Chapter 103 P - Thorns
Li Shuying was in a coma in the ICU for three days before she was out of danger and transferred back to a regular ward. The results of the bone marrow biopsy confirmed that she had AML (acute myeloid leukemia).
Chu Beiling sat with his eyes lowered, his gaze fixed on his mother's pale face. His throat felt like it was blocked by a bitter lump, and even breathing was accompanied by an unbearable dull pain.
That phrase, "I will never regret it," has now turned into a sharp blade, tearing at his heart piece by piece.
The hand held in her palm twitched, and Chu Beiling leaned closer to call out to Li Shuying, her voice hoarse: "Mom—"
The moment Li Shuying saw him, she shook off his hand, not letting him touch her: "You didn't abandon me as your mother, so go find him, go be your gay self, come on, go now, don't make me feel nauseous in front of me."
She finished speaking weakly and turned away, no longer looking at him.
Chu Beiling's eyes were red-rimmed. She moved her dry throat, her voice so low it was almost broken: "Mom, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things, but..."
He couldn't continue speaking.
Li Shuying didn't even look at him, and directly filled in the words he hadn't said: "But you won't give him up! Even if it makes your mother angry to death, you still want to be with him, right?"
Chu Beiling gripped the bed railing tightly, his knuckles turning white. On one side was his mother, who gave him life and raised him, and who was now seriously ill but refused to look at him. On the other side was the person he loved, who had promised to spend the rest of her life with him and accompany him through loss and despair.
He had already left Xing Yu at school to bear the gossip and strange stares from onlookers alone.
And then tell him to just let it go—to drag him down with you, only to let him drown in the sea alone because of his mother?
Chu Beiling couldn't say it, couldn't do it, and didn't want to say it or do it.
However, his mother was seriously ill, so he lacked confidence and couldn't bring himself to choose Xing Yu regardless of everything.
How should he choose, and how should he give up?
What did he do wrong? Why do he always have to face these kinds of problems?!
"Mom..." Chu Beiling's forehead rested against the cold metal bed frame, her voice choked with emotion, "Then what do you want me to do? Cut out half my heart?"
Li Shuying's back trembled almost imperceptibly, but she ultimately did not turn around.
The room was eerily quiet, save for the rhythmic ticking of the electrocardiogram, which was so loud it was suffocating.
Chu Beiling straightened up, staring at her mother's thin back, her nose stinging with tears, and suddenly said, "Mom... do you remember when I was seven years old and hospitalized with pneumonia?"
Li Shuying's shoulders were tense, and she didn't say anything.
“That IV needle was long and thick, and the intern nurse in charge of the bed didn’t know how to insert it properly. She tried several times but couldn’t get it in right. I was crying out in pain,” Chu Beiling said with a bitter smile and red eyes. “You, who have never been impulsive or lost your temper before, lost control for the first time and even made that nurse cry.”
He paused for a long time, so long that the branches outside the window swayed wildly in the wind: "Now I'm in a little pain, Mom, I'm in a little pain."
Li Shuying's breathing quickened for a moment, and her fingers gripped the corner of the blanket tightly.
Footsteps and the sound of wheels rolling came from outside the door. The ward nurse pushed the medicine cart to a stop in front of the ward, knocked gently, and then pushed the door open and came in: "Bed 27, it's time to take your temperature. It's time for the IV drip. There will be a total of 10 bottles of medicine today."
Chu Beiling silently stepped back two steps, watching the nurse skillfully hang up the IV drip and take her temperature: "It's normal to still have a slight fever. If you feel unwell, chilled, or sweating a lot, please press the call button immediately. Also, please let us know if you have any skin or oral lesions."
The nurse gave Chu Beiling other instructions, which he noted down one by one.
Li Shuying remained silent until the attending nurse left, at which point she suddenly spoke up: "You've always been a picky eater since you were little, and you didn't want to eat many things. You wouldn't touch anything else. Back then, you wouldn't even eat your favorite beef burger, but now you can eat anything."
These words seemed to come out of nowhere, but Chu Beiling understood them. His heart ached, and he retorted with reason and evidence: "I thought you genuinely liked Xing Yu and thought he was good from the bottom of your heart, which is why you wanted me to emulate him and learn from him. If he were really so despicable, why would you say and do such things?"
Li Shuying: "I regret it so much now. I actually let him watch over you. Children without parents to care for them, they really are..."
"President Li," Chu Beiling interrupted in time.
