Chapter 42 Don't we look like a pair of mandarin ducks with intertwined necks...?

The gaps in the clouds above Lan Yue Pavilion couldn't let in the sounds of soldiers and armor, and slowly, the chill of winter descended.

At that time, the north wind was ruffling the face of the old palace maid sweeping the floor of Lanyue Pavilion.

"Why are there wronged souls at the bottom of Kunming Pool?" Lin Yuan asked, resting her chin on her hand.

The old palace maid vividly recounted how the late emperor's deposed empress drowned herself, and her maids, whether to save her or to die for their mistress, also drowned themselves.

She leaned against the broom, propped herself up for a moment, glanced at the shimmering water, and finally stretched out a bony finger:

"There it is."

"How did you know?" Lin Yuan looked in that direction, a chill running down her spine, and couldn't help but ask, "Could it be that you've seen it before?"

"Their souls are in the water, constantly crying out for justice and complaining."

The older palace maid squinted and looked behind Lin Yuan.

A bamboo leaf drifted gently onto her back. Lin Yuan looked back, was startled, and jumped up.

Turning back, he saw the old palace servant's sinister face and felt another chill.

The palace maid licked her lips, which had been withered by the winds of time, and said slowly, "Otherwise, how do you think the lotuses in Kunming Pool would bloom so beautifully?" She added, "Just like a woman's face."

"Tell me, why are those lotus leaves so shiny?" She pointed to Lin Yuan's hair, still not quite finished, which startled Lin Yuan into thinking that strange lotus leaves had grown on her head. "They're as shiny as a woman's hair that's been slicked back with hair oil."

"And do you know why the lotus root is so white and tender?" The old palace maid's fingers and gaze moved to Lin Yuan's wrist at the same time, and she sighed, "It's like a woman's arm."

Even though Lin Yuan felt that the lotus flowers here were no different from those elsewhere, and the lotus roots here didn't seem any more tender than those elsewhere, she couldn't help but shiver. She pulled down her sleeves and wrapped her clothes tighter.

That day, Xiao Xun mentioned in the side hall of Xuan Shi that the lotus flowers in Kunming Pool were in full bloom, and sure enough, he brought her to go boating on the pool the very next day.

That is, the morning she arrived at Lanyue Pavilion.

The place where the boat was sailing was the very spot the old palace maid was looking at.

It was also the place where the lotus flowers bloomed most beautifully, as Xiao Xun had said.

He was in a playful mood at that time and had a small lotus boat prepared for him.

"Your Majesty can row a boat?"

"What's so difficult about that?"

Lin Yuan sat at the stern, her eyes wide with amazement as she watched Xiao Xun skillfully maneuver the oars and paddles, creating elegant, sword-like patterns.

The flower then bloomed again in the water.

The small boat then spun around on the lake.

One circle, another, and yet another.

A moment later, amidst Lin Yuan's unrestrained laughter, Xiao Xun handed her the oar: "Why don't you give it a try?"

As Xiao Xun's clothes were half-wet from the splashes of water stirred up by Lin Yuan, the lotus boat spun and drifted further and further away from the shore.

"By the way, can you swim?" Xiao Xun asked casually.

Lin Yuan shook her head.

"So, guess if I can swim?"

"You can't either?" she said, focused on rowing without looking up.

"Since you can't swim, and you think I can't swim either, aren't you afraid we'll both fall into the water if you row like this?"

Xiao Xun's voice rose and fell with the ebb and flow of the lotus boat.

Lin Yuan smiled sheepishly and quickly stopped paddling.

We stopped, only to find that the boat was strangely moving faster in the wind.

She glanced guiltily at Xiao Xun, but thankfully he didn't notice.

He seemed to be looking at the lotus bushes behind her the whole time, without looking away.

"Look, what's that over there?"

Lin Yuan turned her head to look in the direction he pointed, "—It's a pair of mandarin ducks."

"What a coincidence!" Xiao Xun exclaimed with a smile.

"What a coincidence?" Lin Yuan asked, puzzled.

