried.

She's not good; things couldn't be worse than they are now.

Song Ning invited Lin Jiamo out for dinner alone. His reason was strange: the weather was getting colder, and they wanted to have a hot meal together to warm up their relationship.

The two ordered a small hot pot, and the rich broth inside bubbled and simmered thanks to the alcohol fuel. Song Ning watched Lin Jiamo unceremoniously picking at the blood tofu and couldn't help but laugh: "I just love beautiful women like you who don't care about their image."

"Thank you! A beautiful woman is still a beautiful woman even if she doesn't care about her image! I prefer handsome men who care about their image." Lin Jiamo puffed out her cheeks and blew air as she spoke.

Have I disappointed you?

"I'm rather disappointed," Lin Jiamo answered honestly.

"Then why did you agree so readily when I invited you to dinner?" Song Ning said, feigning heartbreak.

"Since you're treating, I might as well eat it. Besides, I'm not good at refusing people; I've had painful experiences with that before."

"Do you know that by doing this you're giving me hope?"

"Really? Then I take it back." Lin Jiamo picked up another piece of blood tofu and said, "You have no hope."

"Really?" Song Ning asked, crossing his arms with amusement.

"Really, why are you laughing so disgustingly?" Lin Jiamo nodded seriously.

"Then why do you dream about me? Freud said it's a manifestation of the subconscious mind," Song Ning leaned forward and said mysteriously.

Lin Jiamo put down her chopsticks, smiled and said, "Freud wasn't wrong, but you're wrong. I didn't dream about you."

"What do you mean?" Song Ning stopped joking and said seriously.

“Yes, I did have a dream, and I did tell Fang Hui, and then she told Chen Xun, and Chen Xun told you.” Lin Jiamo sat up and said, “But I lied to her. I didn’t tell her the truth. The person I dreamed about wasn’t you, it was Chen Xun.”

After Lin Jiamo finished speaking, both of them fell silent. The alcohol fuel in the hot pot dwindled until it finally went out. After a while, Song Ning looked up and asked, "You like Chen Xun?"

“I care about him,” Lin Jiamo thought for a moment and replied, “It goes beyond the level of care between friends.”

"That's quite frank," Song Ning said with a soft laugh.

"I've always been honest about love."

"But is that love?" Song Ning suddenly raised his head and stared sharply at her as he asked.

“Of course…” Lin Jiamo said somewhat flusteredly.

"Even if that's true, on the other hand, you're not very honest about friendship. Why don't you dare tell Fang Hui?" Song Ning continued to press.

"I'm afraid she won't be able to accept it," Lin Jiamo said, lowering her head. "I will definitely try for Chen Xun, and I will never give up on Fang Hui!"

Song Ning clapped his hands and said, "Good! Good! What grand words! Then let me ask you, what makes you so sure you're going to fight for it, and what makes you so sure you'll never give up? Don't just talk a lot of nice things. Have you thought about the consequences? By the time you feel like everything is beyond repair, it will be too late!"

"I understand Chen Xun, and I understand Fang Hui! I know what to do, you don't need to lecture me!" Lin Jiamo said angrily.

“It’s a pity you don’t understand relationships,” Song Ning shook her head and said. “It’s not your fault, you simply don’t know how subtle the feelings between two people are. Jia Mo, you should experience a proper relationship. You can’t…”

"Enough!" Lin Jiamo stood up and said coldly, "I know how to handle my own affairs. Song Ning, you are very smart, but sometimes your smartness is annoying! Thank you for the treat, I'm leaving now, goodbye!"

Lin Jiamo grabbed her coat and headed outside. Song Ning hurriedly paid the bill and chased after her. He ran over to pull her away, but Lin Jiamo forcefully shook off his hand.

"Song Ning! Don't think you can do whatever you want just because you like me! Lots of people like me, you're not even in the running! Stay away from me, I hate you! I hate you!"

"What do you hate about me? Do you hate that I can sense what you're thinking, or do you hate that I expose your selfishness to you?" Song Ning stopped chasing her and shouted from behind her, "Lin Jiamo! You're lonely! You once loved someone wholeheartedly but it didn't work out. You once hurt someone deeply but couldn't bear to hurt yourself! You're just lonely! So lonely that you want to find a boy to be with, yet you're unwilling to accept your failure! Proud and lonely people are the most stupid! Lin Jiamo! Listen carefully! I don't care who you dream about, I love you! I love you!"

Lin Jiamo didn't look back and strode forward, but every word Song Ning spoke pierced the cold wind and reached her ears. Unconsciously, tears welled up in her eyes.

(3)

Fang Hui sprained her ankle during a vaulting practice session in a winter physical education class.

She was incredibly thin back then, a result of spending long hours squatting in her dorm without any exercise. The only fat on her body was soft and muscular. She couldn't possibly perform the box vaulting, which requires both arms and legs, with the same ease as Xue Shan and Liu Yunwei. After a few practice attempts, during her actual vault, one of her arms gave way, and she stumbled and fell, landing first on her left foot. She cried out in surprise and lay sprained to the ground. When Li Qi and the others rushed over to help her up, they saw her sprained left ankle was swollen to the size of a peach.

A group of girls, making a ruckus, took Fang Hui to the school clinic. The doctor gave her a quick look, took an X-ray, and seeing no fractures, simply prescribed some medication. Li Qi helped her get the medicine and exclaimed in surprise, "Our school even has Voltaren? I never expected that! I thought they only had mercurochrome and gentian violet! Haven't you seen how none of the medicines they usually prescribe for colds work!"

"Even the best medicine is still medicine. It's best not to get sick," Fang Hui said, leaning against the wall as she struggled to her feet.

Li Qi took her arm and said, "With your foot so swollen, how can you still go to class? Our dormitory is on the fourth floor. How do you go up and down the stairs every day? Why don't you send Chen Xun a text message and ask him to take you home?"

Fang Hui hesitated for a moment, then shook her head and said, "No need. It's already Wednesday, just two more days and it'll be the weekend. I'll have my mom pick me up then. Chen Xun and his instrumental club are organizing a freshman karaoke competition with the student council, they're quite busy lately."

"Oh." Li Qi didn't say anything more; she couldn't bear to say anything more to Fang Hui. Actually, Liu Yunwei had told her yesterday that he saw Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang having dinner with a group of people from the instrumental music club at the small restaurant, and the noise could be heard even outside the private room. On one side, there was singing and dancing, while on the other, there was only desolation and ruin. Li Qi felt sorry for Fang Hui.

Chen Xun only found out that Fang Hui had sprained her ankle on Friday. He hadn't had a chance to contact her in the previous days, and on Friday he wanted to ask her if she wanted to go home together, but he couldn't get through to her phone; it was always switched off. After class in the afternoon, he called Fang Hui's dormitory, and Li Qi answered. Her tone turned cold when she heard his voice.

Fang Hui just came downstairs.

"Oh, then I'll go downstairs and wait for her."

"Then you'll have to wait a while longer," Li Qi said with a snort.

"What's wrong?" Chen Xun sensed that there was something more to her words.

"She sprained her ankle in PE class on Wednesday and has to hold onto the handrail to go down the stairs little by little. How come you didn't know?"

"That's all for now, I'll go find her, thank you! Bye!" Chen Xun felt his mind go blank for a moment and quickly hung up the phone.

When Chen Xun arrived at Fang Hui's dormitory building, Fang Hui was just coming out of the main entrance. Her slightly oversized dark green wool coat swayed a little on her, and her face and hands outside the coat were excessively pale. Because there was no handrail to hold onto, she had some trouble with the three or four steps in front of the building entrance. She awkwardly slung her backpack across her chest, as if she wanted to jump down step by step.

Chen Xun suddenly felt a sharp pain in his heart. He took two quick steps and grabbed Fang Hui, saying, "Slow down!"

Fang Hui looked up and saw her, her face showing an incredulous expression of surprise, which quickly faded. She lowered her head, carefully maintaining a distance from Chen Xun, and, leaning on his arm, limped downstairs.

"What happened? Why didn't you tell me so I could take you home?" Chen Xun squatted down, lifted her trouser leg, and looked at her.

Fang Hui hurriedly stepped back, her clothes slipping from Chen Xun's grasp, leaving only cold air between them.

"I fell while jumping on the vaulting box in PE class. My mom's driver is coming to pick me up soon; he just called and will be there. No need to bother him."

Chen Xun withdrew his hand, stood up, and asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

“I called once… but you didn’t answer,” Fang Hui said, pursing her lips.

Chen Xun remembered. That day, he accompanied Shen Xiaotang to buy props for the drama troupe. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but seeing it was Fang Hui's name, he didn't answer. When he called back, the phone was switched off. Looking at Fang Hui now, and thinking about that phone call, Chen Xun felt as if something had twisted his heart, making him extremely uncomfortable.

He frowned and asked, "Why did it shut down later?"

"The power is out..."

"Charge! Or you can call my dorm!"

"The power outlet is under the table... It's not convenient to squat down, and I don't want to bother anyone," Fang Hui said casually.

Chen Xun felt the pain in his heart intensify, and he couldn't help but reach out to hug her, but Fang Hui turned away and avoided him.

"The car is here, I'm leaving now, goodbye," Fang Hui said, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"How about I give you a ride?"

"No."

"I'll call you tonight."

"Um."

Fang Hui turned around, took two steps, then stopped. She turned her head and said, "Actually, you could have called my dorm that day..."

After she finished speaking, she walked forward. The driver came out, took her bag, opened the car door for her, and closed it again. The silver-white sedan sped away, leaving Chen Xun standing behind, staring blankly for a long time.

That day, Chen Xun went home alone, carrying his guitar and bag, looking like a wanderer. He told me that his heart felt like it was wandering, or more accurately, exiled, completely lost. He said he used to love the freedom of flying in the sky, and he was never worried about getting lost because he knew Fang Hui would always be waiting for him on the ground. As long as he knew there was someone watching over him, he wouldn't be afraid no matter how high he flew. But later he felt he had flown too far. Being away from that person's sight brought a sense of exhilarating relief, but afterwards he felt lost. He couldn't find the land, and therefore didn't know when he could stop flying.

Chen Xun said that he couldn't explain his feelings for Fang Hui from that time on.

Chen Xun asked me if I found it ridiculous to hear him talk about love and affection all the time. I looked at him and shook my head. Actually, we both understand that it was only at that age that we could simply think about love and affection. After growing up, we can only sit here smoking Zhongnanhai cigarettes.

Later, Chen Xun stopped in the underpass of Yong'anli. There was a young man with long hair, who looked like an artist, there, strumming a guitar and singing loudly. The noise was unbearable for Chen Xun's ears, and the artist even glanced at his guitar, intentionally or unintentionally. Chen Xun was immediately inspired by the glance, sat down in front of the artist, threw his guitar case on the ground, put down a few yuan, and started playing and singing as well.

The two seemed to have a tacit understanding, taking turns singing songs—love songs, rock songs, Chinese songs, and foreign songs—and surprisingly, none of them were repeated. Halfway through, Chen Xun received a call from Shen Xiaotang, and the artist even waited for him a moment, gesturing that he should answer first, that there was no rush.

"What are you doing? Are you home yet?" Shen Xiaotang asked on the other end of the phone.

"I'm back, but I'm not home yet!" Chen Xun said, breathing on his palm.

Where is it?

"The Yong'anli underground passage." Chen Xun smiled at the artist. "He's having a singing contest with one of your buddies!"

"Huh? Really? You're not kidding me, are you?" Shen Xiaotang exclaimed in surprise.

"Really, I'm not talking to you anymore, it's my turn to sing, people are waiting!" Chen Xun said, sliding the pick across the strings.

"Okay! Keep singing! I'm coming over to you right now to see if that's really what happened!"

Just as Chen Xun was about to tell Shen Xiaotang that he didn't need to come, Shen Xiaotang hung up the phone. He helplessly put the phone in his pocket, apologized to the artist, and continued playing.

About half an hour later, the artist was clearly tired of singing and probably had nothing more to sing. He put away his guitar, walked over to Chen Xun, and said, "Dude, you're not that old, but you're not bad! You've got some skills!"

"That won't work either, I don't have your confidence." Chen Xun said with a modest smile.

"Want a smoke?" The artist offered him a cigarette, but Chen Xun shook his head. He lit it himself and said, "Heartbroken? You've come here to sing?"

"No, my girlfriend will be looking for me soon," Chen Xun lied.

"Alright! That was romantic enough! I'm not going to chat with you anymore, I'm going first, my throat hurts." The artist patted his shoulder and stood up.

"Okay, slow down! Sing again next time we meet!" Chen Xun waved and said.

"You treat it as a game, I'll treat it as a meal. We definitely won't run into each other again." The artist belted out "Nothing to My Name" a couple of times before slinging his guitar over his shoulder and walking out of the underpass.

After the artist left, Chen Xun slowly felt the cold of the underground passage. He tightened his belt, casually strummed two chords, and began to sing to himself.

When Shen Xiaotang arrived, he was singing "The Fleeting Years," and when he sang the line "How many red lotuses bloom on the banks of the River of Oblivion, how many centuries have we brushed past each other in the cycle of reincarnation," Shen Xiaotang's smiling face appeared before him.

"Where's that guy you were singing with?" Shen Xiaotang asked, looking around.

"Just left."

"Are you lying to me?"

"No, do I really like lying that much? She couldn't hold back in the end."

"Is all the money in the piano case yours?" Shen Xiaotang asked, picking up a banknote.

"Part of it is that a foreigner just came over and gave me five dollars, so I specially sang 'Rage of the Winter' for him."

“I’ll give you money too! I want to request a song!” Shen Xiaotang squatted down, took out a one-yuan coin, and threw it into the piano case.

"What do you want to hear? Tell me!" Chen Xun said with a smile.

"That song from earlier. Which band played it? What's the name?"

"Listen to Chen Xun's band's song, 'The Fleeting Years'."

Chen Xun lowered his head and plucked the strings, beginning to sing softly. Shen Xiaotang tilted her head and looked at him, completely captivated.

As soon as he finished singing, Shen Xiaotang took out the one yuan coin again, threw it back in, and said, "Sing it again!"

Chen Xun smiled and started playing again.

Shen Xiaotang tossed the coin five times. When Chen Xun finished singing and was waiting for the sixth time, she suddenly stopped, clutching the coin. Chen Xun looked at her questioningly. Her face was a little red. She tilted her head and said, "Hey, I have two ideas now."

"What?"

"First, stop practicing 'NOTHING ELSE MATTERS' and change the final song for the karaoke competition to 'The Fleeting Years'. You teach me to play it, I'll accompany you, and we'll perform together!"

Chen Xun nodded slowly.

"Second..." Shen Xiaotang paused and said, "I want to send myself to you now, would you accept it?"

Chen Xun was stunned. He looked at Shen Xiaotang, and Shen Xiaotang looked at him too. They were very close, but they could see their own panicked faces reflected in each other's pupils, and they could also see each other's breath.

Chen Xun gently supported Shen Xiaotang's head, causing her to kneel on the ground. Before she could even cry out, Chen Xun had already kissed her. From the initial light, fleeting kisses to the deep, tight embrace that followed, Shen Xiaotang closed her eyes in bliss.

Chen Xun said that at the time he thought he had found land again, but later he found that he had found a bird that was flying with him.

(4)

That night, Chen Xun ultimately did not call Fang Hui.

For a period of time afterward, Chen Xun continued to use this method, lingering outside of Fang Hui's world. He didn't want to deceive her, much less hurt her.

Chen Xun was still very happy with Shen Xiaotang. He was captivated by her smile; when Shen Xiaotang smiled, it was like a blooming daisy, brightening everything around her. Fang Hui, on the other hand, never smiled like that. She always lowered her eyelids, hiding her smile beneath the corners of her eyes and eyebrows.

When he was with Shen Xiaotang, Chen Xun barely thought of Fang Hui, but when he was with Fang Hui, he would think of Shen Xiaotang. One day, after having dinner with Fang Hui, he said he had to go to rehearse for a program, and Fang Hui stopped him.

What kind of program are you preparing?

"The Year in a Hurry"

"Singing and playing the guitar?"

"Sing with others."

"who?"

“Shen Xiaotang…a classmate of mine in finance, she also plays guitar.” Chen Xun hesitated for a moment before saying Shen Xiaotang’s name.

"Oh, then go ahead."

Fang Hui nodded. She already knew from Liu Yunwei that Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang were going to act together. When she heard Chen Xun say Shen Xiaotang's name, she realized that there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Her heart ached terribly, as if it had shattered into powder, yet the pain remained embedded deep within her, palpable with every breath. Watching Chen Xun's retreating figure, Fang Hui buried her face in her hands and wept bitterly.

It gradually became no secret that Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang were together. First, everyone in Chen Xun's dorm knew. Song Ning joked that they had finally made room for 42. Gao Shang said that Shen Xiaotang had finally become the master. Wang Senzhao didn't say anything, but he never went out with Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang again.

Later, Song Ning told Lin Jiamo, who then went to see Fang Hui. From her conversation, she sensed that they hadn't broken up yet. Upon returning, she immediately called Chen Xun out. The two ate at a small restaurant, but they didn't seem as relaxed as usual.

"Are you and Shen Xiaotang really together?" Lin Jiamo asked dryly.

"Yes." Chen Xun nodded without denying it.

What should we do about Fang Hui?

"I will talk to her properly."

"And what about me?" Lin Jiamo asked, staring at him.

“Jiamo, you’re like a child sometimes,” Chen Xun said with a smile. “You know, the first time I saw you, I felt a sense of familiarity, like I’d met you somewhere before, like we were old friends. That’s why I always try to help and comfort you. But it’s not love at first sight, we’re not meant to be together. You’ve always championed love, haven’t you? I’m pursuing love right now.”

"Why did you fall for Shen Xiaotang?"

"I love because I love."

"Chen Xun, I've noticed you're particularly blunt with me! Would you dare say that to Fang Hui?"

"It's not that I don't dare, it's that I can't. I can't let go of her hand and then kick her in the heart."

"I feel bad too."

“Jiamo, can we not do this? This isn’t right, I can’t do this at all. Looking at the bigger picture, I’m letting Zhao Ye down, and looking at the immediate future, I’m letting Song Ning down…”

"You've already wronged us! You've wronged Fang Hui, Zhao Ye, Qiao Ran, and me!" Lin Jiamo interrupted him abruptly, her eyes red. "You abandoned us all to be with Shen Xiaotang through thick and thin! Who said they would be with Fang Hui for life? Who promised to always help me? Who carved 'We'll never be apart' on the tree?"

"Jiamo, I know it's my fault, but we can't go back now. We have to hold our heads high and move forward..."

"Easy for you to say, but how do you plan to leave? Like Qiao Ran, flying abroad? Qiao Ran liked Fang Hui so much back then, even before you did. That novel, 'A Lilac Flower,' is about her! You stole Fang Hui away, and Qiao Ran ended up leaving the country. Is that what you call moving forward? You're not doing this!"

"Wait a minute! What did you say? What do you mean, a lilac flower?" Chen Xun asked in surprise.

"It's the essay that Qiao Ran read aloud in our class! It was written by Qiao Ran for Fang Hui. He told me about it himself on our graduation dinner day!"

Are you telling the truth?

"Of course! You two are breaking up anyway, why would I lie to you about this!"

Does Fang Hui know?

"If it's written about her, how could she not know? It's too late now, who cares whether she knows or not!"

Chen Xun fell silent. For some reason, he felt a little angry. He felt that Fang Hui had kept things from him, and this feeling made him feel slightly sour.

"Alright, let's go. I'll take you back to your dorm," Chen Xun said sullenly. "Don't tell Fang Hui about this yet. I'll explain it to her myself."

“I won’t tell her. You should have told her yourself,” Lin Jiamo said, putting on her coat.

"By the way, do you know what's been going on with Zhao Ye lately? He won't answer my calls or reply to my texts," Chen Xun said while paying the bill.

"Oh, I told him I liked you, and then he never contacted me again."

"What! Are you crazy? Why are you talking to him about this?" Chen Xun said, his eyes wide.

“He should find another girl he likes; I want him to give up.”

