Chapter 50: She always seems to be atonement in the summer
Shen Zhiwei was silent for a long time.
Those words were like a spider web, tightly wrapped around her, carrying the debts of past lives and the sins of this life, wrapping her in an airtight cocoon.
The mountains and rivers are peaceful and the seas are clear.
Shen Zhiwei suddenly felt that it was meaningless, Xiao Lingjun knew her too well.
He clearly didn't know what happened after his death in his previous life, but he still guessed that she would assist Xiao Wangqing in ascending the throne.
If this country could truly be peaceful and prosperous, with the people living in peace, it would make no essential difference to her who was in power.
Even if Xiao Lingjun ascended the throne, it would be more convenient for her. She didn't need to be as careful with him as she did with Xiao Wangqing. The ways of a king were something he had learned since he was a child.
She looked at Xiao Lingjun's face so close to her. He was obviously the emperor, but in front of her, he was still like a child who refused to give up asking for candy.
That's the surface.
In reality he just wanted her.
Lord Shen felt tired.
Reborn, amnesiac, and after many twists and turns, I'm still trapped in the quagmire between these two brothers. All the scheming in my previous life ended up like this; in this life, I wanted to live a muddled life, but I was forcibly dragged back into this tangle.
Breaking free? Easier said than done. He was the emperor, and the whole world belonged to him. Even if she could escape the palace, where could she go? Furthermore, he mentioned An Yu, the northern border, and Xiao Wangqing's predicament. He had more than just her in his grasp.
And that stupid cat... I don't know what happened to it.
That's all.
Shen Zhiwei lowered her eyelashes and looked at their clasped hands. His knuckles were so tight that they turned white. She moved her wrist slightly, not to break free, but to adjust her position to be less rigid.
Xiao Lingjun immediately noticed her slight loosening, and instead of loosening his grip on her, he tightened it a little, as if he was afraid that she would regret it.
"Awei?" He asked tentatively, his voice trembling slightly.
Shen Zhiwei raised his eyes somewhat helplessly, his previous prickly attitude disappeared quietly, and he relaxed completely.
"Your Majesty has spoken so much. If I don't appreciate your kindness, I will be courting death," she smiled. "But I have a condition."
Xiao Lingjun's eyes darkened: "You say."
"First, An Yu must be safe. If she loses even a hair, there will be no turning back between you and me."
"Of course," Xiao Lingjun answered without hesitation, "She is your sister. I will treat her well. I have already drafted an edict to promote her to the rank of Princess and choose a good marriage for her in the future."
Shen Zhiwei nodded and continued, "Secondly, I must have freedom in the palace. My movements must not be restricted inside or outside the Qingliang Palace. Your Majesty must not stop me from seeing anyone I want to see. Of course, I will not embarrass Your Majesty. I understand the palace rules and etiquette."
Xiao Lingjun pondered for a moment and said, "Yes. But you need my permission to leave the palace, and you must bring sufficient guards."
"Third..." She thought again and again, and decided to bring it up now. "Northern Frontier cannot be touched. Xiao Wangqing, as long as he doesn't take the initiative to provoke a war, Your Majesty cannot touch him."
Xiao Lingjun narrowed his eyes.
He stared at her, as if trying to find even the slightest trace of special feelings for Xiao Wangqing on her face.
Shen Zhiwei allowed him to examine her and continued, "It's not for him personally. The stability of the northern border is related to the livelihoods of tens of thousands of people living on the border. Your Majesty has just ascended the throne and internal troubles have not been resolved. It is not appropriate to provoke border conflicts again. It will waste people's money and resources and is not the behavior of a wise ruler."
Xiao Lingjun remained silent, caressing the delicate skin on her wrist with his fingertips.
Again and again.
After a long pause, he curled his lips and said, "Awei is always like this... so understanding of justice."
He let go of her hand, took a half step back, straightened the cuffs that she had wrinkled, and his posture returned to the composure of an emperor, but his eyes were still glued to her.
"Okay, I promise you." He agreed, his tone unrecognizable as either joy or anger. "As long as he behaves himself...as long as you stay here, I will let him guard that little piece of land in the northern border."
He should fulfill all three conditions without hesitation. Shen Zhiwei knew that this was the biggest concession the emperor could make, or in other words, the loosest boundary of the cage he had drawn for her.
She stopped talking, which was considered as her agreement.
Xiao Lingjun's stiff shoulders finally relaxed. He slowly loosened his grip on her hand and gently rubbed the red spot on her wrist with his fingertips.