“Look, on this vast lake, there are only the two of us, yet we encountered this pair of mandarin ducks. Isn’t that a coincidence?” Xiao Xun paused, looked into her eyes, and said, “Don’t you think we look remarkably like them?”

Lin Yuan looked around. The lake was vast and boundless. Five or six zhang away from their lotus boat, there were six or seven boats scattered about, each carrying a group of Imperial Guards who were well-versed in the water and ready to protect them at any moment.

"It doesn't look like it."

She pondered for a moment, then explained earnestly, “Your Majesty, look, these mandarin ducks have bright feathers and beautiful crests. So, both of them are male. The female mandarin duck has gray feathers and isn’t as bright.”

Xiao Xun's face turned ashen, and he remained silent for a long time before asking, "How...how do you know so much?"

He frowned as he looked at her, trying to figure out why she seemed to have homosexual tendencies towards everything.

Lin Yuan, embarrassed by his erudition, said, "I've heard people in the village who raise birds talk about this before."

This was actually told to her by Lin Yu.

When she was thirteen or fourteen, her neighbor Ade gave her a handkerchief embroidered with mandarin ducks, saying that he had learned to embroider it from the best embroiderer in the village, an old woman, for three whole months.

"Three months?"

Only three months.

Lin Yuan exclaimed in surprise, "It's embroidered like this?"

That's how well you can embroider.

Ade lowered his eyes sheepishly: "It's really not very good. Compared to Grandma, it's far inferior."

Lin Yuan pursed her lips and tentatively asked, "You've always been a diligent worker. You must have been studying very hard, day and night."

"No, no," Ade said modestly. "It's not hard at all. I have to go to school during the day, and after school, my father often asks me to do some odd jobs at the government office. If I could study more, I would definitely be able to embroider even better."

"Really?" Lin Yuan said listlessly, her fingertips tracing the pair of brightly feathered mandarin ducks, as if she had been pricked by an embroidery needle, which then pierced her heart. "This, it already looks very good."

Ade hurriedly said, "I know you're not good at needlework."

"……oh."

Lin Yuan tossed the handkerchief back into Ade's hand and turned to leave.

"I mean, it's okay if you don't know how. It's alright. I'll learn it anyway. I'll embroider and sew clothes from now on."

Lin Yuan's brows furrowed even more: "You gave me this handkerchief just to tell me this?"

As Ade spoke, his face turned as red as the crest of a pair of mandarin ducks, and his tongue began to twitch. "I think mandarin ducks are very beautiful. I thought you would like them too. So I wanted to give you this handkerchief. My wish, um... is that I can be like this pair of mandarin ducks in the future. No, I mean like this one mandarin duck."

Before Lin Yuan could ask, "Why are you doing this, like these mandarin ducks? Wearing colorful clothes and a crest of brightly colored feathers? Is this why a man like him would insist on learning needlework?"

Ade shoved the handkerchief into her arms and disappeared in a flash.

When Lin Yu saw the handkerchief that evening, she frowned and sighed deeply.

Under Lin Yuan's repeated questioning, he reluctantly told her the story of the mandarin ducks. Lin Yuan returned the handkerchief that very night.

When she returned, she saw Lin Yu suppressing a laugh, so she stomped her foot and complained, "Isn't Ade's eyesight bad? He can't even see the patterns on a butterfly. This time he mistook the male and female mandarin ducks. What's so funny? How pitiful."

Thinking this, before I knew it, the boat was carried by the wind and we had reached the depths of the lotus flowers.

"Does this scene remind you of a song?" Xiao Xun looked at her holding the orchid oar, the flowing water in her ears seemed to be singing "There are trees on the mountain, but no branches on the trees".

After saying that, he added, "A tune from the South."

"……Yes, I have."

Lin Yuan pondered for a moment, then turned her head to look at the oars gently brushing the lake water, her cheeks slightly flushed in the morning sunlight. "I only understand the artistic conception of the song after seeing this scene before me today."

"Understood?" Xiao Xun's eyes lit up.

