Chapter 15 "Because of you, I have become what I used to be..."

Both Qingyue and Chengbao were disturbed by the commotion in the main room. They both went out of their rooms, and Chengbao hurriedly tried to go see what was happening, but Qingyue grabbed his sleeve. Qingyue calmly shook her head at him. Immediately afterward, Liang Shao stumbled out of the main room. He spotted Chengbao and Qingyue huddled in the corner and called out, "Chengbao, grind the ink!" Chengbao rushed forward to support Liang Shao, noticing that his face, already flushed from drunkenness, was now even redder, streaked with dried tears. Chengbao was startled and lowered his head, carefully considering the words.

Qingyue watched coldly as Liang Shao and his companion walked past her into the study, then immediately ran back into the main room.

Shanhe remained leaning against the dressing table, her gaze fixed on the room. Qingyue knelt beside Shanhe, taking out a handkerchief to wipe the corners of her eyes: "Did Second Master... agree?"

Shanhe slowly raised her hand, squeezed Qingyue's hand, and smiled weakly: "Yes, we're going back to Jinling."

The night watchman's clapper sounded outside, but Liang Shao still hadn't returned. Shanhe asked the time; it was already past midnight. She then asked where Liang Shao had gone, and Qingyue replied, "After the Second Master came out of the study, he went to take a bath."

Shanhe nodded. Perhaps because she had just cried, she felt weak and dizzy. She instinctively wanted to lie on the bed for a while, but she was afraid that Liang Shao would suddenly come back, so she sat on the daybed, propped her elbows on the small table, used her fingers as a pillow, and closed her eyes for a short rest.

Liang Shao stood like a walking corpse beneath the main room door. He stood there stunned for a long time, lost in thought, until his legs ached before he lifted the curtain and went inside. Shanhe was already fast asleep, her face flushed from crying, tears still clinging to her dark eyelashes. Just that one glance was enough to pierce Liang Shao's heart. He couldn't help but approach, couldn't help but reach out, couldn't help but gently pinch Shanhe's cheek as usual, couldn't help but want to pull her into his arms.

Shanhe remained unconscious, turning her head away to face the wall. Liang Shao sighed dejectedly. How had he let his life turn out this way? Liang Shao slightly raised his face, the tears that had almost rolled down his cheeks returning to his eyes, hovering there, waiting to accumulate before slowly sliding down. Liang Shao bit his lip, picked up Shanhe, and walked towards the bed.

For the first time, he realized how light Shanhe was, like a feather, as if a gust of wind would carry her away. Where would she go? He didn't know. Liang Shao pondered, if they really divorced, where would Shanhe go afterward? Jinling? But Jinling held so many bad memories for Shanhe. She had never been anywhere else. Thinking this, Liang Shao's heart ached more and more. Two years had passed, and he had never taken Shanhe out. Last time he wanted to take her to Ruyi Tower, but his grandfather's illness had kept him waiting until now. Now, he might never have the chance to go out with Shanhe again.

The moon was thin tonight, hiding behind dark clouds, refusing to peek out. In the quiet courtyard, the occasional chirping of birds was the only sign of life in Shuyu Pavilion. Suddenly, a commotion arose in the neighboring courtyard; Liang Ye had probably returned. The lively atmosphere only made Shuyu Pavilion seem deathly silent. Liang Shao, standing in the darkness, looked at Shanhe in his arms and thought, "Once Shanhe is gone, Shuyu Pavilion will be even more desolate."

All good things must come to an end, and everyone must eventually move on to their own future, except for his world, which has come to a standstill.

When Shanhe woke up, she found herself sleeping in Liang Shao's arms. Liang Shao stared at her blankly, his eyes empty. Even when she opened her eyes, he seemed to have no emotion. He just held her and looked at her.

Shanhe tried to break free, but was held even tighter.

His throat bobbed laboredly, his voice hoarse, seemingly devoid of any emotion: "Shanshan, Grandfather's greatest wish was for us to have a child of our own. Let's fulfill his last wish before we go?"

Shanhe's breathing suddenly became labored: "No—"

“I’m sorry, Shan Shan…” Liang Shao suddenly lowered his head and bit Shan He’s lips, his sigh disappearing between his suddenly pressed lips and teeth.

All of Shanhe's resistance was locked away by an even deeper restraint, like a butterfly caught in a spider's web, the more she struggled, the tighter she was bound. After an unknown period of stalemate, a hot tear slid down Shanhe's temple. Liang Shao slowly raised his head, a bloody gash visible on his lower lip. The crimson line snaked down his trembling chin, dangling from his full breasts, about to drip. Shanhe was still held in his arms, trembling with fear and trembling. She never imagined Liang Shao would force himself on her, and even less that she would bite his lip in her desperation. Shanhe's chest heaved. She turned her face away, saying apologetically, "I'm sorry."

