Chapter 89 Don't be afraid

Qi Ji pulled out the paper with trembling hands as his dry fingers passed through Yuan Zhuo's thin shoulders and face. He looked at the suicide note with wide eyes. When he saw the last line - [Sorry, if I die, please bury me with Qi Ji], tears as big as beans fell directly on the paper, and the word "bury together" was shrouded.

Looking at Yuan Zhuo, who was full of astonishment, he asked in a hoarse and trembling voice.

"What are you going to do?"

Yuan Zhuo didn't expect Qi Ji to wake up suddenly, or rather, he didn't fall asleep again?

Looking at his haggard face due to insomnia, anorexia, auditory hallucinations and other symptoms of depression, he regretted his carelessness, hugged him in his arms with heartache, and answered him in a hoarse voice.

"No, just... just writing..."

But not only Qi Ji, but even Yuan Zhuo himself didn't believe this.

Does he really want to die?

He didn't think it was that bad yet. Although he couldn't feel Qi Ji's pain 100% in the past three months, it was okay to feel 60% to 70%.

Even occasionally in some desperate moments, he was holding Qi Ji, who was collapsed and weak and seemed to be able to lose energy at any time, and thinking, otherwise, let him go, maybe if he left, he wouldn't be so painful and sad anymore.

But, if Qi Ji really left, could he still survive? Yuan Zhuo was not sure.

Maybe even if he is really alive, he is just a walking corpse. What's the point?

Yuan Zhuo himself didn't believe this reply, so Qi Ji certainly wouldn't believe it. He used his remaining strength to grasp the paper bit by bit in his hand, trying to destroy it.

But he could destroy a suicide note, but could he destroy the thought in Yuan Zhuo's heart?

Leaving Yuan Zhuo's arms, he looked at him, trembling with dry lips without a trace of blood and spoke.

"Yuan Zhuo, you still have parents, brothers and sisters, and all the beautiful things."

He is not like him, who has nothing and killed his parents. His lover should live brilliantly and grandly.

But now, for him, the boy who used to be always flying freely has become exhausted and lost himself.

He no longer cared about his hairstyle, which he cared about the most. When his hair grew longer, he tied it up casually, and the ends of his hair still retained the light yellow color that had faded due to bleaching and dyeing.

The eyes that were always confident and bold now lost their spirit and were filled with fatigue and anxiety.

The face that was once rosy and healthy was now only thin and dry.

And all this was because of him.

If you ask what Yuan Zhuo was most afraid of in the past few months, besides Qi Ji's self-mutilation,

it was not because of the scolding for forcing him to take medicine, nor was it his crazy resistance and fighting, but his desperate self-blame.

In the past few months, Yuan Zhuo was able to hold back and try his best to comfort him for fear of further irritating him. But maybe it was because he had been suppressing his emotions for too long or it was easy to lose control at night, but this time, Yuan Zhuo couldn't hold back.

He held Qi Ji's shoulders, which were almost thin, with shaking hands. His eyes were red and his tone was anxious and desperate.

"Yes, I have them, but I love you too, Qi Ji."

"That's different. I can't imagine what life would be like without you. Why... why don't you understand?"

At the end, Yuan Zhuo couldn't help but sob and cried out.

This was the most out-of-control time for Yuan Zhuo in three months. Qi Ji stared at him blankly, tears streaming down his face.

"But I'm obviously not worthy of love..."

Yuan Zhuo hugged Qi Ji again and cried loudly in pain.

"Not perfect people deserve to be loved, Qi Ji, even the worst person in the world may love him, let alone you, you didn't do anything wrong, never."

Is that so? Even if he did something wrong, is he still qualified to be loved?

"So, please, just think of it as for me, just hold on for me, okay? I can't live without you, wife, if you leave, I really don't know how to live."

Maybe he really has a lot, but in the world of love, Qi Ji is his only one, and every day during the treatment period tells him that he can't live without him.

Yuan Zhuo's crying sounded in his ears. Although his memory was extremely poor, Qi Ji could still remember every word in his unfinished suicide note.

He once thought that without him, Qi Ji still had a loving family and a beautiful future, so his departure might bring him pain, but these pains would eventually be blown away by the wind of time.

But now... he said that he couldn't live without him, and he might die if he lost him.

No, he can die, but Yuan Zhuo can't.

He is as beautiful as the most brilliant gem in the world, and his ending should not be like him, broken into pieces and scattered in the world.

So, try harder, Qi Ji, even if it's for Yuan Zhuo.

An unprecedented power rose from the bottom of Qi Ji's heart, gently pushing Yuan Zhuo away from his arms, and he wiped his tears for him.

"Okay, I'll try my best."