Lin Yuan gave a shy smile and softly hummed in agreement.

She reached out and picked a large lotus leaf.

"Lotus flowers can be picked in Jiangnan. How lush and green the lotus leaves are!"

"……Um?"

Fish play among the lotus leaves.

Lin Yuan hummed these lines as she leaned over the gunwale, teasing a red carp.

"Swimming this way, this way... fish playing among lotus leaves... south."

"Hurry, we should head north, head north... Fish playing among lotus leaves north, why don't you head north?"

She murmured to herself, thoroughly enjoying herself.

Looking into her smiling eyes, which were filled with sunlight when she looked up and reflected in the water when she looked down, Xiao Xun couldn't help but smile as well.

The carp she was teasing suddenly leaped out of the water, splashing water three feet high. Lin Yuan couldn't dodge in time, cried out in surprise, and got splashed with water all over her face.

Xiao Xun laughed so hard he bent over. The next moment, he suddenly felt a chill on his neck. Looking up, he saw the lotus leaves above him swaying, with strings of water droplets glistening and reflecting the cunning eyes of the person opposite him.

She still held the lotus leaf she had used in the crime in her hand, water droplets clinging to her eyelashes, shimmering brighter than any star he had ever seen.

It was brighter than all the stars he had ever seen combined.

Xiao Xun was mesmerized.

"Your Majesty, look at the lotus flowers! All the lotus flowers over there are pink, aren't they beautiful?"

He looked at her rosy cheeks and murmured, "You are much prettier than Lotus."

Lin Yuan didn't notice what he said.

She happily splashed water on the lotus flowers and leaves, and watched as the wind blew through the lotus leaves, causing water droplets to fall on Xiao Xun's head and clothes.

"Look, look! The lotus leaves look like they've been coated with oil. Isn't that fun?"

As Xiao Xun watched the water droplets on the lotus leaves glisten and roll on her hair, his Adam's apple bobbed: "Your hair is smoother than lotus leaves."

"Look, what's that white thing? Hey, it's lotus root! I found a tender lotus root!"

Lin Yuan pushed the boat closer, pulled the lotus root up by the roots, and washed the black mud off it in the water.

Xiao Xun watched as she rolled up her sleeves and murmured to himself, "Her fair wrists are as white as snow."

"Your Majesty, what did you say?"

Lin Yuan tilted her head and smiled. It was hard to tell whether there was a thin layer of sweat or dew on her forehead. Since her hands were busy, she wiped it with the back of her hand.

Xiao Xun snapped out of his daze and beckoned to her, "I said, come here and let me see you."

Lin Yuan excitedly got up and went towards Xiao Xun, causing the lotus boat to sway violently.

"Ouch!" She almost fell, but felt a large lotus leaf reach out and catch her.

The lotus leaves can't hold water, so they can't be this wet.

The only thing that was damp was Xiao Xun's clothes.

Her body suddenly stiffened, and she said with an awkward laugh, "Thank goodness, I didn't fall into the water. Your Majesty, look quickly."

She held the lotus root in her hands.

Xiao Xun's voice brushed against her earlobe: "It's alright. If you fall into the water, I'll save you."

"Doesn't Your Majesty not know how to swim?"

"I can swim, and I can also breathe through air."

The lotus leaves stand tall and graceful, blocking out the sun.

The lotus boat was too small, and she stood there, too afraid to move.

Xiao Xun disliked incense, especially ambergris, and preferred the pure scent of herbs and trees.

The scent drew closer and closer to her, lingering around the tip of her nose.

Lin Yuan clenched her fists and closed her eyes.

...

When she opened her eyes again, the old palace maid was still gazing at her thoughtfully.

Lin Yuan weakly raised the corners of her lips and joked, "So, the bamboo poles are slender and sway like a woman's waist. Does that mean this bamboo forest is also a manifestation of a woman's soul?"

The elderly palace maid gave a chilling laugh.

He simply said, "Isn't that right?"

In the blink of an eye, the bamboo forest swayed, and only the sound could be heard, but no one could be seen.

