Chapter 43 Imprisonment
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Through the thin veil, I couldn't see my god's emotions, so I could only ask tentatively, "I heard that the Crown Prince came to see me on the day of my execution."
"Is it true?" My voice was very soft. Subconsciously, I was afraid that my God would hear this question. I was afraid of the answer, but I was also looking forward to it.
So the next second, I raised my voice again, "Is it true?"
The hall fell silent for a moment. The surroundings were silent, so silent that I could hear my own breathing and the sound of my heart gradually being frozen.
It was as if, in the next second, this heart would be shattered into tiny snowflakes by a light touch of a finger or a slightly harsh word.
The next second, as the voice of my god rang out, the coldness dissipated, the spring breeze blew, and my heart began to beat again.
"It's true," the voice from inside the curtain was like a panacea to save me.
I couldn't help but take a step forward, wanting to lift the white veil between me and Him, and see the expression on my God's face when he spoke.
What was He thinking as He answered this? Did He blush, or feel a girlish shyness?
The next second, a pair of white hands pushed aside the curtains. I stopped where I was and looked at the expressionless woman in front of me. With just one look, all the burning love in my heart was suppressed in an instant.
It only took one look for me to understand that my God had absolutely no such feelings for me.
"Why do I have to go?" I kept clinging to this question as if I had grabbed the last straw.
My God was very frank: "Because I don't want you to die."
Me: “Why don’t you want me to die?”
My God glanced at me calmly and said, "I thought you already knew the truth of the matter."
"Haven't you already sent someone to get the portrait? Now that you've got it, everything else should be clear as well."
I took two steps forward and pushed Him against the bed. "I don't know!"
"I don't understand why you change your mind so often. Everything was fine the day before, but the next day you won't let me into the palace."
"Is there something I didn't do well enough? I can change it all. Just give me a chance, I swear, I can change it all!"
"Is there anything about me that's different from him? Just tell me, I can learn, I can be more like him! We can still be like before."
"You know, I'm a good learner. If I want to, I can become him if I give myself some time..."
The sound of a slap interrupted me, and the tingling pain on my left cheek kept reminding me of what had happened before.
In a trance, I heard my god say sharply: "But I don't want you to become him!"
"Do you even know what you're talking about? You're Zhu Qing! Zhu Qing, the chief priest of my priest's temple! You should have your own bright and beautiful life, instead of being someone else!"
"But you like him, don't you?" I looked up, but in the dim candlelight, I couldn't see the person in front of me for a moment.
"As long as you like, I can be anyone. I don't care, really."
My God seemed to have seen something, and his tone slowed down, "But I do care."
"Zhu Qing, I have my say."
"I want you to be yourself. I want you to live in this world as yourself, not as a substitute for someone else."
The candlelight in the hall became increasingly dim, and I could hardly see my god clearly in front of me.
My throat seemed to be stuck with some sticky cake, and I couldn't speak for a long time. Finally, I choked out and said, "I hope you love me."
What I got in return was a cold, hard, “I can’t do it.”
"I beg you to love me."
"I can't do that."
"I beg you to love me."
"I can't do that."
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I have forgotten how many times I said "I beg you to love me" that day, and how many times I received "I can't".
Everyone says that I am smart and clever, but when it comes to love, I have no way to fight back and can only beg over and over again.
But love cannot be begged for. I begged again and again, but apart from those words of recovery, I didn't get any positive response.
I began to wonder how feelings actually arise.
Under what circumstances does love come into being?
Finally, the repeated conversation ended with the mouth of my god.
"Enough! Life is short. How much time can love take up in your life?"
"You're struggling now because you haven't gotten what you want. Once you get what you want, you'll definitely stop worrying about it."
"You've always been precocious, your intelligence and strategy are superior to everyone else's. How could someone like you be trapped by love?"
This doesn't sound like something my god would say. It's full of big principles, without a single trace of his own emotions.
"Life is short, but love takes up my whole being."
I stroked the temples beside my god's ears, and in a trance I seemed to see the winter many years ago.
"Your Majesty is not me, so how do you know I won't be trapped by love?"
"The one in the portrait is a god. Even if Your Majesty feels love for her, you cannot express it. But I am different. Human life is short. A hundred years of entanglement will pass, and a thousand years will also be gone in a flash."
"By then, no one will remember this absurd incident anymore. Your Majesty will have obtained the replacement he wanted, and I will have gotten what I wished for..."
I felt a burning pain on the right side of my face, and I knew without even looking that a red mark must have appeared on it.
At this moment, I suddenly thought that the left face before and the right face now are symmetrical.
"Shut up!" Wushen said coldly, "Don't mention him. It's disgusting for no reason."
Disgusting... I have never felt that there is a word that can be so hurtful.
But maybe because I've been hurt so many times, I don't feel anything now.
He even had the mind to make a bold decision.
It is said to be extremely daring, but in fact, compared with my previous two times of breaking into the temple at night, it is not that reckless.
I imprisoned the gods.
Gods rarely come to the world, and people's understanding of gods is mostly through myths or rumors passed down by word of mouth, and most people have only a superficial understanding of gods.
But there are so many talented and wise people in this world, and among these few records, I was able to find the ancient books and secret manuals of my predecessors.
The author of the book probably just wanted to study the source of divine power, but I saw from it how to confine divine power.
This was a random thought I had when I was young. It was a fleeting thought at the time, but now it has become a life-saving straw.
Sometimes, I have to sigh at the fickleness of fate.
Many years ago, I dismissed this book, thinking that I would never need it in my lifetime, but many years later I regarded it as a treasure.
Many years ago, my God was defenseless against me, and I swore that I would never harm my God in this life. Many years later, standing in the temple, I found out that I was the mastermind behind imprisoning my God.
This trust that everyone envied eventually became a weapon in my hands that hurt my God and stabbed my God.
It is easy to imprison a god, but it is difficult not to arouse suspicion.
But no matter how difficult it is, I will do it.
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