Hit-and-run
The night was quiet, and the moonlight shone through the window into Jin Changan's ward, making the lights inside warm.
Sitting in the seat by the window, Xiangyang was playing a brain-stimulating game with Jin Changan.
It was a set of puzzle pieces similar to building blocks, and you had to put colorful wooden blocks of different shapes into the matching grooves on the wooden plate.
Xiangyang accompanied him patiently, while Jin Changan was extremely focused.
"I envy your father..."
Jin Changan whispered, his voice hazy and unclear, "He must be very proud and happy to have such an outstanding son... so caring and filial."
Xiangyang's hand holding the block of wood paused, his expression changed, and his heart was in turmoil.
Jin Changan didn't notice. He kept his head down, concentrating on groping at the wooden block in his hand, and continued to whisper, "Jin Yu is just as good as you... I haven't told anyone, but I often pray to the gods and shed tears of gratitude. Someone like me... has such a good, good, good son."
Jin Changan's seemingly casual words were spoken without any intention, but to Xiangyang's ears, they sounded like a sudden thunderclap, leaving him at a loss as to how to respond.
Would my father feel proud and happy because he has a son like me? My thoughts drifted away, and scenes from the past emerged in my mind. Memories, however, are not always pleasant to the eye...
Let’s go back to Beijing five years ago.
In the Xiang family's elegant and sleek living room, the atmosphere was tense and tense. Twenty-six-year-old Xiang Yang was pushing a suitcase, apparently preparing to leave the house.
"You can just pretend that I'm not your son!"
Xiangyang's voice was filled with rage, echoing menacingly in the empty living room. "Because since the day my brother left, I no longer consider you my father!"
Xiang Yaozu's face was filled with rage, and the veins on his forehead were twitching horribly. It was obvious that he was still trying hard to restrain his outburst.
Xiangyang looked at his father, the smile on his lips cold and emotionless. "Are you going to hit me too? Like you hit my brother."
The confrontation between father and son was like a knot that was getting tighter and tighter, blocking all possibility of communication.
This kind of deadlock is not the first time in this family.
Then, the fragments of memory jumped to three years ago.
On an autumn night, the chill permeated Beijing.
Outside the door of a high-end Western restaurant, the dinner had just ended and several hosts were politely seeing Xiang Yaozu off to the door. The reserved car was already waiting by the roadside.
Before getting on the car, Xiang Yaozu glanced casually to the side.
Not far away, another group of people were preparing to board another car.
In the crowd, Xiang Yang was wearing an expensive and eye-catching haute couture suit. The youthfulness of five years ago was no longer between his brows. He was enthusiastically greeting several people who looked like customers to get into the car. Everyone, including himself, was obviously drunk and their steps were unsteady.
Xiang Yaozu signaled to the person who was sending him to get in the car first.
After Xiangyang sent his guests into the car one by one, the two taxis drove away one after another.
Xiang Yaozu slowly walked towards his son.
Xiangyang felt his father's gaze, and his eyes, which had been a little distracted by the alcohol, instantly became focused, full of vigilance and alienation, and he looked straight at his father.
"Is this what you want?"
Xiang Yaozu frowned, his tone revealing disappointment that was difficult to conceal. "You're so talented, and you're wasting it like this?"
Xiangyang twitched his lips, his speech slurred by the drunkenness, but his words were still sharp: "Don't bother with that. If I die outside, you don't have to come and collect my body. But... I... won't die outside. I'll let you know that I will take a completely different path from the one you want me to take, and the one my brother takes!"
"The path I want your brother to take is not the path I want for myself."
Xiang Yaozu's voice was heavy with sorrow, his emotions suppressed. "I paved the way for him, a path others couldn't even reach!"
"Really? You'll never understand where you're wrong."
Xiang Yang snorted coldly, "Don't worry, I will try my best and succeed for you to see, but it has nothing to do with you anymore."
My thoughts returned to the ward.
Jin Cang finished his work and rushed to the hospital.
He stepped into the ward and saw his father and Xiangyang spending time together quietly. He then tiptoed behind his father and watched him play with building blocks.
"Such a good son..." Jin Changan muttered to himself, "I drove him away."
Jin Changan would be like this from time to time, his consciousness jumping between reality and illusion. Xiangyang looked at Jin Changan seriously: "Uncle Jin, it's all in the past. Believe me, what Jin Yu cares about is all your kindness to him."
Hearing this, Jin Changan slowly raised his head and looked deeply at Xiangyang. His expression was calm, yet he seemed to have aged many years in an instant.
"Son, no father would intentionally hurt his son."