The human voices quickly disappeared, leaving only the faint sound of the piano.

Amidst the melodious sound of the zither, the withered lotus leaves lying askew on Kunming Pool look like withered arms reaching out from the water.

Lin Yuan's heart pounded, and she mustered her courage, deciding to go down the mountain to find out what was going on.

Jade artifacts were often used in the palace to commemorate the deceased.

Jade is both precious and heavy.

Lin Yuan weighed the pros and cons and immediately felt that the living were far more important than the dead.

Lin Yu has several pieces of jade that look quite valuable: jade pendants, jade rings, jade ornaments, and jade dancers. Their craftsmanship and quality are even better than those jade ornaments in the market that are said to come from the Empress Dowager, princesses, and nobles.

Weren't they all picked up from the imperial tombs by him?

The dancer, with her long eyebrows and narrow eyes, her nose and mouth forming a straight line, looked rather sinister and eerie. However, such a piece of jade was enough to exchange for two oxen and fifty acres of fertile land.

This led her to consider going to the imperial tomb to pick up jade when she was a child in order to buy candy. As a result, she and Ah Jin and Ah Yin walked for most of the day and were only five or six miles away from Emperor Wu's tomb. Before they could even see the shadow of the tomb gate, they saw guards in armor standing straighter than bronze statues.

They were startled and turned back dejectedly.

From then on, Ah Jin and Ah Yin looked at Lin Yu with even greater respect.

She touched the jade hairpin that Xiao Xun had given her.

Throwing this jade into the water is probably no better than being haunted by a ghost.

She then examined the jade pendant and the jade ring that Lin Yu had picked up from the late emperor's tomb and given to her.

Suddenly it occurred to me that if this jade were thrown into the water, wouldn't the ghost be even more restless?

After thinking it over, Lin Yuan found some silk and copied a few passages of prayers to appease the soul. She then went to the kitchen to find some leftover pastries and put them in her bosom.

"It's a pity there's no wine," she thought to herself.

On the way down the mountain, the music sounded clearer, as if it were mixed with sobs.

The strings seemed to hold her back.

As she forced herself to walk forward, she recited the "Summoning the Soul" poem she had just copied onto the silk to bolster her courage.

“O soul, return! The East is no place to rest. A man a thousand feet tall, yet only his soul finds solace.”①

Looking up, a tall person came into view.

The trees along the mountain path stood tall and dark, much like the bronze statues she had seen as a child.

Lin Yu had told her that those were all buried with the deceased, which frightened her so much that she never dared to mention picking up the jade again, nor did she dare to take another step near the imperial tomb.

Lin Yuan slipped, and the pastries she was carrying rolled away and disappeared.

She quickly reassured herself, "It's alright, it's alright. These pastries were originally meant to be thrown into the water for the departed souls; they were just taken away earlier than planned. It's all the same."

The shadows of the trees swayed and trembled in the wind, echoing her words with a mournful sound.

She raised her voice and began to read aloud, her words trembling.

"O soul, return! The South cannot be left unattended."

...Viper Zhenzhen..."

As darkness fell, a rustling sound came from afar.

"Carved...carved with black teeth, and offered as a sacrifice with human flesh..."

Lin Yuan quickened her pace, chattering incoherently.

"O soul, return... No, no, no, soul, depart, depart, go, go—"

A hand rested on her shoulder.

Lin Yuan was so frightened she almost fainted.

Fortunately, when I turned around, I saw that it was just a large patch of fallen phoenix tree leaves.

Still shaken, she clutched her chest, crying out, "Go away, go away, don't come looking for me, please don't come looking for me—"

"You are, Lin—Yuan—?"

Lin Yuan's vision went black, and she collapsed onto the fallen leaves.

She saw the deposed empress's maid.

Half a year later, Chang Yu's face was still very long.

Lin Yuan felt as if she had seen a ghost whenever she saw her.

But at this moment, her living face suddenly became endearing.

After all, why would a ghost look surprised and ask a question before leading the person away?

What are you doing here?