...

In the following days, with Yuan Zhuo's careful company, Qi Ji continued to receive treatment.

Although he had to take a lot of medicine every day, couldn't eat anything, basically couldn't sleep, had no interest in anything in this world, and sometimes even had hallucinations and auditory hallucinations, Qi Ji finally persevered with his own efforts and Yuan Zhuo's strict defense.

In the fifth month of arriving in Country M, the world's top psychologist who regularly came to the villa to treat and diagnose him announced that Qi Ji had completed the acute stage of treatment for major depression.

This is also the most difficult and important stage in the treatment of major depression. Usually this stage only takes 1 to 2 months, but Qi Ji spent a full five months.

The torture and suffering he had endured during these five months could not be described in words. If it happened again, even if he was as strong-willed as he was, he would not dare to guarantee success again.

But it doesn't matter, everything is over, and the pain and suffering he suffered are worth it. At least now they finally see the light.

At the moment the doctor announced it, Yuan Zhuo seemed to be unable to believe it. He was stunned for a moment. When he came to his senses, tears had already covered his cheeks. Before the doctor said the next course of treatment, he excitedly hugged Qi Ji and kissed his forehead continuously.

"Wife, I know you're the best. You're really great, really super great!"

Qi Ji, who never brags about himself, also thinks he's great for getting through this stage.

But even better is Yuan Zhuo. Without his company and persistence, he wouldn't be able to get to where he is today.

Raising his head slightly, he rested his forehead against Yuan Zhuo's and whispered.

"Thank you for not giving up on me."

Yuan Zhuo's tears, which he had finally stopped, broke down again because of these words. He responded to Qi Ji with a choked voice.

"No, I want to thank you for being willing to stick with me."

After the cold winter, they embraced each other in the spring, ready to welcome the hot summer together, a season full of vitality and hope.

The treatment of severe depression is not that easy. After the acute treatment period, Qi Ji will enter the consolidation treatment period. This treatment course usually lasts 4-9 months. The main purpose is to reduce the risk of relapse of depression.

This treatment period is still not very easy, but we have to admit that it is really tolerable compared to the hellish acute treatment period. But despite this

, whether it is Qi Ji or Yuan Zhuo, they dare not take it lightly, for fear that a relapse will occur if they are not careful, and all their previous efforts will be wasted. So

in order to avoid more accidents, they chose to continue to stay in the villa in Country M.

After three months of treatment, Qi Ji finally had a very obvious change.

His appetite has improved a bit, and he no longer vomits just by seeing food. In serious cases, he even needs to rely on nutritional injections to maintain his life. His

sleep is also much better than before. He no longer can't sleep all night. He is afraid of waking up Yuan Zhuo, so he dare not move. He can only endure it and keep his eyes open until dawn.

The hallucinations and auditory hallucinations have also been reduced a lot. Once, Qi Ji even saw his parents appear. They smiled at him happily and told him that he should be good, live well, and be happy. This was the first time they had "met" so realistically since their parents passed away 8 years ago.

That day, Qi Ji, who was always in a depressed mood, hugged Yuan Zhuo and cried bitterly. He thought, maybe his parents really forgave him. What

surprised Yuan Zhuo even more was that on this day, he dragged Qi Ji to the rocking chair outside and held him in the sun together.

At first, Qi Ji was still lying quietly on his lap as usual, but suddenly, he opened his eyes and asked, having lost interest in everything during the entire treatment period.

"How is MG now? The summer season should be over soon, right?"

Hearing his question, Yuan Zhuo seemed to have no reaction, and was stunned for a few seconds before coming back to his senses.

Then, ecstasy flooded into his heart, and holding back tears, he shook his head as naturally as possible.

"Ha, I don't know either, I'll ask."

In the past few months, Yuan Zhuo had no energy to devote to anything else. MG was handed over to the professional manager for operation. The manager would report to him on the club's situation regularly, but he didn't have the heart to read it.

But now Qi Ji wanted to know, fearing that he would lose interest if he was a second late. He could not wait to send a message to his manager to inquire, and fortunately, the manager quickly replied to him.

Looking at the message in his hand, and then looking at Qi Ji, Yuan Zhuo coughed.

"Well, wife, the situation is not good."

When Qi Ji retired, everyone had expectations in their hearts. The surprise was that Yuan Zhuo, who was at the peak of his career, also retired suddenly without any signs.

When MG announced the news, everyone was as shocked as when Qi Ji left GF and joined MG.

Then public opinion was overwhelming, and the direction of public opinion was basically the same. All of them condemned and insulted Yuan Zhuo, believing that he was irresponsible, playing around, and had no e-sports spirit.

