Chapter 39

Time slipped through her fingers like sand, quietly entering the second year of high school. Academic pressure suddenly increased, and everyone was like a wound-up top, spinning rapidly amidst mountains of problems and seas of exam papers. Xu Nianlei was no exception; she devoted almost all her time and energy to studying, participating less in literary club activities, and her conversations with Li Yue and Zhang Xiao mostly revolved around exercises and exams.

Lu Baiyan was still the top student in the grade, but he could clearly sense that Xu Nianlei was not in a good state. Her diligence was tinged with an almost self-destructive drive, her eyes were often bloodshot, and her face was paler than before. He knew that this was not just academic pressure, but more importantly, Wang Xiuqin's increasingly high expectations and the enormous anxiety about the future that always hung over her head.

"You must get into the best university! Only in this way can you stand out from the crowd and make up for all the hard work I've done over the years!"—This is the mantra that Wang Xiuqin always keeps on her lips.

Xu Nianlei was like an animal being constantly whipped, able only to bury her head and move forward, daring not to stop for even a moment. She was afraid of failure, afraid of disappointing her mother, and even more afraid of the future that might be even bleaker if she didn't get into a good university.

This vulnerability under high pressure makes them extremely fragile.

A week before the midterm exams, Xu Nianlei underperformed in a mock math test. She struggled with a difficult problem she had practiced many times, getting stuck due to nervousness and fatigue, and ultimately only managing to solve half of it. When the results came out, her math score was more than ten points lower than she had expected.

When she returned home with the test paper, Wang Xiuqin glanced at the score and her face instantly darkened like the sky before a storm.

"That's all the grades you got?!" Wang Xiuqin's voice suddenly rose, sharp and piercing. "I work tirelessly from dawn till dusk to support your studies, and this is how you repay me? Huh?!"

Xu Nianlei lowered her head, her fingers gripping the edge of the test paper tightly, her voice barely audible: "This time... the questions are a bit difficult..."

"Difficult? Why don't others find it difficult? How come Lu Baiyan always gets first place? It's because you don't study hard! You're just as useless as your deadbeat father!" Wang Xiuqin became more and more agitated as she spoke, snatching the test paper and roughly tearing it apart. "I think you're not serious! If you don't want to study, get out! Don't waste my money!"

The sound of tearing paper cut into Xu Nianlei's heart like a knife. She looked at the test papers filled with her hard work, now reduced to fragments, and at her mother's face twisted with anger. The pressure, exhaustion, and grievances of the past few days surged like a flood, instantly overwhelming the rationality she had barely maintained.

"Tear it all! Go ahead and tear it all!" She suddenly raised her head, defying in such a shrill voice for the first time, tears streaming down her face. "No matter how hard I try, it's useless! In your eyes, I'm just a piece of trash! Just like Daddy, a piece of trash!"

This sudden retort stunned Wang Xiuqin, followed by an even more frenzied rage: "You dare talk back?! You've gone too far!" She raised her hand, ready to strike.

Just then, the landline phone at home rang shrilly.

Wang Xiuqin froze in mid-air, glared fiercely at Xu Nianlei, and then angrily went to answer the phone.

Xu Nianlei collapsed to the ground, staring at the scattered fragments of the exam papers, tears streaming silently down her face. Her body trembled violently with agitation and fear. The outburst she had just experienced had exhausted all her courage, leaving only utter exhaustion and despair.

The call was from Lu Baiyan. He had timed it perfectly, calling at this exact moment under the pretext of inquiring about class matters. He could faintly hear arguing and Wang Xiuqin's still-heavy breathing coming through the receiver, and he understood what was going on.

He spoke briefly with Wang Xiuqin without making a sound, and after hanging up, he immediately sent a text message to Xu Nianlei's old cell phone using an anonymous number. The phone vibrated in her pocket.

Xu Nianlei blankly took out her phone; the screen only displayed a few words:

"The rooftop. Now."

The sender was an unknown number.

But she immediately knew who it was. This tacit understanding was ingrained in their very bones.

She glanced at her mother, who was still fuming and nagging in the living room, gritted her teeth, suddenly got up from the floor, opened the door, and rushed out.

