Chapter 67. [Revised] The distance between the two was shortened...
Tomorrow is Lunar New Year's Eve, and there are far fewer vehicles on the main roads in Xicheng District.
In the dead of winter, with temperatures plummeting to freezing, He Yan felt no chill whatsoever. He rolled down the car window, and the cold wind howled past, but it did nothing to ease his sullen mood. Things had come to this point, and he had no time to worry about how to end things.
Even the worst thing couldn't be worse than her leaving him.
And he absolutely refused to accept this possibility.
He sped along, dappled shadows of trees flashing past his car. He came and went in a hurry. When he arrived at the tenement building, he got out of the car expressionlessly, forgetting even to turn off the engine. The cold moonlight reflected on the ground like frost. He practically rushed into the dark stairwell, relying entirely on his willpower, taking three steps at a time to climb to the second floor, step by step towards the end.
He took the key out of his pocket and opened the door rather roughly. Perhaps out of frustration, he didn't want to hold back anymore and kicked the door open, sending dust falling from the wall.
Without even turning on the light, he went to the bedside and pulled open the drawer.
In the cluttered drawer were two boxes of ointment she had given him, a stack of cash, his household registration booklet, and a bottle of perfume. He bent over, his hands resting on the cabinet, and let out a heavy sigh, unsure whether to be angry or amused.
He calmed his rapid breathing quietly, and after a long while, stiffly picked up the unopened bottle of perfume, stuffed it into his pocket, and, not wanting to waste any more time, strode away.
On the other side, Wen Xue also recovered from her breakdown and calmed down. She mechanically served herself a bowl of rice. Although she hadn't eaten for almost ten hours, her stomach and heart felt heavy and empty. She sat at the table and ate mechanically, unable to taste anything, as if chewing wax.
Before she had even finished a bowl of rice, she suddenly felt nauseous and vomiting.
She could only hurriedly put down her chopsticks and rush to the kitchen. She drank some warm apple juice to barely suppress her uncomfortable feelings. Holding the cup, she leaned against the counter, lost in thought. In this quiet moment, she tried to clear her mind.
What should we do next?
She ruined everything. First, she mistook him for someone else while drinking, then she cooperated with him and pretended nothing had happened, then she made assumptions about him, and even today, she was the one who lost control of her emotions and said things that couldn't be taken back.
However, her thoughts were so chaotic, like a ball of yarn, that she couldn't untangle them, nor dared to touch them again, for fear of making the situation even worse.
Knock knock knock—
The knocking on the door suddenly pulled her back to reality. Startled, she looked up, her eyes unfocused, unsure where to look. Her heart pounded uncontrollably. The person at the door knocked a few times and then stopped.
She slowly moved to the doorway, looked at He Yan outside through the peephole, and felt a tightness in her chest.
The door didn't open, and he didn't leave either, patiently waiting in a stalemate.
Wen Xue knew that, given his personality, he would wait until she opened the door. She felt an unprecedented sense of powerlessness. Who could she blame now? Even if she explained that everything was just her imagination, her relationship with He Yan could never go back to what it was before.
She knew very well which path was the right one to take.
Let them disappear from each other's lives, as if He Yan never brought her to his side.
Wen Xue felt a stinging sensation in her nose, her gaze filled with struggle.
She raised her hand and pressed down on the doorknob, slowly pushing the door open. The hallway was pitch black; he couldn't see her, and she couldn't see him, but they both knew that the other was right next to them.
"You..." He Yan's tone was heavy as he reached out of his pocket, crushing the perfume box he had been clutching for a long time. "Is this the perfume?"
Wen Xue glanced at it and hurriedly looked away.
He lifted his leg and stepped in.
In an instant, the distance between the two closed, so close that their breaths mingled.
Wen Xue involuntarily stepped back. He took a step forward, and she took a half step back, until the door closed, and she snapped out of her daze.
He Yan said calmly, "I've told you about the origin of this perfume, haven't I? It was a gift from a friend of mine, and then it ended up in my hands. Do you think I would give it to..." He smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, "Who?"
She doesn't understand men, or more accurately, she doesn't understand him.
If he had feelings for someone, there would be no way she could smell that perfume on that person.
Because this perfume could be given to anyone, but he would never give it to someone he likes.
Wen Xue stubbornly remained silent.
He looked away, staring at the perfume bottle in his hand. A few seconds later, he brushed past her, walked to the coffee table, and threw it directly into the trash can.
With a dull thud, Wen Xue's eyelashes trembled slightly. It must be an illusion, otherwise why would she feel a pain as if she were being slowly tortured?
“There’s no one else here, and I don’t need your blessing,” he said. “You have no reason to leave, so can you come with me?”
After a brief silence, Wen Xue said in a barely audible voice, "You should leave."
If before she wanted to leave, now she has to leave, she has no choice but to leave.
He Yan seemed not to hear her words. He looked around and walked straight to the dining table, saying in a nonchalant tone, "I'll wash the dishes. You go pack your clothes. After you're done, we'll go back. Tomorrow is New Year's Day, and we have to get up early."
After saying that, he picked up his bowl and chopsticks and went into the kitchen.
Soon after, the sound of water could be heard.
Wen Xue turned her head and gazed at his back from a distance. Scenes from the past flashed before her eyes, and a corner of her heart ached and swelled.
She took a few steps and stopped at the kitchen door. Her voice was soft but firm: "I won't go back with you, He Yan. This isn't my house, it belongs to someone else. I'm just staying here temporarily. I promised Sister Miao I wouldn't keep you until late... It's already very late, you should leave."
He Yan was washing dishes with his back to her.
