Jellyfish keychain
450.
After hearing this story, I asked An Jin, "When did you start liking me?" He said I was the most resolute choice he'd ever made in his life. A lifetime? Perhaps he'd just reached adulthood by now. But I couldn't help but like this answer, this choice.
451.
Not long after I finished tearing off the schoolbag that day, Qiu Yang sent me another text message.
Qiu Yang: Are you still angry?
Me: No.
Me: There’s nothing to be angry about.
Me: You are not my love rival, I should be happy.
Qiu Yang: Pei Xu.
Me: What’s wrong?
Qiu Yang: Jellyfish keychain.
Qiu Yang: Do you still remember?
I remember everything about Xu Jiaheng.
I remember.
Qiu Yang: That was what I was originally going to give to you.
Me: It doesn’t matter anymore.
452.
That summer, I developed a habit of talking to An Jin every night. I realized that if I called him once a day, even for a minute or a few hours, he wouldn't follow me anymore. I felt an indescribable conflict: I wanted unrestricted freedom, but I didn't think daily phone calls were a hassle.
Habits are terrible. He has different stories, which breeds my nonsensical expectations.
What did you talk about yesterday? Wait, I don't seem to remember. What should I talk about today? What about the day after tomorrow? How long can your love sustain you talking about it?
I want to listen.
453.
Listening to his pauses, his fluency, his flattery, his humble demeanor, it was as if one of us was on the seventh floor and the other on the first.
454.
One night I was in a daze again, and he heard the sound of flames and smoke inhaled and exhaled. He asked me,
"Why do you smoke?"
"Guess."
"Because of Xu Jiaheng."
"...You could say that."
"You still like him? Even though he cheated on you more than once."
I frowned.
"You are not him, how can you be so sure that he lied to me?"
"You wish I were him?"
"Hopefully."
"Are you sighing?"
"right."
"If, I say if."
"Um."
"What if I'm not him, but I'm a lot like him? Would you try to choose me just once?"
If you are just a little bit like him, why would I hesitate?
Before I could finish my words, I hung up because Xu Jiaheng sent me a text message.
455.
The first three digits were correct, and the last four were also correct. After checking, I still couldn't believe it and thought I was hallucinating.
Dongdong: Hours?
Dongdong: Are you sleeping?
Dongdong: I want to discuss something with you.
Tears welled up in my eyes. These text messages made me see my true self. I'm a coward. When it comes to you, I'm a coward. I don't know how to reply, and I refuse to believe he'll contact me again. It's like a period, blacked out, replaced by an ellipsis. How else will the story unfold? Before entering high school, I should have gone with you to see that meteor shower; it was my fault for not going to that concert. Give me another chance, and I'll be by your side, in any capacity.
456.
I called him to confirm that he was Xu Jiaheng. The ringing of the phone became a form of torture for me.
He picked up the phone and asked me how I was doing recently. I said I was fine. He asked me if I had any new friends. I said yes, but they were not as important as you. He asked,
"Am I important to you?"
I smiled and said always.
"I'm having some problems right now. There are some...difficulties that I can't handle on my own. I don't know who will help me, so..."
I will, I will help you, just tell me what the problem is.
Finally, he hesitated and asked if he could lend him some money. I nodded, but he thought I was silent. He said that if it was difficult, forget it. I said it was okay, not difficult. I asked him,
"I gave you a watch on the first day of the new year. Do you still have it?"
"Here I am."
"Well, if you sell it, there won't be any problem."
"Is this true?"
"Really, it's the one in the magazine. I won't lie to you." I've lied to you before, but maybe I won't tell you again.
"Hour."
"Um?"
"You called me a lot some time ago, right?"
"Yes, actually there's nothing else to say. I just heard that you were alone and I was worried about you..."
"Don't worry, I'm fine. I didn't ignore the phone on purpose. Do you believe me?"
"Of course I believe it."
"Hour."
"Hmm?" What do you want to say? The fragments of your memories and mine are the same now, right?
"We haven't seen each other for a long time."
"Yes, after we started high school, we only met in January. It's almost September now."
"Let's contact each other when we have time. I'll treat you to a meal then."
I know he is probably not free, but I still say,
"Okay, no need to treat me to a meal. Just some bowl cake will do."
457.
After a few brief pleasantries, he hung up, saying he had other things to do. An Jin didn't ask me why I suddenly hung up on him. I figured he was a smart guy, not asking questions if he could guess.
458.
For my summer homework, there was an essay titled "Dependence." I've forgotten the exact content, but I remember it ended up exceeding the grid. Bowl-shaped cakes are Xu Jiaheng's dependence, and Xu Jiaheng is my dependence. When you become overly dependent on someone, or a memory, you might find it's better to rely on material things.
Outside the gates of elementary and junior high schools, the small stall at the fork in the road is the same as always, with such stable supplies.
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