The forests are ablaze with color, and wild geese fly south.
The riverbank was quiet in the afternoon, with only a few painted boats slowly gliding on the water covered with fallen maple leaves, creating ripples.
During a rare moment of leisure, the two sat side by side under a maple tree. Every now and then, a drifting red leaf would land on their shoulders and hair, before being swept away by the cool autumn breeze and carried into the river, where it would accumulate and drift away slowly.
From a distance, it looks like a sunset reflected in the water.
Zhan Xinjia did not answer his question, but absentmindedly took a section of his little finger in her hand and played with it.
She kept her head down.
"I feel like Lord Shen has changed a lot."
Shen Suqing was caught off guard by her sudden remark and felt uneasy, his brows furrowing slightly.
Before he could speak, the little girl, without even looking up, continued to mutter to herself.
"If it were the old Master Shen, he definitely wouldn't have been willing to sit on the ground with me and enjoy the breeze."
Little Shen would say sternly, "How can you sit on such a dirty floor?", then repeatedly mutter things like "What kind of manners are these?" and "It's improper for people to touch each other," before glaring at me with a stern face.
Speaking of this, the image of that rigid and unapproachable stubborn civil official from our first encounter seems to resurface in my mind.
Zhan Xinjia couldn't help but chuckle softly.
She was clearly smiling, but Shen Suqing somehow sensed a faint melancholy and confusion in that smile.
She's been looking so listless these past few days, it's worrying.
After a moment's hesitation, he carefully considered his words before speaking.
"Did something bad happen? Or is there something you can't solve... Ah Zhi, at least tell me."
"No, what could a carefree, idle street urchin like me possibly do? Hehe, I just suddenly felt a bit sentimental. Speaking of which, what does Master Shen want to do in the future?"
A sweet and innocent smile returned to her face. Zhan Xinjia lazily put her legs on the young man's knees, leaned her head on his shoulder, and gazed at the red leaves drifting on the water.
Hearing her ask that, Shen Suqing's expression softened, and he leaned his head closer to hers.
"Generally speaking, it means finding a suitable opportunity to propose to your family, then holding a proper wedding ceremony, and after that, you can do whatever you want."
If you can't stay idle, I'll resign from my official post and take you traveling all over the world, to all the places you want to go. If you prefer a peaceful life, we can quietly stay in that courtyard, enjoying the tranquility of all four seasons.
Shen Suqing had no ambitions; for him, the present was the best of days, and he asked for nothing more.
Of course, it would be even better if he could have a legitimate status, instead of living like a desperate mistress who couldn't see the light of day...
But Ah Zhi is still young. If she didn't want to, he wouldn't have tied her down as her husband so early. Let the child play for a few more years; she'll eventually come home with him anyway.
He had plenty of patience and stayed by her side every step of the way.
Hearing the heartwarming and blissful words of Master Shen, which could bring tears to one's eyes, Zhan Xinjia's heart suddenly clenched, and she found it even harder to say what she wanted to say. The forced smile on her lips gradually faded away.
In the end, all that remained on her face was a look of painful bewilderment.
He was still planning for the future, while she hesitated about how to say goodbye to him.
There are some things I don't want to say, but I can't say them.
The more important Lord Shen regarded her and the better he treated her, the deeper her guilt and inner struggle became.
If she were to tell Lord Shen now that she had decided to leave the capital for the border, a trip that would take at least two or three years, he would definitely not agree. Even if he did agree, he would go with her.
Joining the army and fighting is not like going out for a spring outing. There are still many things to do when you get to the frontier. Moreover, the border is bitterly cold, and you have to endure the wind and rain. It would be really hard for a scholar like Master Shen to bear.
Most importantly, she didn't even know if she would come back alive...
Leaving him in the capital would at least allow her to ask those around her to put on a long, drawn-out act if she never returned. When the time came, she could have A-Yue and Yan Hui lie to him, saying that she had married elsewhere, found a new love, and would never return to the capital.
Although this will surely make Lord Shen very angry and sad, at least he is alright, and that is enough.