The cold food was thrown away, and there weren't many bowls left. He didn't deliberately slow down and finished washing them in no time. Looking up at the night outside the window, he calmly took a picture and slowly dried his hands.
He turned around and walked out of the kitchen, stopping in front of her. "I'll wait for you downstairs."
"He Yan!" she called out urgently.
He remained unmoved, not even turning his head. His anger from when he arrived had completely subsided, and his demeanor had returned to calm. He said slowly, "Even the biggest issues can wait until after the New Year. I can't possibly leave you alone for the New Year knowing you're in Xicheng."
…
After He Yan went downstairs, the whole house was extremely quiet.
Wen Xue suddenly felt helpless. Reaching this point felt like standing on the edge of a cliff. If she went forward, she would fall into the abyss and be shattered to pieces. If she went backward, how could she retreat?
She stood there for a long time, so long that she forgot the time.
The clock on the wall had already silently passed midnight, marking the transition from the 29th of the twelfth lunar month to the 30th of the lunar year. She hoped he had already left, but when she went to the window and mustered her courage to look down, she saw that in the darkness, the headlights of a car were still on.
A moment later, Wen Xue returned to the second bedroom and hastily packed two sets of clothes to change into. She rarely acted so disorganized, and she also stuffed her toiletries into her bag.
He Yan leaned back in his chair, occasionally glancing up at the residential buildings outside the windshield; only the windows on the third floor emitted soft light.
He knew she wanted him to let her go.
But now that things have come to this, how can we release it?
It cannot be placed there.
He raised his arm to shield his eyes, his mind in turmoil, his surging emotions nearly bursting forth several times. He was a man of average luck, having struggled his way up to where he was today, rarely driven to the brink of despair. In both his lives combined, he had only experienced such a situation once before today.
He rushed back to Haicheng and arrived at the funeral home to see his younger brother lying in an ice coffin, already devoid of color and breath.
Even now, recalling that moment still brings a pang of sadness to my heart.
And now, it seems he's once again not far from a dead end.
He knew he had frightened her today, so he tried his best to remain calm, refusing to pull her downstairs, shove her into the car, take her back to the tenement building without a word, and force her to accept all his feelings.
The car doors were tightly closed, keeping out the cold wind.
He didn't notice immediately that the light in the third-floor window he had been looking up at for a long time had been turned off. Then, the motion-sensor lights in the hallway turned on one floor at a time, and Wen Xue, wearing a thick down jacket, walked out with her luggage in her arms.
Wen Xue hesitated for a moment before approaching the tall jeep.
You can spot He Yan sitting in the driver's seat at a glance.
In that one glance, her eyes welled up with tears, and she almost cried again. She knew how good he was to her; if he had cared for her even a little less, he wouldn't have noticed that she hadn't returned to Haicheng.
Last night she saw the photos Nana and the others posted in the group chat. They played until very late. Today he drove them to the station and airport. He probably hasn't slept for more than a few hours since last night. Today he made three trips between the apartment building and here, each trip taking two hours.
She held back her tears, took a few deep breaths, walked around the front of the car, and opened the car door.
The sudden commotion made He Yan sit up instinctively. His wary gaze froze when it met her porcelain-white face, and he thought he was hallucinating.
"You're tired." Her mouth was covered by a scarf, and her voice was muffled, tinged with weariness from crying. "Let me drive."
He Yan held his breath and gave a low, hoarse "hmm".
He adjusted the seat height before getting out of the car, making room for Wen Xue in the driver's seat. Wen Xue lowered her eyes and got in, then turned to put her luggage back in the back seat.
There were only the two of them inside the car.
No one was in the mood to speak.
She was focused on driving, and he would occasionally glance at her.
Around 2 a.m., the car came to a smooth stop in front of the tenement building. Everything was quiet, even the moonlight was cold. Wen Xue didn't rush to turn off the engine and get out of the car; she remained in that position without moving.
Suddenly, she whispered, "Today feels like that day. That day you said you would teach me to drive, and I was very scared."
He Yan stared straight out the window, listening quietly.
His gaze fell upon the stairwell.
Another thing happened that day. She asked him for a cigarette, and he still remembers how she coughed awkwardly and choked on it. It's all etched in his mind.
“But after a few times, I realized it wasn’t such a big deal. Does this mean that many of life’s difficulties are actually nothing special?” Her voice was a little unsteady. “For example, on the day He Heng was cremated, I felt like I couldn’t go on living, but I’m still alive and well now.”
“He Yan, after this New Year…” She paused, her grip on the steering wheel tightening inch by inch, “I won’t come looking for you again, and you shouldn’t come looking for me either. I promise you, I will eat on time,” she choked up, and continued, “It will never be like before. Believe me, I will take good care of myself and live well, and so will you.”
He Yan was not surprised that she would say those words.
He thought he could handle it calmly and rationally, but at that moment he suddenly became furious.
The angrier he became, the calmer he became. He turned his head and stared intently at her. Suddenly, he smiled faintly: "Did you regret picking you up from school back then? Answer me honestly."
Everything from the past came flooding back to me.
Wen Xue didn't know what the right answer to this question was. She even wondered if he would be disappointed if she said "I regret it" and agree to gradually drift apart from him from now on.
I think so.
Her lips moved, but because it went against her wishes so badly, the word "regret" stuck in her throat, and she couldn't bring herself to say it.
Do I regret it? How could I possibly regret it?
She lacked acting talent, but although she didn't speak, the vulnerability on her face and the struggle in her eyes told him that she had no regrets.
"I regret it very much." He Yan said hoarsely in the silence.
These words were jarring; a sharp buzzing sound filled Wen Xue's ears, and the whole world seemed to go silent. She could almost hear the sound of her blood flowing backward.
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