Chapter 37 Although the boy's hands were cold, the area close to his chest was still warm.

I woke up from my dream.

The sky was still dark, and the dream from before was still vaguely surfacing in my mind.

In the dimly lit room, I suddenly sensed the presence of another person.

The charcoal fire had gone out sometime ago. It was a bit cold in the room, so I sat up in bed, put on my clothes, and groped my way out. The itching on my legs had subsided.

Although he couldn't exert much strength, he could still manage to walk around the room while holding onto the wall.

In the silence, the sound of shoes rubbing against the ground was exceptionally clear.

I listened to the sounds I was making, and walked step by step into the outer room. I parted the curtain and turned my head to see a person sitting at the table.

It was too dark, I couldn't see very clearly who was sitting in the darkness.

But looking at that quiet figure, there's only one person I can think of right away.

"You're finally back?"

I almost cried out in delight, my voice dry, the kind that comes from someone who has just woken up.

The figure stirred at the sound of the voice, as if only then realizing someone had come out of the inner room. By the time he turned around, I was already right in front of him, and only then did I realize my mistake.

Neither the light-colored strands of hair that vaguely appeared in the dim light, nor the faint pear scent emanating from the other person, were things I had imagined the person to possess.

This person is not Young Master Lan, but... Li Xiao.

Li Xiao returned, bringing with him the chill of the wind and snow outside, and a faint smell of alcohol lingered around him.

He...had been drinking?

I've known Li Xiao for a moderate amount of time, but this is the first time I've seen him drinking.

He was a person who loved sweets so much that he couldn't stand any bitterness. Even the sweetest rice wine would turn sour in his mouth.

But today he drank. He sat alone in the dark, pouring himself a drink, and didn't even think to come in and let me know when he came back.

If it were the boy from before, he probably would have deliberately kept his hands cold to freeze me awake from my deep sleep.

But he was so quiet, almost abnormally so.

This gave me a strong sense of foreboding.

I looked around the rest of the room again to make sure that there was no one else besides him and me... Young Master Lan wasn't here.

No, Young Master Lan is certainly not here.

Even if he comes back, he should go back to his own room.

I silently mocked myself for being so sleepy. I wrapped my clothes tighter and headed to the next room.

Before he even reached the door, a hand suddenly reached out from the side and grabbed his arm. It was Li Xiao.

My vision was blurry, and I couldn't see the boy's expression clearly, but I could feel that he was staring straight at me.

I wanted him to let go, but Li Xiao spoke first.

Where are you going?

His speech was fairly clear, but it lacked intonation, and his tone was somewhat slow and deliberate, making him sound like a completely different person.

I guessed that Li Xiao was probably drunk, but I didn't have time to think about why he was drunk. Or maybe I already had a guess in my heart, but I just didn't want to confirm it immediately.

So I didn't say a word, but secretly tried to break free of the other person's pull on my arm.

I've seen most drunk people, and most of them are limp and unable to exert any strength.

But Li Xiao was different. His hands were clenched tightly, without the slightest loosening, like an unyielding pair of pliers.

He wouldn't let go, and I continued to pull harder. We faced off silently in the darkness.

Until my legs couldn't support me standing for long and I started to sway. As I staggered and fell to one side, Li Xiao pulled me back.

In an instant, I bumped headfirst into a somewhat cold embrace.

His coat was soaked with melted snow and radiated cold air.

The usual sweet pear aroma mixed with a strong alcohol scent was almost intoxicatingly sweet.

"Where are you going?" Li Xiao asked again, his breath brushing against my face. It was too close for me to avoid, so I had no choice but to answer.

I said, "I'll go next door."

Li Xiao then asked me what I was doing next door.

What else can we do? Of course, we should go and see if Young Master Lan has returned.

But even though the words were right on my lips, I just couldn't say them, as if something hard was stuck in my throat.

After not receiving my reply for a moment, Li Xiao seemed a little downcast: "I originally thought you would be somewhat happy to see me."

I didn't quite understand what he was trying to say.

"Li Xiao, I'm not unhappy."

I said it, and only after I finished speaking did I realize that I had unintentionally called the other person by their first name.

But Li Xiao didn't seem to care, or perhaps he was simply unaware of it in his current state.

"You clearly have..."

Li Xiao seemed not to understand human speech and said to himself, "Otherwise, why did you turn around and leave as soon as you saw me? You just... just don't want to see me."

I looked at the somewhat unreasonable boy with a headache, wondering where Mr. Ajiu had gone at this moment.

They actually let their young master, a drunkard who was completely out of it, stay with me, a half-crippled person who has difficulty moving around—if the young master were to accidentally bump into something, I wouldn't be strong enough to lift him up.

My upper body was forced to lean against the boy's chest, knee to knee. To maintain my balance, I could only bend one leg slightly and kneel in the gap exposed by the stool.

My coat fell off during the tugging, and the chill seeped directly through my inner shirt, clinging to my skin and seeping into my bones, making me shiver uncontrollably.

