Not allowed to swim
551.
I got home well after midnight, and after charging my phone, I texted An Jin back. I figured he'd be asleep by now, but he called me right after I'd sent the message.
"You just got home now?"
"Yes, I have a party today. My phone went on silent and died on the way home."
"You like parties?"
"I didn't like it. I only went because I said it was the last time. You're still up so late, don't you have classes tomorrow?"
“I have classes.”
"Are you angry? I can hear your tone is wrong."
"No." After saying this, he hung up the phone and I called back.
552.
"Are you mad at me or at someone else?"
"It's someone else's."
"Then you can't implicate me."
"Why are you sitting next to Xu Jiaheng today?"
"You didn't go to the cram school?" The familiar feeling appeared again, and I felt uneasy.
“No.”
"Follow me again?"
"Yes, I'm worried about your safety..."
"Don't always bring up safety as an issue. You don't really care about how I feel."
"What do you feel?"
"If you like to follow me, then follow me. Don't follow me just to tell me what I did wrong. Also, I don't like people who hang up on me." Even if you are angry, don't hang up the phone abruptly.
"Did Xu Jiaheng ever hang up on you?"
"What do you mean? If that's all you're talking about, then I don't think there's anything else to say."
"Hour."
"What's wrong?"
"I really like you."
"I know. If it were someone else, I would have been angry a long time ago." I continued because I understood, not because your persistence worked.
"So don't get too close to other people, don't talk to other people, don't stand and talk for so long. Don't serve food to other people, don't smile at other people, it's very dangerous."
"What danger?" You don't think everyone will like me, do you? Like you, like me.
"Others would be dangerous."
I suddenly felt breathless and didn't know what to say.
553.
Perhaps it was at this moment that I truly understood him, that his shadow was filled with twisted paranoia and control, that we had similarities as well as differences. If you like a tree, you water it; if you like a fish, you scoop it up and stop it from swimming; that's his style.
The longer I like him, the more I like him. I can't change anything about him. His focus makes me think that struggling is also what he wants.
554.
"I don't have to go to parties anymore." I didn't want to go anyway.
"good."
"But you can't make any more demands of me."
"Why?"
"Because we are not a couple yet."
"So when are we?"
The atmosphere was ruined again, so I had to say,
"Wait until you treat me as someone like you." When you stop monitoring me, questioning me, and doubting me for any reason.
"I'm not trying to spy on you, I'm just very sad. I don't know how to make you understand how sad I am. Even if you told me in advance that you were going to see Xu Jiaheng, it would be useless for me to persuade you. You wouldn't listen to me, and I have no right to say that." He cried.
"...Yes, I will listen to you."
"real?"
"Really? I didn't go to the party just to see him. Do you believe me?"
“I believe it, but I still don’t believe it.”
"So do you believe it or not?"
"I believe everything you say, but I don't believe you are willing to listen to me."
"I do, but you never asked."
"Can I ask again?"
"You ask."
"When can we be together?"
"When you're not crying."
He didn't hear the last part; as luck would have it, his phone was out of battery. I reflected on the situation and decided to speak at a more opportune moment.
554.
Senior: I’m not going to hang up again.
Senior: My phone suddenly ran out of battery just now.
Senior: Don’t be angry with me, don’t dislike me.
Senior: And I didn’t hear the last sentence you said.
Me: It’s too late, you should go to bed first.
Me: Let’s talk about it another day.
Senior: Okay.
Senior: What did you talk about with Qiu Yang today?
Senior: I was standing too far away and didn’t hear it.
Me: Then stand closer next time.
Senior: How close?
Me: Stand between me and him.
Me: How is it?
Senior: No.
Senior: I heard he is very bloody and has been in many fights.
Me: Are you scared?
Me: How come you can hear this?
Senior: You can listen a lot without talking.
Senior: I also know that when you first entered school, they thought you were mixed-race and called you a little foreigner.
Me: Who?
Senior: Little foreigner, because your eyes are a little green.
Me: Go to bed.
Me: What you hear may not be true.
Me: For example, if you hear that Qiu Yang and I are a couple, that is absolutely false.
Senior: I haven’t heard of this.
Senior: Who said that?
I have no idea.
Me: Go to bed quickly. I’ll take you out to play after the exam.
Senior: Where are you going?
Me: Concert, of your idol.
Me: I have a ticket.
Senior: Just the two of us?
Me: Yes, it just so happens that we have a holiday in July.
Senior: Okay!
Senior: Good night?
Me: Good night.
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