"Where are you going? Come back here right now!" Wang Xiuqin shouted angrily from behind.

Xu Nianlei didn't look back. She ran wildly down the dark staircase until she pushed open the heavy iron door leading to the rooftop.

A night breeze instantly enveloped her, carrying the slight coolness of early summer. The sparse lights of the county town spread out beneath her feet, while above her was a rare clear night sky studded with stars.

Lu Baiyan was already waiting there. He leaned against the concrete railing, his back straight. Hearing footsteps, he turned around, holding two cans of warm milk in his hand.

He didn't ask her what had happened; he simply handed her a can of milk.

Xu Nianlei was panting, tears still streaming down her face, her hair disheveled, looking utterly wretched. She looked at the can of milk, then at Lu Baiyan's calm face, and the strength she had been maintaining crumbled instantly. She took the milk, her fingertips touching the warm can; the warmth seemed to flow through her veins, warming her heart.

She lowered her head, tears falling in large drops onto the concrete ground, her suppressed sobs sounding exceptionally clear on the empty rooftop.

Lu Baiyan didn't say anything, but just stood silently beside her, keeping her company, watching the lights in the distance, and listening to her vent her emotions.

After a long time, Xu Nianlei's crying gradually subsided, turning into low sobs.

"Why...why is it that no matter how hard I try...it's no use..." Her voice was hoarse and broken, filled with confusion and pain. "Am I...really useless...?"

Lu Baiyan turned around to face her, his gaze appearing exceptionally deep and serene under the starlight.

“Xu Nianlei,” his voice was not loud, but it had a strange penetrating power, clearly reaching her ears, “Do you remember the ‘separation of topics’ we discussed before?”

Xu Nianlei raised her tear-filled face, looking somewhat bewildered.

“Your mother’s expectations, her anxieties, her misfortunes—those are her problems,” Lu Baiyan said slowly and clearly, “not something that can be solved by how many points you get on your exams. You don’t need to be responsible for her emotions and life.”

He paused, looking at her stunned expression, and continued, "Your worth should not be defined by a test paper or any outsider. You work hard because you want to become a better version of yourself, for your own future, not to meet anyone's expectations or prove to anyone that you are not useless."

“You’re not a piece of trash,” he repeated firmly, his gaze fixed intently on her. “You never have.”

These words, like bolts of lightning, cleaved through the deep-seated fog in Xu Nianlei's mind. Her mother's curses, the gaze of the outside world, long-term self-doubt... at this moment, it seemed as if these firm and clear words had forcefully pried open a crack in her mind.

Separating research topics... for my own future... not being a waste...

Lu Baiyan had introduced these concepts to her in various ways before, but never before had they struck her heart so directly and powerfully, at her most vulnerable moment.

She stared at him blankly, forgetting her tears and her disheveled state, greedily absorbing every word he spoke, as if it were a life-saving spring.

Seeing the light return to her eyes, Lu Baiyan knew his words had worked. He said nothing more, simply turning his gaze back to the brilliant starry sky.

“Look there,” he pointed to the brightest star in the night sky, “no matter how the lights on the ground flicker or how the clouds obscure them, it is always there, moving along its own trajectory, radiating its own light.”

Xu Nianlei looked in the direction he was pointing. The star shone firmly, cold yet full of undeniable power.

The night breeze ruffled her hair, carrying the lingering warmth of the milk and the strength remaining in his words, gently calming the turmoil in her heart. She still felt weary and knew the road ahead was difficult, but the overwhelming despair and self-doubt had quietly receded.

She lowered her head and sipped the milk in her hand, the warm liquid sliding down her throat, bringing a touch of real comfort.

"Thank you," she said softly. This time, her voice was no longer filled with confusion, but only with a calm that had settled down.

Lu Baiyan nodded slightly without saying a word.

The two stood side by side on the rooftop, gazing at the starry sky, drinking milk, letting the night breeze pass through the less than one meter between them. Without many words, a silent power flowed quietly, mending the unseen cracks and illuminating a more resilient glimmer in the darkness.

Leilei, do you see that star? That's you. Perhaps it's temporarily obscured by clouds, but your light comes from within yourself, and no one can take it away.