Lin Yuan was led to a courtyard.

The music became clearer and clearer.

It was not the sound of water, nor the lament of a wronged soul; it was indeed the sound of a zither.

Under the window, the dim, yellowish glow of the multi-branched lamp outlined a seven-stringed zither.

A slender figure in white was floating above.

His face was even paler than his white clothes.

Hua Sheng wore a white jade ornament on his head.

Lin Yuan's heart pounded in her throat.

So this is Zhaotai Palace.

When she asked the late emperor why he had deposed the empress and committed suicide, the old palace maid remained silent for a long time.

The empress, who was supported by the entire nation and had tens of thousands of fiefs, lost everything in a single day.

"But didn't you say that when she drowned herself, she wore a splendid headdress and jade pendants, and her voice was melodious, which is why her mournful voice sounded like the sound of a zither? I suppose she had no shortage of food and clothing."

—The Jiaofang Palace was filled with servants, while the Zhaotai Palace was deserted and rarely visited.

"Although there are fewer palace servants, they are all extremely loyal. Otherwise, why would they risk their lives to save people or even be buried alive with them?"

—Unable to see the late emperor, he fell ill with longing and was deeply depressed.

"The late emperor didn't like her, and she had to watch his face every day. Wasn't she depressed?"

Every time the old palace servant said something, Lin Yuan would retort with a question.

Finally, she could only project her own experience onto others, and impatiently said, "If you were in their shoes, staring at the barren mountains and rivers day and night, wouldn't you want to jump into the water?!"

Lin Yuan gasped and replied weakly, "I think it's actually not so bad."

The old palace maid gave her a disdainful look: "What if I told you you weren't the Empress!"

Empress Qu Qingru clearly felt this was inappropriate.

The music flowing from her fingertips was like weeping and lamenting, like resentment and longing.

It stopped abruptly.

Lin Yuan returned to Lan Yue Pavilion at the break of dawn.

"What did you do last night?"

An old palace maid who was sweeping the floor suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Lin Yuan dragged her heavy legs inside without answering.

"Could it be that she's going to pay respects to a spirit..." The old palace maid saw that she looked tired and lost, with wet mud on her shoes and crumbs on her sleeves. She looked around as if afraid of being overheard by a person or a ghost, and lowered her voice, "A wronged spirit?"

"Um."

Lin Yuan responded with a muffled, nasal tone.

I guess so.

That's really unfair.

She gazed at the desolate mountains and rivers one last time, sitting on the foot of the mountain all night, as a tribute to herself.

Until the bright moon rose directly into the sky, so bright it was blinding, it stung the tears in her eyes, making her feel extremely uncomfortable.

She then stood up and stepped on the moon's shadow on the mountain path.

No matter where I go, this month will linger.

She plunged into the bushes, and moonlight filtered through the sparse shadows.

She quickened her pace, but the moon always seemed to be one step ahead of her, hanging on the treetops ahead of her, waiting for her.

With each step, Qu Qingru's words echoed in his ears.

"On his wedding day, he gazed at the moon all night."

Looking out from the window on the east side of the west side hall of Xuanshi, one can see the doors and windows of the main chamber.

When Lin Yuan had nothing to do, she blew out the lamp and looked over there. She often saw Xiao Xun standing alone by the window, motionless for a long time.

The moon, the starlight, and the twinkling lights behind him reflected each other from afar.

"...I knew then that he was missing someone. The person he loved, her name was Chan. Chan as in Chanjuan."

A woman named after the moon.

The moon rises bright, and the beautiful woman is there.

In the Zichen Pavilion, he recited the poem "The Moon Rises" for Lin Yuan, also out of longing. Therefore, his voice was so gentle and tender, something Lin Yuan had never heard before.

He said, "With the moon shining brightly and a beautiful woman by my side, I think this scene is extremely beautiful."

It must be absolutely gorgeous.

"When I was still a young girl, I once accompanied my mother to the palace to visit my elder brother in the Chengming Hall. My brother was His Majesty's study companion at the time. That was the first time I saw His Majesty. He was so handsome when he smiled. I have never forgotten him, and I still can't forget him to this day."