In that instant, he felt both absurd and sad, and even found it incomprehensible.
What were his previous comments about being inferior to Xing Yu? Was it that he could never satisfy her, so she would come to tell him from time to time that he was never as good as others? Or was he just a tool or appendage of his mother, only needing to be perfect and nothing else?
Xing Yu, who had clearly done very well, was attacked by others for the slightest displeasure. This included his own past actions, such as his parents abandoning him and ignoring him. Was that his decision?
He had always passively endured loneliness and despair; it was not something he wanted.
Just because of something he couldn't decide for himself, all the contradictions and the root of all the problems were pinned on Xing Yu, as if it were his own choice and he wouldn't feel any pain or sadness.
It is taken for granted that the source of all contradictions and evils is—
It's just that Xing Yu was always alone during his childhood.
And thus they can criticize him without restraint?
On what grounds?!
“I was the one who dragged him down with me,” Chu Beiling said. “He didn’t even want to. I was the one who pestered him to be gay. I was the one who was ill-mannered and shameless, not him.”
Li Shuying grabbed the water glass from the bedside table and threw it at him. "Shut up, I don't want to hear you say that, cough cough cough..."
Overwhelmed with emotion, she could no longer support her limp body and slumped to the side, hitting the bedside table and creating a small hole in her forehead that bled profusely.
Chu Beiling's mind was buzzing. She quickly pressed the call button to explain the reason and rushed out of the ward to find a nurse at the nurses' station.
Leukemia patients are prone to bleeding and are most averse to bleeding. Once bleeding occurs, it is difficult to stop. Several medical staff rushed over and provided emergency treatment for Li Shuying in an orderly and urgent manner.
Chu Beiling stood in the corner, watching the scene before her, her mind reeling.
His heart was slammed into the bottom of the pit again, and even his breath felt like it was being pierced by blades. His body could not bear the weight, and he slowly slid down against the cold wall, his back bent, his hands hugging his knees, curling himself up.
A message came in on my phone from Xing Yu: "Has Aunt Li woken up?" It was followed by: "I've already taken leave and am heading to the hospital."
[She's awake, don't worry.] Chu Beiling patted her aching chest with one hand while replying to the message with the other: [Ms. Li is still very agitated, so please don't come over for now.]
Xing Yu suddenly stopped in his tracks.
Seeing him standing motionless at the door, the security guard asked, "Young man, the door is open, are you coming or not?"
After a while, Xing Yu replied to Chu Beiling: 【Okay.】
He took the leave slip back from the security guard and said, "Excuse me, sir, I won't be going out for the time being."
The security guard said, "Did you forget something? Go back and get it, and I'll come back to open the door for you in a bit."
Xing Yu shook his head: "I haven't forgotten anything."
The security guard asked in confusion, "If someone in your family isn't sick, why aren't you going out?"
Xing Yu shook his head, "He said everything's fine for now."
The security guard nodded. "Okay."
"Are you sure you don't want to go out? Then I'll cross out your leave request." Their leave slips require explaining the reason for the leave before they can get the leave slip from the Student Affairs Office, then getting the homeroom teacher's signature, and finally having to go back to the Student Affairs Office for a stamp. It's incredibly troublesome.
Before crossing it out, the security guard specifically reminded me: "If I cross this out and you go out again, you'll have to sign a new leave slip."
Xing Yu nodded. "I know."
Security guard: "Remember to return the leave slip to the Political Education Office."
He returned, and everyone looked at him in surprise. Xu Tunan asked, "Why did you come back? Didn't you say you were going to the hospital?"
Li Dong stomped on his foot, "Still so clueless."
Xu Tunan shut up, unusually refraining from responding to Li Dong.
Xing Yu folded the English newspapers that had been handed out and stuffed them into Chu Beiling's desk. He then shook the newspapers, aligned the pages, and began to work.
Xu Tunan stared at Xing Yu's taut jawline, hesitated for a long time, and finally couldn't help but ask, "Did Chu Fanfan really drop out of school? Will he come back?"
Li Dong cursed under his breath, "Hu Tutu, I called you an idiot, and you really don't care about anything anymore!"
Xu Tunan felt somewhat wronged: "I just... can't believe it!"
Seeing Xing Yu's not-so-good expression, he smiled and comforted himself, "It's nothing. We'll leave school for training sooner or later anyway, so studying at home is the same, and it'll be easier. Anyway, we'll still meet for the joint entrance exam and the school entrance exam, we just won't see each other for the time being."
