New Year's Eve

When Lu Jinfeng woke up this morning, a strong feeling of disgust surged through him. It felt like an inescapable burden, weighing down his chest, making his airways feel uncomfortable and blocked. Even looking at himself in the mirror, his appearance remained unchanged, but Lu Jinfeng frowned, and the feeling grew stronger. He thought of the figure he had imagined disappearing in the rain. It was Bai Shunan, with his clever eyes and gentle smile, as if silently tempting him. He couldn't help but feel a wave of empty disgust in his heart.

Lu Jinfeng looked out the window. The gray, damp sky and the fine, dense rain were like the dense hatred in his heart. He realized that the hatred accumulated over the years had made him forget why he hated it in the first place.

When Zhan Song explained his work schedule to Lu Jinfeng, he had no idea what was wrong with him today. He was even more caustic than usual, just like his wife thought of his mother: incredibly difficult to please, constantly finding fault. One moment he'd say he was unprofessional, the next he'd complain about his haircut (which embarrassed Zhan Song). He couldn't even walk without complaining about the road, let alone the people he met. His harsh words were like a cannon of fire.

Zhan Song just wanted to escape quickly, but seeing the pitiful looks of help from his two assistants, he couldn't be a deserter, so he had to fight on the front line.

"What's wrong with you today?" Zhan Song couldn't help but ask.

"Nothing." Lu Jinfeng's brows were sullen and he flipped through the script impatiently.

Zhan Song was embarrassed at the side, and suddenly an idea flashed in his mind, "Could it be that you have a conflict with Bai Shunan?"

"No, no, no." Lu Jinfeng spoke quickly and impatiently. He slammed the script on the table and glared at Zhan Song. "He's fine, and I'm fine too."

Yes, yes, yes, Zhan Song secretly complained in his heart, remembering that he hadn't seen Bai Shunan for many days, "How do you feel about getting along with Bai Shunan?"

"Why do you always ask about him? Do you want to be his agent?"

Zhan Song shook his head and said, "I won't ask anymore."

The two were silent for a while, and Lu Jinfeng suddenly said, "Not very good."

Lu Jinfeng paused, then continued, "He's quiet, lazy, and often does stupid things... He's very patient with cats and knows how to take care of them. Although he's usually taciturn, he's very good at taking care of cats."

Zhan Song felt that Lu Jinfeng was not talking to him, but rather talking to himself. However, when he heard Lu Jinfeng's description of Bai Shunan next, he was suddenly stunned.

Lu Jinfeng's eyes were distracted and focused at times, and his tone of voice was the same as his state, with a dazed feeling. "He's good-looking, has a nice voice, and a strange temper, but everything about him seems warm..."

Realizing something was wrong, Zhan Song quickly changed the subject, "Director Li is having a New Year's Eve party tonight, are you going?"

"Go to hell," Lu Jinfeng came back to his senses, "I went to her drinking party after a busy day. Am I sick?"

Seeing this, Zhan Song didn't know what to say. He was more accustomed to Lu Jinfeng's arrogant look.

After Lu Jinfeng said that, he suddenly felt nauseous. He quickly pulled over a trash can and dry-heaved twice, which relieved some of the discomfort.

"What's wrong with you?" Zhan Song suddenly panicked. He stepped forward and patted Lu Jinfeng on the back, then quickly asked his assistant to get a cup of hot water. Zhan Song turned around and looked at Lu Jinfeng nervously, "Are you feeling unwell?"

"It's okay." Lu Jinfeng waved his hand, feeling depressed, probably because he didn't sleep all night last night.

Zhan Song walked back and forth along Lu Jinfeng's back, took the hot water handed to him by the assistant, and held it in front of Lu Jinfeng, "Do you want to lie down for a while and rest?"

"No, I'm fine." Lu Jinfeng took the water but didn't drink it. He took a few deep breaths, looked at the water surface, and gently stroked the cup with his fingers. Warmth continued to spread from the palm of his hand.