"You're hurting him! He's very sentimental. Back then, he couldn't accept that you liked Su Kai, and now... how can he accept this now!" Chen Xun said anxiously.

"We'll all find out sooner or later anyway, and one day we'll all have to face it together."

Lin Jiamo looked calmly ahead, wrapped her scarf tighter, and walked out.

On December 7, 2001, W University held the final of its freshman karaoke competition. Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang performed "Those Bygone Years" together on stage. Their performance, with one playing the accompaniment and the other singing, was perfectly coordinated. After the final climax, the two held hands and took their bows, eliciting thunderous applause from the audience.

Fang Hui also sat down to watch their performance. She was in the 16th row, not a great seat, but enough to see the beginning and end of a love story. The two people under the same spotlight looked harmonious and beautiful, seemingly so far away from her. As soon as the melody of "Those Bygone Years" started playing, Fang Hui burst into tears. She remembered last winter, in the same cold weather, when Chen Xun told her that this song was only for her. And now, only 365 days later, Chen Xun was singing "Those Bygone Years" while holding another girl's hand.

Fang Hui was in despair; she knew that Chen Xun had truly left her.

Before they knew it, the next program had started. A girl sang "Caged Bird." Fang Hui wiped away her tears, took out her phone, and tremblingly dialed Chen Xun's number.

When his phone rang, Chen Xun was backstage celebrating with Shen Xiaotang. He kissed her; he had never been so affectionate with her in front of so many people before. He was so excited this time; his performance in "Fleet of Time" was perfect, and he couldn't contain his joy. Seeing Fang Hui's call, Chen Xun hesitated for a moment but still went out to answer it. He calculated that they hadn't been in contact for about four days.

"Hello?"

"Hello, it's me."

"Um."

"Chen Xun, I want to ask you something. You just need to answer yes or no." Fang Hui tried hard to control herself and not let the sound of crying show.

"Speak."

Do you like Shen Xiaotang?

Chen Xun fell silent. He knew that Fang Hui must have understood something. He paused, looked at Shen Xiaotang smiling in the distance backstage, and answered without hiding anything: "Yes."

Hearing the answer from Chen Xun's own lips still caused Fang Hui a sharp pain, as if her heart had been torn apart, her blood had stopped flowing, and only tears streamed down her face. Even with her eyes closed, the tears continued to flow. Fang Hui tried her best to suppress her sobs; only the song "Caged Bird" played from both of their receivers, and time seemed to slip away like an endless black hole, second by second. After a long while, Fang Hui finally spoke:

"Chen Xun, remember this: those were the last few minutes we spent together. From now on, I am no longer your girlfriend. We're breaking up."

Upon hearing the word "breakup," Chen Xun was stunned for a moment. Although he knew he and Fang Hui would eventually break up, he believed it should be after they had talked things out face-to-face. This sudden turn of events was hard for him to accept.

"Fang Hui, listen to me... Fang Hui? Fang Hui!"

Just as Chen Xun was about to say something, Fang Hui hung up the phone. When he called back, the phone was already switched off.

Chen Xun became anxious. He recalled the sound of "Caged Bird" from the receiver and knew that Fang Hui must be in the auditorium. He rushed to the front desk without hesitation, but was stopped by the staff.

Chen Xun struggled to find Fang Hui on the stage, but there were so many people below, each face just a blurry gray shadow, and he couldn't make out which one was Fang Hui. Among hundreds of people, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't recognize her. She was right there, but he couldn't find her.

The feeling of helplessness at that moment left Chen Xun feeling utterly desolate. He knew that the girl who had promised to stay with him forever was gone.

After the show ended, Chen Xun still clung to a sliver of hope, waiting at the entrance. But the auditorium had two doors, and he anxiously shifted between them, afraid of missing one and afraid of missing the other. In the end, Chen Xun still couldn't find Fang Hui. He called her repeatedly, but her phone was always switched off. He then called her dormitory; Liu Yunwei said she had gone back to her dorm to pack her things and then went home. Chen Xun hung up and ran towards the school gate. He wanted to see Fang Hui, to see her immediately. Breaking up could wait; he just wanted to see her.

As Chen Xun got into the car, snowflakes began to fall, and the roads gradually became congested. Three hours had passed by the time he arrived at Julong Garden, but Fang Hui's aunt gave him a disappointing answer: Fang Hui hadn't returned. Chen Xun tried calling her, but her phone was off. Her father's phone also went unanswered. It was as if the girl had suddenly vanished from the world, leaving him filled with dread.

Chen Xun said he was extremely anxious at the time. He felt as if he had chosen the wrong path, from the school auditorium to which home Fang Hui would return to, he had misjudged everything. It seemed to mean that they were destined to separate. He had anticipated the separation, but when it actually happened, he didn't know why he felt so much pain and resentment.

He emerged from Julong Garden to find the snow already ankle-deep, and the streets completely jammed with traffic, making every mode of transport a standstill. Chen Xun walked aimlessly along the sidewalk, the heavy snow almost blinding him. Tears mingled with the snowflakes, obscuring the figures ahead. He didn't know where to go, his steps faltering haphazardly. Only one name occupied his mind: Fang Hui.

While Chen Xun was frantically searching for Fang Hui on the street, Fang Hui was walking on another street.

After leaving W University, she returned to F University. She first went to the tree where they had carved their names. The names were still there, the writing was still there, even the jagged marks left from the broken key were still there. Fang Hui cried. She covered everything again with snow. They were separated, forever separated.

Later, she went to the high school building. Students were in class, and the hallways were quiet, with only the sounds of teachers lecturing. Through the back window, she saw Teacher Hou; she was still lecturing in a girlish tone, but now she had a ring on her left hand—she'd apparently gotten married. Further on, she met Teacher Liu, who was still constantly making noises, and the students below were still chuckling. The top floor was still the senior year, and Teacher Li was still teaching Class A, emphasizing the importance of the monthly exam. The students sat below, heads down, a somber atmosphere prevailing.

In a daze, Fang Hui felt as if she had returned to her high school days. Lin Jiamo would come to find her to go to the bathroom, Zhao Ye would go to get lunch, Qiao Ran would take out tissues to wipe the table, and Chen Xun would hold her hand and accompany her home.

But no, now she was all alone. Everything on campus remained the same, but she had gone from sitting in the classroom to standing outside. Fang Hui slowly squatted down on the ground, her shoulders trembling violently. Tears dripped from between her fingers, forming a patch of despairing water. The sounds of functions and classical Chinese, Moore's Law and ABCD, drowned out her uncontrollable sobs. In the quiet winter corridor, only a sorrowful, lonely figure remained.

After leaving F, Fang Hui walked home alone, following the route she and Chen Xun had always taken together. All the way, she kept thinking about the things she and Chen Xun had experienced. The bulletin board we posted together, the shouts under the Donghuamen gate tower, the gaze in the infirmary, the note confessing our feelings, the crooked words on the blackboard, the phone number to say yes or no to tell her I liked her, the glass silk bracelet, the school uniform worn backwards, the greeting card and the hippo and cow dolls, the signature stone and the key with the silver heart sticker, the first time we held hands downstairs at her house, the food we bought on the spring outing, the slogans we drew during the parade, the red group dance T-shirt, the torn rice chain, the blood-red embrace on the Ditan overpass, the first kiss on the last day of 1999, the Nike Cup competition, the "Fleet of Time" I wrote for her, the dark separation after senior year, skipping class to go to the hospital, Dove chocolate with heartfelt words, the song "Faith" sung on the day of the farewell dinner, the bicycle speeding along Chang'an Avenue after the successful bid for the Olympics, the bonfire in front of Qinglong Gorge, the bullet casings during military training, an email during the sixteen-day National Day holiday, the arguments at school, the final breakup...

Everything was once so clear, but now it seems so blurry. Fang Hui can't grasp any part of the past, let alone imagine any future. She can only walk in the snow and cry freely without restraint.

During the university season in 2001, a heavy snow fell in Beijing, plunging the entire city into unprecedented and frenzied traffic jams, much like the anxieties of Fang Hui and Chen Xun. They wandered weeping through different parts of the city, ultimately heading in different directions.

(5)

It was almost 11 o'clock when Chen Xun returned to school. He didn't take a car and walked all the way back. The long walk and the wind and snow made his already sad heart even more desolate. He walked forward in a daze until he reached the dormitory building and saw Shen Xiaotang standing with a snowman as tall as her. Only then did he stop in his tracks.

"Look...isn't this snowman pretty?" Shen Xiaotang's face was red from the cold. She sniffled as she said, "I built it all by myself...it took me several hours."

Chen Xun slowly walked over and saw his name written on the snowman's round belly. Shen Xiaotang pointed and said, "I just wrote this. I'd be embarrassed if someone saw it... because I really miss you. I don't know where you are, or if you'll ever come back. Boss came to keep me company for half a day, but I sent him upstairs. Actually, I really wanted him to keep me company, but I felt it would be so embarrassing if he saw it and I couldn't wait for you! So I..."

Before Shen Xiaotang could finish speaking, Chen Xun hugged her tightly. The warmth of her body and the girl's faint fragrance dispelled Chen Xun's fatigue and heartache. He couldn't help but cry, like a child who had been lost for a long time suddenly finding his home.

Shen Xiaotang nestled in his arms, listening quietly to the boy's sobbing. Chen Xun's chest heaved, each tremor sending shivers down her spine. She couldn't understand what Chen Xun had gone through to cause him such pain. A strange panic gripped Shen Xiaotang's heart. She held Chen Xun's back tightly and said in a low voice, "It's alright...it's all in the past...forget it all..."

At 11 o'clock sharp, the dormitory supervisor, as usual, came out of the door to check. She saw Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang hugging each other, frowned, and called out, "Hey! It's time! It's time! Are you coming in or not? If you're not coming in, I'll lock the door!"

"It's eleven o'clock... I have to go back." Shen Xiaotang had just stood up when Chen Xun pulled her back into his arms.

"Don't move. Let me hold you a little longer, just a little while..." Chen Xun whispered in her ear, his voice even sounding pleading.

"Hey! I'm talking to you two! Are you coming in or not? It's snowing! Isn't that enough?" The dormitory supervisor shouted even louder.

"Hey, they're calling us. If you don't go in, you really won't be able to come back," Shen Xiaotang said, nestled in his arms. Chen Xun, however, acted as if he hadn't heard her and continued to hold her silently.

"I've locked the door! Don't come knocking later! I won't open it anyway! You're crazy!" The old lady angrily locked the door with an iron chain.

"Alright. You really have nowhere to go this time!" Shen Xiaotang looked up at Chen Xun, who still had tears in his eyes, and said jokingly, "What should we do? I can't take you in either. How about we go out and stay up all night?"

Chen Xun released Shen Xiaotang, looked at her smiling face, and suddenly grabbed her hand and walked outside.

"What are you doing? If we don't go back, I'll be locked out too!" Shen Xiaotang said in surprise.

“Let’s move out,” Chen Xun said quietly.

Shen Xiaotang was stunned for a moment, and in a daze, she was pulled by him all the way out of the school gate.

Where there's demand, there's supply. To meet the specific needs of student couples, there are usually some small hotels near every university. The rooms are basic, the facilities are poor, and the prices are low, but anyway, most people don't care about that, as long as there's a bed.

Chen Xun had never been to a place like this before, but Kuang Qiang was a regular, and he especially loved to talk about these things, so Chen Xun often heard him talk about things like which house had good heating, which house's toilet didn't smell, and which house had clean bedding made of regular script, etc.

Following the example, Chen Xun led Shen Xiaotang to a hotel whose name they recognized. The two were a little embarrassed when they entered. The owner, used to such scenes, opened a room for them without asking any questions and said with a yawn, "ID card."

Shen Xiaotang hadn't brought anything with her and frantically grabbed Chen Xun. Chen Xun had his ID with him, but he didn't know what she needed it for, so he hesitated and said, "She didn't bring it... why do you need her ID?"

"Housing registration! It's required by the Public Security Bureau!" The boss glanced up at him and said, "As long as you have it, it's fine!"

Chen Xun blushed and handed over his ID card. The owner wrote it down in a notebook and said, "Room 316. Go inside. The shower water isn't very hot right now, but it'll have to do. If you want hot water, come to the front desk to get a thermos. Check out before 12 noon tomorrow. Otherwise, it will count as two days."

Chen Xun said no more, took the key, and pulled Shen Xiaotang inside. The room was a standard room, but it was very small. The two single beds took up a lot of space, so they could only sit on the beds, and they both looked a little awkward.

"Sleep?" Shen Xiaotang murmured.

"Okay." Chen Xun lay down and said, "I'm sorry to trouble you, just make do for one night."

Shen Xiaotang sat on the bed with her legs curled up, lowered her head and said, "You...you turn off the light."

"Um?"

"I want to take off my coat..."

"Okay...okay..." Chen Xun hurriedly got up and turned off all the lights.

The sound of clothes rubbing together, leaving behind ambiguous marks, made Chen Xun's heart skip a beat. He lay with his back to Shen Xiaotang, his mind a jumble of thoughts, sometimes Fang Hui, sometimes Shen Xiaotang.

"Hey..." Shen Xiaotang said after a moment of silence, "Are you asleep?"

"No," Chen Xun said, turning over.

Can you tell me what's wrong with you today?

“I’ve lost something that was once very, very important.” Chen Xun’s eyes welled up with tears again.

"Does it still matter now?"

"I don't know... but I feel terrible, I've never felt this bad before."

"So that's why you skipped the awards ceremony and ran off?"

"Yeah. My mind was in turmoil then, I felt so desperate and helpless. I've felt that way all night, like I've been thrown into another world, and neither going forward nor backward is right, I can't even find my way around. You know what? This is the first time I've cried this hard since I grew up..." Chen Xun said, wiping his eyes.

"oh……"

"But when I saw you, I felt like I was back in this world. My school, my dorm, the girl I like are all here... I felt so safe and just wanted to hold you like this and never let go."

"I'm a little cold...can you hug me a little longer?" Shen Xiaotang said, snuggling deeper into the blanket.

Chen Xun hesitated for a moment, then got up and went to her bed.

"It breaks my heart to see you like this, but I'm also a little scared because I feel like I can't understand it. Chen Xun, promise me, no matter what you've lost, no matter how important it was, don't think about it anymore, okay? You'll have something more important." Shen Xiaotang nestled in his arms and said.

"Yes!" Chen Xun nodded with tears streaming down his face.

Do you like me?

"like."

How much do you like it?

"My liking for him has turned into this..."

"What do you mean?" Shen Xiaotang asked, looking up.

"Don't move, or I'll start thinking about doing something bad..." Chen Xun said, holding her down.

"You're so annoying!" Shen Xiaotang blushed and slapped him.

"Really... I only feel safe when I'm holding you..."

The two embraced tightly, and Chen Xun inhaled Shen Xiaotang's unique fragrance deeply before slowly closing his eyes.

Fang Hui wandered around the house in a daze for two days.

During the day, she ate and went about her usual routine, but couldn't remember what she ate or did. At night, she fell into insomnia again, sometimes lying awake under the covers, only dozing off briefly as dawn broke, but waking up quickly. It was because she kept dreaming of Chen Xun. Not just in dreams, but everything she heard, saw, read, and said reminded her of him. That boy was etched into her heart, leaving a mark on her very being, a mark that could never be erased.

Fang Hui cries at the mere thought of Chen Xun. All the beautiful memories, in the end, are reduced to that single "yes," tinged with the sound of music. That simple syllable pronounces the death sentence on her love. Fang Hui finally understands that all the "forever and only" things eventually become an unchangeable, resolute end. Her noble feelings once gave her boundless courage and strength, but when those feelings lost their nobility, all the beautiful memories she carefully preserved became sharp blades of poison, corroding her heart, destroying everything, and ultimately reducing it all, including the past, to ashes.

The feeling of losing Chen Xun was more terrifying than any of Fang Hui's previous assumptions.

When Fang Hui returned to the dormitory on Sunday night, she first heard Liu Yunwei's clear voice at the door. She was talking to the other people in the room, and her voice suddenly rose as if she was in a hurry.

"It's true! I'm not kidding you! My high school classmates saw it with their own eyes. The two of them were hugging downstairs in the dormitory. It was almost closing time, but they didn't even try to go inside!"

"Have they made up? What about Fang Hui?" Xue Shan's voice came over.

“What can Fang Hui do?” Li Qi sighed. “To be honest, it’s only a matter of time before they break up. Someone like Chen Xun can’t stay with her. Going to university is completely different from going to high school. Xue Shan, didn’t you break up with your high school boyfriend? My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship now, who knows what will happen to us!”

"Sigh, Fang Hui is quite pitiful..." Xue Shan said, "My ex-boyfriend and I broke up peacefully, but she was clearly cheated on by a third party. How aggrieved she must feel!"

"Definitely. She's always been introverted and meticulous, and I think she's been suppressing it for a while now," Li Qi said. "Yunyun, when she comes back, you absolutely mustn't mention seeing Shen Xiaotang!"

"I know! Actually, if you ask me, they should just break up. What's so great about dating? It's much more comfortable to be single! Li Qi, you should also say goodbye to your Guangdong brother. Our whole dorm will be single! Let's break up, let's break up!" Liu Yunwei started singing.

Fang Hui stood at the doorway, her hands clenched so tightly that her nails dug into her palms, leaving a row of crescent-shaped marks. She felt as if her heart had been violently gripped; her chest ached, and tears welled up in her eyes without her noticing. She considered not going inside, but turning around, she couldn't think of anywhere to go. Fang Hui felt ridiculous. She had told everyone that Chen Xun was her boyfriend, and now that he wasn't, she naturally had to tell them. No matter how awkward or shameful it was, she had to face it.

The difference between old love and new love isn't just in tears and laughter; the pain of abandonment is something no one can easily ignore. Women always yearn to grab the unfaithful man and demand answers, but the answers are often even more heartbreaking. The connection was wonderful then, but now it's unbearably painful. The meaning of heartbreak is something you'll never understand until you experience it.

The whispers inside the room abruptly stopped when Fang Hui's phone rang outside. Fang Hui frantically pulled out her phone, which displayed the once familiar name "Chen Xun," but now that name felt like a knife. Without hesitation, she pressed the hang-up button, wiped away her tears, and went into the dormitory. The three girls looked at her awkwardly, none of them knowing what to say.

Fang Hui silently put her things away and said casually, "I broke up with Chen Xun."

(6)

Li Qi and the others tried to persuade Fang Hui, but Fang Hui barely said anything, only nodding or shaking her head, which left them feeling quite bored. After a while, Fang Hui picked up the kettle and said she was going downstairs to get some water. The three of them hurriedly agreed, and as soon as she stepped out, they all breathed a sigh of relief.

Fang Hui didn't go straight to the water room, but went to Lin Jiamo's dormitory first. Lin Jiamo had just returned from home and was setting out fruit on the table. When she saw Fang Hui, she smiled and greeted her, "Come on! I brought some oranges, they're sweet!"

“Jia Mo, I…” Fang Hui paused and said, “I broke up with Chen Xun.”

Lin Jiamo's orange fell onto the table with a "thud," and her roommates were stunned and fell silent. The whole room suddenly became quiet. Fang Hui pursed her lips, at a loss, and said, "We've already... broken up."

Lin Jiamo didn't respond to her words, but turned around, picked up her water bottle, and said, "Come on, I'll go get water with you!"

After the two walked out the door, Lin Jiamo pulled Fang Hui aside and asked, "What exactly happened? Everything was fine last week."

Fang Hui slowly shook her head, tears welling in her eyes, and recounted the events of Friday night, including what she had overheard outside her dorm room. Lin Jiamo's brows furrowed deeper and deeper. She took out a tissue and wiped Fang Hui's face, saying, "I always felt that he and Shen Xiaotang were destined for each other, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly. Knowing Chen Xun's personality, he wouldn't lie to you; it's better than him deceiving you and cheating on you. Anyway, it's already like this, you didn't do anything wrong, don't be too sad."