What should have been a perfectly normal thing turned out to be something Li Xiao was thinking. He grabbed my arm and blurted out, "You... are you still afraid of me?"

"No, no, that's not true. Young Master Li, you're overthinking it."

I stammered in response, explaining that this time it wasn't because I was nervous, but simply because I felt cold.

If the room was only slightly chilly, Li Xiao's hands were unbelievably cold. His coat, along with the strands of hair falling beside my ears, were all icy cold and damp, now permeating my skin.

"...Then why are you shaking?" Li Xiao seemed not to believe it.

"It's so cold, so freezing! It's so cold here, ouch, and I'm wearing too little clothing—"

I answered tremblingly, hoping that Li Xiao would let me go quickly so I could pick up my coat, or at least let me go back to bed, wrap myself in a blanket, and come back later.

But I clearly overestimated the other party's comprehension ability at that moment.

Li Xiao scoffed and said with dissatisfaction, "You're freezing... like this, and you still want to go out? Humph, you deserve to freeze to death."

"..."

Li Xiao waited for a while, but I didn't respond. Suddenly, he sighed and muttered something like, "I just can't do anything with you."

I thought he had finally come to his senses and was going to let me go, but to my surprise, he pulled me closer to his chest again.

This time, my head was pressed directly into the crook of his neck.

To be fair, although the boy's hands were cold, the area close to his chest was still warm. After he finished, he reached out and tugged at me a couple of times, adjusting my position in his arms, before finally letting out a satisfied "hmm."

"That way, it won't be cold."

The boy murmured in a dreamlike voice close to my scalp. I could feel his Adam's apple bobbing slightly, and hear his heartbeat, so deep, so slow, and so lonely, coming from close to my ear through his clothes and chest.

I wasn't actually that cold anymore; on the contrary, the slight feeling of suffocation and lack of oxygen made my face uncontrollably start to burn.

My eyes looked past his shoulder, down to the doorway, where only silent darkness remained. Finally, I mustered the courage to ask, "Li Xiao, Young Master Lan, he—"

As soon as he finished speaking, I heard Li Xiao's breathing suddenly stop.

I felt my heart clench violently, and the words squeezed out of my throat on their own, sounding distant and unlike my own: "Is he... not coming back?"

A moment later, I heard Li Xiao's reply again; he gave a soft "hmm" through his nose.

—Just as I expected.

The heart that had been hanging in suspense finally settled with a thud, sinking into the boundless, cold darkness of the snowy night.

My eyes were still fixed on the darkness when a trivial matter suddenly popped into my head. It was so insignificant, yet for some reason, it suddenly became very important to me. I tried to hold back, but I couldn't help asking it out.

"Young Master Li, are there no lanterns lit outside today?" I said, my voice sounding somewhat like I was dreaming.

Li Xiao paused for a moment, then answered "yes".

"Oh, I see. No wonder it looks so dark. No wonder..." I murmured as if suddenly realizing something, and then asked Li Xiao if he could light the lamp.

"Why light the lamp?" Li Xiao asked back.

My mind suddenly felt a bit muddled, or maybe just sluggish. I tried really hard to think for a while before I finally managed to come up with a reason that I was somewhat satisfied with.

I said, "With the lights on, Young Master Lan will see us immediately and know we're waiting for him here. Otherwise, it's so dark and cold outside, and it would be terrible if he got lost."

Li Xiao remained silent for a while after hearing this.

Then he suddenly looked down into my eyes, his cold fingers turned my chin, lifted my face, and looked at me carefully.

By this time, I had somewhat adjusted to the darkness outside, and I could vaguely see the serious expression on the boy's face. In the end, the little bit of resistance in my heart was suppressed.

Li Xiao's brows furrowed deeper and deeper, and his gaze toward me held a gloom and obscurity that I could not comprehend.

—I think he might be angry.

Although I'm not sure which of my words offended this young master in front of me.

But Li Xiao is an unpredictable person... Oh right, I got the scar on my forehead because of him. He's never really liked me. From the first moment he saw me, he looked down on me. If it weren't for Young Master Lan...

If it weren't for Young Master Lan's sake, he wouldn't have returned when I was lying in the corner with a bloodied head that day.

But now, Young Master Lan has never come back, leaving only Li Xiao and me.

Should he just go back to how he was at the beginning?

The face before me overlapped with the image of the boy in my memory looking down at me... that disdainful and contemptuous expression, as if he were looking at an eyesore of broken trash.

My head was burning, but my body was shivering uncontrollably. At the same time, I heard a soft clicking sound coming from between my teeth.

Li Xiao belatedly rubbed my chin and then reached out to touch my forehead.

But he forgot how cold his hands were. Anything with a little warmth feels warm to the touch, let alone my face.

My last memory of that day was the boy's shaky embrace.