He remembered the warmth of Bai Shunan's embrace and the temperature of the quilt when he kissed Bai Shunan.

"Are you really not going to rest?"

"No."

Lu Jinfeng has kept his schedule very full these days and has been working non-stop. Zhan Song also remembered that Lu Jinfeng had fallen ill some time ago, so he really had to pay attention to Lu Jinfeng's physical condition. He looked at the schedule and postponed an insignificant interview, allowing Lu Jinfeng to rest in the car for half an hour.

When he finally finished his work in the evening, Lu Jinfeng fell asleep in the car in a half-asleep state. One moment he felt like a mess, but the next second he felt like he was perfect.

He can't find the right balance between being depressed and calm, self-loathing and narcissistic.

Just as he was about to find someone to help him, his dream self slapped himself.

He did the same thing in reality, and Lu Jinfeng woke up.

Zhan Song saw Lu Jinfeng slapping himself through the mirror and silently postponed all of Lu Jinfeng's future plans. He felt deeply that if Lu Jinfeng didn't rest, he wouldn't be the only one to go crazy.

Lu Jinfeng looked at the scenery outside the car window. The lights were bright, the New Year's Eve atmosphere in the shops was so strong and full, and the streets were crowded with people walking together.

As he looked, a silver-white heart-shaped balloon flew out of the hand of a passerby.

Lu Jinfeng came back to his senses, his eyes dark and unclear, "Let's go to Li Xuanyue."

She would always take him in.

Zhan Song responded with an "OK". He was wondering what happened to Lu Jinfeng, so he had no intention of teasing Lu Jinfeng.

He knew that if he didn't ask, Lu Jinfeng wouldn't tell anyone, and even if he told someone, Lu Jinfeng wouldn't tell anyone either.

Because I knew this, I couldn't say anything.

"Do you need me to pick you up later?"

"Need not."

When Lu Jinfeng arrived, quite a few people were already at Li Xuanyue's house, most of them close friends. Many of them knew him and were walking back and forth to greet him. Lu Jinfeng felt bored, and he responded to each one with a tired smile. The feeling he had this morning resurfaced, and he felt a sense of familiarity, helplessly.

He saw Li Xuanyue, who was chatting with Jiang Yingshan, so Lu Jinfeng didn't bother them. Turning around, he saw Li Suiwen rubbing his hands in front of Li Xuanyue's collection of wine. Looking around, he saw Zhong Mianqing sitting by the window, his heart calm. The sleepiness in his body made his steps heavy and unsteady. Looking back, he noticed Bai Shunan, chatting and laughing with someone.

Lu Jinfeng withdrew his gaze, sat in a corner of the sofa, shrank his body and closed his eyes.

He often sleeps better when there is a lot of noise around him.

Soon, the noise of the carnival woke him up, and the continuous shrill screams kept coming into his ears, and he was almost drowned. Lu Jinfeng covered his ears impatiently, and when he opened his eyes again, there were people walking around in front of him.

"The countdown is about to begin!"

I don't know who pulled him up and then let him go, but just like that, naturally, he was pushed into the crowd.

Lu Jinfeng was upset by this sudden situation, and sleepiness weighed heavily on him. He felt a little at a loss in this lively atmosphere of joy and expectation, like an ant that found food on a hot pan, unable to tell whether he was happy or sad.

As more and more people gathered in front of the glass window, the air around became crowded, and the smell of alcohol and perfume blended together. Lu Jinfeng was trapped in it and wanted to find a chance to breathe. He looked away casually and saw Bai Shunan.

At that time, Bai Shunan was looking at him.

Lu Jinfeng couldn't put this into words. The turmoil in his heart stirred his internal organs. It was like tinnitus in his ears, and he couldn't hear anything else. At the same time, he couldn't tell whether his throbbing heart was due to panic or because he needed to rest. How could he always recognize Bai Shunan in an instant? Why couldn't he see anyone else in his eyes?