“Jiamo, I really don’t understand why. Have I changed? Or has he changed? Back then, we worked so hard to get into the same school. Chen Xun even skipped a big question on his physics exam so he could be with me. It wasn’t like this during military training, do you remember? He even picked up bullet casings for me! And before…”

“Fang Hui, things are different now,” Lin Jiamo interrupted her. “Haven’t I told you? As we grow up, you change, and so does he. He came here for you because he loved you, but now he’s leaving you for Shen Xiaotang because he doesn’t love you anymore. Love isn’t something that will stay the same in the future, do you understand? Love is the most unreliable thing in this world. Since he can forget the past, you should forget it too.”

“But I can’t bear to part with him… I love him, I still love him…” Fang Hui looked up at the sky, but tears still streamed down her face.

"Love is a matter between two people; the most tragic thing is a love that is only one-sided. Fang Hui, stop thinking about it. It's over. Everything is really over. From now on, Chen Xun is Chen Xun, and you are you. You have no other relationship." Lin Jiamo said, holding Fang Hui's shoulders.

Fang Hui burst into tears without hiding her emotions. Lin Jiamo patted her gently and said, "Cry, it'll all be over after you've cried. We'll start over..."

Fang Hui's phone rang again. This time it was a text message from Chen Xun, just three simple words: I'm sorry.

Fang Hui tremblingly held her phone up to Lin Jiamo, and said sadly, "Look, these past few days he's just been sending me the same messages over and over again. But I haven't answered him. Do you know why? Because he broke his promise. He promised me he would never apologize to me..."

Looking at Fang Hui shivering in the winter evening, and at the "I'm sorry" message flashing with a fluorescent green light in her hand, Lin Jiamo finally couldn't hold back her tears. She snatched Fang Hui's 8210 phone, deleted the message, and said, "What good is just saying sorry! I'm calling him and making him come and explain things to you in person!"

Fang Hui hurriedly grabbed her hand, shaking her head and saying, "No, Jia Mo, I don't want to talk to him! I don't want to talk to him! I don't feel like this person is Chen Xun! The Chen Xun I'm with wouldn't be like this! Don't let him come, I don't want to see him again!"

The two girls hugged each other and cried bitterly. The cold air conveyed the pain of their youth. Their hearts, which had not yet been numbed by society, deeply remembered all the scars.

Chen Xun never found Fang Hui again. He called her cell phone, but she hung up; he called her home phone, but she hung up; he sent her text messages, but she didn't reply; she was nowhere to be found on QQ. Just as Fang Hui had come into his life, she left without a trace.

Actually, Chen Xun wasn't incapable of finding her, but he didn't dare. He didn't know why, but he just couldn't face that delicate-looking girl. The mere thought of Fang Hui would cause him a pang of pain. Occasionally, when they bumped into each other on campus, seeing her hurried and evasive manner always made Chen Xun particularly sad. He felt that something between them wasn't over, that they should at least have a proper talk, even if it meant becoming strangers, at least say goodbye in person. But Fang Hui didn't give him that chance. She chose her own way to end things, leaving Chen Xun with a deep-seated heartache. After all these years, it would be a lie to say he still loved her, but it would also be a lie to say he didn't care.

Without Fang Hui, Chen Xun and Lin Jiamo actually grew closer, because he needed to hear glimpses of Fang Hui's life from Lin Jiamo. These glimpses, however, often tormented him: how thin she was, how withdrawn she was, how sorrowful she was, how pitiful she was… The word "pitiful" made both Chen Xun and Lin Jiamo extremely uncomfortable. They didn't want to pity Fang Hui; on the contrary, they wanted to see her doing well on her own. But fate was unkind; Fang Hui visibly withered away, as if she could vanish in a gust of wind.

Compared to Fang Hui's gloom, Shen Xiaotang radiated boundless beauty during that period, like she was glowing. She and Chen Xun got along very well and were very compatible; they always had endless things to talk about. Unlike Fang Hui, who was a listener, Shen Xiaotang was also a talker. She and Chen Xun, as a couple, often bickered and teased each other, and occasionally, when things got heated, they would argue. But unlike with Fang Hui, they didn't keep things bottled up; they would just talk it out, and that was enough.

Chen Xun said that he and Shen Xiaotang were really happy together back then, and he genuinely liked her and wanted to be with her. However, because of Fang Hui's presence, the happiness could never be fully enjoyed. It was like a party before an exam; no matter how much fun they had, they didn't feel at ease.

Chen Xun had discussed this with Song Ning in the dorm. Song Ning glanced at him sideways and said, "I'm telling you, you're insatiable! You're always looking for more than you have! Your standards are way too high! You want to be all lovey-dovey with 42, and you also want to get back together with 41. What are you thinking?!"

"What do you mean by getting back together! I just want Fang Hui to have a better life! You don't know what happened to her before, it's really heartbreaking. She's so reserved, she keeps everything bottled up inside, I'm really afraid she'll get sick," Chen Xun said with frustration.

"So you're saying you want to stay on good terms with 42 while 41 acts like nothing happened and is happy every day? Let me tell you, you can't! You know better than me how Fang Hui can be happy, right? She's only like this because she loves you so much. The only way to make her better is for you to get back together with her. But can you do that? You can't, can you? If you can't, then don't even talk about it! There's no such thing as a perfect solution. If you insist on doing that, it will only result in both of you losing." Song Ning said dismissively.

"So you're saying I'm just going to ignore Fang Hui?" Chen Xun asked blankly.

"The problem is you can't control it anymore! I think you've gotten too used to controlling it. You're not from Northeast China, so why are you acting like a Good Samaritan? Besides, you think you can just control relationships like that? You should let her be more independent. Everyone goes through a few breakups. Just think of it as her gaining experience here, so she won't be in so much pain next time she breaks up."

"I've noticed how heartless you can be. Fang Hui isn't the kind of girl who's easygoing; she values ​​love a lot. Another heartbreak? Another heartbreak and she probably won't fall in love again..."

“Dude, you’re not Jia Baoyu. You can’t treat all the girls around you like sisters. Jin Tingting, Ming Fanghui… you really don’t have the ability to handle them.” Song Ning put her arm around his neck and said, “Especially with Jia Mo, I beg you to loosen your grip. At least she has some ulterior motives towards you. You can’t keep asking her out every day like this!”

"Hey! So you were waiting for me all this way!" Chen Xun laughed and pushed him away. "Don't worry! I'm really not interested in your Jia Mo anymore. I already have to worry about this one. If there's another one, you might as well just get rid of me. I asked her out to ask about Fang Hui, wasn't it? Don't try to blame me for your own failures! If you're so capable, why don't you go after her every day!"

"I'm so desperate! But she's ignoring me!" Song Ning said with a wry smile. "Looks like I'll have to resort to some drastic measures."

"Hey, don't do anything reckless! The way you're looking at me gives me goosebumps!" Chen Xun said, glaring at him.

"Get out of my way! I'm doing this to take responsibility for my future and Lin Jiamo's. Unlike you, you have no sense of planning at all. I'm calling her right now, and you're not allowed to contact her tonight!"

"Alright, alright, I'm waiting to see your extraordinary methods!" Chen Xun waved his hand and said.

As they were talking, Kuang Qiang from next door strolled into their room again. As soon as he came in, he said, "Hey! So happy chatting about girls, huh? Let me tell you, I hooked up with another chick yesterday, and she's really innocent! I'm not bragging, she really is..."

"A virgin!" Chen Xun and Song Ning said in unison, and the three of them burst into laughter.

They made similar jokes every day, and no one paid any attention. At that time, Chen Xun had no idea how earth-shattering these seemingly unimportant words would become.

(7)

Song Ning ultimately failed to meet Lin Jiamo for dinner as planned. Clearly, Lin Jiamo's mind wasn't on him at the time, and the first thing she asked him when she saw him was, "Have you seen Chen Xun? I need to talk to him."

"I saw him, but it seems he doesn't really want you to look for him," Song Ning said casually.

"What do you mean? Stop being sarcastic!" Lin Jiamo said, frowning.

"He went out with Shen Xiaotang tonight. Is it convenient for you to contact him?" Song Ning asked with a smile.

"What's wrong with going out with Shen Xiaotang? Is she the Queen Mother of the West or one of the Seven Fairies? Can't mortals see her just because she's with him? That's ridiculous! So Chen Xun and Fang Hui are doing well. I don't care what I do. I'll see her if I want to, what's there to be afraid of!" Lin Jiamo said defiantly.

"Isn't that Fang Hui? Shen Xiaotang is not the same as Fang Hui. Come to think of it, seeing each other every day doesn't seem quite right for Fang Hui." Song Ning continued to press her.

“I was just talking to him about Fang Hui,” Lin Jiamo said, turning her head away angrily.

"Oh, so you went to see him to talk about Fang Hui, or you went to see him to talk about Fang Hui?" Song Ning raised her head somewhat provocatively.

Lin Jiamo glared at him angrily, then sneered, "If you grew hair, you'd be even smarter than a monkey. I won't beat around the bush with you, you're both. Are you satisfied with that answer?"

Her words left Song Ning speechless. He said in a hoarse voice, "Why are you so blunt with me?"

"Aren't you the same as me?" Lin Jiamo said coldly.

"Jiamo, you know that's not what I meant. Since you know I see things more clearly than you, take my advice and stop doing this. First, it's not worth it for you. Chen Xun is inseparable from Shen Xiaotang and still has lingering feelings for Fang Hui. How can he possibly care about you, or be sincere towards you? Second, it's bad for your relationship. Your so-called unbreakable friendship has already been severely tested after Chen Xun and Fang Hui broke up. If you add emotional entanglements on top of that, you'll definitely be completely ruined in the end, maybe even without any lingering feelings. Why bother? You only have a few years of youth. You can't withstand all this turmoil. When everything settles down, you won't have the energy to love or hate anymore. Jiamo, don't waste your time on this. Haven't you seen what Fang Hui is like? Do you want to become like her, or do you want to make things even worse for her?"

Song Ning spoke earnestly, and Lin Jiamo listened quietly without replying. She knew in her heart that every word Song Ning said made sense, but she just couldn't control herself rationally. There was always a bit of resentment tormenting her, and tormenting others as well.

Seeing that she didn't speak, Song Ning assumed that she had figured things out a bit, so he smiled and went over to pull her aside, saying, "I'm thirsty after talking so much. Come on, let's go eat! It's on me. Do you want curry rice or a clay pot?"

"I'm not going." Lin Jiamo shook off his hand and said, "Just because Chen Xun has something to do doesn't mean I have to eat with you. I'm going back to watch the 'Meteor Garden' DVD. I refuse to believe that I can't find a Hua Ze Lei without Dao Ming Si! By the way, there's a line in it that I think is really classic, 'If apologies were enough, what would we need the police for?' So I won't say those three words to you. Bye-bye!"

Lin Jiamo waved and walked away. Song Ning, both angry and amused, shouted after her, "Hey! I'm not any better than that temple flower!"

"You?" Lin Jiamo turned her head and smiled, "At most, you're just an extra. You'll need another hundred years of cultivation!"

Song Ning watched her retreating figure, her brows furrowing thoughtfully.

Unable to meet Lin Jiamo, Song Ning wandered off to eat alone. When he returned to his dormitory, Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang had already gone out. Gao Keshang was watching "The Idle Man Ma Dajie" and laughing, while Wang Senzhao was packing his things to go to self-study.

Song Ning looked at the notebook in Wang Senzhao's hand and suddenly realized what was going on, saying, "Boss, is this a political and economic notebook? Can I borrow it to make a copy?"

“There’s nothing wrong with it, but my notes aren’t very complete either, so please bear with them,” Wang Senzhao said with a smile as he handed them over.

"Thanks, boss! If your notes weren't complete, this CPA exam class wouldn't be complete either! You really saved me, I was about to give up on political economy because I hadn't taken any notes at all, I was definitely going to fail! Luckily you're here!" Song Ning said, tucking the notes into his pocket.

Wang Senzhao waved his hand, and Gao Keshang suddenly burst into laughter, startling both of them. Song Ning glared at him and said:

"Gao Shang! Can you shut up? If people didn't know better, they'd think Kuang Qiang was having an affair in our house!"

"This...this is really funny! My grandma and I both love watching it!" Gao Keshang said, pointing at the TV with a smile.

“What’s so interesting about it! I’ve noticed that you have the same hobbies as old women. Memorizing bus stop signs and watching the 6:30 Theater. Sigh, this boy can’t grow up with his grandma. He’ll always pick up this nagging habit!” Song Ning shook her head and said.

"What does it matter to you which elder I grew up with?" Gao Keshang glared at him and said, "You must have run into Lin Jiamo again and are now throwing a tantrum!"

"I...you..."

Song Ning was hit on the soft spot by him. Wang Senzhao patted him with a smile and said, "Alright, hurry up and go read your book. Gao Shang has already memorized half of my notes, and you haven't even read a single one yet."

"So this bastard was prepared all along! No wonder he was watching TV so carefree! I'm not going to waste my breath on you guys, I'm going to go print it out now!"

Song Ning went to the small printing shop at the east gate of the school. Business was booming there during finals. People were printing notes, exam papers, and even small cheat sheets. Long queues could be seen from afar. Students who didn't study hard usually put in a lot of effort at this time, some even staying up all night cramming in the hallways by the dim light of the toilet lights and floor lamps, not aiming for excellence but just passing, not aiming for postgraduate studies but just graduating.

Even with his cleverness, Song Ning couldn't cut in line and had no choice but to reluctantly walk to the back. He had just steadied himself when his eyes lit up; he saw a familiar, thin figure ahead of him. He excitedly walked over, patted the person on the shoulder, and said, "Hey! Fang Hui! Long time no see!"

Fang Hui turned her head and saw that it was Song Ning. She forced a smile as a greeting. She wasn't familiar with Chen Xun's roommates to begin with, and the breakup made things even more awkward. So, while avoiding Chen Xun, she also basically cut off contact with everyone around him.

Song Ning, however, didn't stand on ceremony and stood casually next to her, looking at the calculus notes tightly clutched in her hand and saying, "You also make notes? I always thought you were the kind of good student who was never late for class and always sat in the front row!"

"I'm not a good student. I haven't been taking notes in class lately," Fang Hui said calmly.

Song Ning immediately understood why she hadn't been taking notes in class lately. Looking at the excessively thin girl in front of her, Song Ning said with some pity, "Fang Hui, actually Chen Xun..."

"It has nothing to do with him, you don't need to say anything!" Fang Hui interrupted him. Perhaps she was too anxious all of a sudden, her tone was very firm. After she finished speaking, she even felt a little embarrassed herself, and quickly changed the subject, saying, "What kind of notes did you print?"

"Political and economic studies. Do you want it? It's the one from our dorm leader, it's really detailed. I want to print a copy for Jia Mo too, she doesn't study at all. If you want it, we can print it together, and you can take it to her for me later." Song Ning unfolded Wang Senzhao's notebook and said.

"No need, I already have the political and economics section." Fang Hui shook her head as she looked at the densely written text on it. "Give it to me later, and I'll put it on her. You really put a lot of thought into Jia Mo."

"Hey, no matter how hard I try, it's all just making things up. They don't care!" Song Ning said helplessly.

“No, I know Jia Mo. She wouldn’t even bother mentioning someone she truly doesn’t care about. But didn’t she dream about you? So you should have confidence in yourself,” Fang Hui said with a faint smile.

“But she wasn’t dreaming about me…” Song Ning said, lowering her head.

“How could it not be? She told me herself, that day at dinner…” Fang Hui paused for a moment, recalling the past, and the pain in her heart brought her back to her senses. She continued, “In short, it must be you.”

“It really isn’t.” Song Ning also stopped, as if she had made a great decision, and said, “Anyway, you and Chen Xun have broken up, so I won’t hide it from you anymore. The person she dreamed about that day was actually… Chen Xun…”

Fang Hui's expression froze instantly. She stared intently at Song Ning, as if he had said something unbelievable. After a long while, she said, her voice trembling, "Impossible! Don't talk nonsense, she clearly... she clearly..."

“I’m not lying! She told me everything, word for word, and Chen Xun knows too. Fang Hui, don’t be like this. I know you must be upset, but it’s the truth, and you have to face it. You’re a good girl, and we all want you to be okay. But I think it’s unfair that you’ve been kept in the dark, and this isn’t a good way to get over it. I just…”

Seeing Fang Hui's eyes gradually lose their luster and her face turn ashen, Song Ning finally couldn't bear to say anything more.

"Okay, thank you, goodbye." Fang Hui said somewhat incoherently. She waved absentmindedly at Song Ning and walked back with her notebook in her arms.

Song Ning looked at her worriedly, but didn't follow. He continued what he had just said to himself, "I just told you before they did..."

Fang Hui walked aimlessly down the street, her mind a jumbled mess of emotions—sadness, anger, frustration, confusion—all intertwined, leaving her completely disoriented. She couldn't remember how she got back to school, or how she managed to call Lin Jiamo, only repeatedly asking her why. All she remembered was crying, uncontrollably crying, until her eyes were dry. Finally, she walked out of the school gate, hailed a taxi, and ran away without looking back.

She felt that there was no place for her to stay in this school anymore.

When Fang Hui got home that evening, she turned off her computer and unplugged the phone as usual. She received an email from Qiao Ran, and this time, faced with the gentle and familiar message, "How are you? Best wishes and looking forward to your reply," she couldn't type "well." The computer screen gradually blurred before her eyes, and the keyboard was wet with tears. With each gentle touch of her fingers, every letter from A to Z was tinged with an inescapable, deep sorrow.

(8)

That winter, Qiao Ran returned to China.

He was extremely anxious upon receiving Fang Hui's email. Although the text was incoherent, Qiao Ran understood what had happened. His first thought was that he needed to return to China; he needed to see her. Realizing his own thoughts, Qiao Ran felt a pang of self-mockery. He had originally hidden away thousands of miles away to stop missing her, but now it seemed that it had only made the longing heavier, stretching across thousands of miles.

On the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, they had a gathering at the Yuhua Restaurant. Qiao Ran had organized it, and no one wanted to spoil the fun. Although all five of them felt uneasy, they still went. The spacious private room was very quiet. To this day, it seemed that none of them knew how to face the others or what to say.

According to their old dining custom, each person would order one dish, which was usually the liveliest time, with everyone rushing to order their favorite dishes first. The menu was practically flying around, and ordering was basically a scramble. But now, the red menu sat quietly on the glass turntable, seemingly mocking them. Qiao Ran reached out and picked it up first, saying, "You used to love braised pork knuckle, right? Let's start with a Dongpo pork knuckle! Fang Hui, what else do you want to order?"

Fang Hui took the menu, flipped through it, ordered an eggplant, and handed it to Zhao Ye. Zhao Ye didn't take it, saying in a low voice, "I don't care!" Chen Xun looked at it and was about to take it, but both his and Fang Hui's hands, suspended in mid-air, hesitated involuntarily, and the menu awkwardly fell onto the table. Zhao Ye picked it up irritably and pushed it towards Qiao Ran, saying, "You ordered it all! What a waste of time!"

Qiao Ran forced a smile and said, "Alright, I know I'll be treating as soon as I get back anyway, so I'll order something cheap so you guys won't rip me off!"

"You have the nerve to say that! Who gave you permission to leave without saying goodbye in the first place!" Chen Xun chimed in, trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm doing this so I can get a warm welcome when I come back! I've been following you guys for three years, you should at least give me some respect this time!" Qiao Ran said with a smile. "Zhao Ye, you should say something too! I just feel like you're not very welcoming to me!"

"The place I'm in is so damn cold, it's frozen my heart," Zhao Ye said casually.

Lin Jiamo pursed her lips and turned her head away. Qiao Ran stood up and patted Zhao Ye on the head, saying, "You haven't even had a drink yet, how can you be so high? What are you pretending to be, this artsy type!"

Zhao Ye smiled indifferently and started playing with his teacup.

"Shall we order some drinks?" Fang Hui suddenly looked up and asked.

Qiao Ran glanced at her and said, "No, we're just here to chat. What's the point of talking after we've had some drinks?"

“But…” Lin Jiamo said with some concern, “you can’t drink it.”

"Let's order something!" Fang Hui called to the waiter at the door.

Just as Qiao Ran was about to say something more, Chen Xun stopped him and said, "Forget it, let her drink if she wants to."

