In the crowd

Jinnan almost doubted that he could not understand Chinese. He stared blankly, trying to see something in the endless darkness, and even forgot to breathe.

He recalled many things about him and Xu Zhiyuan, trivial and not intimate. They had held hands in Hangzhou, Xu Zhiyuan had given him his bed, and had gone drinking with him.

One month's distance is equivalent to many years before.

But Jinnan ignored all of this. He was trapped in his own anxiety and stubbornly pursued his unrequited love, not giving the other protagonist any chance.

"Xu Zhiyuan, do you like me?" Jin Nan asked this question again, and this time, his voice did not tremble.

"What do you think?" Xu Zhiyuan asked again.

Jinnan didn't know where he touched, it seemed like his shoulder, but not quite. He just felt warm and soft. He took a deep breath, and Xu Zhiyuan waited quietly, neither of them saying a word.

The answer to this question is too obvious. Why did Jin Nan ignore it all the time? He is fearless in public, so why is he so timid when facing Xu Zhiyuan?

Jinnan took a deep breath, held his breath, and used a few milliseconds of calmness and determination.

"You like me."

"Xu Zhiyuan, you like me."

When Xu Zhiyuan said this himself, its weight was far less than if Yun Nan had said it in person.

Words spoken a thousand times or ten thousand times can be distorted, and no matter how sincere or genuine the tone, they will still be tested by suspicion. Love is a matter of degree, and partiality is a matter of degree. If love is inherently weak, no amount of treatment can correct it.

It's up to Jinnan to feel it for himself, to be sure of it. Xu Zhiyuan loves him ten points, and shows five points. If Jinnan can understand, one point is enough.

For Jinnan, this one point is enough for him to forgive himself and face a new life.

"You were the one who left the kiss on my neck on my birthday."

"right."

"You are the one who strangled me with the marks."

"You kick the quilt." Xu Zhiyuan said, "and you like to turn over."

"Yesterday, you kissed me and broke the skin on my mouth."

"Sorry, Fangs."

Jinnan finally stroked his way from his shoulders to his ears and the roots of Xu Zhiyuan's hair. He lay on his side, listening quietly, as if they were sleeping together. His broad shoulders supported Jinnan's outstretched arm, and Xu Zhiyuan was generous, not caring at all about Jinnan's groping hands.

"So what did I say and do yesterday? Why did you kiss me?"

Xu Zhiyuan's response was a rather gentle kiss. There was no biting or nibbling, but Jinnan's skin was still swollen from his kiss.

"Xu Zhiyuan, we shouldn't kiss." Jin Nan whispered, "Daddy will cry if he sees."

Xu Zhiyuan took a deep breath and tried harder.

He reached out and turned on the bedside lamp. In the warm light, Jinnan could clearly see the bulging veins on his arms and neck. Jinnan had a feeling that he was holding back something, his handsome face softened in the dim light.

Xu Zhiyuan looked at him, just at him.

He wanted Jinnan to see clearly. He had no chance to quibble or play dumb anymore. He had to see clearly who was kissing him, who was loving him.

"Let's do this secretly," Xu Zhiyuan said, "so he won't find out."

Jin Nan boldly put his arms around his neck, and Xu Zhiyuan kissed him again, being careful not to let him touch his teeth. Both of them were unfamiliar with the movements, one was flattering and pleasing, the other was just trying to get deep.

Jin Nan's baggy pajamas were rubbed up in a few strokes, but Xu Zhiyuan didn't touch him with his hands, only his knees and lower abdomen, pretending to touch him unconsciously. His hands held Jin Nan tightly, embracing their eight years together.

This time, there were no excuses, no obstacles, and the two people made a wish in their hearts and finally got it.

Xu Zhiyuan didn't touch him, but Jinnan was not a patient person. He snuggled into Xu Zhiyuan's arms, and apart from being hugged tightly, there was nothing unusual.