Li Xiao hurriedly carried me outside, as if forgetting that it didn't actually need to be so complicated. All he had to do was call out, and the guards in the building would come forward to give him instructions.

But he was drunk.

As I stumbled around the corner of the stairs, I must have missed a step.

I felt a violent jolt around me, and the flickering lights in my vision strung together like brilliant yellow fireworks, swirling and bursting open.

After the splendor comes endless darkness.

Before I plunged into darkness, I heard a muffled groan of pain, followed by the sound of flesh slamming into a hard object and then crashing to the ground.

The world then fell silent once more...

I opened my eyes again the next afternoon, and when I woke up, I was back in the same room as before.

The room was filled with a familiar, albeit unpleasant, medicinal smell.

A short, stout old man with a white beard was bending down to change the dressing on my leg. Beside the bed stood a towering man and a cute little baby.

Seeing that I was awake, the little child exclaimed with delight, "Grandpa, look, my brother is awake!"

The old man frowned slightly, but didn't seem particularly stern. Instead, it was as if he was just going through the motions: "Why are you shouting so loudly? Your grandpa isn't blind or deaf, how could I not see you?"

"I...I'm just happy."

The little boy pouted and muttered something softly before smiling at me again.

"Brother, you're finally awake. If you ask me, it's all that big idiot Li Xiao's fault. He's been gone for days, and you were perfectly fine the whole time. How come this had to happen as soon as he came back? If you ask me, it must be that you two are just incompatible. You should probably avoid each other in the future."

Seeing that I didn't answer, the little boy tilted his head and reached out to hug my arm, but was flicked away by the white-bearded old man on the head.

"Go away, get out of my way," the old man said, waving his hand.

The little boy touched his forehead, his eyes brimming with tears, and looked at me with even more pitiful eyes: "Brother, why are you ignoring Xiaoli?"

"..."

"Grandpa, Grandpa, something's wrong! Look at him, what's wrong with my brother? He's not saying a word, it's like he doesn't recognize us. Grandpa—" The little boy got excited and kept chattering.

Upon hearing this, the white-bearded old man, who had finished his work and was washing his hands, turned around and carefully examined my face.

"Loquat?" he tried calling out.

I blinked, and a hazy image flashed before my eyes: a low loquat tree in the corner of the courtyard, with small green fruits dotting the lush green leaves.

The fruits then fell into a thin, withered hand. It was clearly a woman's hand, but it was so thin that it was almost just a layer of skin covering the bones.

He clasped his hands together and then released them, and the fruits fell out one by one, landing on the barren yellow earth, where they were immediately covered with a thick layer of dust.

I squatted down beside that outstretched palm, bent down, picked up the fruit one by one, put them in my arms, wiped off the dust, and put them away.

The golden sun shone on my eyes, so bright it was almost dazzling.

"Mom, the sun is so strong!" I said.

The woman beside him remained silent, as if she were asleep.

[I've been eagerly anticipating this day of fruition, but sadly I have to leave soon. By the time the fruit ripens, I certainly won't be able to eat it.]

[...]

But no matter what, this time I'm really leaving, going far away, just as my mother always hoped. I'll take the fruit she gave me, leave this village, and probably never come back.

I turned around to face the woman, lay down next to her, and looked directly at that face that I knew so well.

If only Mother could smile, she always looks so beautiful when she smiles.

Or, I just wish she could hug me, like she used to.

"But it's okay," I said.

Then he pulled at the corners of his mouth and smiled at his mother.

My smile shouldn't be considered ugly, because my mother used to say that seeing me reminded her of herself when she was a child.

Then, I stretched out my arms and hugged her affectionately, just like she used to hug me. I leaned close to her ear and whispered, "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid—everything will pass," I said, just as she said.

...It's just a pity that I can no longer hear her call me like she used to.

Thinking about this, I couldn't help but feel sad, but I also knew that my mother was most afraid of seeing me cry, so I used the last bit of strength to force a smile at her.

Tears blurred my vision, making my mother's face appear indistinct.

I quickly turned my back, wiped my face haphazardly with my sleeve, turned back and smiled at my mother, finally tidying up the slightly disheveled hair at her temples before reluctantly turning around and climbing out of the pit.

The soil fell layer by layer, covering those deeply sunken cheeks, covering the eyes that had finally managed to close. The hand that had once held mine tightly was outstretched, with a string of copper coins in its palm.

That was the copper coin I got from selling myself, even if it's just to keep her company here in place of me... just like the loquat she personally handed to me.

The ship set sail. I didn't look back.

But in the instant she turned her back and closed her eyes, she vaguely saw a woman rushing toward the ferry. She was running so fast that her hair was disheveled at her temples, and she called out to Pipa in a gentle yet urgent voice.

I knew it was calling me, but I didn't turn around.

Instead, she lowered her head like a timid quail, clutching the fruit in her arms even tighter, as if she could still vaguely feel the lingering warmth of another person on it.

...even though that person himself had lost all warmth.