As soon as the waiter came in, Fang Hui said, "Bring ten bottles of beer first, and open them all."

This time, Chen Xun was also dumbfounded. He hurriedly gave Qiao Ran a look, but Qiao Ran glared at him and turned to Fang Hui, saying, "Why do we need so much? We can't drink that much!"

"It's okay, I can drink it," Fang Hui said calmly.

"What can you drink?!" Chen Xun couldn't help but shout. "I always get drunk after three cups, and I always come home with a headache and stomachache! Miss, I'll have three bottles!"

"Thank you, but don't bother. Do you know how much I can drink now?" Fang Hui said, looking blankly to the other side. "I still want ten, open them all!"

This was their first complete conversation since their breakup. Both of them were disheartened by the unfamiliar tone, and the people around them were speechless for a long time, unable to offer any words of comfort.

The waiter quickly brought over ten bottles of beer. Fang Hui, without waiting for a reply, took one, poured herself a glass, downed it in one gulp, and defiantly slammed the empty glass aside. Lin Jiaming silently drank with her, while Chen Xun, without a word, simply grabbed a bottle and chugged it down. Zhao Ye also grabbed a bottle and handed one to Qiao Ran. Qiao Ran watched them drinking silently, realizing that it was ultimately impossible to reason with them or persuade them otherwise.

The drinks were going down much faster than the food. Seeing Fang Hui's unfocused eyes and her outstretched hand that couldn't quite reach the glass, Qiao Ran couldn't sit still any longer. He took Fang Hui's glass aside and said, "Stop drinking! You'll get drunk if you drink any more!"

"I'm not drunk...cheers..." Fang Hui giggled and went over to snatch the glass from his hand.

Seeing Fang Hui's dazed look, Lin Jiamo felt extremely distressed. She stood up, grabbed Fang Hui's hand, and said, "Hui'er, don't be like this. I know I'm not good, but I... I really am... You can do whatever you want with me, but please don't torture yourself like this."

"Tell me, do you...do you like him?" Fang Hui pointed at Chen Xun and asked.

"I..." Lin Jiamo looked at her, unable to honestly say the word "I like you".

“I understand…” Fang Hui said with a light laugh, “I finally understand why you said that the most unreliable thing in this world is love. I think there’s nothing reliable left in this world…”

As soon as they finished speaking, both of them burst into tears. Chen Xun, with red eyes, stood up abruptly and said, "Jia Mo, get out of the way. This isn't your fault, it's my problem. Fang Hui, if you have something on your mind, tell me. Don't keep it bottled up, it's not good. I'm listening carefully."

"Why should I talk to you! Who do you think you are!" Zhao Ye grabbed a wine glass and threw it at Chen Xun. Chen Xun tilted his head slightly, and the glass grazed his face before hitting the wall behind him. The crisp sound ignited the anger that had been building up in silence. "Why did you abandon Fang Hui after starting something? Why are you still entangled with Lin Jia Mo?! You're cheating on me with so many women and now you're pretending to be a good guy! What are you acting all high and mighty for!"

"Look at this! This is the girl you said you liked the most back then!" Zhao Ye pulled up the limp Fang Hui, then patted his chest and said, "This is the buddy you said you'd die for! You're kidding us, aren't you!"

As Zhao Ye spoke, he grew angrier and angrier. He swung his fist and punched Chen Xun in the face. Chen Xun fell to the ground, his lip split open, and shards of glass pierced his palm. But he didn't feel any pain. The most painful place was in his heart, and the pain was so intense that he felt like he was dying.

Lin Jiamo rushed forward and grabbed Zhao Ye, who was still trying to hit her, crying loudly, "Are you crazy! What are you doing! I'm the one who said I liked him, not him! Even if he's wrong, you can't control falling in love with someone else!"

"Love? You call this love? Look at Fang Hui, you call this love? You're all so selfish! You don't treat others like human beings at all!" Zhao Ye's eyes were red, but he still couldn't bear to pull Lin Jia Mo's hand away. He angrily pulled a yellowed plaster cast from his pocket. It was a memento from when he broke his leg and reached the Nike Cup finals. It had all their names and all the sincere feelings from that year on it. Zhao Ye held the plaster cast up in front of them, tears welling up in his eyes, and said, "This was something I wanted to keep for a lifetime, but now I feel fucking disgusted just looking at it! You can all fucking play with it!"

The plaster cast bearing their marks was slammed to the ground. The moment it shattered, they all involuntarily closed their eyes, none of them able to bear watching the beauty of the past turn to dust.

The prolonged silence chilled their hearts to the bone. Fang Hui began to retch. Qiao Ran supported her, looking at the chaotic scene before them with grief and indignation, and roared, “Stop fucking acting like this! What do you want? Break up? Get lost! Open your eyes! I’m Qiao Ran! This is Fang Hui! Chen Xun! Zhao Ye! Lin Jiamo! We were inseparable friends for three years of high school! Not enemies! What happened? What happened? Have you all forgotten those days? Those happy, carefree days? You can’t do this… You can’t do this…”

Qiao Ran burst into tears, and everyone else shed tears as well. Fang Hui gazed at Chen Xun with a melancholy expression, sobbing uncontrollably.

Qiao Ran gently helped her up, took out three hundred yuan and gave it to Chen Xun, saying, "Clean this up, I'll take her out to calm down."

Qiao Ran helped Fang Hui out of the restaurant. Fang Hui was crying and vomiting, and her mind was no longer clear. Qiao Ran didn't care about the mess; he carried her across the street, bought tissues and bottled water from a convenience store, and wiped her down. Fang Hui couldn't stand up, so she sat on the curb, leaning against Qiao Ran, sobbing and crying, "You know... how could Jia Mo like Chen Xun... She and I were best friends... The day I saw Su Kai off, it was raining, and I felt so sad seeing her alone on the platform. I wished her would find a good boy... Liking someone isn't wrong... but why did she have to like Chen Xun?"

"Let's not talk about it anymore, Fang Hui, let's not talk about it anymore..." Qiao Ran said, holding her tightly in his arms with tears in his eyes, "Let's forget about it, just treat it as a dream."

“How could I forget? All those good days? I can’t bear to… Chen Xun was so good to me… When no one else paid attention to me, he would always come and talk to me. I was so quiet and unnoticed, yet he said I was good, said he liked me… He called me every day, and gave me a plush hippo cow with a stone bearing his name on it! Oh, and we even bought rings, one for each of us, only 18 yuan. I’m still wearing mine, wait a minute, I’ll show you… Oh, I forgot it at home, I can’t find it… You know, we were so close, how could I bear to forget… I don’t want to forget at all…”

"You're reluctant to let go? It's okay, forget about it, I remember. You live your life without him, and I'll remember everything about you two..." Qiao Ran said, pulling her exposed hand back into his arms.

Fang Hui shook her head and said, "Why don't you like me anymore? Am I not good enough? But I never wanted to cause him any trouble... I really, really like him... After I found out about Shen Xiaotang, I always wanted to ask him, but I was afraid he would find me annoying and make wild guesses, so I held back... Later, when they sang together, I finally asked him... He said he liked her... I felt so sad then... He clearly said he would like me for a lifetime, he also said we would get married and have children, we would buy groceries, do laundry, cook... Oh right, he wanted you to be his best man and Jia Mo to be his bridesmaid... But now, only three years later, how could he change his mind? How could everyone change? Does he not believe we can be together? But I still believe... Is Shen Xiaotang really that good? The song he sang with Shen Xiaotang was one he wrote for me... 'The Fleeting Years'... I'll sing it for you... 'How long has the dappled shadow of the trees under the moonlight lasted? How many times has the girl in the white dress passed by this street? How many times have I looked back into your eyes under the setting sun? How many regrets have you had that have always clouded your love'..."

Fang Hui sang "The Fleeting Years" intermittently in Qiao Ran's arms. Both of their faces were wet, and it was impossible to tell whose tears had soaked whose.

On the other side, Zhao Ye and Chen Xun helped Lin Jiamo stagger out. As they descended the steps, Lin Jiamo silently pulled her hand away from Chen Xun's and leaned all her weight on Zhao Ye. Chen Xun glanced at her sadly and walked across the street.

Lin Jiamo and Zhao Ye sat on the curb. Looking at Chen Xun's retreating figure, her eyes reddened as she said, "Zhao Ye... I'm sorry. I know you'll be sad, but I still told you I like Chen Xun... You're right, I'm a selfish person. From Su Kai to Chen Xun, I liked them but never considered anyone else's feelings, not even their own... So I can't get love. I deserve it, I brought it on myself, I..."

"Stop talking, Jia Mo!" Zhao Ye covered her mouth and said, "It's my fault. I shouldn't have said those things to you. I'm jealous, not only jealous but also wronged... But Jia Mo, I don't blame you, I can't blame you. You can't force someone to like you. I was too stupid to understand, and I wasn't prepared or patient enough to bear this pain... I know you don't like me, no matter what I do, you won't like me... I don't ask for anything else, just let me hold your hand for a while, okay? Like last time when we went to Qinglong Gorge, just for a little while..."

Lin Jiamo cried as she took his hand. Zhao Ye held her hands tightly and said, "Actually, quite a few people like me. The girls at my university all love watching me play basketball. But when I go back this time, I really won't like you anymore. Don't regret it!"

"Hmm..." Lin Jiamo wiped her face and said, "I don't have a chance to regret it now."

"You know, now that I'm holding your hand, it reminds me of the day we graduated, when we held hands under the big tree. Actually, I was always standing close to you on purpose back then, just hoping for a chance to hold your hand... Sigh, why does it feel like this is so far away? It's only been half a year, how come it feels like it was in a past life?"

“Because…we can never go back…” Lin Jiamo said with great pain as she closed her eyes.

Chen Xun crossed the road and walked straight to Fang Hui. He squatted down, took Fang Hui's hand, and said, "Fang Hui, don't cry, your face... your face should be wrinkled..."

Before he could finish speaking, he started crying. Fang Hui cried even harder, tightly gripping Chen Xun's hand and saying, "Chen Xun, can we not break up? I'll change anything I've done wrong, okay? Didn't you say you wanted me to stay with you forever? If you don't want me anymore, how can I stay with you forever..."

"Fang Hui, don't say that. I feel terrible, really terrible..." Chen Xun said, pressing her hand against his face.

"It won't work, right? It still won't work, will it?" Fang Hui looked at him in despair.

"I feel sorry for you, I can't bear to part with you. You are someone I will never forget in this lifetime. I really want to take my heart out and show it to you! I want to hear your voice every day. I can only feel at ease when I know that you have eaten well and slept well... Fang Hui, promise me that you will let me find you and know that you are doing well in the future, okay?" Chen Xun took another step forward as if afraid that she would run away.

"But you still don't like me... I beg you, you still won't like me!" Fang Hui forcefully pulled her hand away from Chen Xun's grasp and shouted, "If you don't like me, then get away! Get away!"

No matter what Chen Xun said after that, Fang Hui just cried and begged him to leave. Seeing that Fang Hui was getting emotional again, Qiao Ran quickly hugged her tightly. He waved to Chen Xun, who looked reluctant, indicating that he should not stay there.

Chen Xun awkwardly walked back to this side of the road. He stopped in front of Lin Jiamo and Zhao Ye, bent down, and said, "Could you two go and try to persuade Fang Hui? She's been crying the whole time, and she can't stand the cold outside..."

"Can you not say this in front of Jia Mo? You know she likes you! She's a girl too! She's hurting too!" Zhao Ye stood up angrily and confronted Chen Xun.

"Jia Mo, I'm so sorry, but please, please try to talk to Fang Hui... She keeps crying and crying, and she won't listen to anything I say. If this continues, she'll be ruined..." Chen Xun ignored Zhao Ye and continued to plead with Lin Jia Mo through his tears.

“Chen Xun, you don’t need to apologize to me. I did it willingly. Maybe I really shouldn’t have liked you… But Fang Hui can only be persuaded by you. It won’t work if I or Zhao Ye say it… I hurt her, but her fatal wound is here, and it was you who caused it.” Lin Jiamo pointed to her heart and said.

Helpless, Chen Xun turned around and walked in that direction again. He stopped in the middle of the road, feeling unable to get closer to either side. He suddenly remembered the promise he had made to Fang Hui many years ago. Back then, he had vowed that if he abandoned Fang Hui, he would make everyone turn against him. Now, looking at Fang Hui crying her heart out in front of him, and then at Lin Jia Mo with her lifeless eyes, Chen Xun felt that there really was a divine will at work.

The festive atmosphere of the Spring Festival still lingered amidst the bright lights and bustling streets. The narrow road seemed like an insurmountable distance. Chen Xun stood on the busy street and burst into tears.

(9)

They stayed out until after midnight before going home separately. Qiao Ran saw Fang Hui off, and Zhao Ye saw Lin Jiamo off. Before leaving, they didn't know how to say goodbye to Chen Xun. Chen Xun waved and turned to walk into the night.

Their commotion was getting out of hand, and things weren't peaceful at home either. Xu Yanxin couldn't find Fang Hui and grew increasingly anxious. Finally, she couldn't hold back any longer and called Zhang Xiaohua. Hearing that Chen Xun hadn't returned either, she felt a little relieved, but her heart was still pounding. The child was all grown up; who knew if she might do something foolish? The two mothers' arguments became increasingly absurd and they clashed more and more. One said to stop Chen Xun from calling home so often, while the other said to stop Fang Hui from writing letters and love letters all the time. In the end, they parted on bad terms.

As soon as Chen Xun got home, Zhang Xiaohua called him to the living room. She frowned and said, "Where have you been? Why are you so late? You didn't even call home to let us know, and you didn't answer your cell phone. We were so worried!"

"Didn't I tell you? When Qiao Ran comes back, a few of us will get together for a meal. The restaurant is so noisy, how can we hear the phone ringing?" Chen Xun, who had drunk quite a bit and was feeling a bit of a headache from the wind, said while lying back on the sofa.

Zhang Xiaohua poured him a glass of water and handed it to him, saying, "Just eat, why drink so much?"

"Hey, we're all grown up now, what's wrong with having a drink?" Chen Xun said, taking the cup.

"What are you afraid of? Drinking with a girl! I'm afraid you'll get into trouble! You're old enough to understand, but you need to think things through. You have to take responsibility for your actions. You can't just act recklessly and cause trouble for her family! And then you'll be completely unreasonable!" Zhang Xiaohua got angrier and angrier, remembering Xu Yanxin's tone earlier. "Fang Hui is such a girl. She looks so quiet and gentle, how come she's so immature?"

"What nonsense are you talking about? We're just having a meal, what's wrong with that?" Chen Xun was also feeling annoyed, and when he heard that what his mother said was completely untrue, he retorted.

"What's wrong? Her mother even called the house! What are you two doing? You weren't studying properly in your senior year of high school, and you still haven't learned your lesson after getting into W University. Even when you're dating, you're not causing your parents any more worry!"

"Alright, alright, I know what to do! If you guys hadn't messed things up in our senior year, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"What do you mean 'that's enough'? What's wrong with you? Can't parents discipline their children? You think you're all grown up now and don't deserve to be treated like this!"

"I give up! I'm sleepy, time for bed!"

Chen Xun stood up irritably, ignoring Zhang Xiaohua's grumbling behind him, and went back to his room, locking the door behind him. He saw a text message from Shen Xiaotang on his phone and wanted to call her, but his hand unconsciously dialed Fang Hui's number. He knew those numbers by heart; he could dial them flawlessly in the dark without looking at the keyboard. By the time he realized it, Fang Hui had already answered the phone.

When that soft "hello" came through, Chen Xun was stunned. He hadn't called Fang Hui for a while because he always got hung up on after they broke up. Today, by such a twist of fate, hearing her voice again, Chen Xun felt as if he had been transported to another world.

“Hello…I…” Chen Xun paused before speaking.

There was a sudden silence on the other end. Chen Xun closed his eyes and tried to disconnect again, but after a long time, he heard no busy signal. He asked again in confusion, and only then did the other end respond softly with "Hmm".

This subtle change made Chen Xunxi involuntarily speak. He stammered, "Did your mom say anything to you tonight? I think she talked to my mom on the phone. Are you still throwing up? Pour yourself some hot water to drink, don't catch a cold. You might feel even worse tomorrow, and you'll have a headache when you wake up."

Hearing his words, Fang Hui burst into tears again. Deep down, she wasn't as resolute as she appeared. Fang Hui desperately wanted Chen Xun to turn back, even if she didn't love him as much as before, just to be together. But she feared hearing a cold answer from Chen Xun. After all, there was Shen Xiaotang between them. Occasionally, when Fang Hui saw that beautiful and cheerful girl on campus, she felt ashamed of herself. So she had always avoided Chen Xun, refusing to see him, speak to him, or see or hear anything about him. But this face-to-face encounter broke down her defenses. Tears, jealousy, sadness, resentment, and love all surged forth clearly. Chen Xun stood before her, crying for her, being beaten for her, even holding her hand. The moment the warmth spread from her familiar skin, Fang Hui succumbed, for it was the little bit of warmth she craved.

After her love and friendship were shattered, Fang Hui could no longer refuse the person she deeply loved and longed for.

"Thank you..." Fang Hui said, suppressing her sobs.

"You're welcome." The polite words made Chen Xun feel extremely uncomfortable.

Why are you calling me?

"I'm used to it..."

"Oh, okay."

"Um."

"goodbye."

"Bye-Bye."

The brief call ended with busy signals on both of their receivers, and Fang Hui lay on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably.

Phone calls can become a habit, taking care of someone can become a habit, showing concern can become a habit, and sending greetings can become a habit, but love can never become a habit.

Since then, Chen Xun and Fang Hui have resumed some contact, but it's only through text messages or phone calls to say hello. However, despite their different feelings, they both take it seriously.

That winter, another major event occurred in Chen Xun's love life: he made love with Shen Xiaotang.

After seeing Qiao Ran off, Chen Xun didn't go out much. Two days before the start of the semester, Shen Xiaotang called him. Neither of them could think of a place to go. Since no one was home, Chen Xun simply invited her over, thinking they could discuss it in person.

Unexpected yet perfectly logical, everything from hugging to kissing to caressing to falling onto the bed to undressing and making love happened naturally. It was their first time together, so some impulsiveness and awkwardness were inevitable, but they genuinely gave each other their all, without reservation.

After the passion subsided, Shen Xiaotang didn't cry. She nestled against Chen Xun and said, "I'm a virgin."

Chen Xun nodded and said, "I'm a virgin too."

Shen Xiaotang stared at him and said, "I'm the original."

Chen Xun hugged her tightly and said, "I wasn't assembled either."

Shen Xiaotang pinched his waist and said, "You're so unromantic."

"Should I cry and beg you to take responsibility for me?" Chen Xun said, squeezing her hand tightly.

"Fine, the best scenario is that I'm all dressed, and you grab my pant leg and refuse to let me go, insisting that I give you an explanation. A vow for a lifetime isn't enough; it has to be at least three lifetimes, a vow to be my person in life and my ghost in death," Shen Xiaotang said with a smile.

Chen Xun rolled over and pinned her down, pretending to grit his teeth as he said, "Looks like you still have some strength! I'm asking you to take responsibility for me a second time!"

Shen Xiaotang twisted and said, "No. It hurts..."

"Then why didn't you say so just now?" Chen Xun kissed her and said.

“I’d like to,” Shen Xiaotang said, tilting her head back.

"I love you," Chen Xun said, hugging her tightly.

"The book says that when a man says 'I love you' after making love, it's the most hypocritical thing he can say," Shen Xiaotang said, looking at the ceiling.

"I will take responsibility for you."

"This is the second hypocritical statement."

"Who the hell wrote this book?!"

"Who cares! Even if you're being hypocritical for now, can you be hypocritical forever?" Shen Xiaotang said, hugging his neck.

“…Okay.” Chen Xun felt a little sad. He knew that Shen Xiaotang actually wanted to hear him say these words, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them. After Fang Hui, he never wanted to say anything about forever again.

Later I asked Chen Xun if he and Fang Hui had ever had sex.

