He always shows up and tells me what autumn is.
567.
The summer of 2009 is a blur for me. I only remember seeing Xu Song's bare-faced photos playing everywhere in the streets; a new restaurant opened on the backstreet, offering a limited-edition pork chop rice that was delicious; the daily homework load that took me until the wee hours, the early morning reading schedule, and the fact that I went to bed at 2 a.m. and woke up at 6 a.m.; and finally, I got a boyfriend.
Saturdays were more relaxing than weekends because he'd call me. Their dorm lights went out at 11:00 PM, so he'd usually call at 10:30 PM and hang up at 11:00 PM. In this limited time, we'd share each other's experiences from the week. He'd tell me a lot: how troublesome clubs were, but he couldn't avoid them; that you could opt out of the sports meet, but everyone who didn't had to write at least five cheering-on essays; and that he envied his roommates from big cities who had their own desktop computers.
"Send me your bank card number and I'll give you a new one that's several times better than his," I said.
"No, I can save up money to buy what I want. How's your sleep lately? Are you still taking your medicine?"
"I've been very tired lately. I didn't know that being in the third year of high school would be so tiring. There were a few days when I fell asleep in the middle of writing." I should have gone back earlier, but if I had gone back, I might not have recognized you.
"Try to stop taking the medicine. Only take it when you really can't sleep. Don't take it every day."
"Okay, how many days do you have for National Day? Do you want to come back or stay there?"
"I'll take a look. If there are any questions you don't understand, take a picture and send it to me."
“There is no question that I don’t know.”
"Is this true?"
"real."
568.
Even when extremely tired, I can fall asleep without medication, but my sleep is short. I often wake up within a few hours, or multiple times throughout the night. I always text him good morning when I wake up, as he requested. I spend most of my time alone at school, walking alone, eating alone, and going to the library alone, as he also requested.
I don’t know if other people’s relationships are like this, but I’m used to it. I’m used to him saying to me, ‘Don’t do this or that.’
When I fell asleep, I really thought I could get off the medication. But I was too optimistic. Taking medication has its own side effects, and not taking it brings new side effects. I keep hearing these inexplicable noises:
I heard a vase being smashed, a child crying, someone playing poker or mahjong, a scene from a movie but there was no TV in the rental house, a bonfire being lit, a downpour, but when I opened the window I found there were no clouds.
I complained to the landlord about the noise upstairs, day and night. The landlord told me that the upstairs family had moved out almost six months ago and the house had been empty. What on earth did you hear?
569.
"I believe those voices exist, but no one believes me." I told An Jin about this and imitated those voices, saying that I had a headache when I heard them.
"I believe you, but didn't you get enough rest? I heard that lack of sleep can cause neurasthenia."
I also missed my old sleep and longed to return to my old life. I once again gave in to medication, and that night I had a very strange dream. I dreamed I was sitting on a swing, basking in the sun, with vines sprouting from my arms and blossoming. I wanted to pick the flowers and put them in a vase. I gripped the branches tightly, drawing out flesh and blood, revealing only bones.
I could clearly remember the sweat running down my back, as if I had been woken by pain. That week I ate only vegetarian food in the cafeteria.
570.
I met Yu Xinxin a few times. He greeted me but I ignored him. I felt that my choices in high school were very confusing. Just like what Qiu Yang said to me once,
"They don't want to be friends with you, they just want you to pay the bill. If you stop paying the bill, you no longer have friends."
I didn’t believe it at that time, but I did later.
The students in the senior arts and physical education class are training more than before, and some have gone out for intensive training and will return to school after the unified exam. Qiu Yang called me and asked if he could go out for dinner, but I said I didn't.
"Are you that busy?"
"right."
"Aren't you taking extra classes on weekends?"
"I have something to do."
"I can't go back to school until next semester."
"very nice."
"Take good care of yourself."
"I can take care of it, you don't have to worry about it."
"Really? Yu Xinxin told me that your dark circles are worse than before."
"He told you everything?"
"So why did you refuse? You were obviously free."
"I have a partner, so it's not appropriate for me to go out to dinner with you." Last time, my phone was on silent mode and I didn't receive a call. He thought I was with you again, so I had to explain for a long time.
"Lie to me?"
"I'm not lying to you. We talked about it last month."
"With whom?"
"You don't need to know this."
"If you don't say it, then it doesn't exist."
"Yes, but I can't explain it to you clearly."
572.
After I hung up the phone, a few days later, both Yu Xinxin and Zhang Zhaoxing came to ask me who my partner was. I didn't tell him, and Zhang Zhaoxing only asked once. But Yu Xinxin persisted, asking every day, every time we met. I asked him what benefits he had received from Qiu Yang, and he said nothing, he was just asking out of curiosity. I said, don't be curious, I'll give you some benefits.
His girlfriend likes blueberry bread, so I told her not to ask anymore and I would buy bread for her next time.
From the Mid-Autumn Festival to the end of September, I queued up every day. One day, while I was waiting in line, someone tapped my shoulder a few times. I thought I was dissatisfied because I bought too much. I turned around and saw An Jin.
"Senior??"
"Do you like this?"
"I bought it for someone else. Are you guys on holiday so early?"
"No, I asked for leave and came back early."
"Come back to see me?"
"Yes, let's have lunch together after school? Today is Saturday."
"When will you be back from vacation?"
"Holiday ends on the 7th, so I'll be back early. I'll wait for you by the locust tree after school."
"There's a new delicious place that opened on the back street. Let me take you there. You've never been there."
"OK."
573.
In the end, I forgot to buy bread, my mind preoccupied with my upcoming date. We kept our distance on campus, walking one in front of the other. I was used to him walking in front. Heads down, we left the school gates, but we still didn't get a chance to hold hands. On our first date, we practically replicated our route from the day before, holding hands only for a token touch before we parted ways.
Seeing that he was walking slowly, I sent him a text message from behind him, and then I saw him take out his phone to reply to me.
Me: Walking so slowly.
Me: By the time we get there, the pork chop rice will probably be sold out.
Senior: What you eat is not important.
Senior: What matters is who you eat with.
Senior: Are you too tired? I see you've lost a lot of weight.
Me: Not bad.
Me: There is a way to make it less tiring.
Senior: What method?
Senior: You say.
Me: You said you missed me.
Me: Even if you say one word, I won’t feel so tired.
I saw him put his phone in his pocket, looked back at me, and smiled. He said in a low voice,
"Miss you."
"I miss you so much."
"Even though I don't think you miss me that much."
It really doesn't matter what you eat.
574.
He always shows up to let me know what autumn is.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
