ill
"Do you like me?" she asked.
Wang Huaqi nodded: "Of course."
Realizing that the question was too general, Song Shuang added, "It's the kind of love between men and women, the kind of love that's about love."
Wang Huaqiang's head froze in the middle of nodding. He blinked slowly, his face full of confusion.
"What makes you think that?" he asked.
"Don't worry about what I think. I just want to hear yes or no."
The light from inside the car shone on the girl's head, making her hair look fluffy and emit a warm golden glow.
"no."
"The relationship between us is just that of friends, not love." Song Shuang's face was hidden in the shadows and couldn't be seen clearly. He observed the girl's expression and said hesitantly: "Will you... be angry?"
Song Shuang looked up, and her frost-covered face suddenly melted. She took a deep breath and said, "That's good. I was scared to death."
Wang Huaqing: “???”
Was she overreacting?
Perhaps realizing the boy's silent condemning gaze, Song Shuang cleared his throat and returned to normal.
"Since you don't have that kind of feelings for me, I don't have to worry about hurting you again. I'll tell you the truth."
Upon hearing this, Wang Huaqi immediately straightened his back and listened attentively.
"First of all, I want to apologize to you."
"sorry--"
"Whether before or now, I apologize to you for what I did that hurt you."
Wang Huacheng, who was caught off guard by these words, blushed and said helplessly: "No, no need..."
"Stop, listen to me first," Song Shuang interrupted him. "Before, I had a desire to control you that went beyond friendship. Many times, I unconsciously forced you to do things you didn't want to do at the time."
"I say unconsciously, but maybe it's because I subconsciously feel that you won't resist."
"In fact, I am taking advantage of your good temper to bully you."
"It's not that I don't want to." Wang Huaqi retorted in a low voice.
Song Shuang didn't hear what he said and was still immersed in his own reflection.
"After being reminded by others, I realized I couldn't continue to deceive myself, so I decided to slowly break away from my habitual desire to control you. However, I may have gone too far and ended up alienating you."
"Wang Huacheng, I don't hate you," Song Shuang looked at him seriously, "I really do."
"So..." Wang Huacheng mumbled, "You're not staying away from me because you hate me."
"What are you thinking?" Song Shuang threw a candy at his head. "If I didn't like you, why did I force myself to be friends with you before? Do I look like I have a lot of free time?"
Wang Huaqiang covered his forehead stupidly with his hands and smiled foolishly.
"I do," he said.
Song Shuang looked at him puzzledly, not knowing where he suddenly came up with this sentence.
Wang Huaqi: "I don't care about your control or your desires."
Song Shuang rolled his eyes, peeled a candy and threw it into his mouth.
If you ask her if she was moved by these words, she would say she was not moved, but she would not dare to move.
Well said, shut up next time.
"Do you think I'm changing for you?" The candy crumbs that Song Shuang was chewing made a squeaking sound.
"No, I'm doing this for myself."
"The desire for control is like a parasite on a person. Once the first one appears, there will be a second, and then a third. If it is not completely eradicated, it will continue to grow, eventually sucking all the nutrients out of the person."
"I just don't want to end up unrecognizable," Song Shuang glanced at Wang Huaqiang. "This is healing myself, understand?"
"If you consider me a good friend, please don't delay my recovery."
Wang Huaqiang nodded vigorously. He understood what the girl meant and also understood why she had been so distant towards him during this period of time.
"Then how far should I stay from you in the future?" he asked seriously.
Since he is the pathogen of the girl's illness, for the sake of his friend's physical and mental health, he must fully support Song Shuang's actions. Wang Huaqiang made up his mind.
After hearing this, Song Shuang fell into subtle silence for a while.
After looking the boy in the back seat up and down, she suddenly asked, "Have you realized you're sick?"
!!!
Wang Huacheng was stunned and stammered, "What disease do I have?"
"My treatment hasn't been very effective lately. I've either been overly controlling or too distant," Song Shuang said, resting his chin on his hand. "But now I've suddenly realized there's a problem. I'm not the only one with the problem."
Her eyes shone with surprising brilliance, and she said in a resounding voice, "You have it too."
The more she talked, the more she felt that this was the case. "Why should I not interfere with others, you think?"
Wang Huaqi: "Why...why?"
"Because you never say no!" Song Shuang's eyes widened in frustration for a moment, and he felt really bad for you. "Wang Huacheng, you're done. You've developed a problem where you can't say no, and it's really deep-rooted."
Wang Huaqi: "Ah?"
"Ah, what?" Song Shuang suddenly understood everything. Why did her desire for control focus on Wang Huaqiang and not on others?
It was obvious that she spent much more time with Jiang Jiang than with Wang Huaqiang. Logically, her desire should be directed towards Jiang Jiang. Why would it go to Wang Huaqiang?
Imagine that one day she said to Jiang Jiang, "The eggs in scrambled eggs with tomatoes are nutritious. Don't eat the tomatoes, eat the eggs instead."
Jiang Jiang would just grab a plate of houttuynia cordata and slap it on her rice, then smile and advise her, "The herb clears away heat and detoxifies, it helps you get rid of the bad gas in your body, so eat more."