Chen Xun said he hadn't. Although he had countless opportunities and had been intimate to the point of almost forgetting himself, he just hadn't gone all the way. Before, it was because he was too young and lacked courage; later, it was because he wasn't in the mood. Chen Xun had a unique understanding of sex and love. He said that if he and Fang Hui had done it, they probably wouldn't have broken up, and if he and Shen Xiaotang hadn't, they might not have broken up either. In short, their love was passionate and chaotic, yet they maintained their initial purity in their physical relationship. Therefore, he concluded that it was wrong to say that the sexually open and promiscuous behavior of those born in the 1980s was inappropriate. We did have earlier exposure to sex, but our actual sexual experiences were probably similar to the transgressions our parents committed during the Cultural Revolution, not as demonized as those in America and Japan.

The two got up and got out of bed. Chen Xun took the sheets to the bathroom to wash them, while Shen Xiaotang leaned against the door, feeling embarrassed, and said, "How about... you don't wash them, just give me the sheets, I'll keep them as a souvenir."

"How are you going to carry such a big order? My mom is so meticulous; if even one sheet is missing, she'll definitely interrogate me. Besides, I wanted to keep it as a souvenir!" Chen Xun said with a smile.

"What kind of souvenir do you want to keep..." Shen Xiaotang said, blushing.

"Sigh, alright, now that the physical evidence is gone, let's both keep it in mind." Chen Xun unfolded the bed sheet; the cotton sheet, damp with watermarks, was slightly transparent in the sunlight, leaving no trace.

"Let's go, we still need to buy medicine," Chen Xun said after hanging up the bed sheets. "Do you know what that medicine is called...?"

"How would I know?" Shen Xiaotang said, lowering her head.

“Kuang Qiang keeps nagging me, but I haven’t been listening. I’ll call Sun Tao and ask him; he must know too.”

Chen Xun called Sun Tao, who teased and mocked him for a long time before finally revealing the name of the emergency contraceptive pill. He also insisted that Chen Xun bring Shen Xiaotang over for dinner with everyone that evening.

Chen Xun bought a pill called "Levonorgestrel" at an adult store near their house. Besides the pill, he also bought a box of condoms and stuffed them in his bag. He walked in with a stiff upper lip, feeling a little awkward. Shen Xiaotang was waiting for him across the street. After Chen Xun came out, the two walked for a while like strangers before stopping at a corner. Shen Xiaotang then discreetly opened the pill box and carefully read the instructions.

"Two pills... and we have to divide them into different time slots, what a hassle," Shen Xiaotang said, clutching the pills in her hand.

"Here's some water, have some to eat first!" Chen Xun said, opening the bottle of mineral water and handing it to her.

"What's the rush? It's fine within 72 hours." Shen Xiaotang raised her eyes to look at him.

"No, I don't feel at ease. I feel bad when I think about Yang Qing. I'm afraid you will too..." Chen Xun shook his head and said.

Shen Xiaotang felt a chill run down her spine. She took out a pill and swallowed it, frowning as she said, "I think it's really unfair. Why is it that only women take the pill while men are fine? This medicine should be designed to have two versions, one for men and one for women, like Baijiahei (a Chinese medicine for men and women). That would be more like it."

"Nonsense! Men can't get pregnant, why would they eat this!" Chen Xun said with a smile.

"Nonsense! Would women get pregnant without you men? Do you think you're all Nuwa?" Shen Xiaotang glared at him and said, "I've figured it out, men are all the type to eat and leave! Not a single one of them is any good!"

"What are you talking about! Why are you so cynical, like Joan of Arc! I haven't left yet, I still want to eat!" Chen Xun grabbed Shen Xiaotang's hand and said, "Let's go, Sun Tao and the others are waiting for us to eat."

Shen Xiaotang struggled slightly, but still got into the car with him.

Sun Tao and Tang Haibing arrived early, while Yang Qing declined, saying she had something to do. Wu Tingting and Chen Xun entered one after the other. Shen Xiaotang was more outgoing than Fang Hui; the two girls started chatting at the door and continued inside. They already knew about Chen Xun and Fang Hui's breakup. Sun Tao was indifferent, Tang Haibing was rather excited, and only Wu Tingting sighed slightly. But upon seeing Shen Xiaotang in person, she couldn't say anything. A girl like Shen Xiaotang, probably no boy wouldn't like her.

Sun Tao deliberately ordered a plate of stir-fried pork kidneys, which made Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang blush. Later, Chen Xun simply became shameless and placed the stir-fried pork kidneys in front of himself and Shen Xiaotang, saying, "Whoever needs this dish can eat it. Only the two of us need it at this table, so neither of you are allowed to touch it."

Wu Tingting instinctively wanted to help Shen Xiaotang out of the awkward situation, but Shen Xiaotang had already started eating without any hesitation. She and Chen Xun held hands, and Chen Xun whispered in her ear, "My hands are shaking a little..."

Shen Xiaotang smiled and said, "Me too."

The group finished their meal happily, and Chen Xun was especially pleased. It had been a long time since he had such a pleasant get-together with his childhood friends. They then played pool together before taking Shen Xiaotang home. The bus was nearly empty around 10 p.m. Shen Xiaotang sat on Chen Xun's lap, humming "Those Fleeting Years." Chen Xun looked out the window; the intersection they passed was familiar. He had walked this route before when he took Fang Hui home, except that her house and Shen Xiaotang's house were in opposite directions, one to the east and one to the west. The bus turned a corner and slowly left the intersection behind.

(10)

When spring arrived in 2002, it brought with it the sweet scent of lilacs. The freshmen who enrolled in 2001 gradually became lazy, no longer rushing to the classroom early in the morning to reserve seats, and no longer hurrying to the cafeteria for lunch. Everything seemed so peaceful, and life pretended to continue quietly.

Fang Hui spent all her time in her dorm except for classes. Xue Shan was being pursued by a boy from the next class and was always out on dates. Liu Yunwei had been promoted in the student council, from a member to a committee member, and was extremely busy. Li Qi lived nearby and often went back to call her boyfriend, so Fang Hui was usually alone during the day, enjoying her freedom. Chen Xun and she still maintained a tenuous connection. Fang Hui had many of his text messages saved on her phone, but almost all of them were just phrases like "What are you doing?" or "How have you been lately?" When her inbox, which could only hold 20 messages, was full, Fang Hui hesitated for a long time about whether to delete the "What are you doing?" messages from March or April. Later, she simply wrote them down on paper, noting the time and date. Looking at the pages filled with short phrases of only three or four words shorter than the dates, Fang Hui felt as if her heart was wrapped in cotton, aching with a tightness in her chest.

Every Tuesday afternoon after the two classes, Fang Hui would disappear for a while. During the 10-minute break, she would run up three floors. From the window in the corridor, she could see Chen Xun, who was taking the elective course with Shen Xiaotang. The two of them always came together, walked around the front building to this place, and there was a large patch of lilacs downstairs. Occasionally, Shen Xiaotang would stop and pick a couple of flowers. Whenever this happened, Chen Xun would show a doting smile on his face, which was both familiar and unfamiliar.

Fang Hui watched their sweet little gestures from what she considered a safe distance. This self-destructive behavior was something she couldn't resist; it made her uncomfortable every time she saw it, yet she still wanted to look. She figured she probably still loved seeing Chen Xun's smile, because she had experienced it firsthand and knew how wonderful it was.

In the evenings, Fang Hui would often call Chen Xun's dorm and home. Even if the line was busy, she would listen for a while, and if it connected, she would hang up immediately after one ring. There was never a verbal exchange, but Fang Hui constantly imagined his life—whether he was on the phone with Shen Xiaotang, chatting with his dormmates, going to an internet cafe to play Counter-Strike, or doing other things she no longer knew. She called frequently, but she didn't even finish using her 20-yuan 201 card by 2003.

I think this process must have been painful, but Fang Hui kept proving in the midst of the pain that she was still in love, in a somewhat desperate way.

Conversely, Chen Xun's days were simple and happy. He was very happy with Shen Xiaotang; they ate together, studied together, strolled around the playground together, shared kisses in the woods, and even booked rooms at small hotels together. They always packed their things in advance, bringing towels, toilet paper, face wash, and toothbrushes. Shen Xiaotang was a little bit of a germaphobe, so she also brought a small blanket to use as a mattress on the hotel bed. She was proud and refused to move such things out of the dormitory, so Chen Xun had to bring them. Song Ning was very shrewd and could see through his plan at a glance. Every time, she would ask seriously, "Why are you taking the blanket?" Chen Xun would grit his teeth and answer, "To take it home and wash it!" After that, whenever he went out, everyone would vaguely say that he was going to wash the blanket.

Chen Xun bought a large hiking backpack specifically for this purpose. He prepared his things and went downstairs around 11 o'clock. He and Shen Xiaotang usually met at a small intersection outside the school gate. They were too embarrassed to go out together, fearing that they would run into classmates and feel awkward.

They'd practically slept at every small hotel around the school, constantly changing locations, like a cunning rabbit with multiple burrows. But even so, they still ran into Kuang Qiang. This guy had reached the level of a cunning rabbit with countless burrows, always on the move; his advertising slogan was "There's always one that suits you." Chen Xun figured he was bound to run into him someday on this hotel street. At the time, Kuang Qiang knowingly winked and waved at him, then discreetly checked into his room and left. Unfortunately, they ended up in the next room. The soundproofing was poor at night, and the noise bothered Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang.

Chen Xun told me that Kuang Qiang is alright if you disregard his lustful desires, but considering these three points, he's basically no different from a discarded condom. I laughed and said, "You're not simple either, you've perfectly proven what that famous host said: 'Spring isn't something you shout about, it's something you actually do!'"

If that spring had just passed by so slowly, perhaps everything would have passed, those who loved would have loved, and those who forgot would have been forgotten.

But they were all wrong.

Just as it started to get a little warm, Shen Xiaotang suddenly became very busy. The school's drama club was preparing for the annual "Nine O'Clock Drama Festival," and Shen Xiaotang, as a key member, was assigned to write, direct, and act in the opening play. Being a playful person, she readily agreed, but she encountered problems while working on it. She basically stopped listening to the lectures and focused solely on writing the script, even insisting that Chen Xun compose original music for her.

Chen Xun also gave a lot of support to Shen Xiaotang's enthusiasm, acting as a porter, event backdrop maker, sound engineer, lighting technician, bag carrier, and so on—basically, he did all sorts of odd jobs he could. It wasn't until later, during rehearsals, when they were reciting long passages of arias, that Chen Xun finally couldn't take it anymore and stopped participating. He was only absent for two weeks, but Shen Xiaotang already had complaints, saying he didn't value her, didn't take her hobbies seriously, that she was there when their instrumental music club needed support the most, and he was absent when their drama club needed support the most… Chen Xun couldn't stand her half-coquettish, half-threatening nagging, so he had no choice but to continue rehearsing with her.

Chen Xun never expected that Fang Hui would stand on the stage during the two weeks he was absent.

Fang Hui was personally recruited by Shen Xiaotang. She needed a quiet, reserved, and submissive actress, and had been struggling to find the right person. A chance encounter at school made her immediately realize Fang Hui was the one. When Fang Hui looked at her with a slightly melancholic and aloof gaze, Shen Xiaotang instantly felt she had found the right person. And facing Shen Xiaotang's warm and welcoming smile, Fang Hui didn't refuse. In fact, she even thought to herself, "Maybe I'll get to see Chen Xun this time."

When Chen Xun arrived, Fang Hui was memorizing a line. She didn't have many scenes; she played an abandoned girl, and her longest line was only a few sentences, spoken just before her suicide. The unnatural expressions on their faces caught the attention of the usually oblivious Shen Xiaotang, who asked Chen Xun suspiciously, "What, do you know each other?"

“He’s a high school classmate,” Fang Hui said, quickly averting her eyes.

"Oh? What a coincidence! Chen Xun, why didn't you say so sooner! I've been searching for her everywhere!" Shen Xiaotang slapped Chen Xun and then grabbed his hand.

Chen Xun felt his heart skip a beat, but Fang Hui acted as if she hadn't noticed and continued reciting the script. Shen Xiaotang walked away to make arrangements, and Chen Xun sat down in front of Fang Hui and whispered, "Why?"

"I think it's quite interesting," Fang Hui replied casually.

"Nonsense! When have you ever joined in on this kind of fun!" Chen Xun said, frowning.

"Then I'd like to see what your girlfriend looks like, is that alright?" Fang Hui raised her eyes and looked at him with a wistful gaze. "Or, to put it another way, I'd also like to see you, would you believe me?"

"What...what are you doing..." Chen Xun sighed.

"Fang Hui, is it ready? Shall we try it again?" Shen Xiaotang ran over and said.

Fang Hui nodded and said, "I'll give it a try."

Shen Xiaotang laughed and said, "Okay, let's get ready to begin! Hey, hey, hey! You male student over there, we haven't let you leave yet! You can go move the tables and chairs now, don't disturb our actors' preparation for their scenes!"

Helpless, Chen Xun cleared a space for them. Fang Hui was moved around by Shen Xiaotang and stood awkwardly in the middle, reciting the lines.

"One day you will forget me, throwing yourself into a new love and indulging in her world; one day you will have a beautiful wife and lovely children; one day you will be busy in the bustling crowd, forgetting the dreams of your youth; one day we will pass each other by, but we will not recognize each other; one day you will occasionally hear my name, but you will not remember what I look like; one day you will die in a hospital ward, never thinking of me again. Because what belongs to me will disappear with my life."

Fang Hui's performance was very awkward; she lacked any facial expressions or movements, and even her voice was barely audible. This clearly did not meet the requirements of a stage play. Shen Xiaotang couldn't help but shake her head and say, "Fang Hui, you need to immerse yourself in the role, not just be yourself. And you must open your voice up. At this volume, even the first row might have trouble hearing you. Let's do it again. Remember, louder!"

Fang Hui nodded awkwardly and tried again. Shen Xiaotang was still not satisfied, and they kept doing this several times until Chen Xun finally couldn't sit still any longer. He raised his hand high and said, "Stop, stop, stop! Director Shen, I don't think Fang Hui is suitable for this role. Let's just forget about it."

"Really? I think it's great! Don't dampen our enthusiasm! Fang Hui, it's okay, let's do it again!" Shen Xiaotang said to Fang Hui with a smile.

"No way! Absolutely not! Look at her, she has absolutely no stage presence. This is just a rehearsal; if she were actually on stage, she wouldn't be able to remember a single line!" Chen Xun said as he walked over.

"What's wrong with you? How can you say that? It's okay, I support you! Fang Hui, you continue!" Shen Xiaotang glared at Chen Xun and pulled him behind her.

"I'm not kidding, you have to listen to the audience's opinions!" Chen Xun said anxiously.

"Do you think I'm no good no matter what?" Fang Hui asked, pursing her lips and looking up.

“No…” Chen Xun looked at her and suddenly fell silent.

Shen Xiaotang thought Fang Hui was angry, so she quickly tried to smooth things over, saying, "No, no! Don't mind him. He sometimes has these episodes. He's supposed to take his medicine today, but I just forget about it later. Aren't you high school classmates? He was like this back in high school, right? Trust me, it's really fine! Just practice a few more times!"

"Fine, I'm not going to bother with you anymore, you can deal with it yourselves!"

Chen Xun picked up his bag and walked out. Shen Xiaotang called him from behind, but he didn't turn around. For some reason, listening to that disgusting monologue and seeing Fang Hui standing alone in the middle of a group of people, watching her helplessly being stared at, Chen Xun felt extremely suffocated.

He didn't want to see Fang Hui suffer, especially not to see her suffer next to Shen Xiaotang, who was unaware of the situation.

(11)

The following Tuesday, when rehearsals were to begin, Fang Hui did not see Chen Xun as expected in the teaching building. To be precise, Chen Xun only made a brief appearance before disappearing. Shen Xiaotang entered the building alone.

Fang Hui felt a little disappointed that she couldn't see Chen Xun for long, but at the same time, she felt a little smug because she didn't see Chen Xun smiling as he walked towards Shen Xiaotang. Just as she turned around, lost in thought, a call from behind made her instantly lose her composure.

"Fang Hui," Chen Xun said, panting as he looked at her.

"How...how did you know...I was here?" Fang Hui answered somewhat flusteredly.

"I can sense it, just like you can find me on the playground, you can spot me with just a glance," Chen Xun said, pointing to the top of his head.

"Oh..." Fang Hui blinked her eyes and said, "What is it..."

What class is in a little while?

"hearing."

"Come on, hang up."

"ah?"

"Let's go for a walk."

Fang Hui didn't answer, but Chen Xun went downstairs first. After walking down two flights of stairs, he turned around and said, "Let's go!"

Fang Hui hesitated for a moment, then followed him downstairs.

Behind the teaching building of W University, several clusters of lilacs grew, their light fragrance was very pleasant. Chen Xun bought some water and handed it to Fang Hui, who was sitting under the flowers, saying, "Drink some water, it's springtime and you'll get a sore throat."

"I don't want to drink anything carbonated," Fang Hui said, shaking her head.

"Then drink mine." Chen Xun handed over the iced tea he had already taken two sips of.

"You..." Fang Hui looked at the bottle and said, "Did you kiss Shen Xiaotang?"

"Huh?" Chen Xun looked at her with some confusion.

Have you ever kissed someone?

"Ah." Chen Xun did not deny it. He always felt a little guilty when answering such a question from Fang Hui.

"Here you go." Fang Hui handed the water bottle back to Chen Xun with a slight tremor.

Chen Xun paused for a moment, then sadly accepted it.

She actually thought he was dirty.

"Fang Hui, can we stop like this? You know I'm upset and awkward, and you know I can't help but think about you and care about you!" Chen Xun said, feeling wronged. "You can keep it all inside, but I can't! We've been together for more than just a day or two, or even a year or two. I've been with you throughout high school. I always wanted to text you every night. I can recite the phone numbers of your parents' house and your grandma's house by heart. I like Shen Xiaotang now. You might think I'm being irresponsible, but at least 20% of my heart is still with you! I don't believe we've become strangers, and I don't want to believe it at all!"

"Twenty percent? Heh, that's quite a high percentage. Chen Xun, is liking someone measured by weight? You either like someone or you don't. Our views on liking someone are so different!" Fang Hui said with a bleak smile. Actually, she was somewhat happy to hear Chen Xun say that he missed her, but the wholehearted devotion she once had had had had only become a part of her, and thinking about it made her feel sad.

“I know I’m largely to blame for this, but I don’t think falling in love with someone is a mistake. Jia Mo once said that not facing your own feelings is a form of betrayal. I betrayed you, so I can’t betray anyone else. Besides, it’s clearly my fault, and you shouldn’t have to bear the pain alone. I understand you, so please stop torturing yourself. Let’s just forget about the play, okay?” Chen Xun said, sitting down next to her.

"Do you understand me? Have you ever understood me? From liking me writing my name on the blackboard to disliking me singing 'The Fleeting Years' with other girls, you've always acted according to your so-called way of dealing with your own feelings, but have you ever considered my feelings? Do you know what I want and what I don't want? Does this count as you understanding me?"

“We don’t need to know everything about each other! There are always things we don’t want to see or talk about. Fang Hui, do you know why we broke up? It’s because we even saw each other’s secrets that we don’t want others to see! You still don’t understand? Then look up at this patch of lilacs, and you’ll understand what I mean!”

Fang Hui slowly raised her head. The four-petaled flower exuded a fragrant aroma, its pure white color blurring her vision. Tears dripped down her pointed chin. Fang Hui softly said, "You mean this... I feel most sorry for Qiao Ran. Before he left, he asked me to hug him, but I didn't. He only wanted one hug, but I was stingy with it. Do you know why? Because I felt that would taint our feelings. I've always loved you with such extreme devotion. But Chen Xun, you still haven't asked me if I still love you? You don't love me anymore, but I still love you..."

Chen Xun stared blankly at Fang Hui. The girl's thin, pale face and the flowers behind her seemed to blend into one, as if casting a ray of light into his heart. Memories of the past flooded his mind, and Chen Xun felt his eyes welling up with tears.

He walked over and hugged Fang Hui tightly, pressing his hand against her soft hair, saying, "Fang Hui... do you know how much I didn't want to say sorry to you? I thought I would never say it in my life..."

