Be frank
At night, Xie Shangjia lay in bed unable to sleep, but what made him toss and turn was the restless heart in his chest.
He stood up and lit a candle, looking at the yellowed booklet he had brought back to the room from the secret corner under the desk, and he flipped through it page by page.
He read every word Shen Qianyue said, no matter how big or small.
Her hand unconsciously touched her lips. Did that kiss mean that Shen Qianyue still loved her? She didn't give up on her just because she had previously threatened to divorce...
It's getting late and the dew is heavy, and everything is quiet.
Xie Shangjia placed his hand on his heart and asked himself again, is freedom important?
The answer has become clearer than ever.
He didn't want to lose Shen Qianyue. When she got close to him, his heartbeat would speed up. When her cold fingertips touched him, his skin would get hot. He would want her to get closer. He would remember her smile and her anger very clearly.
Xie Shangjia put on his outer robe and opened the door. The servant who was on night watch had already fallen asleep. The corridor was deserted, with only the sound of his footsteps echoing and his heartbeat roaring in his eardrums.
He walked straight to the bamboo garden where Shen Qianyue lived alone. Jinyu was guarding the door. Xie Shangjia did not let her go in to report, and stood in front of the closed carved wooden door.
He raised his hand and hovered it above the door panel. His fingertips trembled slightly, and his knuckles fell and knocked on the door panel, making three clear and light sounds.
“Tap, tap, tap.”
There was dead silence inside the door.
Xie Shangjia thought Shen Qianyue had fallen asleep, so he withdrew his hand and prepared to go back and think carefully about his words and talk about it tomorrow.
“Squeak—”
The door opened a crack inward.
The sound of the door hinges turning was particularly harsh in the quiet night.
There was only a small sheep-horn lamp lit in the bedroom, and the light was dim and soft.
Chen Qianyue stood behind the half door, wearing a plain white middle garment, her long hair flowing like a waterfall. She had removed all the cold armor she wore during the day, revealing a fragile beauty under the moonlight.
"Is there something?" Her voice was very soft, with a hint of hoarseness from just waking up, but still as cold as before.
Xie Shangjia looked at her, and his heart felt like it was hit hard. The courage he had accumulated along the way disappeared when he saw her like this, and his throat was so dry that he couldn't make a decent sound.
"I..." He uttered a word with difficulty, his voice hoarse with a heavy nasal tone and undisguised panic.
He was clearly standing in front of Shen Qianyue and was taller and stronger than her, but at this moment he looked like a helpless child, his speech becoming halting.
"...I...have something...to say to you..."
Shen Qianyue leaned sideways, noticed his nervousness, and let him into the house. The moonlight flowed in her eyes, and her emotions could not be seen clearly.
Xie Shangjia suddenly took a step forward, even forgetting to turn sideways, and almost squeezed into the door, closing it behind him with his backhand.
In the small space, there were only the two of them, and the sound of each other's breathing was clearly audible.
The cool fragrance mixed with the scent of moonlight lingers at the tip of the nose.
"I...I don't know how to say it..."
Xie Shangjia spoke incoherently, his hands unconsciously clenched into fists, his nails digging deep into his palms, trying to use the pain to stay awake.
"I'm such a bastard, Shen Qianyue. Actually, after I woke up... I was attracted to you the first time I saw you. I wanted to be close to you. It was me who couldn't accept the current situation and hurt you."
He spoke with difficulty, his words incoherent, all his thoughts were tangled into a mess, and only the most core things were desperately pouring out.
Shen Qianyue raised her eyes and looked at him: "Do you accept it now?"
Xie Shangjia took a deep breath, raised his head, and met her cold gaze with burning eyes. His voice was choked and his eyes were red.
"I know I must be looking like a fool right now. Before, I resisted you and hated your control over me, but really, I just hated you for not telling me anything... But my heart and my body seem to be subconsciously loving you. It's just me who's being stubborn and unwilling to admit it."
Shen Qianyue looked at him intently. She had never looked closely at the young Xie Shangjia, and most of her memories were of the deep and introverted Xie Shangjia.
Looking at him now, it’s not difficult to imagine what he looked like when he was younger.
"Go on."
Xie Shangjia's voice was low and hoarse, filled with endless confusion and an almost humble plea that he himself was not even aware of.
"Chen Qianyue... I... I don't know what to do. I know that even if I put my bleeding heart in front of you, you still have the right to weigh the pros and cons."
He summoned up the greatest courage of his life and looked directly into her eyes that were bottomless in the moonlight, every word he heard was crystal clear.
"I like you, Shen Qianyue. I am willing to listen to you. I will do whatever you say."
Time seemed to freeze at this moment.
Shen Qianyue was stunned. She was lost in thought as she recalled Xie Shangjia's confession on her 25th birthday.
"I know you don't like uneducated people. I'm already the head of the Secretariat. Can you try to like me? I will do my best. As long as you say it, I will do it."
I refused it back then.
Now, the small room fell into a dead silence, and only the two people's staggered and slightly rapid breathing could be clearly heard.
Xie Shangjia's heart was beating wildly, almost bursting out of his chest, and he was waiting for his own judgment.