Jin Changan's voice was soft, yet heavy. "He was just too nervous, afraid he couldn't give you the safest and best life... He didn't mean to do it, you know?... He regrets it, but he doesn't know how to make amends, you know?"
Dad's will became trance again. Jin Cang squatted down, gently held his father's hand, and whispered, "Dad, I know, I know everything."
Jin Changan turned to look at his youngest son, "A Cang, Daddy wasn't good enough to you... When you were little, I didn't know how to treat you well... You look too much like your mother. When I see you, I think of your mother..."
Jin Cang gently took the building blocks from his father's hand, supported him, slowly walked to the hospital bed, and helped him lie down.
"Dad, you are tired. Let's go to sleep and rest, okay?" Jin Cang's voice was gentle.
Jin Changan glanced at Xiangyang beside the bed with a hazy look in his eyes, as if he mistook him for Jin Yu.
"It's a good thing you two brothers have such a good relationship."
He said to Xiang Yang, "Yu, I'm not good enough to A Cang... Please help me love him more..." His voice gradually became lower, "I leave it to you, I leave it to you..."
Xiangyang met his gaze and nodded solemnly: "Okay, leave it to me."
Jin Changan slowly closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep peacefully.
Jin Cang turned off the main lights in the ward, leaving only a bedside table lamp with a soft glow.
He and Xiangyang looked at each other, and they walked out of the ward together.
The courtyard covers a large area, with several snow-white Michelias generously exuding their rich fragrance.
The night wind blew, Jin Cang looked up at the clear moonlight, took a deep breath, and had a refreshed look of a young man.
Xiangyang lagged behind him for two steps, his hands in his pockets, pacing slowly, lost in thought. Jin Changan's heartfelt words still echoed in his ears. "He didn't mean to do it, you know? ... He regrets it, but he doesn't know how to make amends, you know?"
These words were like a key that unlocked a long-buried shackle in his heart.
"What did my dad say that bothered you so much?"
Jin Cang noticed his silence, turned his head and looked at him with concern.
"No, quite the opposite."
Xiangyang shook his head, the corners of his mouth curled up, "It seems like it gave me a push. There's a knot that I've been struggling with for a lifetime, and it seems... it seems to have a different explanation."
"Tell me about it?" Jin Cang's eyes sparkled in the moonlight, filled with undisguised curiosity.
"Maybe later." Xiangyang said.
"It's later again," Jin Cang muttered softly, "I've been waiting for ages."
Xiang Yang laughed: "What do you mean old? By the time I'm old, you won't have grown up yet."
"Xiangyang." Jin Cang suddenly became serious and called his full name.
Xiangyang raised his eyebrows and the smile on his lips deepened: "Call me Xiangyang?" He called me by my full name, as if he had made some decision.
"Xiangyang, don't look down on me because I'm small..." Jin Cang stiffened his neck, somewhat unconvinced.
"Why are you so small?"
Xiangyang looked him up and down. This guy was indeed half a head taller than him, with broad shoulders and a typical hanger-on build. He had a double-door athlete's foundation, and any T-shirt looked so stylish on him. "He's half a head taller than me."
"I mean, don't look at my young age,"
Jin Cang hurriedly explained, his ears burning, "When you are sad and need someone to rely on, I can protect you."
His tone was extremely serious, as if he was swearing to someone.
Xiang Yang's heart warmed, but he deliberately smiled and said, "I count on you? Last time, I kissed you and ran away, a typical hit and run. This is called 'hit and run', do you understand, little brat?"
Upon hearing this, Jin Cang's handsome face flushed bright red. Like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, he sprinted forward a few steps, putting some distance between them. After running a distance, he stopped again and turned back abruptly. His cheeks and ears were burning red, but his voice was filled with a hint of grievance and anxiety: "Alas, I was inexperienced! I scared myself away! Do you believe it?"
As soon as he finished speaking, he seemed to be extremely shy. He turned around and ran away without looking back. His back figure once again quickly disappeared in the shadows of the trees at the other end of the courtyard.
Xiangyang looked at the direction where he disappeared, standing there, with the smile on his face lingering for a long time.
He looked up at the night sky. The moon tonight was exceptionally bright and clear, so beautiful that it made people want to hum and dance for no reason.
A warm feeling slowly spread in Xiangyang's heart.
He suddenly recalled a line written by Pai Hsien-yung in The New Yorker: "First love is like smallpox. Once you get it, you'll never get it again."
Actually, when it comes to first love, what experience did he have? He scoffed at himself inwardly, and an inexplicable, unprecedented sense of lightness quietly filled his heart.
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