While frantically listing countless reasons to dislike Bai Shunan in his mind, he kept walking, making his way through the crowd towards Bai Shunan. Soon, he was in front of him and, without hesitation, grasped his wrist. He walked forward, as if walking down a staircase of memories, reaching the secret hidden deep within his heart.

Bai Shunan followed him to the corner, an inconspicuous dark corner.

Lu Jinfeng thought so much, even in his dreams, but he still couldn't figure it out, just as he didn't understand why when he saw Bai Shunan again after many days, the first thought in his mind was that he had a beautiful smile.

He suddenly realized that he didn't blame him and couldn't blame him.

To be honest, when he got to the bottom of it, he couldn't clearly explain what Bai Shunan owed him.

He originally thought that a guilty person had broken into his life, giving him the possibility to act recklessly, but he didn't expect that it would actually bring him a nightmare like shackles.

Makes him look like a sinner.

"I forgive you...I don't blame you." Lu Jinfeng said.

He felt himself holding Bai Shunan's hand a little tighter. Lu Jinfeng looked up and couldn't tell what Bai Shunan was thinking.

Lu Jinfeng's voice was very soft. Even when he looked at Bai Shunan, he still seemed to be trapped in his own thoughts. He thought that Bai Shunan could not hear his voice clearly in the noisy waves of voices. "I need you to stay with me."

Until I wake up in the middle of the night, it is no longer you who appears in my dreams.

Lu Jinfeng took a half step forward, looking at Bai Shunan who was leaning back slightly but unable to move against the wall, and a sense of joy suddenly rose in his heart. He lowered his head and leaned lightly on his shoulder, loosening his grip on Bai Shunan's trembling hand, resting it on his shoulder, and then letting it fall weakly.

Bai Shunan leaned against the wall, and he leaned against him.

When filming that movie, Lu Jinfeng had the thought of dying for the first time. The days when he couldn't get out of the role were too painful. He felt like he was locked in that house.

His father, whom he hadn't contacted for a long time, sent him several messages for the first time. Lu Jinfeng read the words of comfort between the lines, and his mind flashed with his father's sarcastic sneer, his leisurely and contented look as he watched the show from the sidelines, secretly rejoicing at his failure while saying with condescension, "See, I told you this path isn't for you..."

Look, without me, how can you live well? How can you live well?

Suddenly one day, it rained. Lu Jinfeng fell to the ground without paying attention. The first thing that came to his mind was - "...The road is slippery when it rains. Be careful. I'm leaving."

Lu Jinfeng got up from the ground and laughed for some reason, "It's really slippery."

His tears also disappeared with the rain.

A memory brought back more memories. Lu Jinfeng thought of the distant past. In fact, they were not all rainy days. He saw the thin figure in front of him.

Lu Jinfeng's face flushed slightly, as he recalled a memory that he felt a little ashamed of. He had envied Bai Shunan, even been jealous, extremely jealous, the Bai Shunan who always slept in class, but had outstanding grades, good looks, a nice voice, and didn't even care about him at all.

Yes, it was obvious that at the beginning, he didn't care about him at all.

He was going crazy with jealousy.

Suddenly, Lu Jinfeng figured out what he really needed.

When the neat and celebratory countdown sounded, Zhong Mianqing left the crowd that was counting down for the New Year and walked towards the direction he had been seen before.

To offset the hatred in his heart, Lu Jinfeng found countless reasons to dislike Bai Shunan, and countless reasons for himself. However, the moment he saw Bai Shunan, he couldn't help but walk closer. To offset the hatred lingering in his heart, he raised his head and left Bai Shunan's shoulder. After countless thoughts, Lu Jinfeng finally found the answer. He thought about what he was about to say, and at the same time wanted to see Bai Shunan smile. When he looked at Bai Shunan, he smiled, a little reluctantly, and fatigue soon caught up with him, but the determination in his eyes did not disappear, and his words were sincere: "Let's be friends, okay?"