This situation became more and more serious after MG lost two top core members and fell into a difficult battle due to poor running-in. In

just a few months, Yuan Zhuo's fans who had accumulated for two years basically ran away, and he fell from the next e-sports superstar to the point where everyone cursed him.

As one of the few two-time champions in HOW, he not only did not get the respect and support he deserved, but was almost nailed to the pillar of shame in HOW history.

The only thing to be thankful for is that in the past six months, Yuan Zhuo had no energy to pay attention to anything other than Qi Ji.

Of course, he was not much better either. There is no doubt that this six months was the darkest and most desperate moment in his 20 years of life.

Let's talk about MG again. Yuan Zhuo's sudden departure and Duan Tianya's declining state due to age forced Cheng Xiaowa and Zhu Yu to take on the main responsibility.

However, there are countless miraculous moments in the history of e-sports, but with two newcomers and facing huge public pressure, they had an extremely difficult time and completely lost the style of a two-time champion team. In the spring season, they entered the playoffs with bumps and bumps, and finally stopped in the semi-finals.

In the summer season, they finally got a little better, but the huge pressure caused some psychological problems for Cheng Xiaowa, his state became ups and downs, and the whole person became silent.

Currently, MG has entered the playoffs with the fifth place in the summer regular season, but due to the poor performance in the spring season, if they want to enter the world competition, they must at least enter the summer season finals, but this is so difficult for MG now.

After hearing Yuan Zhuo's general communication, Qi Ji closed his eyes again in silence.

Although it was fast, Yuan Zhuo still saw sadness and self-blame in his eyes. Fearing that he would cause negative emotions, Yuan Zhuo hurriedly stroked his face and comforted him.

"Wife, it's not your fault. You are sick, and there is nothing you can do about it."

Yuan Zhuo knew that this was unfair to the other members of MG, but there was no way. Now for him, Qi Ji is the most important, and he can only try his best to compensate everyone materially.

Fortunately, Qi Ji's face did not show the frustration and sadness that Yuan Zhuo expected. He opened his eyes again and looked at Yuan Zhuo.

"Please apologize to everyone for me. Let's watch the next game together and provide some analysis and opinions for everyone."

Although the best way now is to return to the club to help everyone, Qi Ji is also aware of his illness. He must recover before he can resume his normal life. Otherwise, it would not only be irresponsible to himself, but also let down Yuan Zhuo's efforts and persistence in the past six months.

Obviously, Qi Ji's tone was nothing special, but at this moment, Yuan Zhuo seemed to see him before he got sick (forcibly suppressing the illness).

The most important thing is that this is the first time in eight months that Qi Ji has taken the initiative to mention something he wants to do.

This is not a trivial matter of opinion, but a milestone in their treatment process!

Perhaps, it really won't be long before the perfect Qi Ji, who is loved by the world, will come back. When Yuan Zhuo thought of this, his heart was excited.

...

Sure enough, when Yuan Zhuo informed everyone in the group, the whole group seemed to explode, and everyone's confidence rose a lot.

These days, Cheng Xiaowa, who was forced to mature and shouldered huge pressure, became silent. At this moment, he couldn't help but hug Zhu Yu, who was full of emotion, and burst into tears.

In the following days, Qi Ji received treatment while helping MG analyze and review the opponents and situations of each game with Yuan Zhuo.

With their help and encouragement, MG's players not only gained confidence, but also improved their strength in a short period of time.

Although they failed to win the summer championship in the end, they still miraculously entered the finals and won the bubble match, and surprisingly got the last ticket to the world championship.

At the same time, Qi Ji's condition was getting better and better, and he even had his first hand surgery two months later.

Five months later, after testing and diagnosis, the doctor officially announced that Qi Ji's consolidation treatment period was over.

Of course, this still does not mean the end of the treatment. Qi Ji is about to enter the third stage of treatment - maintenance treatment. The maintenance treatment usually lasts for 2-3 years. Only through the maintenance treatment can the patient recover completely.

Although it takes a long time, fortunately, the treatment in the maintenance period is much better than that in the acute and consolidation periods.

Qi Ji can basically lead a normal life and no longer needs to take so many medicines. His appetite and sleep tend to be stable, and his visual and auditory hallucinations have completely disappeared.

Of course, Qi Ji and Yuan Zhuo still haven't completely relaxed. Occasionally, in the middle of the night, Yuan Zhuo will dream that he found Qi Ji committing suicide in the cemetery, and the ending of the dream is that Qi Ji is dead.

At this time, Qi Ji needs to comfort Yuan Zhuo who was awakened. He kissed his tall nose and whispered.

"Don't be afraid, I will never leave you again."