He was immediately annoyed and simply stretched out his legs, flipping over and pressing Xu Zhiyuan completely under him. There was a hint of anger in those beautiful eyes, and the hem of her pajamas fell loose, revealing only a fleeting glimpse of her slender waist.

Jinnan placed one hand on Xu Zhiyuan's chest and sat back. As Xu Zhiyuan smiled, he felt something poking him.

Jinnan leaned forward and chuckled, "I thought you were a saint."

Xu Zhiyuan covered the hand that was pressed against his chest, moved it up along the wrist, and finally placed it on the back of Jinnan's neck, applying a little force. Jinnan then lay in his arms.

Jinnan was not used to such a position, or rather, he was not used to being so close to others, but the person in front of him was Xu Zhiyuan, the Xu Zhiyuan he had dreamed of many times.

Jinnan was so happy, so happy that he thought it was a dream. His heart and eyes were filled with love and more of reluctance.

This time it was Jinnan's turn to kiss him. While kissing him, he reached out to grab Xu Zhiyuan's clothes and tried to pull them off, but Xu Zhiyuan grabbed his wrist.

"Jinnan, you have to go to work tomorrow," Xu Zhiyuan said, "and you don't have a condom."

"No." Jin Nan kissed his chin, "I'll lend you my legs, do you want it?"

The drunk Jin Nan, the dream Jin Nan, would never say such words to Xu Zhiyuan. The sober Jin Nan would respect Xu Zhiyuan's wishes, give in a little, and compromise with something that should never be said.

There are so many things that shouldn't happen between them, so this one sentence is not enough.

Xu Zhiyuan's strength in his hands suddenly increased, leaving a deep mark on Jinnan, which was burning with pain.

He suddenly realized that he was wrong. The drunk Jinnan was just seeing flowers in the fog, but when his lover was awake, he saw such a spring-like and rainy look.

"You said it yourself."

That one sentence buried Jinnan deeper into the night. He remembered the kiss in the car last night. It seemed that Xu Zhiyuan didn't know how to get close, and only had the instinct to bite.

Jinnan brought it to the door himself.

*

The next morning, Jin Nan's legs hurt so much that he had to grimace while putting on his pants.

Xu Zhiyuan left first and placed the watch he had chosen for him on the glass cabinet in the cloakroom, along with a pair of earrings. Jinnan dressed up and, just as the housekeeper brought him a packed breakfast, Lu Yiqing called.

"Mr. Jin, the venue is ready. You can go directly to Min Jing. Please confirm the list of guests that can be sent out from the Publicity Department. Also, my secretary just called and said that Director Wu may be half an hour late."

"Got it. I'll postpone the link for now."

The driver was waiting at the door. Seeing Jin Nan, he bowed first and said, "Mr. Xu asked me to take you to the venue."

Jin Nan nodded politely, put on a standard smile, and when he sat in the back seat, his expression cracked for a moment.

Pulling out his phone, the usually reticent Xu Zhiyuan sent him a few messages. One with his location and a photo of his watch. It was a sister model to Jinnan's.

Xu: [See you in an hour]

Jinnan is both in pain and happy.

There were meetings in the morning, activities in the afternoon, and Jinnan ate a quick lunch in the car. Xu Zhiyuan, equally busy, only sat next to Jinnan for a short while during the ceremony. With dozens of cameras filming, even a small word had to be whispered close to his ear.

When Xu Zhiyuan got to work, he was the most serious and professional person in the world. He led the relatively new Jin Nan to deal with a group of veterans, and most of the compliments were directed at him. When they heard Jin Nan's identity, many people expressed understanding and praise, but secretly cast scrutiny and suspicion on him.

Jinnan accepted it with a smile and didn't say much.

Xu Zhiyuan had been managing Hualin's overseas operations since college, more than four years ahead of Jinnan, and was more familiar with the intricacies of the operation. But he didn't hide Jinnan away. Instead, he kept him close by, acting as his assistant, always treating Jinnan with respect.