Fang Hui didn't hug him back, but leaned on his familiar shoulder, closed her eyes, and let her tears soak her clothes.

"What a pity, we don't have a lifetime together..."

That day, Chen Xun stayed with Fang Hui until sunset. Occasionally, when they talked about things from the past, they couldn't help but shed tears. They spoke less and less, and finally, silence melted away their tears. In the darkness, their faces gradually blurred, and they could no longer see each other.

Chen Xun's phone rang many times, but he neither answered nor looked at it. He knew it must be Shen Xiaotang calling him. Tang Haibing had arranged to come and have lamb spine hot pot with them that evening, and she was probably already there. But Chen Xun just didn't want to get up. He hadn't had such a proper conversation with Fang Hui in a long time, and he felt that if he left, their relationship would become distant again.

But none of them could hold back the fleeting time; yesterday could never be retained. As he left, Chen Xun couldn't offer any words of comfort. He raised his phone, pointed at Fang Hui, and said, "If you need anything in the future, just call me."

"What else could it be?" Fang Hui said calmly.

"You can call me anytime if there's nothing wrong!" Chen Xun was a little anxious, and when he talked to Fang Hui, it seemed like he was never getting to the point.

"Okay, bye-bye then," Fang Hui said, turning around.

"Hey! You're leaving already? Why are you so quick about it?" Chen Xun called out from behind her.

"Then what do you expect me to say? Like before? Pull me along and say you want to stay with me a little longer?" Fang Hui's voice rose.

"No, I was just daydreaming... Maybe this is for the best." Chen Xun shook his head and said, "You can go now, bye!"

Chen Xun turned around, took two steps, and then suddenly started running again. Fang Hui watched his figure disappear in the blink of an eye and sighed deeply.

When Chen Xun returned to the classroom, all his classmates had already left. Shen Xiaotang had placed his book on their usual spot, with a sticker on it that read in a playful hand: "We're not waiting for you. Hai Bing and I are going to play mahjong first. You'll have to pay the bill!"

She had also drawn a smiling bear face on the note. Looking at that cartoon bear, Chen Xun could imagine how Shen Xiaotang held a pen. Her pen grip was very awkward, with her fingers squeezed together, resulting in a more pronounced bulge on her middle finger from years of writing. Thinking about that little lump and the feeling of holding that hand with the lump, Chen Xun felt a warmth in his heart.

He took out his phone and dialed Shen Xiaotang's number. The phone was answered as soon as it rang, and she said hurriedly, "Where are you?"

“I saw the note you left for me in the classroom.”

"Oh, Haibing and I have finished eating. We're waiting for you at the entrance of the lamb spine hot pot restaurant. Come over and we'll talk!"

"Okay." Chen Xun hung up the phone, folded the note and put it in his pocket. He felt it was time to explain something to the person he was holding hands with now.

When Chen Xun saw Shen Xiaotang, her eyes were still a little red. Tang Haibing walked up to Chen Xun first and said, "You too! Why couldn't you have said something earlier? You're just keeping your buddy waiting. Making Xiaotang wait is outrageous! You're going to reimburse me for lunch today!"

"Hai Bing, stop covering for him! Chen Xun, you have to explain yourself clearly. Where have you been? Why haven't you sent me a single message? I've called you so many times and you haven't answered." Shen Xiaotang said, biting her lip.

"I went to see Fang Hui," Chen Xun said calmly.

"Oh, it's just a high school classmate. Let's not stand here, let's find somewhere to talk slowly..." Tang Haibing continued to try to change the subject.

“She was my high school classmate, and also my ex-girlfriend,” Chen Xun said slowly but clearly.

These words silenced the three of them for a moment. Shen Xiaotang's big eyes immediately filled with tears. She stared at Chen Xun without blinking, and tears rolled down her cheeks.

You lied to me!

Chen Xun gently wiped away her tears and said, "I'll tell you about our past, I promise I won't lie to you."

That day, right across from a famous lamb spine hot pot restaurant near W University, Chen Xun told Shen Xiaotang about his relationship with Fang Hui. Tang Haibing squatted down beside him, having smoked almost half a pack of cigarettes. He listened as Chen Xun recounted the past without any reservations, sighing repeatedly.

Shen Xiaotang listened blankly to Chen Xun's lengthy narration. He spoke so meticulously, as if reliving the past. It wasn't hard to see Fang Hui's unique place in his heart, a realization that caused Shen Xiaotang a sharp, intermittent pain in her heart. She felt jealous of those genuine and beautiful things that had happened in the past. Women often have a special feeling towards a man's past lovers because they are emotional beings. Once love arrives, they want to possess all of a man's feelings, including the past and the future. Therefore, the shadow of a man's past lover becomes an inescapable shadow in a woman's heart.

"Do you still love me?" Shen Xiaotang asked, looking up.

"Of course! Because I love you, I don't want to lie to you, and I want to face the past with you." Chen Xun said firmly, holding her shoulders.

“I understand,” Shen Xiaotang said with a sigh of relief. “Chen Xun, you’ve heard the story of Washington chopping down the cherry tree, right?”

"Huh?" Chen Xun looked at her, puzzled.

"In our elementary school Chinese class, we learned that Washington accidentally chopped down his own cherry tree. He didn't lie to his father; he admitted his mistake, and his father forgave him. What did the teachers say back then? They praised him for being honest, right? But I think there's one thing all the teachers overlooked: he was indeed honest, but honesty doesn't mean he didn't do anything wrong! Chen Xun, you didn't lie to me, but what you did was wrong! It's wrong of you to just leave me aside without even saying goodbye!"

After Shen Xiaotang finished speaking, she turned and ran away. Chen Xun stood there, stunned. Tang Haibing stood up and kicked him, saying, "Why don't you chase after her!"

"Forget it, let her think about it. We'll have to face this sooner or later," Chen Xun said, leaning against the wall.

"No way, what's wrong with you today? Did your brain get waterlogged? Why are you looking for Fang Hui? Fine, you can look for her, but you have to tell Shen Xiaotang the truth! Face it? You should be grateful you're not facing the wall!" Tang Haibing said.

“You don’t understand. I really want to be with her, and I really want Fang Hui to be happy. But now it seems that I have to give up one of them.”

Chen Xun waved his hand and walked forward alone.

Fang Hui calmly withdrew from the play, and Shen Xiaotang did not try to persuade her to stay. She finally told Fang Hui, "I really think you are suitable for that role. When I found you, I really didn't know about your relationship."

Fang Hui's face remained expressionless as she said, "Now that you know, I really can't continue acting."

After that, Shen Xiaotang ignored Chen Xun for two days. She felt that he had done something wrong and that she felt wronged, but she didn't seem to be particularly justified.

Feeling frustrated, she arranged to meet Wang Senzhao for a chat. Wang Senzhao arrived in a rush, sweating profusely. Shen Xiaotang smiled, pointed to her watch, and said, "No rush, it's only 34 seconds before it's considered late. I won't add any extra dishes!"

"I'm so sorry, I just came from the Youth League Committee. They gave me a temporary job through their work-study program," Wang Senzhao said excitedly.

"Really? How much will you pay me?" Shen Xiaotang asked.

"120 a month, deposited into your meal card! And the student subsidy will still be paid! Xiaotang, I can treat you to a small restaurant now!" Wang Senzhao's eyes seemed to light up.

"Only 120? The Youth League Committee is really stingy. They'll run out of money if you order twelve plates of boiled pork!" Shen Xiaotang said, pouting.

"Hmm! Chen Xun loves boiled pork the most, why don't we invite him?"

"I won't call him!" Shen Xiaotang said angrily. "I can't be bothered with him!"

"Are you two still having a tiff?" Wang Senzhao said somewhat awkwardly. "Actually, Chen Xun and Fang Hui didn't really do anything. He's soft-hearted, seeing a girl like that..."

"Am I not a girl? Am I just destined to be stupid and wait for him for five hours!" Shen Xiaotang interrupted him with red eyes. "Boss, you knew about Fang Hui before, didn't you? You knew when we watched the flag-raising ceremony together and went to work together! Then why didn't you tell me! You knew I... Why did you all lie to me!"

"Xiaotang... maybe Chen Xun didn't mean to lie to you. He just wanted to settle things properly. Sometimes, people who lie aren't so bad. I'd rather lie to you so you can be happy."

“Boss, if you’re lying to me, I’ll think you’re doing this for my own good, but he… I just don’t think that’s how it is!” Shen Xiaotang said, still frowning.

"That's because you don't like me," Wang Senzhao said with a helpless smile.

"What?! Boss, I've noticed you've changed a bit too! It's all because of Chen Xun and the others!" Shen Xiaotang said embarrassedly.

"No, I also want some changes. Survival of the fittest. I need to adapt to this place because I want to stay in Beijing!"

"Okay! I'll definitely miss you if you go back to Shandong," Shen Xiaotang said casually. Her favorite fresh milk and red bean paste dish had arrived, and her eyes were already on it.

"Hehe, it's not that easy..." Wang Senzhao said with a wry smile.

“What’s so difficult about it! The capital belongs to all the people of the country. On behalf of the people of Beijing, I welcome you!” Shen Xiaotang said, picking up a piece of food.

“Yes! The capital belongs to all the people of the country!” Wang Senzhao nodded vigorously.

The two of them had a big meal. Although Shen Xiaotang insisted on paying the bill, she couldn't persuade Wang Senzhao otherwise. As they left the small restaurant, Wang Senzhao suddenly remembered something and grabbed Shen Xiaotang, saying, "Wait for me, I need to buy something!"

Before Shen Xiaotang could speak, Wang Senzhao slipped into the small supermarket next door, and soon came out with a small bag. He happily stuffed it into her hand and said, "Try this, it's delicious!"

Shen Xiaotang thought it was something unusual, but when she took it, she found it was a fancy candied chestnut. Shen Xiaotang had never been a big fan of this kind of food. She might try it in winter, but with summer approaching, and considering that it had been stored for several months, she had no appetite for it.

"Is this all? My mom's workplace gave us a box of chestnuts in the winter. I've eaten some. You can keep them." Shen Xiaotang handed the chestnuts to Wang Senzhao.

"You don't like it... I should have known better than to buy it," Wang Senzhao said, a little disappointed.

"You can eat it yourself."

"Why should I spend this money if I'm eating this myself?" Wang Senzhao muttered under his breath.

Shen Xiaotang was stunned for a moment, and suddenly felt a pang of sadness in her heart. She quickly took the bag, tore open the packaging, ate one herself, and then used the small fork inside to feed Wang Senzhao one.

"It's so sweet! It's really delicious!" Shen Xiaotang said with a smile, her cheeks puffed out.

"Mm!" Wang Senzhao smiled happily as well.

"Boss, you're such a good person," Shen Xiaotang said involuntarily, looking at his honest smile. The few dollars' worth of snacks touched her; she longed for this kind of small happiness and comforting feeling, but she could never find it in Chen Xun. Shen Xiaotang felt that perhaps Chen Xun had shared some of this kindness with Fang Hui, which was why he treated her so poorly, and this bothered her.

She wanted to be with Chen Xun wholeheartedly, every moment of every day.

When Shen Xiaotang suggested living together, Chen Xun wasn't particularly surprised or excited. He was silent for a moment, then looked up and replied, "Okay."

Back then, it wasn't unusual for college couples to rent apartments off-campus. In the communities surrounding universities, there were basically many students living together, going out to buy breakfast with the elderly folks in the neighborhood in the morning, and buying groceries together in the evening. They lived a comfortable and fulfilling life.

However, Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang's cohabitation was quite different from their situation. Both of them were somewhat desperate, intending to use this most extreme method to solidify their relationship and give each other the confidence to continue together.

So from the very beginning, they felt a little heavy-hearted.

Chen Xun found the apartment. He posted notices seeking tenants and roommates on bulletin boards in the neighborhood and at school. For those two weeks, he did almost nothing but look for apartments. In the end, they rented one room in a two-bedroom apartment in an old brick building. The couple who originally lived in the other room had moved out, and the neighbor next door, who was also a student at Chen Xun's school, became a sub-landlord and rented it to them for 600 yuan a month. The toilet and kitchen were shared, and water and electricity bills were split equally.

Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang weren't in a good mood the day they moved in, especially Shen Xiaotang. The apartment was vastly different from the cozy little house she had imagined. In TV dramas, the apartments rented by the male and female leads were always clean and beautiful, but their room had large patches of peeling paint on the walls, like psoriasis. The floor was just a dull, gray cement floor, and the so-called furniture and appliances provided consisted of only a double bed, an old desk, a dirty wardrobe, and two flimsy-looking broken stools. The bathroom wasn't even tiled, and the toilet only had the seat without a lid. The kitchen stove and surrounding area were covered in a layer of grease. For Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang, who had always lived in comfortable homes, this was unsettling; it wasn't quite what they had initially envisioned.

After a quick cleaning, the two knelt on the bed together to make the sheets. Suddenly, a cockroach crawled out from the head of the bed, causing Shen Xiaotang to gasp in surprise. Chen Xun hurriedly grabbed a slipper to swat it, but accidentally crushed it on the new sheets. Looking at the disgusting stain, both Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang felt a little deflated.

“This apartment isn’t great… but it’s the cheapest one available. It’s hard to find a room to share in the short term. A decent one-bedroom apartment would cost almost 1,000 yuan, and a two-bedroom apartment would be even more expensive. There’s one furnished one that costs 1,500 yuan. So we’ll just have to make do for now,” Chen Xun said, holding Shen Xiaotang’s hand.

"We can't stay here tonight, the sheets are dirty. I even brought candles, thinking it would be a little romantic..." Shen Xiaotang said regretfully, leaning on his shoulder.

"Hmm, I'll take it back to wash it, or I'll just buy a new one."

"Don't buy it. A bed sheet costs twenty or thirty yuan. We haven't even paid our rent for next month yet."

As the two were talking, the girl who lived next door knocked and came in. She was two years older than them and was a junior this year. Chen Xun called her Sister Xin and his boyfriend Brother Jie.

"Here's some watermelon for you. Moving all day must be tiring. Oh dear, how did you manage to get cockroaches on your sheets? There are so many cockroaches in this run-down building. I'll get you some insecticide; you can spread it around the house!" Sister Xin frowned and said, "There's nothing we can do. We poor students don't have any money. Since we're sharing this place, let's just consider it a life experience! You guys are pretty trendy. My husband and I only moved out in our second year of university, and you've already broken free of your cages in your first year. Hehe, the younger generation is truly formidable!"

Sister Xin is very cheerful and easygoing. After chatting with her, Chen Xun and the others felt a bit better.

The next day they actually moved in and began living together. At first, they were a little unaccustomed to it. In the mornings, they didn't dare to walk back from school together openly, and they would look around nervously as they entered the neighborhood, afraid of being seen and gossiped about by their classmates. Sleeping in the same bed at night wasn't very comfortable either. Shen Xiaotang had a bad sleeping posture and often ended up sleeping diagonally opposite Chen Xun in the middle of the night, leaving Chen Xun curled up in the corner. Sometimes, Chen Xun would fall asleep and roll over onto Shen Xiaotang. For the first few nights, neither of them slept soundly, and they both thought that sharing a pillow was quite a skill.

Later, they gradually adapted to this close-knit lifestyle, finding joy even in their humble abode. Shen Xiaotang arranged various trinkets and plush toys on the cabinets, covered the walls with posters of their favorite music and movies, and even bought some heart-patterned fabric to use as wallpaper by the bed, making it look much nicer. Xin Jie was full of praise and started decorating her room along with her. The four of them had become quite familiar with each other, often cooking, watching TV, and playing cards together; if they argued, they would mediate. Jie Ge had initially asked for an extra 100 yuan when subletting, but since they got along so well, he naturally didn't charge them extra, keeping it at the original 500 yuan per month, slightly easing their burden.

2002 was the year of the Korea-Japan World Cup, and the Chinese team made its debut on the world stage, much to the delight of university student fans. Whenever the Chinese team played, everyone rushed to watch on TV, and teachers turned a blind eye. Many fans even skipped their own studies. It was nearing the end of the semester, but the World Cup fever had swept the globe, and no one cared. As the students said, exams happen every year, but the World Cup is only once every four years—the difference in importance was obvious! Unfortunately, the Chinese team was disappointing. They had a winning streak against Costa Rica, a draw against Turkey, and a loss to Brazil, but ended up with a dismal record of no wins, no goals, and no points. Luckily, their fellow Asian strugglers, Saudi Arabia, showed some mercy, suffering an 8-0 defeat to Germany; otherwise, China would have been at the bottom of the group. Milutinovic was no longer a magician, and fans realized the true nature of the national team. To qualify for the World Cup again, unless Iran and Saudi Arabia co-hosted, and Japan and South Korea were grouped together, there was no chance for anyone else!

As the World Cup progressed, Chen Xun's emotions soared. He and his roommates cheered for China in their dorm room by banging pots and smashing thermos flasks, drew the national flag on their T-shirts and hung them outside the window, and even threw books out of the building after a loss, to the point that the security guards from the boys' dormitory had to come. He lamented Argentina's elimination and wept bitterly for Batistuta's farewell. He marveled at Ronaldinho's magical lob shot and comforted Shen Xiaotang, who was heartbroken by Beckham's elimination. He cursed South Korea for being shameless and, on the day they eliminated Italy, he and all the students in the small restaurant overturned the table.

That summer was exhilarating; youth and football, love and friendship blended into the most dazzling colors. Chen Xun said that was the happiest time of his college life. Then, as Brazil lifted the World Cup trophy, his happiness came to an end along with the World Cup.

(13)

Fang Hui learned from Liu Yunwei that Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang were living together. She said she saw them holding hands and walking into a residential area near the school. Moreover, Shen Xiaotang's roommate said that she no longer lived at the school.

“They’ve definitely already done *that*.” Liu Yunwei said to Xue Shan with certainty.

Li Qi glanced at Fang Hui's indifferent expression and said, "Not necessarily..."

"Damn! You think they're saints?! If it weren't for that, why would they be living together!" Liu Yunwei exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Fang Hui, you're just missing out because you didn't take your 'love' to the end with Chen Xun! If you two had done 'that' first, Shen Xiaotang probably wouldn't have stood a chance. Men are all driven by their lower bodies; your relationship was just too unsatisfying!"

Xue Shan glared at her fiercely, then gestured towards Fang Hui with her lip, and Liu Yunwei finally quieted down.

Upon hearing the news, Fang Hui appeared outwardly calm, but her heart was ice-cold. She was somewhat lost. What Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang were doing now was something Chen Xun and she had never done. She couldn't imagine what kind of love that was, but one thing she was certain of was that their love seemed to surpass her love for Chen Xun in terms of intimacy. The thought that her only love had become a thing of the past, forgotten by the other party, filled Fang Hui with boundless despair. In the end, even the past she had always used to comfort herself seemed so weak and powerless. She had originally thought that no matter how many times she loved, she would always cherish the past in her heart, but the truth was that new love grew on top of old love, absorbing its nutrients to complete all previous growth, blooming into a more vibrant flower, while the past withered away, becoming a dead corpse, leaving not even ashes.

After the big class on Tuesday, Fang Hui, as usual, kept an eye on them from the third floor of the teaching building. She followed Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang home. She watched them buy vegetables and fruit for dinner at the vegetable stall in front of the community. Chen Xun carried all the red and green plastic bags, while Shen Xiaotang linked arms with him and bargained with the vegetable vendor, successfully getting the change. Chen Xun kissed Shen Xiaotang on the cheek, and the two smiled at each other like a newlywed couple.

Fang Hui followed them like a lost soul, watching them enter an apartment building, watching a light on the fourth floor come on, watching Shen Xiaotang come downstairs to buy beer wearing Chen Xun's T-shirt, watching Chen Xun come downstairs to meet her, holding her hand and running back impatiently, watching the faint lights of the World Cup match on the TVs in each apartment, watching the number of people in the community decrease and the night deepen, watching that small orange light finally go out...

