Chapter 77 P - Boiling Point
Chu Beiling still didn't send the message, and deleted it again. He tossed his phone onto the desk, turned around and went to the living room to find the canvas in the cabinet, and sat back down in front of the easel.
After staring at the blank canvas for a short while, he picked up his brush and began creating a piece to submit to the Picasso competition.
Li Shuying didn't come home before Chu Beiling went to bed last night, so he doesn't know if she came back or not.
The next morning, Chu Beiling got up and found the study door closed. He knocked on the door, and only after Li Shuying inside said "Come in" did he push the door open and enter.
"Breakfast is in the kitchen. I'll be out discussing a project at noon and won't be back until before dinner. You'll have to take care of lunch yourself." Li Shuying, who was working, stared at the computer screen without looking up for a moment. The blue light made her cold and stern face look even more serious.
Chu Beiling: "I'm going back to Singapore in a few days, can I come with you?"
Li Shuying: "I won't have time to take care of you when I go to Singapore."
The meaning is clear—don't bring it.
Chu Beiling pouted unhappily: "I'm all grown up now, I can take care of myself, and I don't need you to supervise me all the time. Besides, you never looked after me when you were in Singapore."
Only then did Li Shuying finally deign to look away from her prestigious project and look up at her: "I'm not bothering you, Chu Beiling, think it over before you speak."
Chu Beiling was speechless under her gaze, and he tried to say a few more words.
But he also knew that even if he made a big fuss or acted coquettishly, Li Shuying wouldn't react at all. Once she made up her mind, it was difficult for her to change because of a few words from others.
If he did that, he would only receive a cold reminder from Li Shuying that it would look really bad. The weak have no right to make demands, and losing your temper will only make you look more cowardly.
Chu Beiling looked dejected: "I'm going to draw."
"Wait a minute," Li Shuying called out to him.
Chu Beiling turned around and said, "Mm."
Li Shuying scrutinized him: "Is there anything else you want to say to me?"
Chu Beiling pursed her lips, hesitated for two seconds, and finally shook her head.
The boy's heart was filled with complex and profound emotions; those unspeakable feelings and bewildered agitation clashed and contradicted each other in a chaotic and contradictory manner.
As for Li Shuying, the president of a well-known investment bank in Singapore, his mother is clearly not someone who can talk to him. If his father were still alive, he would definitely be able to tell him what to do.
Li Shuying asked, "Where is Xing Yu's cello?"
Chu Beiling: "He took it back."
Li Shuying hit the nail on the head: "Your desire to go to Singapore is related to this!"
—Although he wanted to go to Singapore to get away from Xing Yu and to calm himself down, he also really wanted to spend New Year's Eve with Li Shuying.
He wanted her to spend more time with him.
Chu Beiling: "Mom, I want to spend New Year's Eve with you."
Li Shuying seemed somewhat moved as well, and after a moment of silence, she said, "Let's see next year. There are many projects these days, and even if you come to Singapore with me, I won't be able to accompany you. It's more lively staying in China."
The answer was as expected, but he was still somewhat disappointed. Chu Beiling lowered his eyes and replied softly, "I understand."
Li Shuying: "If you feel bored staying here, I'll have your Uncle Zhao take you to your grandma's house in Qiandao Lake?"
"Grandma still has to take care of my younger cousins, so forget it." His face is extremely similar to his father's, and Grandma can't help but want to cry every time she sees him. His younger cousins also dislike him coming to their house and taking over Grandma's space, so he won't bother them anymore.
Chu Beiling left the study and returned to the easel in the bedroom. In the past few days, he had no creative ideas at all. He stared at the canvas for an entire afternoon but still couldn't come up with anything.
Chu Beiling tossed his paintbrush into the bucket of water. A barrage of messages popped up on his WeChat, which he replied to one by one.
Lin Tingdao asked: "Have you come up with any creative ideas yet?"
Chu Beiling answered truthfully: "Absolutely not."
Lin Tingdao: [Go out for a walk, go out and observe more. Don't always stay cooped up in front of the easel; you won't get anything out of it if you don't.]
Chu Beiling agreed, exited the chat interface with Lin Tingdao, stared at Xing Yu's pinned message for a while, and then clicked on it.
These past few days, whenever he had a spare moment, he would open Xing Yu's chat window, type something, then delete it all, type something again, then delete it all again—
Over and over again.
Most of the time, Chu Beiling wanted to tell Xing Yu without hesitation, to tell him how much he liked him, and to ask him if he felt the same way. If he did, he wanted to tell him, "I'm sorry, even though I know this path is full of thorns, I still want to drag you down with me."
Sometimes I feel that I should try to do something, to fight back, instead of doing something I know is impossible.
He shouldn't, and couldn't, drag Xing Yu into this, if his intuition was right, that Xing Yu also liked him.
Caught between clarity and despair, like being trapped in a non-Newtonian fluid, Chu Beiling watched herself sink deeper and deeper. Whether she took a step forward or a step back, it was all the same as the boiling point of her love for Xing Yu.
He liked Xing Yu so much that he was at a loss for what to do.
Xing Yu stared at the 'typing...' text at the top of the screen for a long time, but no chat bubble appeared in the dialog box.
Sheng Xia, who was working on her test paper nearby, glanced over and said, "Xing Yu."
Xing Yu looked up: "Hmm?"
Among them, Sheng Xia and Xing Yu were both introverted and didn't talk much. They stayed together at the winter camp because they knew each other, but they didn't say much to each other. Most of the time, they were busy with their own things.
Seeing that Xing Yu had been staring at the chat interface with Chu Beiling absentmindedly for several days, Sheng Xia thought about it and decided to say something: "I think you should have a good talk with Fanfan. After all... someone has to take a step forward."