"You've been exhausted from the journey, so take a rest first. If you need anything, just tell the eunuchs and maids." He took a step back and resumed his imperial demeanor, but his eyes remained glued to her. "That cat... I've ordered someone to take good care of it. I'll bring it to you shortly."
He actually still remembered the cat. Shen Zhiwei's heart moved, but he didn't show it on his face. He just nodded slightly: "Thank you, Your Majesty."
Xiao Lingjun looked at her deeply again before turning and leaving.
Shen Zhiwei stood there alone, motionless for a long time. The warmth and strength of his palm seemed to still linger on her wrist, and his words, which seemed both true and false, and were wrapped in honey and arsenic, echoed in her ears.
Compromise?
Yes and no.
It was just a matter of assessing the situation and, when there was no other choice, striving for the most favorable conditions for oneself. Moreover, staying here seemed no different from being a study companion in the previous life.
She walked to the window and pushed open the diamond-shaped lattice. Qingliang Palace was situated on a high ground, and she could see the layered eaves of palaces in the distance, standing silently in the twilight.
Shen Zhiwei didn't have to wait too long before the black cat was delivered.
It was held by a nimble eunuch in a delicate, cushioned bamboo basket. The kitten had been well-fed by Xiao Wangqing and the soldiers back in the northern border, becoming plump and sleek. Its fur was glossy, and its golden eyes warily surveyed its new surroundings.
When it saw Shen Zhiwei, its nose twitched a few times, then it meowed, jumped lightly out of the basket, rubbed against her feet, and nudged the corner of her skirt affectionately with its head.
Shen Zhiwei bent down and picked it up. It felt heavy in her hands. It snored comfortably in her arms and found a nestled position, as if it had never experienced the hardships of the thousand-mile journey.
"It seems he hasn't treated you unfairly." Shen Zhiwei rubbed its furry head and curled the corners of his lips. In this cold palace, with this little thing by his side, it didn't feel so lonely.
The days in Qingliang Palace were not difficult to endure, just as Shen Zhiwei had expected.
Xiao Lingjun really fulfilled his promise. She still used the title of Lord Shen and set up a small study in a side hall. All the palace servants treated her with great respect.
Shen Zhiwei read books every day, played with cats, and occasionally took a walk in the garden near Qingliang Palace. She found that the people in the palace were curious about her and wary of her. Various speculations about her were spread privately, but no one dared to disturb her.
Xiao Lingjun came every day, sometimes in the afternoon, bringing a few memorials and discussing political affairs with her; sometimes in the evening, just sitting quietly for a while, drinking a cup of tea, and asking a few questions about her daily life.
He treated her very well, even better than he had during the month of amnesia. He was meticulous in everything from food, clothing, housing, and transportation, but he no longer had the clumsy and tentative nature of someone who deliberately imitated Xiao Wangqing. Instead, he had restored the meticulous and suffocating control and consideration that belonged to Xiao Lingjun in Shen Zhiwei's memories.
He stayed in Qingliang Palace every night, but most of the time he simply clung to sleep with her in his arms, never transgressing beyond the bounds of propriety. On the rare occasions when his feelings were stirred, he exercised extreme restraint, a cautiousness bordering on servility. Afterward, he would always hold her in his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head, his arms tightly clasped together, and remain silent for long periods.
Shen Zhiwei let him do as he pleased.
Just as Xiao Lingjun said, she really couldn't bear to be cruel to him.
She always seems to be atonement, in her previous life for the Shen family, and in this life for Xiao Lingjun.
Although the new emperor was still paranoid, he protected her very well, allowing her to preserve a rare peace and power in this deep palace.
The black cat was also properly placed in the Qingliang Palace. Although Xiao Lingjun didn't like cats, seeing that Shen Zhiwei cared about it, he also ordered the palace servants to take good care of it, specially set up a warm room for it, and prepared enough food and toys.
The cat was very human-like and seemed to know that this palace was different from the northern border military camp or the prince's private residence. It spent most of its time staying by Shen Zhiwei's side or basking in the sun in the warm room, rarely running around.
But it still ignored Xiao Lingjun. Occasionally, when Xiao Lingjun wanted to touch it, it would arch its back and bare its teeth. Xiao Lingjun did not force it. He just sneered and said, "You are an untamed beast," and let it go.
The cicadas outside the window chirped one after another, noisily announcing the arrival of midsummer.
