Chapter 18
"What are you thinking about?" Gu Xing's voice interrupted his thoughts.
Tang Yuchuan came back to his senses, lowered his eyes, and said calmly: "It happened in the past."
Gu Xing smiled lightly, but his eyes were cold: "Are you weighing your positions?"
Tang Yuchuan looked up and said nothing.
"Don't overthink it." Gu Xing continued, his tone suddenly becoming sharp and contemptuous. "I just helped you deal with the leadership change at Jingchuan. I also found someone to deal with the group's affairs and got rid of that debt-ridden business cleanly. If you want to return the favor, I'll give you a chance now."
He spoke so naturally, as if he was discussing an ordinary exchange of interests.
Tang Yuchuan was a little slow before saying, "Thank you for this."
"Just thank you?" Gu Xing smiled meaningfully, "I'm helping you this time, not just for you. I'm testing you."
"Test me on what?"
"It depends on which side you stand on."
Tang Yuchuan didn't rush to respond, but said calmly: "I will remember the business matters. There is a give and take. If you need any help from me in the future... I will do my best to help you. But emotional matters... are not included in that."
Gu Xing's smile faded a little, as if he had noticed something, but he refused to admit defeat and continued: "So... you choose her?"
"I think she's right." Tang Yuchuan finally raised his eyes, his voice low and firm, "She knew nothing when she was born. She was only seven years old when she got lost, and she doesn't seem to remember anything before she was seven. There are many things she didn't have the opportunity to choose."
"But she is the biological daughter of that family." Gu Xing bit his words, "You saw what that family did to me."
Tang Yuchuan noticed that although there was more anger in Gu Xing's tone, the redness in the corners of his eyes showed mostly grievance.
He slowly took a few steps forward and said softly, "I know, I remember, I know it all."
Gu Xing stared at him and lowered his voice: "Do you feel sorry for me?"
"yes."
"You feel sorry for her now?"
Tang Yuchuan didn't hesitate: "Yes."
Gu Xing smiled, his laughter tinged with a hint of coldness: "You're amazing, Brother Yuchuan. You can take on the suffering of all mankind by yourself. Do you really think you're the savior?!"
"I'm not trying to be anyone's savior." Tang Yuchuan looked at him quietly. "I've witnessed what you've been through. I feel sorry for you, but it's really not easy for her either. Don't you know all that? Otherwise, why would you ask me to help?"
Gu Xing’s gaze was very direct.
"I don't want her to know who she is, nor do I want her to know about my existence or the Gu family's affairs." He spoke slowly but very clearly, "You know, I hate her. I hate her."
Tang Yuchuan didn't move or speak.
"Can you please not tell her?" Gu Xing suddenly smiled. "I've already asked, Brother Yuchuan. If you don't want to agree, just refuse now."
His tone was provocative, as if he was deliberately trying to push him.
But Tang Yuchuan just looked at him.
At that moment he suddenly remembered an evening many years ago.
Gu Xing was thirteen years old. He huddled on a bench outside the emergency room, his school uniform jacket undone, its zipper undone. Blood stained his white lining, a reddish-brown stain spreading from his shoulder to his chest. He clutched his schoolbag, as if trying to hide his wounds, or perhaps hiding from something. The corners of his mouth were blue, and his hands were scratched.
Tang Yuchuan was originally going to visit a friend. On passing the emergency room, he suddenly saw Gu Xing and was shocked by his appearance.
"Gu Xing?"
The boy looked up reflexively, his eyes reddening, but he quickly suppressed them. He gritted his teeth, looking like he was trying to hold back tears.
"Who hit you?"
Gu Xing said nothing and lowered his head.
"Is it someone from school?"
This time he nodded.
"...Why don't you go home?"
"You'll get a beating when you get back." The voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible.
Tang Yuchuan was stunned.
Gu Xing didn't look at him. He just said in an almost flat tone, "Last time, I got into a fight with someone at school and broke my forehead... He said I was ignorant and hit me twice with a golf club. I almost needed stitches."
There wasn't much anger in his eyes, as if he was used to it. He added slowly, "And Auntie also scolded me, saying I was shameful."
Tang Yuchuan squatted down and looked at him. He was silent for a while and wanted to reach out to touch the scratch on his arm, but Gu Xing avoided him.
"Don't tell them." Gu Xing looked at him, his voice suddenly becoming a little anxious, as if he was afraid. "Really, Brother Yuchuan, don't tell them."
"But you're like this..."
"I'll take care of it. It'll be over in a couple of days. Seriously." He said quickly, "Can you please not tell them?"
His tone was exactly the same as it is now.
The fear and stubbornness that pressed down at the bottom of my throat mixed together, as if a mouthful of snow was stuffed into my throat, making me feel numb with cold, yet burning with pain.