"Later... I never saw him smile like that again. It was only after I married His Majesty that I realized that he would only smile like that, with such joy, when he was facing someone he loved."

"The person he was smiling at at that time was Su Chan. Su Chan disguised herself as a man and studied with him in Chengming Hall. Among all the noble ladies in the capital, I liked her the most when I was young and called her 'elder sister'. Yes, even I liked her."

Bright as the moon in the clouds, it turns out, the "man" in the portrait was her.

His Majesty favors a woman who is beautiful, lively, decisive, and simple-minded. So, the person Wang Fu was referring to was her too.

"Six months ago, when my mother had her accident, I went to the Xuan Shi Hall to plead for her. Before seeing His Majesty, I saw a portrait of a woman on the imperial desk. I only glanced at it briefly, but I could tell who it was just by looking at her eyebrows and eyes. Her willow-leaf eyebrows and almond-shaped eyes alone captured her essence; she looked so much like her."

“My elder brother once told me that His Majesty was exceptionally intelligent, and even painting was something he learned casually, yet in a short time, he surpassed many painters. I was still young then, and I asked my brother, ‘Why does His Majesty want to learn to paint?’ I also asked, ‘Does His Majesty paint mountains and rivers, the land?’ My brother smiled and said, ‘The land? His Majesty’s land has someone else to paint for him. He must be learning to paint for women; it’s called the romance of the ladies.’ I blushed without realizing it. I thought to myself, ‘How happy I would be if I were his wife. He would surely paint for his wife.’”

"Later, I laughed at my own foolishness. Painting is something you do for someone you like. Because painting requires your heart. You have to have sincerity, you have to... be happy. For someone you like, even after so many years, the person you paint is still so bright, so clear, so... beautiful."

"...When I saw that painting, I was completely heartbroken. I thought that although His Majesty didn't love me, at least he treated me with respect. Yes, he was polite and gentle, and treated me like a younger sister or a guest from afar. That was also a kind of affection and pity."

"My mother refused to let me plead for her. She took all the blame and was willing to die so that I could save myself and my status as Empress. She said that His Majesty knew she was strong-willed and that I was obedient and dared not disobey. He would not hold a grudge against me because of that affection. My father was still the Grand Marshal and General-in-Chief, and His Majesty still feared him and would not touch me in the slightest."

"That painting made me truly understand that I had taken the place of his beloved. No matter how hard I tried, how much I tried to please him, how gentle and magnanimous I was, I could never make him like me. Even if..."

Lin Yuan twisted her ankle.

The moon's shadow changed from one to two.

Her vision was blurred from the pain.

"...Two years ago, I saw you for the first time at the entrance of Jiaofang Palace, and I was reminded of Su Chan. I told you then that you looked just like my older sister whom I used to play with when I was a child. It wasn't a deliberate attempt to be affectionate; it was genuine. I meant it. You look very much like her."

"On a whim, I brought you to his bed. Actually, I was very uneasy. For those two days, I read the Book of Rites over and over again, reading 'Men precede women, Heaven precedes Earth, the ruler precedes the subject,' and 'Women's virtue, speech, appearance, and work.' I told myself, I am the Empress, it is my duty to ensure His Majesty has many children and to make him happy. As for whether I am happy or not, what does it matter? If His Majesty is happy, he will look at me more and like me more. That will make me happy, won't it?"

"He did indeed keep you."

“My brother says that His Majesty is a normal man, with normal emotions and desires, and is no different from other men. But how can he be the same? His Majesty is steadfast and loyal. I have given other women to him. Only you remained. I envy you greatly, I envy that you look like Su Chan. That is why His Majesty likes you and is willing to have your favor.”

"As for mutual respect and harmony, what kind of love is that? Those rumors in the palace... are all true. If he didn't like me, he wouldn't touch me, wouldn't be intimate with me, let alone favor me. Holding hands and supporting each other through thick and thin, that's what ordinary couples experience. For so many years, I didn't even know what that felt like..."