Xing Yu: "I know."
He knew, of course, that someone was going to take the first step, and Xing Yu was willing to be the one to do so.
But he also knew that Chu Beiling was afraid of hurting him and didn't want him to leave completely because she liked him a little. He also knew that Chu Beiling couldn't accept his feelings for her and wanted to maintain a distance from her, returning to where things were.
That's because Chu Beiling wasn't gay to begin with.
He prefers girls.
Chu Beiling couldn't get over that hurdle in his heart. That little bit of affection already made him feel very painful and helpless. How could he cruelly take another step forward?
Homosexuality isn't a righteous path, and Xing Yu didn't want Chu Beiling to walk that path with him.
Because he cherished it so much, he felt like he was walking on thin ice, yearning for it yet extremely restrained.
More than himself, he was thinking about how to alleviate Chu Beiling's pain.
His personal desire not to leave Chu Beiling was also genuine.
Xing Yu said, "In the summer, I don't expect him to accept me. If I could, I would prefer that little bit of affection he has for me doesn't exist. But I'm not so willing to give him up to someone else."
They were friends, and seeing the two of them like this, she and Li Dong felt quite sad and heartbroken.
Li Dong did not tell her exactly what they talked about that day.
However, after Li Dong told her about Chu Beiling's question, Sheng Xia thought about it and felt it was necessary to tell Xing Yu.
"That day, Tangtang asked Fanfan if he couldn't accept homosexuality. He asked Tangtang in return if she was worried that something like what happened to Su Beichen and Shen Zhi would happen. Tangtang didn't understand."
In the height of summer, she asked, "Do you understand?"
Xing Yu: "What!"
Shengxia repeated herself, adding, "Tangtang can't understand his thoughts, but I guess Fanfan's thoughts might be different from yours. I think you should be able to understand."
Xing Yu was somewhat unsure: "Is he worried about being discovered, afraid that I'll be the subject of controversy?"
Shengxia wasn't quite sure: "I think so, but it's probably not entirely true."
Li Dong couldn't quite understand Chu Beiling's thoughts, feeling that the two were being overly cautious. Sheng Xia, however, could understand, because she really liked him so much that even a brave person would become a coward.
not to mention--
There aren't many parents as open-minded and accepting as Li Dong, and she doesn't want others to discover her relationship with Li Dong for the time being.
If she, a born lesbian, is worried about this happening, let alone others.
Once you embark on this path, you are destined to face more right and wrong and controversy, even if not everyone will reject it.
They will have a much harder time than 'normal people', in every sense of the word.
Because they feel something is 'abnormal,' they are more worried and concerned about rumors and gossip, which is why they are so careful and afraid that the other person will be hurt because of them.
The liking is real, and so are the fear and worry; Shengxia understands this feeling.
Xing Yu's name at the top of the screen changed to "The other party is typing..."
Chu Beiling's breath hitched slightly, and she almost dropped her phone. The next second, a white chat bubble appeared in the chat box.
Xing Yu: [Let's talk after the winter camp ends?]
Chu Beiling felt a moment of disorientation, and her heart, which had been hanging in mid-air, slowly began to settle down.
He looked down and was about to type a reply.
A loud bang came from the study, followed by Li Shuying's angry curses: "I fucking want to kill him."
Chu Beiling was startled, thinking something had happened to Li Shuying, and quickly put down his phone and went to the study.
He didn't even bother to knock. He pushed open the study door and saw a broken vase on the floor. Li Shuying was standing in front of the French windows, her chest heaving violently. She looked furious.
Chu Beiling was stunned by what he saw and couldn't help but start to worry. From childhood to now, he had never seen Li Shuying lose her temper like this, let alone smash things to vent her anger.
Li Shuying's temper was always imposing without her being angry; her eyes and tone alone were enough to make people feel her anger and thus inspire awe.
Even when she's furious, she never shows her emotions outwardly. Just like she never allows him to stomp his feet or throw a tantrum, she considers it a sign of weakness and extreme immaturity.
Getting angry solves nothing.
Chu Beiling's Adam's apple bobbed as she asked worriedly, "Mom, what happened?"
Li Shuying took several deep breaths, picked up the water glass on the table, and took a big gulp. "Your aunt..."
His aunt has lived in Manhattan for many years and hasn't been back to China for a long time.
Chu Beiling's heart skipped a beat, and she became worried and anxious, fearing that something serious had happened to her aunt: "Auntie, what's wrong?"
Li Shuying rubbed her temples and took a few deep breaths. Perhaps it was too difficult to say, she remained silent for a long time before saying, "Your aunt's husband cheated on her. Your aunt caught him in bed with another woman. It would be one thing if the other woman was a woman, but it was a man. That man has always been gay, pretending to be respectable, but secretly he was messing around with other men, completely deceiving your aunt."
Her brows furrowed, and anger surged up again: "You dead gay bastard, you despicable liar, you're disgusting, absolutely disgusting."
Chu Beiling's brain was buzzing, and his feet inexplicably slipped. In an instant, the whole world spun around him. In a dizzy state, his stomach began to churn, and he couldn't help but cover his mouth and dry heave.
He wanted to say something, to explain something, but as if he had been poisoned and rendered mute, he couldn't say anything.
Chu Beiling wanted to escape, to leave this place filled with anger, but his feet felt as if they were covered in superglue, and he couldn't move at all.
"You find it disgusting too, don't you?" Li Shuying sneered, picked up her phone again, and called her assistant, asking him to change her flight from Singapore to Manhattan.
She hung up the phone, picked it up, and threw it on the table. "How dare he bully your aunt like that? I'll make him suffer!"
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