That day, Fang Hui sat downstairs at Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang's rented apartment all night. She thought about many things. During winter break, she remembered making wonton soup with Chen Xun at his house, shopping with him at the supermarket next to his house, watching Chen Xun, Qiao Ran, and Zhao Ye play soccer and buying them blackcurrants, and wearing Chen Xun's jacket after her birthday party at school, when Lin Jiamo said she looked good in it, with a unique kind of sexiness. She had thought about marrying Chen Xun, about making love to him, about having his children, and even secretly thought about names for them... But they had never even crossed paths. The person sleeping with Chen Xun now was not Fang Hui.

Everything was gone. Chen Xun left her, Lin Jiamo left her, Qiao Ran left her, Zhao Ye left her. Fang Hui hugged her shoulders, crying her heart out, trying to feel the loneliness. She wondered if she had loved the wrong way. The more earnestly she loved, the more intense the pain. She had given everything, only to be forgotten in return. She thought she should just give up. Since she had already lost everything she could lose, what was left that was precious and that she couldn't bear to part with?

As dawn broke, Fang Hui stood up unsteadily. She stared at the fourth-floor window, mouthed goodbye, and then walked away without looking back. From that moment on, Fang Hui chose a path from which she could never return.

For over six months, Chen Xun didn't contact Fang Hui, but he occasionally met with Lin Jiamo a few times. Although they both wanted to talk about Fang Hui, neither could say anything. That New Year's dinner wasn't just filled with tears and blood, but also with memories of their shattered, beautiful youth. Lin Jiamo chose to leave Chen Xun's side, but didn't have the courage to return to Fang Hui's. Not everything can be regained after loss. The two, who used to talk endlessly, now often faced each other in silence. With their own friends and lives, they eventually saw each other less and less. Later, Chen Xun learned about Lin Jiamo again from Song Ning's constant chatter. Song Ning spent every day with Lin Jiamo during that time, always eating together and studying CET-4 vocabulary together. There was a certain ambiguity between them, but it remained at the level of more than friends but less than lovers. Thinking back to when Song Ning didn't even know her name when they entered university, and how she was almost mistaken for Chen Xun's girlfriend by Gao Keshang, and comparing their current relationship, Chen Xun felt somewhat disheartened.

Chen Xun said that it was around that time that Lin Jiamo said something to him: "Chen Xun, you have no idea how much Fang Hui likes you. I don't object to you being with Shen Xiaotang, and I know that love is a helpless thing, but I feel sorry for Fang Hui. She is a silly girl. I am not afraid that she loves you, but I am afraid that she hates you, because even if she hates you, she will never be willing to hurt you. She will only hurt herself."

At the time, Chen Xun only felt a little sad but didn't pay much attention. By the time he understood what Lin Jiamo's words meant, it was too late.

Chen Xun hadn't forgotten Fang Hui, nor did he not want to think about her; it was just that after that day, he felt that leaving each other might be a better way to settle their feelings than remaining entangled. Besides, he and Shen Xiaotang were living away from home, making it less likely that they would run into each other at school.

Only once, on the day before the CET-4 (College English Test Band 4), Chen Xun obtained the legendary CET-4 essay question from Song Ning. He didn't dare share such things too much, given Shen Xiaotang a copy, and then felt he should give Fang Hui a copy as well. That evening, he ate dinner with Shen Xiaotang at a street food stall, then said he needed to go back to his dorm to get his watch, and went to school alone.

Chen Xun hesitated for a moment before texting Fang Hui downstairs, asking her to come down. Fang Hui replied that she was done and going to sleep, showing no intention of getting close to him. Anxious, Chen Xun quickly explained that it was about the English Level 4 essay question and insisted she come down. But Fang Hui's next text stunned him: "No need, thank you, I didn't register." Chen Xun stood downstairs for a while before slowly leaving. He didn't know if Fang Hui had genuinely not registered or simply didn't want to see him, but either way, it was clear that Fang Hui seemed to be living a life he didn't know about, and had excluded him. Even though he was somewhat prepared, this unfamiliarity and indifference still made Chen Xun uncomfortable. He missed Fang Hui's slender figure and suddenly felt that perhaps he didn't actually want Fang Hui to forget him, just as he hadn't forgotten Fang Hui.

Chen Xun walked back to his rented room lost in thought. Only when he heard Shen Xiaotang's voice outside the door did he abruptly dispel these inexplicable thoughts. Unfortunately, things were also in chaos at home. Jie and Xin were arguing again. The reason was that Jie had reconnected with his first love and started texting her while Xin was away. He kept sending messages until his phone died, but he wasn't satisfied and continued texting using Xin's mobile phone, accidentally leaving traces in the sent items folder.

But it wasn't anything shameful, just one sentence: "Sleep well, you pig!"

But Sister Xin wouldn't let it go, grabbing Brother Jie and demanding, "Why do you call other women pigs! What do you mean? In your heart, we're all the same?"

"Oh, it's just a slightly insulting nickname. I just said it offhand, we didn't talk about anything else. Why are you making such a fuss?" Brother Jie said, annoyed.

"I don't care! You can't use the same term to address her as you do to me! Has she ever washed your socks? Has she ever made you noodles with soybean paste? Has she ever stayed up all night with you? Has she ever written ten self-criticism reports for you?" Sister Xin pointed at Brother Jie like a machine gun.

"Alright, alright, Sister Xin, don't be angry anymore. Brother Jie has already deeply repented..." Shen Xiaotang said, pulling her aside.

"Xiaotang, you don't understand! Men all have a first love complex. Even if they haven't gotten any sweetness from the girl they first fell for, they still treat her like a fairy. Now that she's by their side, they think she deserves to serve them! In the end, she's just cheap! I don't accept this! What makes her so special!" Sister Xin glared at the two men and said.

Chen Xun looked at Brother Jie innocently. Brother Jie sighed, hugged Sister Xin tightly, and said, "Alright, alright, from now on, I will never contact her again, and I'll only call you 'Pig,' okay?"

"That's more like it!" Sister Xin, who was still stern, couldn't help but laugh when she heard his words, which were both infuriating and amusing.

The little incident passed, and that night, Shen Xiaotang and Chen Xun lay in bed. Chen Xun was still thinking about Fang Hui when Shen Xiaotang suddenly rolled over and pinned him down, saying, "Hey! Confess! What did you used to call Fang Hui?"

"Huh?" Chen Xun said, somewhat stunned. "His name is Fang Hui, so what?"

"Your name is Fang Hui? You don't have a nickname? Like wife, baby, darling or something!" Shen Xiaotang said, leaning close to his face.

"No!" Chen Xun frowned and said, "Why do you keep bringing her up? You're just wasting your time!"

"Ask what's wrong! You're so angry, do you also have a first love complex?" Shen Xiaotang said sullenly.

"Stop this nonsense! What are you talking about? You're making a fuss because Xin Jie is making a fuss?" Chen Xun said, turning to the side.

"It's never going to end! How annoying!" Shen Xiaotang gritted her teeth and turned over to lie down. She had hoped that Chen Xun would turn around and hug her, but she didn't hear any movement for a long time.

They both fell asleep still angry, back to back, and didn't say a word all night.

(14)

As the saying goes, quarrels at the head of the bed are made up at the foot of the bed. Chen Xun and Shen Xiaotang occasionally had their ups and downs, but they still managed to get along. In the blink of an eye, it was 2003. Xin Jie and Jie Ge were busy looking for jobs and had returned home to live. They would not be renting the house next month. Chen Xun and his family had always been quite stressed about renting a house. With Xin Jie and Jie Ge leaving, it would be troublesome to renew the lease or find another roommate, so they did not plan to rent it again.

Chen Xun started frequently running back and forth to the dormitory to pick up books and other odds and ends. Song Ning smiled and said that he had finally said goodbye to his life of wandering and returned to the warm family of 1507. Hearing this, Chen Xun got excited and simply bought a big bag of beer that very night, stuffed it in his coat, and took it upstairs, saying he would hold an early celebration party for Chen Xun's return.

It had been a long time since they'd all gotten together, and the group of guys got really drunk that day. Even Wang Senzhao, who usually didn't like to stir things up, joined in the revelry. Finally, Gao Keshang couldn't hold on any longer and collapsed. Song Ning kicked him in the face, but he didn't even utter a sound. Chen Xun said it wasn't fun drinking with so few people and told Song Ning to call Kuang Qiang. Song Ning pulled out his phone and called him, but he didn't hear anything else except Kuang Qiang's frantic "hello" into the phone.

Song Ning hung up the phone and threw it aside, saying, "Damn it! I'll throw that 'hello hello damn' thing away sooner or later, it's not enough to make me anxious!"

"What 'feeding exercise'?" Wang Senzhao asked, puzzled.

"It's that little mobile phone, you know!" Song Ning said, taking a sip of his drink. "The signal is just as damn bad as it gets! The typical answering process goes like this: 'Hello... Hello? Hello?... Speak!... Can you hear me?... Can't hear me?... Damn!' and then it cuts off!"

Chen Xunle laughed so hard he almost fell over, while Wang Senzhao laughed heartily and said, "Then why does he insist on using a PHS phone? Isn't China Mobile perfectly fine?"

"It's cheap! He's spent all his money on small hotels around the school. In order to continue his business, he has to be frugal with money!" Song Ning said, shaking his head.

"Hehehe! What are you talking about behind my back? I could hear you howling 'Kuang Qiang, Kuang Qiang' from the fourth floor!"

As they were talking, Kuang Qiang pushed the door open and came in. Chen Xun said with a smile, "Song Ning is telling the boss about your heroic deeds! Come and listen, and fill in anything you missed!"

"Oh dear, I'm too exhausted to mess around with you guys today. I just finished serving a girl and I'm completely drained!" Kuang Qiang said, lying on Chen Xun's bed.

"Then hurry up and drink some! You're allowed to be the first one to have a 'kidney' today! I won't punish you." Chen Xun tossed him a can of beer and said.

"Get lost! If I drink any more, I'll really become an immortal! Do you have any more peanuts? Beef tendon will do too! I'm starving!" Kuang Qiang said, throwing the peanuts back at him.

“I still have a pancake, it’s a bit cold, do you want some?” Wang Senzhao stood up and said.

Kuang Qiang snapped his fingers and said, "This is it! Boss, you're practically the epitome of a modern, good man! Your strength is your virtuousness, your weakness is that you're too virtuous!"

"Don't fawn over our boss. I'm asking you, which ravenous woman did you fall for this time? What has she done to you like this?"

"Don't say that! This one is absolutely a genuine virgin!" Kuang Qiang perked up as soon as he heard that. "She's pure and innocent, and doesn't know anything about virginity!"

"Bullshit! If you were really that pure, would you act like you're missing half a kidney?" Song Ning said, tossing a peanut over.

Kuang Qiang caught it, popped it into his mouth, and said, "You're all talk and no action! You have absolutely no experience! It's the virgins who are the most tiring! Chen Xun must understand that too. A woman's first time is nerve-wracking and she doesn't know anything. You can't just force yourself on her, can you? You can only take it step by step. I'm telling you, I'm not exaggerating, today I struggled for at least an hour to get in, and another hour to get out! This was the girl's request. She was gritting her teeth in pain, saying she wanted to savor it a little longer. How could I not be nervous! But seeing that little bit of red, well, buddy, it was worth it!"

"Stop talking nonsense! If you've been messing around for so long, she must be a fake virgin!" Song Ning and Chen Xun laughed.

"Damn! You guys are so boring. You won't believe me unless I tell you her real name, right? Let me tell you, this girl is from our school. There's proof. Otherwise, would I be spouting this nonsense to you?"

"Who is it? Tell me! Which girl is so unlucky to have her reputation ruined by you!" Song Ning asked, raising her eyelids.

"Hehe, she's in the same year as us, majoring in marketing, her name is Fang Hui."

Kuang Qiang said smugly.

Fang Hui's name was like a thunderclap in a clear sky, stunning the three people present. The entire room fell silent. Chen Xun's slightly drunk mind suddenly cleared up. He felt his temples throbbing. He glared at Kuang Qiang as if he were an enemy, his eyes bloodshot and chilling.

"What did you just say?" Chen Xun walked over, grabbed Kuang Qiang from the bed, and said, "Say it again, you bastard!"

"Fang Hui, what's wrong with you?" Kuang Qiang asked, looking bewildered.

"Fuck your grandpa!" Chen Xun roared, punching Kuang Qiang hard and knocking him to the ground.

Song Ning and Wang Senzhao reacted quickly; one hugged Chen Xun tightly, while the other helped Kuang Qiang up. Chen Xun, like a madman, punched and kicked at Kuang Qiang, who also got into a fighting stance, rolling up his sleeves and cursing, "Chen Xun, what's wrong with you! Damn! Are you drunk?! I didn't sleep with your Shen Xiaotang, why the hell are you getting so worked up? Is Fang Hui your real sister or your real sister?! I didn't rape her, she was willing to let me sleep with her, what's it to you!"

"What did you say? Say it again! I'll fucking cripple you!" Chen Xun grabbed a stool and smashed it at Kuang Qiang.

Kuang Qiang was really anxious after being hit. He threw a thermos and was about to go and hit Chen Xun when Wang Senzhao used all his strength to grab him and pulled him outside the door.

Even after leaving the house, Kuang Qiang was still restless, shouting into the house, "Tell Chen Xun, I had a good time! If you want Fang Hui, go for it! You're not some virtuous woman, why are you pretending to be something you're not!"

A loud bang echoed from inside the house, followed by a moment of silence, then Chen Xun's uncontrollable sobs could be heard. A number of people had already gathered at the door, along with two friends who were itching for a fight. But everyone froze at the sound of the crying, including Kuang Qiang. They had never seen Chen Xun so out of control, or rather, they had never even imagined it. Kuang Qiang stopped his shouting and pulled Wang Senzhao aside, asking, "What exactly is the relationship between Fang Hui and Chen Xun? Why is he like this?"

“Fang Hui was Chen Xun’s first love.” Wang Senzhao sighed and said, “You’ve been too reckless. Fang Hui was such a nice girl, how could she end up with you…”

"Damn it! How the hell was I supposed to know..." Kuang Qiang rubbed his swollen face, turned around and waved to the crowd, saying, "Everyone, disperse! It's nothing! It was a misunderstanding!"

Chen Xun knew that it was unsightly for him to sit so dejectedly on the floor covered with peanut shells and thermos flask fragments, crying like this, but he simply couldn't control his tears. As for why he was so sad, he couldn't say. Anger, hitting people, and crying were all natural reactions; he didn't try to hide them, nor could he.

"Get up, don't do this," Song Ning said, reaching out to pull him up.

"Do you have a cigarette? Give me one," Chen Xun said anxiously.

Song Ning offered Chen Xun a cigarette, but Chen Xun's hands were trembling so badly that he couldn't light it for a long time. Song Ning took the lighter and lit it for him himself. Chen Xun took a deep drag and coughed. Song Ning shook his head and said, "Why are you doing this?"

"How could Fang Hui do this? Why is she ruining herself like this?" Chen Xun wiped his face, lowered his head, and leaned against the bed.

"I didn't expect it either. Maybe she loves you too much. Without you, life is just a blur," Song Ning said, shaking his head. He didn't know Fang Hui was so fragile and loved Chen Xun so deeply. Otherwise, he wouldn't have told Fang Hui that Lin Jia Mo liked Chen Xun. Seeing her like this, Song Ning felt very awkward.

"But she can't make things difficult for herself! She's just ruining herself!"

"Forget it, don't think about it anymore. You can't change anything by thinking about it. Let's leave it at that. I'll have Lin Jiamo talk to her tomorrow. Just don't get involved." Song Ning tossed him a towel and said, "Wipe your face and go to bed early! You've had quite a bit to drink today."

"No! I have to go find her! She can't treat herself like this!" Chen Xun threw the towel aside and stood up abruptly.

"Hey! Come back here! What are you doing so late at night? Let's talk this out tomorrow!"

Song Ning called after him, but Chen Xun didn't even turn his head and ran out wearing only a thin shirt.

When Chen Xun arrived at Fang Hui's building, he dialed her number directly, but Fang Hui hung up and didn't answer. Chen Xun then immediately dialed her dormitory number.

"Make Fang Hui come downstairs. If she doesn't come down, I'll shout from downstairs!" Chen Xun yelled as soon as the call connected, not caring who answered.

"you……"

"Fang Hui! Fang Hui!" Chen Xun heard the hesitant voice inside and shouted upstairs. Boys were always up to their usual antics downstairs in the girls' dormitory, and shadows immediately flashed out of several windows.

"Don't be like this! What's wrong?" Fang Hui said, her voice trembling slightly.

"Get down, get down and I'll talk to you."

"...Okay, please wait a moment..."

A few minutes after hanging up the phone, Fang Hui came out of the building. She was still so thin, and it looked like she had just taken a shower; her hair was still wet.

"Tell me, what is it?" Fang Hui's worried gaze remained fixed on Chen Xun's thin clothes, but after looking him around, she still couldn't say anything to express her concern.

"Can you please stop doing this? I beg you, please stop ruining yourself!" Chen Xun said, pressing down on her shoulders.

Fang Hui's face turned pale instantly. She pulled away from Chen Xun's hand and said, "What are you saying? I... I'm fine."

"What are you pretending for! If you dared to do it, why don't you dare to admit it! I know better than you what kind of person Kuang Qiang is!" Chen Xun shouted, pointing at her.

Fang Hui swayed back, raised her empty eyes, and smiled sadly, saying, "You know everything? He told you? Yes, we slept together. He pursued me, and I didn't refuse. So what? You can live and sleep with Shen Xiaotang, but I can't!"

Hearing those words from Fang Hui's own ears caused Chen Xun a sharp pain in his heart. With red eyes, he grabbed Fang Hui and said, "I made love with Shen Xiaotang because I love her! Does Kuang Qiang love you? Do you love him?"

"I love you! But can you have sex with me?" Fang Hui cried, shaking off Chen Xun's hand. "I just want to try what sex feels like. Why can you have sex with Shen Xiaotang but not with me!"

Chen Xun listened in a daze. Looking at Fang Hui's trembling shoulders and sorrowful expression, he also shed tears. He went over and hugged Fang Hui tightly, saying, "What are you doing... what are you doing... you can hate me, resent me, hit me, scold me, it's all fine, but don't make things harder for yourself... aren't you just stabbing yourself in the heart with a knife?"

“I don’t care anymore… What you can do, I can do too!” Fang Hui said, burying her face in his chest.

“You don’t care, but I do! Do you think I’m not upset? I’m upset too, I’m miserable! But it’s my own fault for being upset, you can’t be more upset than me! You have to be true to yourself, how could you be so stupid!” Chen Xun said, gently stroking her hair.

"Chen Xun, let me ask you, did you originally want to do it with me?" Fang Hui said in a low voice.

"I've thought about it..."

"Then why not?"

“I was young and timid back then, I didn’t dare, and I was afraid you wouldn’t like it.”

"If we had done it back then, would we not have broken up?"

"Maybe..."

"Is it too late to do it now?"

"It might be...too late..."

After saying this, the two hugged each other and wept bitterly. They both felt a deep sense of despair and finally realized that the past had passed by in a hurry, and those years could not be relived.

That night left them both with indelible pain. When they turned to leave, neither of them looked back. They simply etched a scar in each other's hearts, a deep-seated memory of their youth that would last a lifetime.

(15)

During that period, Chen Xun was extremely irritable, and he and Shen Xiaotang constantly clashed. They often couldn't agree on small issues. Shen Xiaotang, inexperienced in relationships, lacked the skills to handle these situations, while Chen Xun, though experienced, lacked the motivation. When their arguments escalated, they always resolved them through sex. In the primal urges, worries and sadness became ephemeral emotions. However, embracing each other's warm bodies afterward still left a sense of loss. The physical arousal and inner melancholy imbued their sex with a strange and unsettling flavor, and they became hopelessly addicted.

In early April 2003, Qiao Ran returned from London. His grandmother was seriously ill, and the family rushed back to see her one last time.

