Meng Yan's perspective:
I didn't answer her question, I just said goodnight and hung up the phone.
She didn't know that I had seen those fireflies before; when I was a child, I was surrounded by them. She also didn't know that I was familiar with the royal palaces of Southeast Asia, even more so than with my own home.
She had no idea that when I was utterly despondent on the battlefield, nearly losing my life, I vaguely saw those fireflies. They flew before my eyes, as if trying to take me away, to take me to hell, to be burned at the stake and judged.
Someone like me, with blood on my hands, should go to hell, right?
I smiled and lay down on the bed. I had intended to go to sleep early, but that night was incredibly long. My nightmares came one after another, and I was back in that place where blood flowed like a river... I saw my father disappear little by little in front of me, finally turning into a small, bright dot. When I looked closer, I realized it was a firefly with its wings spread.
I woke up with a start, and in a panic, I took the medicine from the drawer and swallowed it with trembling hands.
I went to see a psychologist the next day.
Her name is Zhu Rong, and she is a member of the Huo's Medical Team. Having graduated only a few years ago, she is considered one of the younger doctors in the team. Precisely because of her lack of experience, she cannot join the core of the team and can only follow her mentor and take on some easier cases.
I met her by chance. That day, the club's match ended, and the boxers I coached unsurprisingly won the grand slam, making the club a fortune. The boxers were about to go out to celebrate, but suddenly, for a moment, I felt a sharp pain in my heart.
The feeling was like being drowning without warning; I was drowning in that pain, unable to pull myself out.
Just then, Zhu Rong appeared, took me to the infirmary, and gave me a pill.
After taking the medicine, I felt much better, and my breathing gradually became steady. Seeing Zhu Rong standing beside me, I asked her softly, "How do you have this kind of medicine?"
She smiled, got up, and brought me another cup of hot water.
“These are clearly physical symptoms caused by psychological problems,” she said. “I’m a psychiatrist, how could I not understand? Don’t worry, I’m giving you prescription medication, which is available at hospitals.”
I have nothing to worry about.
When I first arrived in Pendu, I saw a psychologist and took this kind of medication.
Zhu Rong is right, the physical reaction caused by psychological problems is exactly what I just experienced.
"Thank you," I said to her.
Zhu Rong smiled, and for a moment I felt a little dazed. In the dim light, she wore a white dress, her long hair flowing, and she looked as if Yuan Yuan had returned…
After that day, I became familiar with Zhu Rong.
During this period when my nightmares were becoming more and more frequent, I would also go to her counseling room. We barely spoke. I would rest with my eyes closed on the recliner, while she sat behind the table, recording my every move with a camera—this is a necessary procedure for a therapist.
Today I came here again, and as usual, I lay down in that chair and gently closed my eyes.
Zhu Rong spoke to me first, saying, "Paying consultation fees like this is not cost-effective for you."
I was startled and opened my eyes to look at her.
She smiled at me and said, "Usually, the patients who come to me treat me like an emotional dumping ground, and they start talking non-stop as soon as they come in. But you're different... You never talk, it's like you're just here to sleep."
"I can't sleep at home," I said softly.
"Here it is?"
I shook my head with a wry smile.
I can't sleep well no matter where I am.
"Is your sleep disorder that serious?" Zhu Rong began taking notes. "Boss Meng, aren't you going to tell me something? Perhaps... I can help you resolve your disorder."
"No need." After a long silence, I stood up from my chair. "Have I caused you any trouble lately? Then I won't come anymore."
"No, no!"
Zhu Rong immediately stood up, and just as I was about to leave, she grabbed my hand.
I was stunned for a moment, and she quickly let go, her face flushed red.
Even if I'm slow to understand, I know what this means for a girl.
I admit I was momentarily lost in thought, but after those few seconds, I became even more certain of my longing for someone.
Although she is in another country, and although I cannot overcome everything to go there to find her for the time being.
"Mr. Meng, I'm sorry." Zhu Rong said, her head bowed.
"It's nothing," I chuckled. "I'm sorry to have troubled you."
"I'm not afraid of trouble!"
“But I’m afraid.” I said in a low voice, “'Trouble' is something that should only be added to the most important people in your life.”
"Huh?" Zhu Rong seemed a little confused.
I laughed; it was Huo Jiayuan who taught me that phrase.
...
After that day, I didn't go to see Zhu Rong again. I also tried to stop taking my medication and exhaust myself with excessive training in an attempt to sleep more soundly.
But it was all in vain.
Not only did I not sleep well, but I also suffered from insomnia. The lack of sleep made me irritable, I was listless during the day, and at night I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep at all.
Given my condition, I have to take a break for a while.
After not going to the boxing gym for a while, Zhu Rong came to my place one day. I was a little surprised when she knocked on the door, because usually no one came here except for Huo Jiaxi.
"How did you know I live here?" I was taken aback.
Zhu Rong smiled and showed me the beer and food she was carrying. She had bought a lot of things, which were quite heavy. I felt bad making her stand outside, so I stepped aside to let her in.
“Nothing is impossible for a willing heart,” she laughed. “You don’t live in some remote mountain forest; you can find out with just a little inquiry.”
I nodded. She had already gone into the living room, while I was still standing at the door.
"This is your home, why are you so reserved?" She pointed to the sofa and then smiled, "May I sit here?"
"Oh, of course..."
I asked her to sit down and poured her some water. My home is simply furnished and has few belongings, so I didn't have any drinks to offer her.
Zhu Rong opened two cans of beer and handed them to me.
I shook my head.
I don't drink with women, except for Huo Jiayuan.
Zhu Rong smiled somewhat awkwardly, held her hand in mid-air for a moment, and then took a sip.
"I heard you haven't been doing well these past few days?" she asked me. "I was worried, so I came to check on you."
"It's not that bad, I just want to rest for a bit."
“Meng Yan, you don’t need to pretend in front of me.” Zhu Rong looked at me. “Have you forgotten? I’m a psychologist.”
I remained silent.
"Actually, it's easy to talk about it. I don't want to pry into your past, but if your past is a burden, I'm willing to help you unload it."
"Meng Yan," her voice trailed off, "let me help you... okay?"
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