His humble attitude made many people feel puzzled.

"That person...changed his gender?"

"The one in front of him is Hua Lin's new boss? He's quite young."

"I initially thought Hua Lin was going to have some internal strife. Aren't these two brothers from the beginning? How can they be so close?"

"What are you fighting about? Xu Zhiyuan himself ordered his employees in Hualin not to call him Mr. Xu. He was not happy to hear that person."

"Really? It's a pug."

As the event drew to a close, two young men stood side by side in the front row amidst a sea of ​​people in dark suits, exchanging pleasantries and greetings. They stood out among a crowd of middle-aged men in their forties and fifties.

There was a dinner party in the evening, and Xu Zhiyuan took Jinnan with him. After nearly ten hours of the day, this was the first time they were alone.

Jinnan took off his thick coat and tossed it into the back seat. Xu Zhiyuan, who was in the driver's seat, noticed his movements and, with a look of disapproval, turned up the air conditioning.

"Why is Mr. Xu driving himself?" Jin Nan made small talk.

Xu Zhiyuan whispered, "After we kiss and sleep together, I will become Mr. Xu."

Jinnan couldn't help but laugh out loud.

There really wasn't a suitable way for them to address each other. Using both first and last names... Jin Nan felt that was a bit harsh. He couldn't just call him brother, could he? Jin Nan felt his conscience slamming him.

"Zhiyuan?" Jinnan quietly tested.

Xu Zhiyuan glanced at him and hummed indifferently. Jinnan didn't miss the corner of his mouth that was about to be hooked.

Jin Licheng protected Jin Nan very well when he was around. Although he was a playboy, he never let Jin Nan see anything dirty, and he also hid his precious little son from the outside world. Not to mention exposing him, not many people even knew his name.

Jin Nan is picked up and dropped off at school by car, and his friends are all of Lin Jiaze's level. Logically, he doesn't understand the ways of the world very well.

But once he sat at the table, things changed. He could keep up the conversation, and even though he wasn't in a high position, he still made the older guys, even those a dozen or even dozens of years his senior, feel at ease. He was neither humble nor overbearing, never shying away from his edge, and his occasional witty jokes would make the whole table burst into laughter.

Xu Zhiyuan sat next to him, adding wine and tea. Occasionally, some ignorant people would try to force Jinnan to drink, but Xu Zhiyuan would stop them.

No one in Lido can look down on Hua Lin now, because there will be fewer people who look down on these two heads of the family because of their age.

Once everything was done, Xu Zhiyuan and Jinnan waited for the driver at the door. They could have eaten some fruit in the lobby, but Jinnan felt dizzy after sitting all day and insisted on getting some fresh air.

The metropolis at night is like a bowl of stirred soup, everything melting into the broth, everyone drifting in it. Jinnan still can't adapt, and the other world in his old memories is also vaguely forgotten.

He stood on the edge of two worlds, fighting against this divided, colorful soup pot.

Xu Zhiyuan followed behind him, the night breeze blew, and a warm hand held his.

Jin Nan pretended to be calm and asked him quietly, "You drank quite a lot. Are you dizzy?"

Xu Zhiyuan lowered his head and gazed at their clasped hands for a moment. To Xu Zhiyuan, this moment was also profound enough. But he knew that they were still under the lights and among the crowd.

Xu Zhiyuan chose to gently break free from Jinnan's hand.

The wind was still chilly, and Jinnan's heart stirred, wanting to say something. One by one, the departing guests said their goodbyes to him. Xu Zhiyuan was isolated from the crowd, becoming a supporting role instead.

He looked at Jinnan quietly, and like all the other gazes that fell on Jinnan, his gaze was free of greed and was purely admiration.

People always go to higher places. Now we are heading south, so we should go to higher places.

Being a homosexual will become a stain on him.