When he came to his senses, Tang Yuchuan saw Gu Xing fiddling with his cigarette box with his head down.
The hands were slender and clean, but the knuckles were trembling slightly.
He suddenly realized that although Gu Xing spoke tough, his hands were shaking when he really asked for this promise. He was forcing himself to be calm and didn't even dare to look up at him.
Just like when he was a child, Gu Xing is still waiting for the answer.
"Brother Yuchuan." Gu Xing spoke again, his tone lower but more stubborn, "I'm not asking you to cover up for me. I just want you to shut this up for me."
Tang Yuchuan did not respond immediately, but lowered his eyes and slowly sat back on the sofa.
The shadows of the two people intertwined on the coffee table, motionless.
He finally spoke, his tone very light: "Okay."
Gu Xing raised his eyes, as if to confirm that he was not perfunctory.
Tang Yuchuan didn't look at him, but turned to look out the window: "She won't know from me."
Gu Xing didn't say anything, his fingertips still tapping the edge of the cigarette box, but the next second he suddenly stopped and let out a long breath.
"Thank you." Gu Xing said softly.
Tang Yuchuan didn't reply, his eyes wandering out the window.
The setting sun shone in, carrying with it a lingering warmth that fell on the window frame like an unerased scar. The light and shadows shattered, covering the floor, but unable to illuminate the heavy air inside.
He hesitated for a long time, and finally spoke, "Gu Xing, I'm not asking you to forgive me, nor am I forcing you to forget."
The words seemed to have been stuck in his throat for a long time before he slowly uttered, "You have the right to hate. No amount of hatred is too much."
After a pause, he turned to look at Gu Xing, his eyes as gentle as the wind passing through broken glass, "But you can't keep being dragged away by this hatred. Now you have everything, so you should look forward and live your life to the fullest."
"You have everything? Why don't I think so?" Gu Xing's voice was low, with a hint of self-mockery, but also questioning, "Company? House? Aren't those just cold things?"
He paused, then continued, "But no matter how cold it is, it's still mine. I will never give it to anyone else."
Tang Yuchuan was silent for a few seconds, then slowly turned his head, his eyes gentle but firm, "I know that those things can never fill the pain in your heart... Those people in the Gu family are dead, finally. But those fragments of memories are still there, each one sharp, each one stained with blood..."
He paused, his voice becoming more gentle. "But, Gu Xing, we who are still alive still have to move on. You can't live in the past forever. Hatred and pain will only be shackles, making you more and more tired. You deserve a chance to live a relaxed life, not for anyone else, but just for yourself."
In silence, Gu Xing finally looked up and met Tang Yuchuan's eyes, his eyes concealing complex emotions. "She won't know anything from you. You just promised."
"Don't worry. What I promised you will always count." Tang Yuchuan smiled, with helplessness and heartache in his eyes, "I said this just because I want you to live a good life and enjoy the happiness you have now."
Gu Xing looked at Tang Yuchuan, his eyes filled with a subtle and awkward dependence.
Tang Yuchuan had just left Gu Xing's place when he received a message from Zou Ping on his phone: "I'm so sorry to have taken up too much of your time these past two days. The doctor said I can be discharged now. I wanted to let you know."
After Tang Yuchuan gave a brief reply, he immediately rushed back to the hospital.
The door of the ward was gently pushed open, and Tang Yuchuan walked in. Zou Ping was lying on the bed, looking clear-headed.
"Have you completed the discharge procedures? How do you feel?" Tang Yuchuan's tone was steady.
Zou Ping nodded, her eyes firm. "I've done it. Doctor Lu helped me a lot just now. My head still hurts a little, but I don't feel anything else." She said calmly, with a hint of apology, "You're so busy. I'm sorry to have taken up your time."
Tang Yuchuan shook his head, "Don't say that, everyone gets sick sometimes."
"By the way, how's things going in the studio?" Zou Ping asked casually, but her eyes showed seriousness.
Tang Yuchuan tried to keep his voice calm, but his eyes were quietly observing Zou Ping's reaction. "The person in charge there is quite nice, but they said there's some reaction from the parents... I hope you won't continue teaching for now."
Zou Ping didn't speak immediately, only letting out a soft "Oh." It was as if she had a premonition, but also as if she needed some time to accept it.
Tang Yuchuan paused and added, "But I know a few good art studios that are in need of teachers. I can help you get in touch with them. You paint so well, they will definitely be willing to hire you."
"For the time being... I don't want to continue teaching." Zou Ping raised her head, her tone gentle but frank, "It's not because of what they said, but I suddenly felt that I might not be so suitable for teaching children."
She paused and smiled self-deprecatingly, "Being with children is mostly fun. But it's also stressful, especially this time when I lost the child... Oh, I just..."