Jiang Jiang was poking her sore spot in disguise.
Yes, when faced with unreasonable demands from others, a normal person’s subconscious reaction is to confront. Even if not in action, they will resist others in words.
But the key point is that Wang Huaqiang is not a normal person.
The reason why Song Shuang became what she is now is, firstly, because of her own self-indulgence, and secondly, because of Wang Huaqiang's unlimited indulgence in his character.
"It's because you are too easy to bully that you are always bullied." Song Shuang suddenly understood, so it was not just her problem, Wang Huaqing was also responsible.
She suddenly looked at the boy and said firmly, "Wang Huacheng, what you should do now is to protect your boundaries and learn to say no."
Wang Huaqi: "Border line?"
"Yes, if I impose my will on you, you have to tell me so that I can realize that it's wrong." Song Shuang placed an orange candy in his palm. "For example, if I give you orange candy, but you don't want to eat it for some reason, you have to tell me no."
Wang Huaqiang's eyes fell on the candy in the girl's white and tender palm, and he reached out to take it in a daze.
"What if I want to eat?" he asked.
"Of course you can eat it if you want," Song Shuang said speechlessly, "Oh, this is just a metaphor. Do you understand?"
Wang Huaqing lowered his eyes and stuffed the candy into his pocket: "But... I don't know where my boundaries are."
"How could it be? It's very simple." Song Shuang was extremely surprised when he heard this. "I don't want it, I don't want it, how could I not know?"
She couldn't understand why there were people in the world who didn't know where their boundaries were. What were these people thinking when they faced countless choices every day?
Wang Huaqi thought, maybe it’s because he’s used to it.
He is used to pleasing others, used to ignoring his own feelings, and used to putting himself last, so when girls ask him to protect his boundaries, he feels confused and scared.
It was a kind of confusion that was separated from a sense of security.
Just like a swimmer who suddenly loses his lifebuoy, the air he suffocates will rush to his mouth and nose like a tide, swallowing him up in an instant.
Wang Huaqiang only lives when he is needed.
But one day when he is no longer needed by others, who can tell him how to survive?
Looking at the boy with a pale face, Song Shuang suddenly realized a terrible fact.
Wang Huaqiang seemed to be really sick, and his condition was even more serious than hers.
The crow's mouth seems to have hit the mark...
What should I do?
Song Shuang was paralyzed. It was over. The healing was not complete, but a landmine was discovered.
Wang Huaqi smiled, though it was a forced smile. "Am I stupid?"
"Stop laughing, it's so ugly," Song Shuang couldn't bear to look at it. "Also, if you're stupid, then I'm stupid for always doing behind you in the exams."
Wang Huaqi lowered his head: "That's not what I meant."
"Who cares what you mean?" Song Shuang squinted at him. "Aren't you just mocking me in secret?"
The boy's face turned pale in an instant, losing all color. He moved the corners of his lips, but didn't know how to explain.
"You think that calling yourself stupid makes you look very modest, and makes us, the worst-performing students in the class, look like we have low IQs, right?"
"He's hypocritical in words, but who knows how he looks down on others behind their backs." Song Shuang said aggressively.
The girl's mouth opened and closed, and cold sweat broke out on Wang Huaqing's forehead. He couldn't tell the difference between reality and illusion for a moment.
Everything looked like a cheap painting on a plastic bag, with a huge, man-eating mouth opened wide and silent saliva pouring out towards him.
"Are you angry?" the girl suddenly asked.
"What?" He looked up blankly. The mountains, rivers, lakes and seas were retreating, but her voice was becoming clearer.
Song Shuang kept talking to himself: "Are you angry? Or are you sad? Because of what I said."
Wang Huaqi: "I..."
"Don't rush to agree with me. I know what you want to say," Song Shuang interrupted him. She simply said, "Touch your heart and feel it hard."
He unconsciously and obediently placed his hand on his left chest. The heart was beating in his chest, and he could feel its changes every minute and every second.
Song Shuang's voice was softer than ever before: "Did you hear that?"
"It tells you it's crying."
The heart under his hand seemed to be really crying, flowing with unspeakable sadness.
“Remember this feeling. It’s not that you can’t say no, you just forgot what it feels like to say no.”
Song Shuang looked at the boy in the rearview mirror and said, "Look, if you don't even feel yourself seriously, who will listen to its voice?"
Her gaze fell on the car window, where the lights flickered into a brilliant galaxy.
"Wang Huacheng, you must first love yourself before you can love others."
"Your heart will tell you what you like and what you hate."
“Feel carefully and you will find your own boundaries.”
Likes and dislikes can be suppressed, but they will not disappear.
To some extent, Song Shuang understood that Wang Huaqiang's journey to self-healing was as difficult as hers, but on the other hand, it was extremely difficult for her to understand the boy's thoughts.
But just like what Jiang Jiang said and did, I don’t understand, but I respect.
She didn't understand him, but she respected his choice, and also respected the difficulties and hesitations he faced before he made up his mind to move on.
Thinking of this, she lowered her head and sent a text message.
【We're done talking, come back.】
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