Chapter 174: The one you love can only live in the depths of your memory

Xu Jilin held Su Shen's face with trembling hands, and she wanted to say something.

She knew that regret was useless, so no matter good or bad, she never regretted what she did.

But today, she wanted to say that she regretted it.

She had been in the palace for decades. When the late emperor was alive, she was always favored. Her favorite son Chu Huaian had always been the candidate for the successor. After the late emperor passed away, even if Chu Huaian did not ascend the throne, Chu Chengye was still her biological son no matter how disobedient he was and how shallow his relationship with her was. She was still the most honorable empress dowager in the entire Southern Qi.

She had everything she wanted, and she had everything she wanted for the family's glory. Xu Jilin seemed to have never lost anything.

When she wakes up from her dreams at midnight, she would think of the simple time when she was in Xu's house. She was still the eldest daughter of Xu's house, loved by her parents, doted on by her brother, and had a close relationship with Su Shen. She should have been the happiest person in the world.

Once she entered the palace, everything changed.

She was forced to leave her familiar relatives and playmates, go to a completely unfamiliar place, and share a husband with many women in the palace.

She didn't want to, and she didn't want to, but her entry into the palace was an exchange of interests, and she had no choice.

Xu Jilin had to join this open and secret struggle for her own life, and from then on she dared not to reveal her true feelings easily, and all she had was use.

After being in the palace for a long time, she had long been blinded by power. Xu Jilin forgot that there is not only use in this world, but also sincerity, and Su Shen is sincere to her.

He voluntarily entered the palace, gave up the family power, stayed by Xu Jilin's side all his life, and was only for her.

But now, the only one who was sincere to him has also been abandoned by himself.

Xu Jilin hugged Su Shen and cried silently. She didn't know how many tears she had.

Su Shen would help Xu Jilin pay back double for all the grievances and injustices she had suffered over the years, but this time no one would put her thoughts first.

Xu Jilin suddenly felt so tired. She couldn't figure out what she had been doing all these years.

Fighting for power? She obviously got everything, why was she still so tired?

Xu Jilin sat on the couch holding Su Shen for so long that the person in her arms had long been silent.

Su Shen closed his eyes. Except for the blood flowing from the corner of his mouth, he seemed to be asleep. He slept peacefully, just like when they were young and went to the river outside the city to play without telling their family. When they were tired, they lay on the ground to rest.

The birds were singing and the grass was growing. Everything was so simple and beautiful.

The sun was as bright as it was today, and it felt warm on my body. But today, the sun had no warmth at all. It seemed that the light was cold. Every inch of Xu Jilin's body was painful.

Xu Jilin held Su Shen's face and talked to him as usual.

"That night, I wasn't actually drunk."

"I also had my own selfish desires."

"An'er is your child too. I was too selfish and didn't tell you. I only thought about finding a good way for our child, but forgot about you."

"Don't worry, I'll find you when everything is over."

"This time, wait for me, wait for me again."

Su Shen's body was not as Su Shen said, and was not just treated as a eunuch in the palace.

Xu Jilin carried Su Shen's body out of the palace and buried it well by the river outside the city.

In the place where they felt the happiest.

Xu Jilin remembered that place was very beautiful, and she remembered it for many years.

It's a pity that time can't go back, and the person you love can only live in the deepest part of your memory.

After Cheng Jin came out of Xu Jilin's palace, Xu Jilin really stayed indoors like before, burning incense and worshipping Buddha in Shou'an Palace, and even Qu Wanxin did not leave Shou'an Palace.

Although she didn't know whether it was true or false, Cheng Jin was happy to have no trouble and rested for many days in a row.

Cheng Jin found a time to let Jing'er meet her mother and brother. They didn't talk much when they met, but just cried and hugged each other.

Jiang touched the long scar on Jing'er's face for a long time, and asked in a crying voice after a long time: "Does it hurt?"

Jing'er just shook her head. Compared with the pain, she was more grateful that she stayed in Chunhe Palace and did nothing wrong.

On the fifteenth day of the first lunar month, the lantern festival in the capital was extremely lively, and people from near and far would choose to join in the fun.

Cheng Jin chose this day to send Jiang mother and son out of the capital. There were many people around, so Xu Jilin must have no choice.

After Cheng Jin thought about it, she went to find Chu Chengye to approve the note. The last time she kept the secret from Chu Chengye, Chu Chengye was secretly angry for a long time. Although he did not say it directly in front of Cheng Jin, his words and deeds showed that he cared very much.

The secret guards previously assigned to Cheng Jin only protected Chunhe Palace. Chu Chengye found a few more skilled ones to follow Cheng Jin in the dark.

After hearing this, Cheng Jin went to Chu Chengye's palace and shouted that there was no human rights.

"Follow me wherever I go. I don't have any freedom. I don't agree. You withdraw your people."

"No!" Chu Chengye answered quickly, his tone unquestionable.

"Isn't what happened between you and Pei Yu a few days ago a warning? Or do you really want to be with him..."

Chu Chengye was speechless. He held the book in his hand upright in front of him, shielding his face so that Cheng Jin could not see his expression.

"No means no. I am the emperor, and my words are the imperial decree."

Cheng Jin unceremoniously pushed away the book that Chu Chengye had blocked in front of her. She bent down slightly, and her eyes were level with Chu Chengye.

"Then dear emperor, can you take back your fame?"

This was Cheng Jin's habitual expression. Before she realized what was happening, Chu Chengye suddenly stood up as if his tail was stepped on. He turned his back to Cheng Jin, his ears were slightly hot, and he suddenly became speechless.

Cheng Jin was taken aback by Chu Chengye's unexpected action, and then she realized that Chu Chengye's behavior was very strange.

It was time to strike while the iron was hot.

Cheng Jin asked again, "Is it really not possible?"

Chu Chengye was silent for a long time, but he was not as decisive as before, "I didn't mean to find so many people to monitor you, I'm just worried about you."

Cheng Jin said, "Then there is no need for so many people."

Cheng Jin looked at the handsome men in uniform lined up in two rows outside the door.

It is difficult to train secret guards. Precisely because they are hard to come by, they only work for the royal family.

Some secret guards will never show up for their entire lives, only showing up when necessary.

Instead of being like this now, they are lined up together waiting for Cheng Jin to nod before becoming invisible.

Cheng Jin secretly shook his head.

[No, isn’t that a bit exaggerated? ]

[But he really looks like a gangster. 】

Before Cheng Jin could say anything, Chu Chengye spoke first: "Half of the people cannot be less."

As soon as Chu Chengye finished speaking, he saw that the secret guards who were standing in the back row quickly disappeared.

There are six people in half.

Cheng Jin turned around and looked at Chu Chengye with a pitiful look. Chu Chengye sighed and then waved the other two people away.

Cheng Jin wanted to say something else, but Chu Chengye stopped her with words.

"Don't discuss it anymore, or I will let the secret guards who left earlier come back."