Lin Yuan heard a "crack" sound; something broke.

The lotus boat that day was very small.

Xiao Xun's clothes were half wet, half clinging to his chest and abdomen, and half clinging to Lin Yuan's arm.

She could almost feel a heart pounding like a drum from there, unsure whether it came from herself or him.

His breath grew closer and closer.

Fiery hot.

Burning hot.

It has a pleasant fragrance.

It has a sweet taste.

Click.

My heart skipped a beat.

The lotus root she held in her hands was bitten off, and its fragrant juice splashed onto her face.

Her face was now streaked with the cold dew splashed from the broken branch.

She gritted her teeth.

Tears still welled up in my eyes and streamed down my face.

"You ask me if I have a guilty conscience towards you? In the harem, doesn't every woman want to be favored by His Majesty? Aren't you happy that His Majesty is close to you? However, you are not Su Chan after all. His Majesty has favored you, but he has never mentioned giving you a title."

"He must be wary of my father and mother. I don't regret giving you to His Majesty, and I do feel somewhat guilty about it, but I'm also jealous of you, more jealous than guilty. In the end, I can't be as magnanimous as the virtuous empress praised in history. I can't be like Consort Fan②. His Majesty doesn't mention it, so I'll keep quiet as well."

"Do you know? My mother, she was so arrogant, yet she felt guilty only towards me. She thought I was infertile, so she felt extremely guilty and thought it was her fault. When she gave birth to my brother, she fell ill. When she was pregnant with me, my father went to war in Dayuan, and she was worried and anxious all day long, which made me weak in the womb and born weak. So she thought of letting someone else conceive the royal heir, so that I could be adopted in my name in the future."

“You are a palace maid, with no family background, no official rank, and no one in the previous dynasty to rely on, so you are the most suitable.”

"However, I am thinking that if you have an heir in the future, I will ask His Majesty for a title for you."

"I'm sorry... because my mother, your royal heir, and your future support are all gone."

“My mother would do anything for me, she would risk everything. I’ve always hoped that when I grow up, I can become a mother, a good mother. Even if it’s the son you gave birth to.”

“I never intended to harm you, much less to plot against the imperial heir—His Majesty’s heir, His Majesty’s child. He will honor me as his legal mother and call me Empress Dowager. How could I possibly harm him? Even for His Majesty’s sake, I would not.”

"Have a sip of tea, it's all cold... It's Jinwu tea, a tribute from Yizhou this spring. It's not bad, still drinkable."

"His Majesty deposed me from my position as Empress, but he didn't mistreat me. He even sent a portion of fresh tea to Zhaotai Palace. He's a good man, Your Majesty. He's the best man in the world. I thought so the first time I met him, and I still think so now. He just doesn't have me in his heart, nor does he have you. So, you don't need to worry about what you'll do when you lose his favor. He won't mistreat you. He'll provide you with food, clothing, gold, silver, and a mansion."

Are you worried that there might be poison in this tea?

"...Never mind. You probably won't believe what I just said. Just take it as nonsense. I don't know why I told you all this. Maybe it's because I've lived here for so long and haven't seen many people. It's too boring, too lonely, just facing these mountains and this water all day long."

"I started watching it at the height of summer, and watched until the mountains withered and the water dried up."

"As for what I say, whether it's true or false, whether you believe it or not, what does it matter?"

"My mother murdered palace servants and plotted against the imperial heir; my brother rebelled and colluded with the enemy to usurp the throne; and my father held immense power and threatened the imperial authority. Even if my father said that he had always been loyal to His Majesty and the court and had never had any rebellious intentions, no one would believe him."

"The wind is picking up. I heard that the Hu soldiers from Changshui Xuanqu have returned to Shanglin Garden from Shangjun."

The wind never stopped.

The wind blew in the dew, the wind blew in the snow, the wind blew in the tears.

The moon's shadow on the mountain path was wrinkled and dampened by the wind.

The wind chilled Lin Yuan to the bone.