The phone in his pocket kept vibrating, so Xing Yu quickly put down his pen and took out his phone.
His worried and nervous expression disappeared, and he frowned, his gaze wandering for a moment before refocusing to see the words clearly.
Xing Xiaoshu: [If you want to be gay, fine. I'll pretend I don't have a son like you. I've also spoken to your mother, and she shares my view. You're about to turn eighteen and will be an adult soon. We have no obligation to continue supporting you. If you want to be gay, then do as you please. We won't interfere anymore.]
If you had any conscience at all, you should know not to hurt your parents like this by becoming a homosexual. This situation is not what we wanted to see.
He probably felt his persuasion wasn't enough, so he followed up with a long message: "[I heard that the boy's mother was so upset about this that she was hospitalized and is still lying there. Look at you, always so selfish, only thinking of yourself, never considering other people's feelings.]"
Xing Xiaoshu sighed and said earnestly, "You still need to have some self-respect. It won't do you any good to be disliked by everyone."
[If you weren't my son, who would care about you? Who would say such things to you? They wouldn't even bother with you.] He wasn't a patient person to begin with. After sending so many messages, Xing Yu hadn't replied to a single word. It was just a one-man show, and Xing Xiaoshu's patience had run out.
He said, "I've said everything I should and shouldn't have said. If you insist, then so be it. That's all I have to say. You'd better take care of yourself."
Xing Yu's knuckles trembled slightly, his breath hitched for a moment, he deleted the chat box and blocked Xing Xiaoshu, then opened the chat interface with Chu Beiling.
The way things turned out was completely unexpected. If Li Shuying hadn't fallen seriously ill, perhaps they could have persevered a little longer.
To be a betrayer who goes against the rules of the world, disregarding emotions and the feelings of others.
But now it's like this—
Xing Yu knew that Chu Beiling was a stubborn mule, and once he got going, he would do anything, even if he hit a wall. He knew that Chu Beiling would not give up.
On one side is him, and on the other side is Li Shuying. Xing Yu doesn't want Chu Beiling to suffer this dilemma, and he doesn't want to put him in a difficult position, especially not to continue to suffer because of him.
If I really have to give up one, then it'll be him.
Because of her feelings for him, Chu Beiling has endured a lot of pain and heartache. She is always shackled and chained, struggling to move forward. She has lost all of her former liveliness and will no longer be angry and scratch people at any time.
It seemed that after meeting him, every step Chu Beiling took forward was an abyss.
He couldn't keep dragging him along, letting the lovable, radiant Prince Fanfan fall into darkness and live in the shadows like him, becoming just as unfortunate.
Despite seeing Chu Beiling's distress, he felt a pang of tenderness and reluctance.
But reason told him he couldn't be so selfish.
The Little Prince deserves a beautiful rose, not a dark lily like himself that cannot bear the light of day.
Perhaps it was a telepathic connection, or perhaps Chu Beiling was simply too sensitive and worried that he might overthink his earlier words, so now that he had calmed down, she came over to comfort him.
The other person's chat bubble appeared on the screen before his message, "Aunt Li is more important than me. I'm fine. Let's just let it go."
Don't worry, don't overthink it, things will get better, everything will be alright.
Chu Beiling: [Ms. Li's inability to understand is her own business; she needs to process it herself. It has nothing to do with anyone else. She's seen a lot in life; she won't be unable to understand. Can you wait a little longer? I still want to go to the art academy to study animation with you. You can't abandon me; I'll make a scene.]
Chu Beiling felt a lump in her throat and said earnestly, "Brother Yu, I need you more than anyone else right now."
Xing Yu's eyes were red, and the changes in his heart were intense and clear. He rarely felt so conflicted yet his heart was instantly filled with emotion.
Chu Beiling branded his heart with scorching fire. When he was swallowed by the tide of despair and pain, this man would drain all the moisture and inject a bland yet scalding syrup.
It made him crave it immensely.
— Chu Beiling's affection was like a bell tolling on Beigaofeng Mountain, its sound resounding through the sky, deafening and making his soul tremble.
Xing Yu felt a slightly sour taste on his tongue, but in the end, he couldn't bring himself to send out the sentence he had just said.
He deleted the previous message and resent it: "Yes, I believe you. I'm always here for you."
Xing Yu silently added in his heart, "I'm sorry."
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