Light and Shadow

Li Xuanyue just turned a corner and saw Lu Jinfeng sitting on a bench, staring at the ceiling in a daze. She walked over, sat next to him, and placed the thermos box in her hand on the large empty space between them. "Mom made soup for you. She asked me to bring it here specially..."

Li Xuanyue never imagined that the easing of her relationship with her mother was due to Lu Jinfeng. She had basically become the messenger between them, although it was often one-sided, making her feel more like an errand boy. Li Xuanyue still felt uncomfortable with the change in their relationship. She looked at Lu Jinfeng and said, "My mother said you went back last night. She was about to talk to you, but you left. You're a bit childish."

She looked at Lu Jinfeng who was still in a daze, and actually missed the Lu Jinfeng from before. Although she didn't think there was anything worth missing about Lu Jinfeng who called her inexplicably in the early morning, deliberately brought up Bai Shunan, and got irritated by her few words, thinking he could hide himself and said clumsily, "He doesn't want me, why should I want him", it was on that day that she kindly held a party, and when the movie was at its climax, there was a sudden power outage.

Li Xuanyue went to check the electrical box in the dark, only to find an acquaintance already standing there, staring blankly at the open box. Li Xuanyue walked over with a flashlight and curled her lips at the cut wires. If it was really Jiang Yingshan who damaged the wires, should she call the police? Li Xuanyue thought silently. She didn't think it was her, but if it was, she would just settle it privately. Jiang Yingshan turned and looked at Li Xuanyue with a confused look on his face: "Your wires were cut, and you didn't call the police?"

"I wondered if it was you who cut it."

"Do you think I'm sick?"

"Looks like he's a little sick."

“…”

As they were talking one sentence after another, two people were standing on the steps in the distance hugging each other. As the shutter was pressed, the screen went black, and the birds in the trees flew into the sky, passing by the street lights, leaving a moment of tragic darkness.

The nurse on rounds pushed a cart past them, and Lu Jinfeng became a little more awake. He stood up, took a few steps forward, and looked through the small window to see Bai Shunan still lying there. He lowered his head and breathed a sigh of relief. He had been worried about him lately and needed to confirm his existence repeatedly.

Li Xuanyue saw this scene. After reshaping her impression of Lu Jinfeng in the past few days, she had to admit that her judgment of this relationship was too hasty. She had already anticipated that if Bai Shunan did not wake up or separated from him, as he grew older, Lu Jinfeng would live a boring and monotonous single life full of decay. No matter how clean it was, the unchanging room would still look tired. As if he had still retired from the film industry and had no plans to film, he would stay in one place boringly every day, exuding the aura of old age and death early on, speaking serious and old-fashioned words, harshly commenting on the acting skills of those newly emerging actors, and sarcastically evaluating those shoddy movies. Occasionally, he would look at the photo of Bai Shunan with a nostalgic and sad look, only then could he really be quiet for a while.

When Li Xuanyue thought of this, her breathing became heavier and she pursed her lips tightly to prevent herself from laughing. Her previous imagination could be regarded as a living state that Lu Jinfeng could adapt to and get used to, but once Bai Shunan was involved, the scenes in her mind were all filtered with a layer of tragedy, as if her imagination was really followed, and everything around Lu Jinfeng would decay with him, and everything would rot silently.

It was such a disaster, it was quite suitable as inspiration for a movie, Li Xuanyue thought, and had already conceived a series of pictures in her mind, placing Lu Jinfeng in them. She never cared much about Lu Jinfeng, so she didn't feel guilty about taking his sadness as inspiration, but seeing that he looked a little pitiful, she felt a little emotional and it affected her mood. She already had a vague imagination of the new movie, but as for when to really prepare for it, she was not sure. At present, she had been approached by a good movie script, which was a road movie, and she didn't know how long it would take to shoot after she took it over.

She narrowed her eyes slightly and looked at Lu Jinfeng standing there. She discovered something. No matter when she came, Lu Jinfeng was always bright and handsome, as if he had dressed up carefully himself. There was always a sense of incongruity in the hospital. Li Xuanyue did not comment on Lu Jinfeng's childish behavior. She more or less understood why he did this and urged Bai Shunan to wake up and see him.

Li Xuanyue looked up at the ceiling, but there was nothing special. In the future she imagined for Lu Jinfeng, with Bai Shunan around, there should be some changes. There might not be any big changes, but it would be better. At least Lu Jinfeng would be willing to keep a cat.

As soon as Li Xuanyue walked out of the hospital, she felt uneasy. She wandered at the hospital door for a while, and finally made the decision she had made early in the morning. She turned around and walked back into the hospital. She could always hear crying in her ears, so she walked quickly, trying to find a quiet place as soon as possible.

The insulated box was still on the empty bench, just as it was when she left. She couldn't help but feel sorry for her mother. Li Xuanyue didn't see Lu Jinfeng. When she passed by the ward, she frowned slightly and looked inside. She found Lu Jinfeng. He was lying beside Bai Shunan with his eyes closed. From her perspective, they seemed closer than they actually were. They were lying on the same bed, snuggling together.

How they are like, only each other.

Li Xuanyue felt a sense of loss as she watched. She realized she was wrong. If she continued to think as she did, she might not even see Lu Jinfeng's life as an eccentric old man. Everything she imagined was just that. She thought of a funeral, but couldn't pinpoint which one. Perhaps it was her grandfather's, or one she had attended but had forgotten who had passed away, or perhaps it was one of those imagined funerals. At such a vague memory, she thought about crying, about how to reveal her true feelings.

But even in the fantasy of her mother's departure, she felt that the shadow of self-deception was too obvious, and most of the emotional expressions were just to protect something. Li Xuanyue saw clearly how indifferent she was at those times. She didn't understand what Ah Hua was saying at that time, and only now did she realize it.

She realized that what she regretted most about her time with Ah Hua wasn't the separation, nor the sincerity she'd used to deceive herself into believing she was more respectable. She sighed sarcastically. It was time. She discovered the ruthlessness deep within her that had fueled her pride. All this was truly incomprehensible. She left the hospital in anger, her mind brooding over the inspiration she'd gained from Lu Jinfeng. In the few furious back-and-forths, she had already formulated a rough plan for her new film.

"I'm planning to make a movie soon. Do you want to try it?"

"What's that?"

"How about a story about lost love? Are you interested?"

“…”

"Why aren't you talking? Who are you thinking of?"

"No, no one."

"Let you be the protagonist."

"It has nothing to do with whether I'm the main character or not. I'm just not sure if I still want to act."

"Why, you feel bored?"

"Maybe it is, but it doesn't seem like it. Although I occasionally wondered why before, it didn't have a big impact. But these days, this feeling has become more and more intense. I always feel like something is missing in my heart."

"Don't think too much. Just tell me if you still want to act."

"What's the name of the movie?"

"Light and shadow."