Liang Shao felt as if the world before him was crumbling, and he himself was like a piece of glass, now completely shattered. He didn't want to divorce Shan He, and he had even resorted to force, but when he actually tried to force himself on her, hearing her painful sobs and seeing her resistance, he was helpless. Two years ago, Old Master Liang had used that power to force him to marry Shan He; now, did he want to use that power to force Shan He to stay? At this thought, a sudden terror gripped Liang Shao's heart. He realized that in his struggle, he had unknowingly acquired that power as well. He didn't even know when he had gained this power, yet he had already begun to do things that hurt Shan He; he had now become the very thing he despised.

Liang Shao gently placed Shanhe on the couch, his lips pressed into a straight line: "Don't always say sorry." He still remembered the first month after their marriage, when he was at his most irritable. Sometimes he would deliberately treat Shanhe badly, and she would just stand there timidly, bow her head and say "I'm sorry," accepting all his bad behavior without question, even though she hadn't done anything wrong. He was extremely annoyed by Shanhe saying that, as if she offered no resistance.

Shanhe had shrunk to the corner of the bed and pulled the brocade quilt to cover herself.

This scene pierced Liang Shao's heart with pain. Everything was perfectly fine yesterday!

He raised the back of his hand to wipe the blood from his chin, then slumped onto the edge of the bed, his back to Shanhe, his shoulders hunched. He suddenly felt incredibly tired, all his strength drained away, because of Shanhe, and because of himself. His fingers dug into his dark hair, Liang Shao lowered his head, tears streaming down his face, splashing onto his trousers.

Shanhe pressed her back against the wall. She saw Liang Shao standing silently with his back to her, his dejection and brokenness evident. She wanted to reach out and comfort him, but her hand froze in mid-air. Shanhe knew that if she extended that hand, all her efforts and perseverance that night would be in vain. Parting is always painful, but only through parting can there be a better reunion in the future. Shanhe hoped that when she and Liang Shao met again, he would be the most famous Red-Tasseled Spear General in all of Great Yan, and she would be able to live a vibrant and fulfilling life with her own two hands. Then they would be at their best, even if they couldn't be together.

“Ah Shao, we must learn to say goodbye.” Shan He said softly.

Liang Shao did not answer, but lowered his eyes to look at the last drop of blood on the ground, and then silently got up and left.

*

The next morning, Liang Shao got up early for his shift, while Shanhe was half an hour late. She sat listlessly by the bed for a while before sullenly calling for Qingyue to fetch water to rinse her mouth and wash her face. A moment later, two young maids entered; both were unfamiliar faces, former servants of the old master. Shanhe asked in a daze, "Where's Qingyue?"

One of the maids, Suiming, timidly replied, "Second Master instructed us to come to Shuyu Pavilion to serve you."

Shanhe had a vague premonition. She threw back the covers and started to walk outside, calling out, "Where's Qingyue?"

Cheng Bao stood under the corridor and answered respectfully in a loud voice: "Second Madam, today the abbot of Guangtong Temple sent someone to say that the old master was missing a family member to recite the sutra for his passing. So the second master asked the clan elders to recognize Miss Qingyue as his sworn sister, so that she can fulfill the filial duty at the coffin on behalf of the two masters."

Shanhe staggered back half a step, her lips moving but unable to speak. She hurriedly walked out, but Suiming and Suiwen immediately stopped her. They each loosely took one of Shanhe's arms and bowed, saying, "Second Madam, we're so sorry." After saying that, Suiming and Suiwen practically dragged Shanhe to the bedside and forced her to sit down. Chengbao still spoke in that humble and respectful tone: "Second Madam, Second Master was worried about your safety and specially instructed us that from today onwards, Suiming and Suiwen will serve you personally in Shuyu Pavilion. I and two other servants will serve outside the door. Wherever Second Madam goes, we will follow her at all times."

It was clearly an intention to place her under house arrest.

Shanhe was stunned and speechless, feeling as if a huge boulder was pressing down on her heart, making it hard to breathe. Numbly, she let Suiming and Suiwen do her hair and makeup. After changing into a crimson brocade dress with flowing clouds, Shanhe suddenly realized that this brand-new dress was not her old clothes at all. She hurriedly pushed Suiwen and Suiming away, rushed to the trunk where she had packed her belongings, and opened it with trembling hands. The two bundles she had packed the night before were gone. Shanhe's heart sank. She turned back to look at the dressing table. It was clean, with only jewelry and rouge on it. The banknotes, land deeds, and the purse containing her own savings were all gone. Everything was gone. Shanhe's nose tingled, and she couldn't help but shed tears.

Seeing Shanhe's state, Suiming sighed deeply, took a handkerchief and stepped forward to wipe away Shanhe's tears, but Shanhe turned her face away, dodging her hand, and continued to weep.

Sui Ming wanted to offer some words of comfort, but didn't know where to begin. She and Sui Wen had served in Shouxi Hall. The maids and servants working there had received much kindness from Shan He over the past two years, truly among the best treated Shan He in the entire household. Therefore, seeing Shan He in tears now felt like a knife twisting in their hearts. The servants knew to some extent about Shan He and the Second Master's affair over the past two years, but due to the Second Master's domineering nature, no one dared to offer advice; only the Old Master could say a few words. Fortunately, Shan He and the Second Master's relationship had improved, and Sui Ming and the others were secretly pleased, sighing that Shan He had finally overcome her hardships. But now things had escalated to this point, with even Qing Yue being exiled to Guangtong Temple!

