Chapter 23

Time flew by, seemingly on fast-forward, amidst the alternation of busyness and exhaustion. Zhao Jinglu, with her innate tenacity and quick thinking, and her dedication to working day and night, quickly distinguished herself at work. Before long, she rose through the ranks and was promoted to a junior supervisor position within the department.

With a promotion came greater responsibilities and more challenges. Her days were packed with meetings, reports, and project plans. While fulfilling, they also left her exhausted. Only she knew why she worked so relentlessly, almost to the point of self-abuse. She dreaded stopping, dreading every moment of free time. The moment she found some peace, her thoughts would drift uncontrollably southward, toward the person she had pushed away. She would repeatedly question her decision—was it the right one? Was it too cruel? Was there another possibility?

She gradually understood a truth: with some people, it's only when they're together that they realize it's just a habit, not deep love; with others, it's only after they're apart that they realize the ever-present "uncomfort" is evidence of love. Ling Peng was clearly the latter. He had long permeated her life like air, and only after he left did she feel a suffocating emptiness.

One Friday night, Zhao Jinglu and Fan Chen, both free, met up at a quiet restaurant. Fan Chen had lost his youthful playfulness and become more composed.

After a few drinks and some casual chat about recent events, Fan Chen looked at the faint blue under her eyes and suddenly sighed: "Are you worried about something?"

Zhao Jinglu's fingers tightened around the wine glass, and she was silent for a moment. Then, as if making a decision, she raised her eyes and spoke in a calm voice, yet with a longing to tell it all: "Would you like to hear a very long story?"

So, in that corner with soft lighting and low background music, Zhao Jinglu started from the ghost face in the sun and the No. 7 jersey beside the junior high school playground, and told Fan Chen the story of the long-lasting secret love, brief encounter and eventual separation that spanned almost her entire youth, bit by bit, neither hurriedly nor slowly.

Those tiny throbbing moments, the little moments in the rehearsal room, the surprise of reunion, the heartache of being far away, the sweetness of Shenzhen, and that final, difficult decision... She recalled every detail, as if she wasn't recounting a story but rather a long farewell. She simply hoped that there was at least one person around her who fully understood her past and could know for sure that Ling Peng had truly existed, that she had loved him so deeply, and that they had parted so helplessly.

Fan Chen listened quietly without interrupting. When she finished, a faint sadness filled the air.

"Hey Zhao Jinglu... you're really patient and able to hold things in. I've known you for so many years, from high school to now, and so many things have happened, and you only just remembered to talk to me about it?"

He couldn't help but blame her, and asked softly:

"Then... did you guys get in touch later?"

Zhao Jinglu shook her head, her eyes fixed on the swaying liquid in the cup: "No."

"Do you still miss him?"

She paused and said softly, "Occasionally."

Fan Chen looked at her and asked the last and most important question: "Then... do you still love him?"

Zhao Jinglu was silent for a while longer. There was a moment of confusion and struggle in her eyes, which eventually turned into a complex ash. She shook her head and said in a voice so low it sounded like a sigh: "...I don't know."

Looking at the calmness she managed to maintain on her face and the sadness she couldn't hide in her eyes, Fan Chen couldn't help but feel deeply sorry for this good friend he had grown up with. He thought of another farewell many years ago.

"Zhao Jinglu," he suddenly said, bringing up that long-lost name. "Do you know why we didn't tell you when Gao Xin left, and why we didn't want to talk about it later?"

Zhao Jinglu raised her head in confusion and looked at him. This matter had always been a knot in her heart.

Fan Chen took a deep breath and said, "Before Gao Xin left, he met with Wang Lei and me alone. He said, 'Zhao Jinglu looks strong and brave on the surface, but she's actually incredibly sensitive and fragile. Whenever she encounters trouble, especially when it involves someone she cares about, her first reaction is to compromise and obey other people's decisions, as if that would preserve something.' He said that his failure this time was his fault, but he didn't want you to force yourself to do anything out of guilt or sympathy. It's good that he's gone. It just happened to help you understand sooner that some people aren't destined to be with you forever. There's no need to worry about them all the time, and there's no need to force them."

He took a sip of water and looked at Zhao Jinglu, who was already in tears but still trying hard not to utter a word. His tone became gentle and firm. "But now it seems that Gao Xin understands you quite well, but he also underestimated you. You have really grown up and matured now. You know what is most important to you and know how to make choices according to your heart, even if it hurts. Isn't that great? Don't be afraid, I will be with you from now on."

Zhao Jinglu listened, tears streaming down her face. Gao Xin's words, after all these years, surprisingly and precisely explained her past behavior, miraculously soothing the remaining guilt and confusion in her heart.

Has she grown up?

Isn’t it good that she took it upon herself and decisively cut it off?

Maybe.

She raised her hand, forcefully wiped the tears from her face, sniffed, then picked up the glass on the table and gently clinked it against Fan Chen's, making a crisp sound. She forced a smile, tears still glistening in the corners of her eyes, but her expression was unusually bright. "Thanks, buddy!"

On the way home, Zhao Jinglu didn't let Fan Chen see her off. She walked slowly and leisurely alone through the early autumn streets of Beijing. The cool night breeze blew against her face, washing away the traces of her tears and, as it did, the weight of her heart.

Telling Fan Chen that long story in its entirety was like walking through my youth again with my past self. All those passionate, bitter, sweet, and painful feelings were vented and resolved in the process.

She seemed...really a little relieved.

She didn't regret falling in love with Ling Peng, didn't regret the effort and perseverance she put into their long-distance relationship, and didn't regret ultimately breaking up. She knew there was no need for regrets. The choices people make at every crossroads in their lives are based on all the wisdom and courage they possess at that age, given their experiences, and at that moment in time. Even if she could turn back time and relive the situation, she would most likely make the same decision.

That decision protected Zhao Jinglu, who wanted independence and longed for self-realization at the time.

She paused, took a deep breath of the crisp night air, and slowly exhaled, as if completely letting go of everything from the past that had been pent up in her heart for so long.

She was saying goodbye to the past, to the grand youth that was filled with one person.

Then, she raised her head and looked at the dimly lit road ahead leading to an unknown future, her gaze gradually becoming clear and firm.

She adjusted the strap of her backpack and started walking.

This time, she was truly traveling far into the future.

That persistent watch across mountains and rivers eventually sank silently into the deep water of time.

He became the greatest and most sad lesson of her early adulthood.

She finally learned to prioritize keeping her own coordinates in the emotional equation.

The star that she once looked up to, chased, and finally walked side by side with now quietly hovers in the galaxy of memory.

And she has accumulated enough light and heat to become the most constant sun in her own universe.

——What paves the way for this distant time?

——It is a passionate rush, a sober sinking, and a brave separation. In the end, they all turn into a gentle and tenacious force that walks independently between heaven and earth.

(End of the next part)