"This is not your problem." Tang Yuchuan's voice softened. "If you're sick, you should rest. It's good to stop and find a new rhythm in life."
Zou Ping nodded gently, but the light in her eyes dimmed a little. "But I can't rest for too long... I don't have much savings, and now I'm living in your house. This is not going to work..."
Her tone was normal, she was just analyzing her current situation normally and looking for a way out for herself.
But Tang Yuchuan felt distressed and guilty when he saw her like this. If he told her that she was the daughter of the Gu family and helped her get the Gu family's property, even if it was just a small part, she wouldn't have to worry about money like she does now.
But he promised Gu Xing not to tell.
Gu Xing has suffered so much these years. He has just been able to live a normal life in the past two years. He really can't bear to let him ruin it.
"Besides painting, I don't have any other skills," she said softly, her voice low, as if she were mumbling to herself while thinking. "Painting for competitions feels too utilitarian, and I don't think I'm good enough anymore. If I don't teach, I don't know what else I can do."
Tang Yuchuan didn't say anything. He just took out a bank card from his coat pocket and handed it to her. "Take this card first. The password is 1218. You can spend the money in it as you like. Don't think about anything now. Just focus on taking care of your health. I'll figure out the rest."
Zou Ping was stunned. She couldn't explain what she was feeling. Was it strange? She wasn't sure. In a trance, her eyes stayed on the card for a long time without moving.
"This isn't appropriate..." She trailed off. "I...our current relationship isn't to the point where I can spend your money...although living in your house now is already a good deal."
"I don't mean anything else." Tang Yuchuan looked at her and suddenly didn't know what to say, "Just spend it. I don't need the money..."
If you haven't met Gu Xing, you wouldn't know that she is the daughter of the Gu family.
Tang Yuchuan could have confidently given her his bank card and said, "I just think you deserve this support, no matter what our current relationship is. Money is not important. I hope that when you are in the most difficult time, you don't have to worry about making a living."
But now, Tang Yuchuan really couldn't say this. He felt that if he said that, he would be too hypocritical. She obviously shouldn't worry about money.
"But I'm not sure when I can return it to you..."
"I don't intend to ask you to pay it back."
Tang Yuchuan didn't want to make up an excuse, so he simply didn't say anything.
Zou Ping stared at the card, her heart beating faster.
Since she was a child, what she feared most was owing favors to others, especially financial ones.
But Tang Yuchuan's tone was too gentle, his attitude was not one to be refused, and there was no hint of charity.
He really wanted to help her.
She couldn't understand Tang Yuchuan even more.
From the moment they first met, he had been helping her endlessly.
At first, she'd doubted his feelings for her, wary yet still willing to risk it all. After all, following him was better than the man her father had found. Although she desperately longed for a normal relationship, if she wanted to survive, she had only two choices: she chose him.
Later, even when she liked him, he still acted as if he was just helping her, but the extent of his help was not just that of a rich man giving alms.
Today is different.
He had this kind of gentleness, patience, and unconditional consideration before, but this time it seemed to be deeper, even with an indescribable sense of... compensation.
What can be made up for?
Zou Ping took a deep breath and slowly pushed the card back. "I appreciate it, but I really can't accept it."
Tang Yuchuan was very persistent this time and stuffed the card directly into her pocket. "Okay, don't worry about it."
She looked at him and suddenly felt a lump in her throat.
Of course she sensed something was wrong.
The look in Tang Yuchuan's eyes when he looked at her was softer than ever before, so soft that it didn't seem like a friend's. But she didn't dare to think otherwise. She was afraid that this feeling wasn't based on love, but something else...
For example, his first love whom he loved very much.
The night before she went into the hospital, he was still grieving for that person.
Nineteen years old, eighteen years.
Can a person really like someone for eighteen years, including fifteen years that he never thought about?
Zou Ping used to think this was too outrageous. Even when she watched TV dramas, she didn’t believe in secret crushes that lasted for several years.
But now when she looked at Tang Yuchuan, she suddenly felt that she would like him for many, many years.
That girl must be pretty good too.
Worthy of his love for so many years...
My thoughts are just so messy.
The light in the ward was very soft, falling on Tang Yuchuan's profile, making his outline look particularly quiet.
"The way you treat me now makes me a little greedy." Zou Ping looked at Tang Yuchuan, her tone very light, it sounded like a joke, but it was not completely unintentional, "But every time I have this feeling, I have to remind myself to like you a little less."
Tang Yuchuan looked at her, his eyes moved, but he didn't respond.
He wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to start without sounding hypocritical. He had clearly promised Gu Xing, but the girl in front of him was clearly just a victim. How could he bear to see her suffer again?
In the end, he just raised his hand and helped her pack her things for discharge from the hospital.
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