After finishing his family business, Qiao Ran organized a get-together with everyone at their usual spot, Yuhua Restaurant. Zhao Ye was in Changchun and couldn't come; he was reportedly busy running an online store, revitalizing the entire online marketplace in Changchun, and had even found a girlfriend—a double success in love and career, living a pretty good life. Shen Xiaotang came with Chen Xun, saying she wanted to see her best friend from high school, but actually she was uneasy about Chen Xun and Fang Hui meeting. Lately, she had a vague sixth sense that something was going on between them. Song Ning also came. When introducing him to Qiao Ran, Chen Xun and Lin Jiamo kept denying that they had brought him, leaving Qiao Ran confused. Finally, Song Ning spoke up, saying, "Alright, anyway, I'm both Chen Xun's friend and Jiamo's friend, we're all family."

Fang Hui was the last to arrive that day. She didn't look well and rushed in without greeting Chen Xun, only smiling at Qiao Ran. During the meal, Qiao Ran chatted with Song Ning and Chen Xun, glancing at Fang Hui every now and then, worried that Shen Xiaotang's arrival might upset her. However, he noticed that Fang Hui didn't seem uncomfortable at all; her eyes were just vacant, and she seemed somewhat absent-minded.

"You guys were together every day back then? Going to school together, eating together, playing ball together, going home together, and even getting into fights together?" Shen Xiaotang asked in surprise. "Why didn't Chen Xun tell me any of this?"

"He was really wild, I'm too embarrassed to tell you!" Qiao Ran smiled at Chen Xun and said, "We probably explored all over Beijing back then, right? The little restaurants and billiard halls next to the school were practically our classrooms!"

"Really?" Song Ning asked Lin Jiamo with great interest.

"Yes, really." A warm smile appeared on Lin Jiamo's face. Thinking back to that time, she was so happy that she was envious of herself now.

"All you ever do is hang out with boys! You crazy girl!" Song Ning said with a laugh.

“I’d like to!” Lin Jiamo glared at him.

“Fang Hui, what shameful things did she do back then? Tell us!” Song Ning turned to Fang Hui and said.

"It's...it's nothing, I'm just going out for a bit!" Fang Hui suddenly stood up and ran out.

The group of people were somewhat bewildered. Shen Xiaotang kept looking at Chen Xun, but Chen Xun didn't look at her. He stared blankly at the doorway, lost in thought.

Fang Hui returned shortly after, her face even paler. Qiao Ran handed her a cup of hot water and asked, "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?"

"A little bit, but it's nothing," Fang Hui said gratefully as she took the item.

"Why don't you go home early later? We can skip the karaoke today," Qiao Ran asked, looking at everyone.

"Okay, have the waiter bring some hot soup, West Lake Beef Soup," Chen Xun said, turning to the waiter.

"No need, you guys do your thing, I'm going back now," Fang Hui said, standing up without looking at Chen Xun.

"You should at least finish your soup before you leave. Look how cold your hands are!" Lin Jiamo said, holding her hand.

"Okay, I'll take you home after you finish your soup. Sit for a while longer," Qiao Ran said.

Fang Hui could only nod awkwardly and sit down again.

"Let's settle this then, let's all raise a glass! Those who have alcohol, drink; those who don't, have a soft drink," Song Ning said, picking up her glass.

His words eased the tension slightly, and everyone started chatting again. Fang Hui drank some soup, but after sitting for a short while, she went out again. Chen Xun, seeing her running out one after another, became restless. He looked around and said, "Out of cigarettes, huh? I'll go out and buy a pack." As he spoke, he stood up. Shen Xiaotang glanced at him, while Song Ning clutched the cigarettes in his pocket without saying a word.

Chen Xun knew his excuse was clumsy, but he didn't care about making up a perfect lie. Fang Hui's appearance gave him a bad feeling, a terrible feeling that made him feel uneasy. He kept telling himself, "No, no," but standing at the toilet door, he heard the clear sound of vomiting coming from inside. His guess was finally confirmed, and Chen Xun instantly felt utterly hopeless.

When Fang Hui opened the door and saw Chen Xun, she was at a loss. Her face turned from white to red and then to a desperate ashen. She lowered her head and walked past Chen Xun, but he grabbed her and pulled her back.

"What happened?"

"uncomfortable."

"Did you get your period this month? Isn't it the beginning of the month? Did you get it?"

Chen Xun shouted loudly.

Fang Hui's gaze darted around. She pulled away from Chen Xun's hand, and with a slight twitch of her lips, said, "No."

"Damn it!" Chen Xun overturned the flowerpot next to him and kicked the toilet door twice. Fang Hui slid down the wall and sat on the ground. She closed her eyes and shed tears.

Hearing the commotion, everyone inside rushed out. Lin Jiamo helped Fang Hui up, Shen Xiaotang pulled Chen Xun back, and Song Ning and Qiao Ran anxiously asked what was wrong, but neither of them spoke.

The restaurant staff came out and, seeing the mess, started demanding compensation. While apologizing to them, Qiao Ran gave Lin Jiamo a meaningful look and said, "Go back inside and sit down! Let's talk this out!"

Lin Jiamo nodded and helped Fang Hui walk back, but Fang Hui vomited again after only a few steps. This time she didn't have time to hide it. She pushed Lin Jiamo away and vomited against the wall after only a few steps, but nothing came out.

Everyone was stunned. Lin Jiamo walked over shakily and patted her back, saying, "What's wrong? You didn't drink, this..."

"I...I might be pregnant." Fang Hui looked up, smiled sadly, and said. Chen Xun took a deep breath behind her.

"Fang Hui, don't talk nonsense. If you're not feeling well, I'll take you home right away. Wait a minute..." Qiao Ran said blankly. He took out his wallet, stuffed two hundred yuan into the waiter's hand, and hurriedly ran over.

"I might really be pregnant," Fang Hui said, shaking off his hand and standing up unsteadily.

"Impossible! Whose child is this! Where would you get pregnant!" Lin Jiamo said anxiously.

Song Ning tugged at her hand and said, "Stop making a fuss, let Fang Hui handle it herself, it's her private matter."

"Don't talk nonsense! What private matter! Fang Hui would never..."

Before Lin Jiamo could finish speaking, Fang Hui interrupted her, lowering her head and saying, "I'm not lying to you. I slept with someone else and got pregnant."

"The child is mine!" Chen Xun suddenly exclaimed. "That child is mine!"

Fang Hui stared at him in disbelief, and everyone else stared at him in disbelief. Everyone was stunned by his words. After a long while, Shen Xiaotang, who hadn't said a word, walked straight up to Chen Xun and said, "Chen Xun, what did you just say? Say it again!"

"Xiaotang, I'll go back and tell you, I..."

Shen Xiaotang raised her hand and slapped Chen Xun hard across the face. Her eyes were red as she glared at Chen Xun and screamed hysterically, "Chen Xun! I'm breaking up with you! Right now, right now! We're over! I hate you! I hate you!"

Shen Xiaotang turned and ran out. Chen Xun stood there, stunned, and didn't chase after her. Qiao Ran stepped forward, grabbed him by the collar, and yelled, "What the hell are you doing! You dumped her and you still do this kind of thing! Are you even human?!"

Chen Xun didn't answer. Fang Hui struggled to her feet and grabbed Qiao Ran, saying, "No, that's not how it is, the child isn't..."

"Stop talking!" Chen Xun said, shaking off Qiao Ran. "I'm taking her to the hospital for a checkup now. None of you fucking come with me. This is between Fang Hui and me. We'll handle it ourselves!"

Chen Xun pulled Fang Hui and hurried out of the Yuhua Restaurant. In the taxi, Fang Hui looked at Chen Xun with teary eyes and said:

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

“Yes, I’m crazy, and you’re crazy too! I can’t stand hearing you say such self-degrading things! I can’t listen to a single word you say, and I don’t want to! You’re a girl, you can’t do that! They won’t forgive you for saying that, and they won’t forgive me for saying that either. But I’d rather be misunderstood by them, be criticized by them. Because the Fang Hui in my heart isn’t like that! I don’t want them to think you’re that kind of person! You should always be a pure and innocent girl! You can’t change just because you fell in love with me, you can’t just change like that!” Chen Xun said firmly.

Fang Hui looked out the car window, tears streaming down her face.

Shen Xiaotang went straight back to her and Chen Xun's rented apartment after leaving Yuhua Restaurant. Xin Jie and the others had already packed their things and placed them in the living room. The boxes and cardboard boxes of various sizes gave off a desolate feeling of impending separation.

Shen Xiaotang gently pushed open the door to her small room, and sunlight flooded in, bathing the entire room in a golden glow. Shen Xiaotang scanned the familiar yet unfamiliar room. The bed sheet was the same one she had used to swat the cockroaches; the pillows were from a Fuanna sale—actually just two square cushions, cheap at 19 yuan each. The floral fabric draped around the bed was bought at a small market for 30 yuan; it had a heart pattern on it. Chen Xun said that seeing it made the bed feel both incredibly comfortable and impure. On the desk was a photo of the two of them together at Yuyuantan Park to see the cherry blossoms. She had been disappointed not to see the cherry blossom rain effect seen in Japanese dramas, so Chen Xun shook the tree trunks, and the cherry blossom petals really did fall like rain. Later, they were severely scolded by the park manager. To hide the old-fashioned wardrobe next to them, they covered it with countless stickers they had left for each other, like a diary entry: "Shen Xiaotang's steamed egg custard failed!", "Chen Xun came home late, punishment: clean the toilet once, do three days of chores, wash dishes five days!", "One-year anniversary!!! Chen Xun loves Shen Xiaotang!!! Shen Xiaotang loves Chen Xun!!!"...

Shen Xiaotang burst into tears. She peeled off each of the countless stickers, examining them one by one until only a pile of pink, yellow, and blue fragments remained at her feet. Crying, she swept up the pieces and threw them in the trash. Then, still sobbing, she tidied the room, taking out her clothes and belongings. Her backpack couldn't hold them all, so she used the heart-shaped drape from the wall as a makeshift bundle. When Shen Xiaotang had finished organizing everything, she realized how much she had left behind during her time living with Chen Xun—more than she could carry by herself. She struggled to drag the bundles to the door, but the last, largest one got stuck. She collapsed to the floor, as if all her strength had left her, and sobbed uncontrollably.

When Wang Senzhao arrived after receiving Shen Xiaotang's call, she was already exhausted and leaning against the wall, almost asleep. Her delicate face was streaked with tears, her brows were tightly furrowed, and she sobbed occasionally. Wang Senzhao walked over with heartache, patted her shoulder, and said, "Get up! Why are you sleeping by the door? Aren't you afraid something will get stolen?"

Shen Xiaotang suddenly opened her eyes, smiled somewhat dejectedly, and said, "Boss, besides myself, I've thrown away everything I could..."

"Don't overthink it! Can't we talk things out?" Wang Senzhao said, helping her up.

"I can't say anything more. Fang Hui is pregnant, and the child... is Chen Xun's." Tears welled up in Shen Xiaotang's eyes again.

"Huh?" Wang Senzhao was stunned. He recalled the conflict between Chen Xun and Kuang Qiang, which was about a month ago.

Shen Xiaotang had already carried two small bags down halfway down the floor. She turned around and said to Wang Senzhao, "Boss, let's go. You help me with the biggest one, and we can come back to get the rest later."

“Xiaotang…” Wang Senzhao hesitated for a moment before saying, “That child shouldn’t be Chen Xun’s. Fang Hui was with another man a while ago… you know Kuang Qiang, right? He’s the one who’s pretty unreliable… Chen Xun even got into a fight with him after he found out.”

Shen Xiaotang stared at Wang Senzhao in shock, her expression first regaining its anger but then slowly turning cold.

"Let's go, it'll be dark soon."

"You? You're still leaving?" Wang Senzhao looked at her strangely.

"Yes." Shen Xiaotang nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "The kind of love I want is one in a million, unwavering and devoted. I want him to be there for me when I need him most, and to protect me when I'm sad and heartbroken. But Chen Xun couldn't do that. He didn't hold me back, he didn't protect me. He said the things I least wanted to hear to me himself. You know, just now when you came, I was still hoping he would come back, but it wasn't him... I know he's a good person, and I know he loves me, but the love he carries with him, Fang Hui, is too heavy... really too heavy. I can't accept it..."

"Xiaotang..."

“I’m going to make him regret this! And he won’t even have a chance to make amends! He’ll regret it so much he’ll turn green with envy! He deserves it!” Shen Xiaotang said as she walked up again. She opened her bag and took out a stack of unused sticky notes. She peeled one off, wrote something on it, and stuck it on the door, saying, “I hated him so much that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore, but I’ll leave him something now! Boss, let’s go!”

Shen Xiaotang resolutely turned her head back. The warm and beautiful house remained forever behind her. Wang Senzhao put his arm around her shoulder and said, "Xiaotang, there will be someone who loves you like that! Someone who will appear immediately when you need them, protect you when you are sad, never let you down, and never say anything to hurt you!"

"Mmm!" Shen Xiaotang cried as she leaned on Wang Senzhao's shoulder.

When Chen Xun returned to their rented apartment from the hospital, it was already past nine o'clock at night. Under the moonlight, he saw the last note Shen Xiaotang had left for him. It only had two simple words written on it: "BYE BYE!" Next to the words, Shen Xiaotang had drawn a cute little bear, but this time the bear was not smiling; instead, it had a tear hanging from its neck.

Chen Xun burst into tears in front of the closed door, clutching Fang Hui's medical report tightly in his hand, on which was printed a bright red plus sign...

The weather was beautiful the day Chen Xun accompanied Fang Hui to the hospital; it was a long-awaited sunny spring day in Beijing.

Neither of them spoke on the way, quietly enjoying the spring blossoms on the bus. They didn't sit together, and as the bus became more crowded, they could no longer see each other.

Chen Xun stopped consciously in front of the gynecology clinic. While waiting, he got up to buy cigarettes, and Fang Hui carried his bag for him. He had to go back to class that afternoon, and the bag contained auditing textbooks. Fang Hui opened his book, carefully feeling the familiar handwriting. She took out Chen Xun's pen and wrote on it, "No regrets for where my dreams lead, only regret for how fleeting it all is." Then she put the book back and repacked his bag. As soon as Chen Xun returned, Fang Hui's name was called from inside. Fang Hui placed the bag in his hands, didn't look up at him, and turned to go inside.

Fang Hui lay flat on the operating table with her eyes open. She hadn't taken the anesthetic; the cold feel of the instruments and the sudden, excruciating pain brought tears to her eyes. With the passing of a life, the sorrow buried deep within her was also released. In a brief moment of dizziness, she seemed to see the tree in F Middle School again, with several boys laughing and playing around it. One of them smiled and walked towards her, saying, "Don't go yet! I'll ride my bike and take you home later!"

...

Fang Hui didn't look at the bloody mess. Urged by the nurse, she laboriously pulled up her pants and stood up. It hurt a lot, it really hurt, so much so that her heart was numb. She walked out of the operating room, step by step, towards the boy waiting for her at the door. Chen Xun saw her but didn't say anything, just silently steadied her. The strength from her arm made Fang Hui feel weak. The warmth of the support was comfortable, but the premonition of losing him constantly pounded in her ears. A heart without love is indeed empty.

As they walked out of the hospital, Chen Xun scooped her up in his arms. Fang Hui whispered in his ear, "If only this child were really yours..."

“We have everything except the child…” Chen Xun said, bouncing her up a little.

The hospital slowly disappeared from their sight; Chen Xun's neck and Fang Hui's arms were soaked with sweat...

That was the last time Chen Xun and Fang Hui met. Afterwards, Beijing was suddenly gripped by panic over a disease outbreak. SARS swept through the city, and people were terrified of the disease. Universities closed, supplies were hoarded, Banlangen (a traditional Chinese medicine) was sold out, and citizens wore 12 layers of masks to work. The daily increase in suspected cases and deaths threw the long-peaceful city into a panic. Students couldn't attend classes anymore, constantly texting their classmates to inquire about other schools. The situation was particularly severe at Central University of Finance and Economics and Beijing Jiaotong University; they were rumored to be under lockdown. Every dormitory was issued a thermometer to record daily temperatures. New news kept emerging—a professor at Peking University and his family were sick, several ambulances had been dispatched from the Construction Engineering Department—a climate of fear permeated the city. In Chen Xun's dormitory, Gao Keshang ran away the very first day the news broke. He said he didn't care about warnings or punishments, even expulsion was nothing compared to his own life. Song Ning also helped Lin Jiamo move out early on. Wang Senzhao didn't go home; he didn't want to take the risk, fearing he might bring the disease home from afar. Chen Xun stayed at school for more than 20 days before returning home, saying that he had survived the first incubation period.

Chen Xun told me that the hospital he and Fang Hui went to was one of the worst-hit hospitals during the SARS outbreak. They went there around the 20th of the month, while the SARS outbreak began at the end of April, not much different. He was genuinely afraid then. For the first time, he felt death was so close, so real, not just in novels or movies, but unfolding around them every day. Love and youth are so fragile and vulnerable in the face of death. He even wondered if he and Fang Hui would die together in this disaster, cremated in one place and buried in another. Strangely, thinking about this made him less afraid. It was as if having someone with him made death seem less daunting.

But he said that feeling was probably no longer love. He didn't feel love for either Fang Hui or Shen Xiaotang at that time. He just felt a little pain in his heart when he thought about them, followed by exhaustion and helplessness. He was tired. In this seemingly beautiful drama of love and youth, he was completely exhausted.

Later, thanks to the united efforts of the Beijing municipal government and citizens, and the hard work of medical workers, along with the construction of Xiaotangshan Hospital, the ferocity of SARS was gradually brought under control. After that, Chen Xun went alone to a crossroads they often crossed. When he was with Fang Hui, they walked west from there; when he was with Shen Xiaotang, they walked east. Back then, this place was always bustling and noisy, but now, when he arrived, the streets were eerily quiet, devoid of cars and pedestrians, as if he were the only person left in the world. Standing in the center of the empty crossroads, Chen Xun looked up at the clear blue sky and the drifting white clouds, feeling as if he could hear the sound of time passing by; their past years had slipped away so quickly…

During the SARS outbreak, W University had a break of over 100 days, and everyone seemed a little different afterward. Wang Senzhao was busier, Gao Keshang was fatter, and Song Ning was more "diligent." It's said he officially submitted his dating application to Lin Jiamo, only to have it torn up without hesitation. He then pulled out an identical one, and seeing the fully prepared Song Ning, Lin Jiamo laughed and didn't refuse again. Shen Xiaotang stopped talking to Chen Xun at school, instead spending time eating and studying with Wang Senzhao. Kuang Qiang also stopped playing Counter-Strike with Chen Xun. He later complained to Song Ning that it wasn't worth the trouble between brothers over a girl, but Song Ning shook his head and remained silent. No one told him that in his proudly carefree, accident-free life, he had once had a child.

When everyone returned to their normal lives, Fang Hui never came back. Chen Xun learned of her departure from Lin Jiamo, by which time Fang Hui had been gone for about two months. She didn't say goodbye to anyone before leaving; the last person to see her was probably Lin Jiamo, who had stayed with Fang Hui at her house for two days after her abortion. The two girls didn't talk intimately anymore. Lin Jiamo said Fang Hui just watched movies like crazy—romance, war, disaster, and so on. They cried loudly over other people's stories, but couldn't tell if they were crying for others or for themselves. When Lin Jiamo left, Fang Hui hugged her, and they cried as they said goodbye. At that moment, Lin Jiamo had no idea that their goodbye would be a final farewell.

Chen Xun listened quietly to Lin Jiamo's story. He didn't ask Fang Hui if she had mentioned him; he knew she hadn't. She left just like that, cleanly and decisively, leaving no room for anyone to grieve. She took all the beauty and pain with her to a place he knew nothing of.

Later, Chen Xun emailed both Qiao Ran and Zhao Ye, recounting everything that had happened after their breakup, including the heavy snow in 2001 and the child in 2003. Zhao Ye replied with a short email, written in Qiao Ran's style: "Having seen the ocean, other waters seem insignificant." Qiao Ran's reply was equally brief, also in Zhao Ye's style: "You guys are bastards."

Then, that year passed quickly. At the end of the year, Chen Xun returned to F High School. He lit a cigarette in the university, looked at the campus where he had no regrets about his youth, and breathed the air without Fang Hui. He knew that they had finally lost each other.