Sui Ming and Sui Wen exchanged a glance, sighed, and stood by to serve, holding their breath and not daring to make a sound.

As lunchtime approached, Liang Shao rushed back, looking travel-worn. He stood on the veranda but didn't go in. He simply looked across the threshold at Shanhe, who was slumped on the daybed, her face listless, clearly having just cried. Liang Shao suddenly felt his back teeth clench, his fists tightening, then he forced them open, forcing a smile as he stepped over the threshold, deliberately speaking casually, "Shanshan, I'm back."

His laughter was as hearty and cheerful as ever, as if he had never suffered or been restrained.

Shanhe's eyes held a hint of hatred as she stared fixedly at him, watching him slowly approach, sit beside her, take her hand, and wipe away her tears with a plain handkerchief. Liang Shao lowered his gaze, still smiling, but there was no joy in his eyes. He said gently, "Don't cry. I've finished everything this morning, and I'll spend the afternoon with you. Tonight, let's go to Ruyi Tower, okay?"

Shanhe turned her face away to avoid his movement.

As if unaware, Liang Shao continued, "Where else does Shan Shan want to go? We'll go out tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow too. As long as Shan Shan wants, I'll go out with her every day."

“But,” Liang Shao’s voice suddenly lowered, “I have to be back tonight.”

Shanhe sneered: "Are you going to put me under house arrest?"

Liang Shao lowered his head and folded the handkerchief: "I just want to stay with Shan Shan forever."

"We've already divorced!"

“I burned the divorce papers long ago!” Liang Shao threw the neatly folded handkerchief onto the small table beside him. “It was on the day you told me, Shanshan, that you had saved up the money to buy me a soft nail.”

He narrowed his eyes, his smile chilling: "So, you were already thinking of leaving back then, even lying to me, saying the money was for me."

Liang Shao almost pleaded as he took Shanhe's hand and held it tightly in his palm: "Shanshan, I know you must think I'm awful right now. Yes, after all, I'm 'naturally unruly and unambitious.' You chose me instead of my elder brother because you knew he had a bright future and were afraid of hindering his imperial examinations, right? Fine, then since you married me, since you became my second wife, why are you leaving now? You're awful too, aren't you? You ruined my career, ruined my marriage, and yet you were so good to me!" Liang Shao's eyes welled up with tears. "If you didn't love me, why did you smile at me! Why did you do so much for me! Why did you never resist when I slept on your footstool every night, never complain to Grandfather!"

He raised his hand and grasped Shanhe's face, slowly stroking it: "You said you came out of gratitude, but you must have loved me a little bit, right? Otherwise, why would Shanshan say she wanted to have a child with me? You could have pretended to be pregnant and taken someone else's child to deceive Grandfather, right?" As Shanhe tried to break free, Liang Shao suddenly grabbed Shanhe's slender neck. The force wasn't strong enough to suffocate her, but Shanhe was easily immobilized by the iron collar.

Liang Shao said, word by word, "Why did you have a child with me... Didn't I advise you? Didn't I say 'not consummating the marriage is for your own good'? Why did you still provoke me? Why did you hug me? Why did you kiss me? Why did you deceive me with such lies! If you wanted to leave, then just say so! Why lie and say it was for me! Shanshan, every word you said means it, I believed every word you said. You can hate me or hate me, it doesn't matter, I won't divorce you, because I love you."

Shanhe forcefully pried his fingers apart, trying to squeeze a little air out of their restraints. She uttered through clenched teeth, "You, you're insane..."

Liang Shao loosened his fingers one by one, and laughed to himself: "Yes, because of you, I have become the person I used to hate the most."

Fresh air rushed into her abdomen, and Shanhe lay on the couch, panting heavily. Liang Shao leaned down, nibbled on Shanhe's earlobe, and breathed hot air onto her cheeks. More than tears, his face was flushed and his voice trembled: "But I really love you so much." Shanhe was completely enveloped by him.

Cheng Bao stood under the eaves, sighed, and said loudly, "The master has sent word that the meal is ready. Please come over to dine with the second master and the second mistress."

Liang Shao raised his head and said coldly, "Please have your meal first, brother. There's no need to call us."

*

Inside the Lantai Pavilion.

Upon hearing Cheng Min's report, Liang Ye remained silent.

The large octagonal table was laden with various delicacies, along with three sets of bowls and chopsticks and a pot of clear wine. Liang Ye sat in the main seat, gazing at the empty seat to his right, his fingertips tracing the slender body of the wine pot, just like the delicate neck of the courtesan from Pingkang Lane the previous night. He murmured, "Can't you even spare me a moment during the day? I just wanted to talk to you... Shanshan."

The word "Shanshan" sent a chill down Cheng Min's spine. This was the first time Cheng Min had heard Liang Ye call her "Shanshan" instead of "Shanhe".

A note from the author:

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Liang Ergou's brief transformation into a yandere is only temporary! He will also suffer psychologically, since his underlying personality is not yandere.

The real yandere is someone else...

Liang Ye: (sneezes)