Ice jars stood in the four corners of the hall, emitting a wisp of cool air that couldn't dispel the oppressive heat. Shen Zhiwei leaned against the soft couch by the window, holding a scroll of unofficial history of the past dynasties, his eyes occasionally grazing on the hibiscus trees in the courtyard, which had drooped from the sun.
The book was a brand new copy sent by Xiao Lingjun, still smelling of ink. Not only the books, but also the furnishings in the hall, from the purple-hair brush on the desk to the jade Pixiu in the treasure box, even the soft smoke silk nightgown she was wearing, were all the same style she had been accustomed to in her previous life.
He copied it so meticulously that he even copied the paperweight she had casually placed next to the inkstone, a corner of which was stained by ink.
Like a huge and gorgeous cage, every bar was made according to her preferences.
The palace door was gently pushed open, and two palace maids, their heads bowed, entered with lunch and set the dishes silently. The dishes were still exquisite, with sweet and spicy flavors, just how she liked them.
Shen Zhiwei put down the book, walked to the table and sat down. He picked up the chopsticks and put them down again.
"Let's clear it up. I have no appetite." She looked at the dishes on the table but still didn't pick up any food with her chopsticks.
The palace maids paused, exchanged frightened glances, but dared not say much. They only responded with a low "yes" and were about to step forward.
"Leave it there." A voice came from the palace door.
Xiao Lingjun walked in. He had just finished his morning court session and came over here after changing into court robes. His black hair was loosely tied up with a simple white jade hairpin. He looked less imperial than usual, but had more of a scholarly air. However, the weariness between his eyebrows was still as strong as ever.
The palace maids bowed and stepped aside as if they had been pardoned.
Xiao Lingjun walked to the table, his eyes sweeping across the untouched dishes before returning to Shen Zhiwei's face. He said nothing, simply waved his hand, and the palace maids, as if granted amnesty, quietly retreated, closing the palace door behind them.
There were only the two of them left in the hall, along with a black cat dozing on a cushion by the window.
"Not to your liking?" Xiao Lingjun sat down beside her, picked up a piece of tender bamboo shoot with his silver chopsticks, and offered it to her lips. "Eat a little more. The summer heat is damaging your energy, and you've been losing weight lately."
Shen Zhiwei turned her head away, and the bamboo shoots brushed the corner of her lips and landed on the plain skirt at her knees, leaving a little oil stain.
"I can't eat." Her voice sounded a little tired. It wasn't that she wanted to be mean to him, but she really couldn't eat.
Xiao Lingjun paused for a moment while holding the silver chopsticks, then put them down, picked up the wet towel beside him, and slowly wiped the stains on her skirt.
"Are you feeling unwell? Should we call the imperial physician to take a look?" he asked, wiping carefully and gently.
"No," Shen Zhiwei retracted his gaze and looked at his drooping eyebrows. The dark circles under his eyes were heavier than a few days ago. "Your Majesty seems to have not slept well recently?"
Xiao Lingjun stopped wiping, looked up at her, and pursed his lips.
He quickly lowered his eyes and continued wiping, but with a little more force.
"Court affairs are complicated, but that's okay."
Shen Zhiwei didn't ask any further questions.
The new emperor ascended the throne, and much needed to be done. More importantly, he had to purge the previous emperor's old ministers and consolidate his power. The hidden infighting and the overt maneuvering—everything demanded his attention. Furthermore, he had her, the daughter of a guilty minister, blatantly hidden in the palace, sparking countless criticisms and speculations.
He had lost a lot of weight, and sometimes when he hugged her to sleep, she could feel the bones on his back that hurt.
Shen Zhiwei was silent for a moment, picked up the teapot at hand, poured him a cup of warm tea, and pushed it over.
"The country is important, Your Majesty, please take care of your holy body."
Xiao Lingjun suddenly raised his head, and the look he gave her seemed to be burned by something, brightening for a moment before darkening again. He dropped the handkerchief and reached out to grasp her wrist, lightly.
"Awei is concerned about me?" he asked in a softer voice.
Shen Zhiwei lowered his eyes and looked at the untouched dish in front of him: "It's my job."
Xiao Lingjun chuckled and drank the cup of tea in one gulp.
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The author has something to say: Shen Zhiwei is a person who goes with the flow. She is lucky to have a second life, and she has no intention of asking for more.
When I reacted.
She had already lived a life of having everything provided for her, a cat, and a stable life.
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