If he goes with her, he won't be able to keep anything that happens to her from him...
What will he do then?
"What if I turn into a butterfly? Will Master Shen still take care of me?"
"...This one won't do, let's try another one."
"Why, Lord Shen? Doesn't Lord Shen like butterflies?"
"A butterfly's lifespan is only three days to a month. If you become a butterfly, what will happen to me after a month? Do you want me to die?"
"But it was me who turned into a butterfly, not Lord Shen."
"There's nothing I can do. Sensitive and stubborn writers like us are prone to melancholy and lamenting the passing of spring and autumn. Even the smallest things can fester into a knot in our hearts and cause us to fall seriously ill. If my butterfly dies, I probably won't survive either."
...
But Lord Shen, I hope you will always be well.
Why do you have to tie your whole life to me? Why do you value me so much? Why can't you be a little selfish?!
I don't want you to revolve around me, I don't want you to accompany me everywhere, I don't want your world to be so lonely and pitiful that there's only me. But what will you do if I disappear?
My eyes felt warm and sore, and my vision began to blur.
Now, she can only pretend that nothing happened.
On the tranquil riverbank, the girl lowered her eyelashes, her clear eyes calmly reflecting the shattered light on the water's surface.
She forced back a sob and tried to make her voice sound lighter.
"Young Master Shen is so clingy! I haven't even agreed to marry you yet, how come someone has already decided on this matter without my consent?"
Maybe we're just best friends right now. Maybe before long, Master Shen will stop liking me and never want to talk to me again.
Hearing her say that, Shen Suqing instantly became alert.
"Ah Zhi, do you...?"
"Um?"
Upon receiving the letter, Jia was startled.
Shen Suqing's face was somewhat gloomy, his eyes half-closed, his dark pupils staring straight at her.
"Are you bothered by the fact that I'm six years older than you...?"
"..."
I thought Lord Shen had figured something out, but I didn't expect him to be concerned about this.
Zhan Xinjia's tense spirits relaxed slightly, and she couldn't help but laugh.
She snuggled against his shoulder, found a comfortable spot, and then, with a smirk, deliberately teased him in a sarcastic tone.
"Yes, if you don't look at their appearance, Young Master Shen looks like he's the same age as the seventy- or eighty-year-old Imperial Censor Wen. When the two of us stand outside, Young Master Shen looks like my father."
Upon hearing this, Shen Suqing was so angry that he choked.
He leaned down and pinched her cheek in retaliation, then took one of her hands and brought it to his lips, pretending to gently bite the edge of her palm.
"Yes, we old folks don't have good teeth, so we like to eat your kind of fragrant and soft little sugar cakes."
"Brother Er Gou".
"Um?"
"Let's go for a drink."
"Why did you suddenly decide to go drinking?"
Shen Suqing asked patiently, but the little girl had already gotten up, grabbed his sleeve, and pulled him toward the riverbank without paying any attention to him.
Helpless, he reached out and brushed the dust off her dress, then flicked away a maple leaf that had fallen on her hair. Finally, he smiled, took her wrist, and slid down to interlock their fingers.
"Okay, slow down. I didn't say I wasn't going."
Although it was a bit strange, he never refused her requests.
The sky was tinged with the twilight of dusk, the afterglow of the sunset like fire, adding to the desolate loneliness of the fading autumn.
Zhan Xinjia led him along the riverbank, not daring to look back the whole way, afraid that he would notice her reddened eyes.
Although she had already made up her mind, she still couldn't bring herself to leave without saying goodbye. If she didn't tell him anything, wouldn't that turn into the kind of melodramatic, tragic love story she used to despise?
What's kind of funny is that when she used to read them, she always complained that the protagonists in the stories didn't express themselves clearly. They were both like mute people, acting as riddle tellers, misunderstanding and missing each other...
But now, being in the thick of it all, she belatedly realizes that some things really can't be spoken aloud.
Ah, how wonderful! Let's have a drink.
They say drinking gives you courage and that you speak the truth when you're drunk, so perhaps she can muster some courage.
At least, she didn't want to lie to him.
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