If you cry, I'll run away
546.
Once I get busy, time flies by incredibly fast. Before summer arrived, I filled my days with homework and classes to numb myself, telling myself to accept that An Jin would suddenly intrude and then vanish. Qiu Yang also reduced the frequency of his annoyance, as if he was avoiding the nonexistent suspicion caused by the previous criticism.
At the end of April, he texted me, saying there was a class reunion on May Day. It was the last one, and it was huge, with everyone from classes one through five going. We sat at our usual spot, eating and chatting, the air of fireworks lingering in the sweltering heat. I hesitated, unsure whether to sit at the table for class one or class five. I ended up sitting next to the late Xu Jiaheng and telling him it had been a while.
He turned to look at me, his smile half-awkward, and spoke politely, as if I were just a classmate. Qiu Yang helped at the counter, taking drinks, taking orders, and making change. The pair of sleeves from back then reappeared on his arms, stained by cooking fumes for so long that their original color was no longer recognizable.
It was almost closing time when I finally had time to sit on Xu Jiaheng's other side. I stopped talking and just listened to what they were saying. Xu Jiaheng brought up nicknames, saying that Qiu Yang and he were the same type, always the same, never changing. It was me, on the other hand, who kept changing them, as if I had some special pursuit, or was never satisfied with myself.
"The signature he changed in high school is the funniest. Do you still remember it?" Xu Jiaheng asked Qiu Yang. Qiu Yang said he remembered, and he added.
"'Why are there always tacks on my path to happiness?' The point is, my online name is 'Stumbling', and it's funny because it goes together."
They both laughed. I found this kind of content boring. I pulled out my phone several times to check for new text messages.
547.
The screen showed no unread text messages, and the next second, An Jin called. I said I had things to do and left first. Qiu Yang asked me where I was going, and I said home. He offered to take me there, but I said no.
"What's the matter that makes you leave so quickly?"
"Don't you see what time it is now?"
"I'll tell my brother to take you back. Wait for me outside for a moment."
"I really have something to do, why should I wait for you?"
Qiu Yang chased me out without saying hello to his brother, grabbed my arm, but I shook him off.
548.
"You want to go home?"
"Yes, stop talking nonsense. I don't want you to send me off."
"Are you coming to the summer party?"
"Didn't you say it was the last one? Why is there another one?"
"Don't you dislike Xu Jiaheng? Why are you still sitting next to him?"
"Then where should I sit? Next to Yu Xinxin?"
"Why are you staring at your phone? Who texted you?"
I wanted to curse, but I held it back. I stopped and looked back at him.
"You don't know him."
"Are you in love?"
"No."
"It's OK if there is none..."
"But it will be soon." I think it will be very soon, and I hope it will be very soon.
"Who are you with? I see you're alone every day."
"None of your business."
"Boy?"
"Go back now, don't interrogate me here." I continued walking. If I didn't answer the phone, An Jin would keep calling. But I didn't want to talk to him in front of Qiu Yang. This would be a weird scene, and I didn't want it.
"How long have you known each other?"
"More than a year."
"How long have I known you?"
"I've known Xu Jiaheng for as long as I've known you."
"Why, you can't figure it out? Come on, I'll tell you, five years, almost six."
"Then?"
"I haven't been important to you for so long?"
"How important do you think it is?" My phone was running out of battery, and I sighed.
"A boy from our school? Which class?"
"What does it have to do with you? There's no point in asking these questions."
"It does matter. You just don't have a good eye for people."
"Oh, if I don't like you, I just have poor taste."
"Pei Xuzhen."
"Are you angry? I told you not to see me off, but you insisted on doing this. What will you get out of asking?"
"Who called you?"
"The one I like."
"Does he like you too?"
"He likes me very much."
"How is it super?"
"There's something wrong with you. I can't explain it to you clearly."
"You really don't like me?"
"Your words are useless."
549.
I thought the quarrel was over, but he didn't. We should continue quarreling.
"Why don't you like me?"
"It's so hard to like you." I can't do it.
"But I like you. I like you very much, always."
Think for yourself whether you chose the right time to confess your feelings.
"I see."
"you do not know."
"Brother, what do you want to do?" My phone was completely out of battery and my patience was completely exhausted.
"You shouldn't like other people, you should like me."
"There's no right or wrong. Don't drag me down. I won't like you even if you do."
"Why??"
"I don't know you, how can I like you? And you don't know me either. You can't like me, you can't."
"Have you given me a chance to understand you?" I could see that he wanted to cry.
"Don't cry, I'll run away if you cry."
"Don't run."
"I'm a little speechless, you know?"
550.
After a while of stalemate, he held back his tears and said,
"Who do you like? Tell me now."
"I won't tell you, let go. If you don't let go, I will hate you even more." Even if you hate someone, it can still come back to life.
"Do you have to date someone else?"
"What? Who says I have to date you?"
"Then I..."
"Shh, you're going to take me home, right? Hurry up and don't talk about this anymore. We can talk about it another day."
"When will it be changed?"
"There's something wrong with you???"
......
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