Snow will melt, sweaters will get old
348.
I took Tuesday off. Now, no one would beat me up for taking time off. I took it for several days straight, not going home or to my rental house. My grades kept slipping, and my ranking got worse and worse. I wasn't worried, only when my homeroom teacher kept asking why, I missed the dead leaves. I've discovered that people are truly strange. They always have a reference point.
If my high school homeroom teacher had been better, I wouldn't miss Li Siwen. If Lin Yiran hadn't come to substitute for me, we wouldn't think Li Siwen was that great.
I walked aimlessly, each step I took, a little more about this city. The more I learned, the more disappointed I became, most of the time. I turned and walked into an internet cafe on the street and logged into my account.
349.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: Huahua said she has someone she likes.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: What to do?
Red Bean Shaved Ice: Is there no hope for me?
I saw a message from Dongdong this weekend, saying he'd used his New Year's gift money to buy a used computer when he moved. I was facing the same dilemma, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to know what to do, too. I suddenly regretted not buying a computer.
Stumbling: It's okay.
Stumbling: Do you know who she likes?
Dongdong replied quickly.
Red bean shaved ice: Got it!!!
Red bean shaved ice: It hurts because you know it.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: She likes Qiu Yang.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: I'm done.
Red bean shaved ice: I want to cry.
Stumbling: Don't cry.
Stumbling: Are you sure he likes Qiu Yang?
Red bean shaved ice: OK.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: She said it herself and returned the love letter to me.
Stumbling: Didn’t you send it to me after you finished writing it?
Red bean shaved ice: No, I don’t dare.
Red bean shaved ice: I gave it to her when I met her at a milk tea shop two days ago.
Stumbling: Where are you now?
Stumbling: You don’t have class today?
Red Bean Shaved Ice: I'm at home.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: In class, even after school.
Red bean shaved ice: We don’t have evening self-study classes.
Stumbling: I came to find you?
After a long time, he replied.
Red bean shaved ice: No thanks.
Red Bean Shaved Ice: My mom urged me to help her wash the dishes.
Red bean shaved ice: Available first, 886.
stumble: ...
Stumbling:886.
350.
I logged out, went to the counter, bought two packs of cigarettes, and borrowed a light from the person next door. I began to ponder:
What's so good about Qiu Yang besides his good looks? Why does Li Enhui like him? Why don't you let me find you, even though you're so sad? Will you one day, for no apparent reason, fall in love with Qiu Yang? That would be killing me.
I've been thinking too much, for too long. I even forgot to shake off the cigarette ash. As I came to my senses, I turned back and saw it. There was someone who would go wherever I went. If I asked for leave, he would ask for leave too. Still pretending not to notice, I logged into my account again, intending to leave a message for Red Bean Shaved Ice on my profile. I scrolled through the hundreds of message boards, starting from the first page, but couldn't find anyone who looked like Qiu Yang or Li Enhui. I sighed, unsure whether to relax or not.
351.
message.
Stumbling and falling: those are nothing.
Stumbling: You deserve to be liked by other people.
Stumbling: [hug]
Stumble and fall: step back.
Stumbling: Contact me when you have time.
Before I knew it, time was up. I turned off my computer and headed for the door. The figure in the black school uniform was still hiding behind the tree. I didn't hesitate to go over or not. I just rushed over and grabbed his bag before he could dodge.
Do people eventually become the very things they hate the most? Qiu Yang, tell me.
352.
"Senior?"
He didn't say anything and kept his head down.
"Are you sick too?"
He didn't say anything, didn't struggle, just stood there. I let go of my hand and he ran away.
353.
I watched his back getting farther and farther away from me, took out my cell phone and made a call.
"Senior is rushing to study?"
I could hear him running, running for a while, then stopping. He said,
"How did you find out?" The voice sounded nice and familiar.
"How can we avoid being discovered? Where are you going?"
He fell silent again. Before the call ended, I picked up half a piece of eraser from the floor. It was riddled with pencil holes, large and small, and with words spelling out my name. Like cheese, like bait.
356.
I put the eraser in my trouser pocket and bought a boat ticket the next morning to return to the island.
357.
"teacher."
"Why are you back? How long have you graduated and now you have time to see me?" Li Siwen pushed his glasses on the bridge of his nose and looked at me with a smile.
"I just happen to be free recently."
"How's No. 1 Middle School? Is it stressful? Do you find it's a completely different experience than junior high school?"
"It's okay, but my grades can't keep up."
"Don't be too nervous. Have you heard the story of the tortoise and the hare?"
“Never heard of it.”
"How come you haven't heard anything? Oh, and where's Qiu Yang? Didn't he come with you? Bring him back to school with you next time, so Lin Yiran doesn't have to nag me all the time."
"I don't know him well."
"Aren't you friends with him? I saw that for a while, you two walked together every day after school..."
"If we're not walking together, we're just friends."
He paused for a moment, then stood up and patted my shoulder. I didn't understand the meaning of this gesture, so I simply reached out and took the betel nut he offered me. I said I didn't eat it, and he said, "You smell like cigarettes."
358.
Before heading home, I took a detour to Dongdong's shop. It's been sublet, and now it's a seafood stall. It's nothing, it's normal. Snow melts, and sweaters get old.
359.
The mantis shrimp I packed home were rotten, leaving half-eaten shrimp on the dining table. The TV broke, and so did the record player. My life was as rotten as a clock whose batteries had been forgotten. If life's direction is to go in circles, then whether you're going clockwise or counterclockwise, you can't move forward.
360.
I opened the new medicine bottles, and there were so many of them that I had no place to put them. Maybe divided by three, that would be the number of days I had insomnia.
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