Shen Qianyue's eyelashes trembled very slightly, and she raised her hand and gently stroked Xie Shangjia's cheek.
This hand was shone with the bright moonlight, and its fingertips were slightly cool. The moment it touched, it was like a flame ignited, instantly burning Xie Shangjia's skin and burning straight into his heart.
Xie Shangjia could hardly breathe, feeling the slightly cool fingertips caressing his cheek extremely gently, as if describing a lost and found treasure.
Shen Qianyue stood on tiptoe slightly, and the cool and subtle fragrance instantly enveloped Xie Shangjia completely.
An extremely gentle kiss filled with infinite pity, like a falling feather, landed on the corner of his lips that were trembling slightly with excitement.
Not the lip, just the corner of the lip.
But it was like a net that instantly grabbed Xie Shangjia's soul, making him unable to move and drowning in it.
Time seemed to have completely stopped at this moment.
Shen Qianyue's lips quickly left, but her hand still lingered on his cheek. That hand, slender and fair, trembled slightly under the dim light, and the temperature of her fingertips seemed to have warmed up a little.
Xie Shangjia looked at Shen Qianyue's icy phoenix eyes, which reflected his face clearly at this moment.
The huge ecstasy and fear swept over him like a tsunami. He was almost trembling, and stretched out his cold and sweaty hands almost reverently, carefully embracing the figure in his arms.
I felt at peace when I bent down and smelled her hair.
No words.
No words are needed.
Shen Qianyue's hand, which was resting on his cheek, slowly moved down, her fingertips brushing across his tense jawline, and with unquestionable strength, she gently hooked the edge of his robe.
Xie Shangjia's breathing suddenly stopped. He subconsciously wanted to step back, but his body seemed to be pulled by an invisible thread, nailed to the spot and unable to move. He could only watch as the white hand, with an almost elegant control, exerted a little force and pulled outwards.
The moon-white robe slid silently down the shoulders and piled up at the feet.
The slightly cool air instantly hit his skin, which was only covered by a thin shirt, causing tiny particles to appear on his skin. However, this chill was far less shocking than the scene before him.
Shen Qianyue's gaze fell on his chest, which was slightly rising and falling due to nervousness, and on his well-defined neck and collarbone.
Xie Shangjia's Adam's apple rolled violently, his mouth was dry, and he felt like a fully drawn bow, with every inch of his muscles stretched to the extreme.
Intellectually, he felt that this shouldn't be the case. They had just opened up to each other...
But his body was like a moth to a flame, attracted by the undisguised fire in her eyes, and he couldn't resist the urge to get closer and closer.
Shen Qianyue didn't give him time to think. The hand that pulled down his outer robe slid down and grabbed his wrist irresistibly.
The moment their skin touched, Xie Shangjia trembled all over, as if burned by a hot iron, but greedily absorbed the cool and delicate touch.
He was led by her like a tamed beast, and followed her backward with unsteady steps.
One step, two steps...
My back hit the hard edge of the bed.
Shen Qianyue stopped and looked up at him slightly. The moonlight outlined her cold figure, but now it was stained with a layer of breathtaking charm. The corners of her lips seemed to be raised with a very faint arc, and her voice was low, lazy and magnetic.
"What are you afraid of?"
Her fingertips traced gently over his clenched fist, soothingly.
"We are husband and wife, aren't we?"
The word "husband and wife" is like a spell that unlocks the last shackles.
All the struggles and concerns were completely crushed at this moment.
Xie Shangjia only felt a scorching heat flowing through his body from his held wrist, burning away his last bit of sanity.
Xie Shangjia clenched Shen Qianyue's hand with his backhand, as if he wanted to crush her bones and merge them into his own blood. As he leaned closer, his hot breath sprayed on her smooth forehead, and his voice trembled with an imperceptible tremor.
"It's not that I'm afraid..."
He paused, his eyes lingering greedily on her eyebrows and nose, which were so close to him, and finally fell on her red lips like petals. His Adam's apple rolled hard again, and he almost gritted his teeth as he expressed the huge tremor caused by desire.
"Yes...nervous."
He was nervous about the sudden surge of affection, nervous about the charm she displayed at this moment that was enough to turn everyone upside down, nervous about... this belated and legitimate intimacy.
Shen Qianyue looked at the undisguised nervousness and sincere desire in his eyes. The last trace of haze in the depths of the frozen heart was completely evaporated by the scorching flames.
The smile in her eyes deepened, no longer a cold mockery, but a lazy temptation that belonged to a winner.
She didn't say anything else. The hand he was holding exerted a little force, and with an unquestionable guiding force, she gently pulled him back.
Xie Shangjia was so obedient that he almost couldn't wait to sit down on the edge of the bed.
Shen Qianyue leaned forward, her plain white middle garment brushing gently against his arm like flowing clouds woven by moonlight. She raised her other hand, and her cold fingertips gently touched his violently heaving chest, feeling the heartbeat inside that was beating like a war drum.
The moonlight shines through the window lattice, casting the figures of the two people on the wall, swaying gracefully.
The cool fragrance and the burning masculine scent blended completely together, indistinguishable from each other.
At this moment, only the most primitive instincts and legitimate love are burning and blending silently.
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