She recalled Qu Qingru's soft voice and dark gaze, which passed through her and looked at the swaying shadow behind her: "She... will be back soon too."

“She should have been the mistress of the Jiaofang Palace. She should have been seven years ago. If I hadn’t told my mother seven years ago that I loved His Majesty and wanted to marry him, things would have been fine.”

"Your Majesty is truly happy now, isn't he..."

Looking up, the plaque of Lanyue Pavilion shimmered in the moonlight.

The old palace maid squinted, leaning against the broom, and revealed a meaningful, bottomless smile: "No wonder, we didn't hear the cries of those wandering souls last night. Eat something."

On the table was a plate of pastries, which Lin Yuan had carried in her bosom yesterday to offer as a sacrifice to the spirits of the late emperor's deposed empress and her maid.

The pastry dried a bit more overnight from the wind.

She stuffed a few pieces into her mouth.

Unfortunately, there was no wine.

I feel choked up.

He choked so much that tears welled up in his eyes.

*

As Lin Yuan popped a piece of almond cake into her mouth, maids filed out of the East Garden of the Prince of Huaiyang's residence.

Breakfast was laid out on the table.

Seeing that she was eating too quickly, Xiao Xun was afraid that she would choke, so he handed her the tea he was holding.

Lin Yuan turned her head away, not looking at him, and poured herself a glass.

The white jade cup hovered between the two for a moment before reluctantly falling back onto the food table.

"These aren't almonds, they're hazelnuts?" Lin Yuan said, taking a sip of tea.

Xiao Xun laughed and said, "You could tell from the taste? We talked about it last night, and I ordered someone to make it. It seems that the chefs at the Prince of Huaiyang's residence are still a little lacking in skill."

Lin Yuan took another piece of almond cake, held it in her hand for a long time, until her fingertips were covered with a layer of fine white powder:

"One is an almond, and the other is a hazelnut; they are ultimately very different. To roast hazelnuts to taste like almonds, to make them look like almonds, and to call hazelnut cake an almond cake—isn't that just deceiving yourself?"

Xiao Xun smiled, ate a piece, and casually replied, "But for those who can't eat almonds or can't get almonds, hazelnuts can make a little bit of an almond flavor, so they can just consider it as eating almond cake and find some comfort in it. Even if it's self-deception, it's not a big deal."

Lin Yuan put down the piece of cake she was holding.

"Don't you like it?" Xiao Xun asked.

She shook her head, still staring at the cake, and said wistfully, "I just feel that hazelnuts are hazelnuts, and almonds are almonds. Hazelnuts are clearly a very good thing. Isn't it very unfair to hazelnuts that those people are doing this?"

Xiao Xun laughed upon hearing this: "It's just a toy. Do people who eat it have to consider what the toy might think? If so, then shouldn't they also consider whether they're upset if someone eats the pastry...?"

His words came to an abrupt end.

Seeing Lin Yuan's lost and listless expression, he was taken aback, and his smile froze.

Then my heart suddenly skipped a beat, and it felt as if thunder had struck my head, followed by a flash of cold light.

Just like last night, the sword blade above his head was clearly aimed at his neck, but it ended up grazing his arm, passing by lightly.

The pain, though gone, returns.

-----------------------

Author's note: I'd like to mention here why it's called the "white moonlight".

Because "婵" (chán) means the moon, haha.

Xiao Xun: I am so wronged!

①From Qu Yuan's "Summoning the Soul"

② Fan Ji: Queen of King Zhuang of Chu. Her most famous story is that despite being favored by the king for ten years, she bore him no children. Fan Ji said to the king, "I have lived in the palace for ten years, enjoying your exclusive favor, while other concubines have not entered the palace, yet you still have no son. Now I wish to recommend a beautiful woman to Your Majesty so that an heir can be established." From then on, King Zhuang favored six other concubines and had six sons. Fan Ji treated the six concubines kindly, regarding the six sons as her own. The *Biographies of Exemplary Women* praises her virtues of gentleness, humility, and lack of jealousy.